Do you have phases where you worry about your partners feelings for you?

  1. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 years now and lately i have been going through a bad time of worrying about his feelings towards me. I keep doubting his feelings and sometimes compare the past to the present..how hes more attentive etc...he still is but in a settled way! Do you think comparing to the past is making it worse? i know that couples go through honeymoon stages! He does reassure me and i think i pushed him to a point that he can't reassure me anymore! Think what i realised is i can't be without him anymore, mean back then i was scared to think about the future..but these days i know its him i want in my life! Just worry he don't see it...so do uz ladies get worried about your relationship form time to time?
     
  2. yes. from time to time. and then things were really bad for me at one point and he bf was quite removed from the situation and i gave him an ultimatum and just as i had guessed, he wouldn't step up and propose and we broke up.

    i think if you feel this way, you might want to think about having a serious talk with him abt how he feels and whether both of you want the same thing for ur relationship and future.
    good luck!
     
  3. He has been reassuring me but somehow in my head its not registering! i dont know i guess im really scared of losing him that i have been pushing him away. Worry with the way i have been with him he might freak him out a bit!
     
  4. Yeahhhh, from time to time. Sometimes we have a lot of fights right after the other where we just stay angry and it makes me wonder "What am I doing here???" but eventually things work out and we're happy again :smile:
     
  5. the same situation is happening with me and my bf, only it's the other way around...so from the perspective of the other person, as i'm sure you know, the way you feel and the inevitable way you come off to him as you're so afraid to lose him, will only push him away. it's a form of insecurity. i'd say what's causing your SO to act a bit more settled is that he's just more comfortable in the relationship, and doesn't feel like he has to do something (i.e. be super attentive) to impress you to stay in the relationship. it's a higher level of comfort that comes as the relationship goes on. for example, in my relationship, i'm secure in how i feel towards my SO and the relationship, so when i keep getting signals and messages that he's insecure about it, i'm really baffled, and the insecurity always mushrooms into something that negatively affects the relationship. if i don't really think about it, i wouldn't be aware of the fact that all the signals i was sending in terms of how comfortable and settled i was (which is a positive sign of the relationship to ME) was actually sending him signals that the relationship could be going awry, causing him to fear losing me. so i think just to understand what he may be thinking is helpful, and you have to relax a bit, because it definitely isn't HELPING your relationship........what i do whenever i feel insecure is to repeatedly tell myself, whatever happens happens, and if it's not meant to be, then it's not, and something else is meant for me. similarly here, trust in your relationship and your feelings towards him, and that he reciprocates these feelings. if he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be and there's something else out there for you. hope that helped!
     
  6. I think everyone has those times..I'll have been with my bf for 6 years this July and there definitely are times where I question how he feels. But then we both snap out of it and realize how much we care about each other. It just depends but I think all couples go through similar things at one point or another.
     
  7. I totally agree with the part of being a little insecure can really downsprial the relationship.

    In the beginning I was this goddess to my boyfriend. I still am, he just doesn't voice it as much. When I started to feel as though he was losing interest (even when he wasn't) it started to push him away. He told me, why should I do the sweet things if all you're going to do is expect it. It also came to the point where I was waiting for the next sweet thing just to 'see' the emotions from him. And when it would happen, I had a new expectation that he couldn't meet.

    I calmed down since then. Even though he doesn't profess his love to me everyday like he use to doesn't mean that he loves me any less. We're at a stage right now where we tell each other we love each other but even if one day we don't, we still feel and know we do. I think the fact that I felt distance from him (even though he was just comfortable) did push him away.

    Now i'm confident in our relationship and because i'm not so 'crazy' anymore he wants to take initiative again.


     
  8. nah i know he loves me and his moods have to do with him being tired or working alot of hours. i used to be worred but then when i started doing alot of stuff i stopped being so worried because i didnt have time.
     
  9. Thanks guys you all have been helpful!

    Just kinda wanted to know am i the only one that have insecurities of your partners feelings...i know he would never cheat on me in which i am certain of, just his feelings i worry from time to time.

    Just got worse as i hardly see him at one point due to his college work! Then he went away for the weekend with his friends and i felt i hardly seen him. I even got worried whether he thinks highly of his friends than me. I know its sounds so stupid but he has this really special bond with his friends which i got jealous of!
    I know that he worries and i think in future when he does i will be there for him more! He did say that cause i have been worrying so much, he hasn't been at all! I know i need to snap out of this mode as for 1 im not making myself happy and same to him. When we don't worry, the relationship is great! Insecurites are horrible, turns me into a monster haha
     
  10. haha i remember when my boyfriend went on the road for work it made me crazy i about lost my mind but then i was like the heck with it and eventually i grew independant
     
  11. I guess maybe all women wants to be treated like a goddess everyday! I blame movies lol :p

    i think i have a really bad habit of when im worrying i would compare the things he done in the past and questions why hes not doing it now! sometimes i would like wee gestures to show he cares i suppose but by being there is what really matters..not wee letters or contant texting.. i guess the fact that we feel comfortable without talking says it all! I did give him a really hard time the past month that he could have walked away anytime but he stuck by me and took the crap i given him..think thats says it all! not constant i love yous..cards..gifts...
     
  12. Yes, I do. It happens when I feel like I'm being neglected :p Just recently, I felt he did. It's this long running issue between my inlaws and me....
     
  13. Yes, I think we all have those moments. As much as we would all love not too, no one is perfect, so no relationship is either. I know my SO loves me. He shows me all of the time, but sometimes if I am feeling bad about myself, I will wonder what he sees in me. Most of the time, if I am worrying about it, it is because of my own insecurities, not because of something he has done. ;)

    You just have to work things out. Sometimes you spend an entire lifetime getting to know your partner. I for one think that is very exciting, finding out something new about him (as long as it's not bad....lol...of course).

    Don't worry. We are all here for ya if ya wanna talk! (((Hugs)))
     
  14. that's very true. maybe all of us need to remember that. i think as women, we idealize romance and relationships because that's how they're portrayed in movies and fairy tales. in the beginning of every relationship, it's going to be lovey-dovey (i.e. cards, gifts, constant texting and giddiness) but at some point we have to realize that it can't last forever, but it doesn't mean the love is any less. lol i think i'm saying all that not just for you but also for myself. don't worry, you're definitely not alone!
     

  15. Aww thanks guys, i do feel a lot better knowing that all people go through the same emotions as me. I havent really been comfotable in talking to my friends about it..i mean i mentioned it but sometimes i feel its harder! like your ashamed a wee bit..how you can get so upset and worked up over a guy..like to see myself as a independant woman haha;)

    i popped round to my boyfriends house earlier to get my nintendo wii as i want to play it..he got it in his head i was popping round to check up on him and his friends. I told him i was gettin it before he gets home but he got all defensive until i told him i wasn't doing that to check on him! It really hurt me and i cried on the way to his wondering whether i should turn back or not but i didnt!Im not that person..sure i worry but im not a stalker....don't entirely blame him as its my fault too for worrying