Did you know you wanted kids? Not sure why my friend's don't...

  1. Sorry, non-parent here...

    But I have always wanted to be a mom... maybe because my mom was really involved with my life, Girl Scouts, sorority, etc...

    It sort of baffles when when girls say they "aren't sure" whether or not they want to have kids, or have never thought about it. Did any of you end up getting pregnant without really deciding this was something you want to do? Did any of you say "Well, I don't want children deep down inside but I'm not getting any younger, etc.?" I guess to me it just feels bizarre that it wouldn't be something you just know in your guts...

    But I am the ODDBALL in my group of friends because nobody ever talks about wanting to have kids and they feel like it's something they want to put off for a long time or don't want to do at all. My friends always joke I am going to be the one who has like 10 children.

    Just curious!

    :heart:
     
  2. Just curious, but are your group of friends from a cultural group where being a mother also equals giving up everything "you" want? I know there are some societies and family's feel that once a woman is a mother, she is supposed to stop working and just concentrate on the kids. This probably doesn't sound very appealing to most 20 somethings who are just starting with their careers!

    Also, maybe it depends on how their parents were, like you said. Maybe their parents were never there for them and they just don't feel connected to "family".

    I don't know. I don't understand it either. I always wanted kids. I told myself that if I hadn't found a partner by the time I was 35, I would do artificial insemination with a sperm bank and do it on my own. THAT'S how much I wanted to be a mom!
     
  3. My Mom worked, I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM someday.
    DH grew up in an Italian family where the women didn't work so this worked for both of us!:biggrin:
    Annie, I know what you're asking and I agree.
    Seems like you know you do or you don't.
    I do think a lot of women, or men for that matter, think they don't want them and change their minds and vice versa though.
     
  4. For a long time I didn't think that I wanted kids (well, I guess it couldn't have been that long, since I'm only 23, but anyways..). I grew up in a wonderful family with lots of parental attention, but didn't have younger relatives around all the time, never liked other people's kids that much and didn't think having a kid was a feasible thing at my age and point in life. My boyfriend of four years, who's 5 years older than me, definitely didn't want kids because he wanted us to have more time together as just a couple and he didn't think he'd be a good dad. When we found out I was pregnant last January, I did a 180 and realized just how much I really did want a child and how my life just wouldn't seem complete without one. It took my boyfriend (now fiance) a week to warm up to the idea, but then he became super dad, making sure I was eating enough, sleeping enough, not doing anything that could harm the new joy of his life. He would talk to her and about her constantly. She was born in August and he says that she is the greatest thing he could ever imagine and he is so thankful for her. So I guess people's minds can change...
     
  5. Always knew I wanted to be a mom. Always.

    My sister ALWAYS knew she didn't want kids.
     
  6. That's a great point! I'm Chinese, and I don't think the Chinese equate motherhood with giving up what one wants. After all, the Chinese aren't a culture of "having it all" as American pop culture would suggest is possible: the perfect career, perfect personal life, and perfect children.

    And anyway, my closest friends are all Caucasian!

    You're right, maybe they just don't feel connected to family. I only have my parents in the United States so it has always felt like a "we-three-against-the-world" team.

    But like SwankyMama said, I just wonder why one wouldn't know one way or another... of course everyone is entitled to change their mind, too, since we all grow and learn.
     
  7. I was never "baby crazy" (plays and oohs... and aahs... over cute babies LOL!) like some of my friends were...
    But I did know I wanted to be a MOM someday...
    like after I got a career and so on and so forth that goes along with being young and independent.
    So yes I knew... and I did do and have everything I set my heart to achieve...
    and now I am also happy with being a SAHM.
    Though I do have some friends and cousins who knew that did not want to be a MOM,
    and even now... still do not have children and found men who have the same sentiments...
    and are also very happy with their choice.
     
  8. I always knew i wanted to be a mother..........
    I remember being young and adults asking" What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always said I want to be a mommy!
    I now have 3 of my own and 3 step-children who live with me I consider them mine as well!! :heart::heart::heart:
     
  9. I always knew I didn't want children, I was never interested in the whole thing, ever :shrugs:
     
  10. Actually I find more of my Chinese friends' mothers work! The Cultural Revolution, despite its multitudes of failures, really did wonders for the woman's importance in the workplace. That, and generally Chinese people have smaller families (like yours, and mine :p) allows the woman to focus more on her career.

    I find I am heavily influenced by my friends' opinions on everything, including childbearing. Even though I always assumed I would have kids, one day my friend mentioned why she never wanted any and I started to second-guess myself. She did mention a lot of good arguments against having kids.

    I really don't like that though. I think childbearing is much more of a personal and important decision than something like, "oh I like my friend's bag... I might want the same thing, but in a different color." It's the one decision I really wish would not be swayed by anyone! Maybe my future husband... just maybe. Or just get a different husband. Whatever works.
     
  11. I never wanted kids...but then I met my husband! I can't explain it, but I just knew that I wanted to be a mother and have a family after meeting him the first time.

    I was always the one in high school that all my friends thought would be the workaholic in nice suits, never getting married...and now i'm pregnant with baby #3.
     
  12. I didn't want kids at all until I met DH. For me it took meeting the ideal partner.
     
  13. I was pretty well convinced that I didn't want children. I just had never liked other people's children, and I assumed I would feel the same way about my own. Then I met dh and we talked about having kids, and I changed my mind. But I STILL wasn't sure, even while I was pregnant with a planned pregnancy! It all came back to me: what if I didn't LIKE the baby? What if the baby never liked ME? What if I was a horrible parent and I never should have had kids?

    After my son was born, though, I realized how silly that was. I've been a sahm for over 7 years now and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

    So, to sum up (after rambling), I think it is very possible to feel very differently about having children at different stages in one's life. I couldn't even imagine having kids when I was 24. But a lot changed in my life in 6 years and I felt very differently at 30.
     
  14. I never wanted children. I was never the one to oh and ah over a baby (still aren't if it's not my own) and thought they were too much work! My first was an opps. LOL I loved him so much I went back for seconds! Greatest opps ever!
     
  15. I always wanted to be a SAHM. When DH and I first got together we were having so much fun going out all the time and we talked about it and said we were too selfish at that time to have any kids. Then, as we settled down we decided it was time as we both really wanted it. It took 1.5 years for it to happen so I think the extra wait has made it that much more special for us that it is finally happening.