Did i give out the wrong advice ??

  1. yesterday, I had a long conversation with my husband's cousin. He was suppose to get engaged at the end of June to his g/f who's 4 months pregnant with his baby boy:yes: However, he told me things are not going too great at the moment. His mum was involved in a bad car accident two years ago, and she suffers some brain damage so she's not able to talk and needs someone to be there 24/7. So his sister is looking after the mum at home. Now, since he's the bread-earner and the only son in the family (his dad died a long time ago), his wife will have to live with his whole family without a question, and the place they currently lives has only two bedrooms and is probably kinda of messy.
    His g/f told him that they should look for a bigger place because the baby is coming at the end of the year, and she said she doesn't want to move in just now or after engagement with his family , because its too crowded. Now that is the problem, all of my husband's relatives (who all happens to live next door to them ) are very angry at his g/f for saying that, they think she should move in ASAP after the engagement party. They think she's just making excuses for not wanting to live with the mother in-law in the future. So cousin's g/f knew everyone is angry at her and she has become quite defensive as well, which means now all the relatives tell my husband's cousin that they will not attend the engagement party or the wedding if he still wants to marry this girl :wtf:
    Now....to me i think its just ridiculous....i mean, the girl already said she's ok living with his whole family after they find a bigger place, i can understand why she doesn't want to move into their current place, furthermore since she knew everyone doesn't like her, why would she want to move into a place where she has to deal with those ppl every day ?
    So i told him to do whatever he thinks is the best, and i reminded him that his g/f is carrying his baby and its already very generous of her to say that she's ok living with his whole family. However, i only found out how angry my husband's relatives are about this matte, and just wondered if i should've kept my mouth shut and not given him any advice at all:push: i am sure everyone will bite my head off if they found out i told him that his first priority should be his wife and his unborn baby. I don't know if i am wrong by saying that, in Asia you are considered bad if you don't put your parents first:sweatdrop:
    what do you all think about my advice ? should I just kept my mouth shut ?:confused1:
  2. not knowing all the people involved its hard to say. my knee jerk reaction would have been the same thing you said - that his wife and baby have to be priority and that he'll just have to figure out how to do the double duty with his mom. your advice came from your heart - nothing wrong with that. I would just say "hey, I said my piece, I'm done" and just be as supportive as you can be.
  3. i think what everyone should do is just leave him alone....and be supportive! i do feel sorry for his g/f since she's pregnant now and i can understand how stressed she must felt, and stress is not good during pregnancy !
    i dont understand why those relatives can't just be supportive and let him make his own decision ?
  4. because they just wouldn't be family if they didn't stick their noses in where they didn't belong! :okay:
  5. So it's a 2 bedroom and it's supposed to house him, his sister, his mother, his fiance and his newborn son. Uh...I see no problem with her wanting to wait until they find a bigger place.
  6. personally i feel the critical thing your cousin should consider is whether he'll have any financial difficulties if he does move to a bigger house. i don't know how much savings he has, is the gf currently working and intends to continue working after giving birth, and is the mother's treatment covered by insurance etc? if he does not have financial constraints than whichever option he takes is ok to me.

    it's definitely more comfortable to live in a more spacious house although i can also see living in the current house for the 1st few years is still alright. 1 room for the couple and baby (baby does not need a room to him/herself), the other room for the sister and mom. also if they stay near relatives it can be great when the family needs help for taking care of the baby. it can be even more stressful for the gf after giving birth and rearing the baby all by herself.

    i agree the relatives should not have such strong feelings. it seems too far off to not attend the engagement party or the wedding.
  7. I agree with you, twinkie. His first priority should be his gf and his unborn child. It sucks that everyone is mad at her, but I would feel the same way if I were in her position.
  8. I would have given the same advice. Seems kinda ridiculous to me that ppl are talking about boycotting the engagement party over something this miniscule, but hey, I guess that's their business. The GF has the baby, though, so it would seem they might want to make nice with her.
  9. i know you are supposed to put your parents first but he does have a child to consider too, if i was pregant i may want some space too. she has the rest of her life to live with him.
  10. Twinkie ITA w/ what you said. If his family is upset w/ her too D@MN bad. This is HER life & HER child.

    If the others are so concerned why don't they take over the care of the mother.

    I see no problem w/ what she is doing & to have a newborn while taking care of your disabled MIL is to be HUGELY praised!

    His relatives need to MTOB! (Mind Their Own Business)
  11. definitely a trick situation, but i think you are entitled to your opinion! :yes: I'm glad that you stuck up for her, bc in that overbearing family it sounds like she needs an ally!
  12. yes....i am glad that my DH's cousin is going ahead with the engagement plan next weekend :tup:
    I have always felt that my DH's side of family very protective of their own, and they often think or look at things from their side...in this case, what they are worried about is my DH's cousin having to visit his g/f regularily to her place, therefore spending less time with his mother and sister. (they also said she's selfish to make him so tired running around from one place to the other). They've never stopped to think twice about that while they are so displeased with her , causing them to fight so often might be bad for the baby and the mother :sad:but at least he's doing the right thing by ignoring those relatives and going ahead with the engagement :rolleyes:
  13. actually you said your opinion and that is perfectly fine. you will not change a grown man's mind anyways, no matter what you say. he goes ahead with the engagement because he wants to. now, family can be that way - not easy. it is commendable what he does and the girl is great for supporting him. I have learned that others will always have an opinion, and the best thing is to just carry on as you want. everyone will calm down and will manage just fine - in the end it is his life. all the best to them.