Dilemma: Friend's boyfriend is cheap and costing me money! Help!

#16
Cheap people suck, especially when they try to mooch as well. Just don't stand for it, he is taking advantage of the fact that everyone is too nice to say something about it. I doubt he'd have much to say if he were called on his actions, especially with the whole $20 for a $30+ dinner thing :rolleyes:

I've had "friends" like that who took advantage (just be there for the free drinks and drink way more than their share because it was "free"), since most nights I would just open bar it for everyone, but my boyfriend got sick of it. So I started being more careful with who I treated, and it helped sift out the leeches. If the leech knows they can't take advantage anymore they are more inclined to go away. And maybe if you and your friend make it known that you're not going to be paying for the extras, he'll either have to go away or start eating less or *gasp* start paying his fair share.
 
#20
Oh man. This is my biggest concern when going out to eat with more than a couple friends. I've seen way too many problems like this happen. Last year, for my sister in laws birthday dinner..she had like 30 people join and we all ordered food and drinks at a savyy sushi place. The sushi place only split the check into 3 or 4 among 30 of us so when it came time to pay, after everyone supposedly pitched in for their part, we were still short like $150!

Sooo..my brother ended up having to pay for the rest. The nerve of some people to go to a dinner and not put in enough of their share!!!!!!!!

Obviously I realized this was just her group of friends bc when we had a dinner party for my man, we have about the same amouint of ppl and after the bill came out, the waiters had an AWESOME tip. Everyone put in more than they ordered.

So now, usually when I go out with friends, I try to always make sure I bring cash and have enough to tip too.


..I think I sorta went off topic. lol
 
#21
And yes..I agree---either next time don't go out with your gf when her bf is coming along, or speak up and request separate checks, but if u dont feel right asking for separate checks, just casually be like.. " Hmmm, my order on my side was only about $10, what about yours?"

Good luck!
 
#22
You should talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. You need to be honest and tell her bc if not this will keep on happening. If you talk to him , his probably gonna talk smack to your friend . So talk to her . If that doesnt work. Dont go out with them anymore. Good Luck and keep us posted. ;)
 
#23
HubbaWubba said:
I cannot stand cheap people. I don't tolerate them.
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I agree with some of your points in theory, but I have learned that there is a happy medium between whipping out a calculator to figure out your "share" down to the last penny and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of by a mooch.

If I am with a fair-minded person, we split the bill regardless of who ordered what. I find that people with even a modicum of pride do not usually need to be prompted and will voluntarily pitch in more if they get a high cost item. Or they will pick up the bill next time. Or whatever.

Unfortunately, there are people who do take advantage. I knew a guy who was like that. For his birthday dinner he wanted a party at a Lebanese restaurant. I don't like Lebanese food, so I showed up at the end for the champagne toast. In the end, he asked me to pay my share: $60. It was the most expensive glass of less-than-mediocre champagne I have ever had.

I no longer hang out with him. :supacool:
 
#24
HubbaWubba said:
I totally agree with your statements.

I cannot stand cheap people. I don't tolerate them. First of all, why should my time be ruined by not going to a nice place because someone doesn't want to spend the money to go to a more expensive place. The cheap person should stay home or suck it up and dig in their pockets. I am not going to alter my good time. Like in NYC or Miami there is a thing called "bottle service". You buy a bottle of alcohol for a ridiculous amount of money and you get a nice table in a nightclub. I have one friend who always refuses to put her share in because she doesn't drink. Well since us others are paying a premium, she is benefitting by not having to stand on a crowded line for drinks (alcoholic or not) and she gets to relax by sitting at a nice table. I always tell her, either don't come out with us or don't sit with us. What's brilliant now is a lot of places only serve bottled water so I just love that she can't get a glass of ice water for free.

As far as the OP, either get separate checks or tell your friend to pay for her bf's stuff. OR you could say you forgot your wallet and tell them, you will get it next time.
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:cursing:I have never heard such a rude thing! Not EVERYONE can afford to go to an expensive place! If you were a true friend you would understand that! Just because they cant afford to go somewhere does not mean they are cheap! Or maybe they CAN afford to go, and just want to save money. Not EVERYONE can afford/wants to blow outrageous amounts of money on one night!


And to the OP. I am so sorry about your situation. I would try suggesting to your friend that she needs to start paying for him or tell him to pay for himself. I am pretty out spoken and wouldnt have let this happen to begin with, or if it did happen...I would have pushed my way in the second order of drinks and ordered a drink on his tab, even if he didnt ask me...after all, you didnt tell him you were buying drinks the first time right?? He just pushed his way in! Good luck with your situation. I hope you can get things resolved!
 
#25
Ali-bagpuss said:
I have to admit that I find this strange.

We my group of friends all go out (I don't drink at all!) we just split the bill exactly between us all. I usually end up paying more than i would if we did it individually because as I said, I don't drink so I do end up paying for other peoples drinks but I think it all sort of works out.

I can't bear it when a group of people go out and somebody says "well, I only had this and that and I didn't have any of that" - just split the bill, its easier and it saves friendships sometimes!
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I totally disagree with this. I have been out with "friends" who drink wine, beer, exotic drinks while I drink water and am usually the designated driver.. and at the end of the night they want to "split equally" on the bill. I have said NO and frankly a real friend doesn't take advantage like that- if you have to agree to split a bill to save a friendship, it's not a friendship worth saving. I don't care what people say anymore, I say what I think and I do NOT split bills equally.
 
#26
Maybe there should be a 'Everybody pays for what they ordered' policy when you go out to eat and he's there.

For the most part, though, try to avoid him.

And the next time you're in the bar and you order something less expensive than what he does, just put down the money for your order and then put your wallet away. Then, start looking at him expectantly.
 
#27
exotikittenx said:
Wow, extremely harsh things to say!

While I would LOVE to not have to worry about money and think it would be SO nice to always be able to pay for a friend's boyfriend to have dinner and drinks, I simply cannot afford it. I am not talking about fancy clubs and VIP bars, I am just talking about going out to average and fun pubs with my friends on Friday nights and these places don't have wait lines or VIP tables so that is not an issue for me.

It is not a choice anymore for me to continue paying for him. I also think you are completely misunderstanding the point of what I am saying.

Maybe you cannot stand cheap people (and I am typically not one, but I also do not have the means to spend frivolously), but I am not a huge fan of people who are judgmental and lack understanding towards others. Maybe they are not being cheap, but trying to spend within their budget. Also, look at the person who is not paying fairly! I am OVERPAYING in these situations, and her boyfriend is UNDERPAYING and getting way more out of it. No matter what I spend, my friend spends, and what he spends, he never puts in a fair share. He pays too little, and then we end up footing the rest of it, which is wrong on his part. Why should I feel guilty for not wanting to pay for this guy anymore?

I can afford to pay for myself and perhaps a little bit over that, but I don't want to blow my budget on someone else's regularly high spending. Anyway, thank you for your input.
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I agree completely with you, and you are not cheap. You are a smart girl who realizes she is being taken advantage of. You will have to either call this dolt out on HIS cheapness, tell his girl to tell him, not pay his part, or stop going out with them. Again, you are not cheap. You sound like a lot of other nice people who are being taken advantage of...you'll have to speak up.
Good luck...if your friend is a real friend, she will be cool with it.
 
#28
Being the male of the group, and that he was in the presence of his girlfriend I'm surprised that he didn't reach for the bill and handle the financing, whether he was collecting money or paying for the whole thing.

I cannot imagine my boyfriend or anyone else's, sitting there like a dud, letting me handle the tab. It just seems so gauche.
 
#29
OMG everyone who posted to help me out, thank you so much. It makes me feel a lot better. The thing is, it wouldn't bother me so much if he at least offered to buy me a drink in return after I got him one. I am also starting to become resentful that he never puts in enough and it makes me want to avoid going out when he is there, but his girlfriend is one of my best friends from college.

I agree that while it is not necessary to come to exact calculations and it's fine to throw in some extra here and there, it is not okay to rack up the bill and then underpay, which happens just about every time we go out.

Now, I really just need to find some courage to say something and you all have given me some good suggestions. Thank you!!!!! :smile:
 
#30
DiamondGirl1 said:
I totally disagree with this. I have been out with "friends" who drink wine, beer, exotic drinks while I drink water and am usually the designated driver.. and at the end of the night they want to "split equally" on the bill. I have said NO and frankly a real friend doesn't take advantage like that- if you have to agree to split a bill to save a friendship, it's not a friendship worth saving. I don't care what people say anymore, I say what I think and I do NOT split bills equally.
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Good point... people should ultimately be responsible for themselves and not expect others to pay for them.
 
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