Dads and their daughters. The purity thread got me thinking.

  1. This topic has come up quite a lot in booju mooju and I thought it might be interesting to get a discussion on this topic going.

    This is the post that really got me wondering about this a few months ago, for the linkofphobic I'll post the text too.

    Link: booju_mooju: Last Thread Starter For The Month, I PROMISE!

    Text:


    I was home in the middle of the day, yesturday, watching the tube, when I heard a little girl's laughter outside my window.

    I seemed to go on for a long time (at least 20 minutes), so I decided to investigate. When I peeked out my window, I saw a little girl, about 7 or 8 sitting in the lap of her father, on the stoop between the two row houses, one of which is the one I reside in. He was tickling her...

    Now, usually this would be cute to me, but something about this just rang a bit strange, to say the least...

    She sat in his lap, right between his legs, while he held her tickling her. She, of course, squirmed around there while he held her, tickling her.

    Now, during the whole episode, he seemed to be looking around as if making sure no one was watching him.

    Eventually he stopped and got up, but the girl reached around to tickle him in the crotch. He was still looking around, during this. He batted her hands away, weakly but eventually told her "OK" as in "We're done".

    They walked away together, hand in hand.

    Now, I don't want to jump the gun and just assume this guy was molesting his daughter, but I tell you, you know that little tingly "something ain't right" feeling you get in the back of your neck?

    I got that, watching them.

    I was pretty close to calling the police, but then I asked what would I say? And what if it was innocent? So I did nothing...

    But it still bothers me.


    What would you do?

    -------------------------------------

    Why is it always that the worst is always assumed when you see a daughter with her father? Especially when the daughter is sitting on her daddy's lap. I talked to a friend of mine about this who has a young daughter and he said that he has been spoken to by strangers before about the way that he "handles" himself in public when he's with her. Apparently he was holding his little girl's hand while walking in the mall and when they went to the food court to eat, she wanted to sit in his lap (the girl was around 3 btw). One of the ladies in the food court had seen them walking hand in hand and when the little girl sat in his lap, the lady came over and said that it was "inappropriate" and that she hopes he's not abusing his little girl.

    Needless to say, he was outraged! So was I when I heard the story...it makes me mad just thinking about it now. :cursing: I know that sexual abuse is very serious and I know first hand how it can screw up someone's life, but why is it that the worst is always assumed when a father is close to his daughter and they have a good relationship? :shrugs:
     
  2. I think you'd have to ask yourself: How would I react if the person doing this was the mother?

    If it still seems inappropriate then it probably is. If not, forget it.
     
  3. I think it's sad that people's minds automatically go there when there's open affection between a father & child , but unfortunately that's the world we live in.

    My grandpa loves kids. He has 9 grandchildren & he was so fantastic with us growing up. Always having candy on him for us, playing tag, etc. but now we have to remind him-no, it's not okay to give candy to children anymore, no it's not okay to ask to hold the baby in front of you in church.

    It's a different world now than it was for him when he had his children & even when we were babies.
     
  4. I think these days we're always on the lookout. We hear so many terrible stories on the news and internet or whatever, that we go on the defensive and want to look out for children or for anything that seems wrong. It's hard to say from the story posted what was really going on, since we weren't there when it happened.

    However, this isn't the first time I've heard of men with children being seen as pedophiles. The OP's story is very sad; a father should be able to hold his daughter's hand and have her in his lap, and it's no different than a mother doing the same with her son or daughter.

    When I was an education major, one of my professors discussed the issue of men as elementary school teachers. He said people were concerned when he wanted to be a kindergarten teacher because he was male, and this was partly the reason (that people think it was because he was a pedophile).

    It's good to look out for children, of course, but it's sad that men and fathers have to be "careful" now to not come across as too friendly with children.
     
  5. My Dad is 64 years old, and I'm 22. Whenever we go out, he is the utmost southern gentleman. He opens every door for me (getting in and out of the car, going in or out of a store, etc.), he takes me to lunch, etc. I swear I've gotten weird looks from people before when walking around with him. Society is just at a weird place right now, where everything is questioned, and where there is just overall a lot of weird sensitivity when it comes to family matters (how you raise your child, how you punish your child, etc.)

    I can say that I used to dress EGL, and when I wore it around my Dad, people would STARE to NO END, but that's to be expected, I suppose. I wore it around him on occasion in public because out of my whole family, he was the only one that just didn't *care* what I wore, lol, even if it was eclectic. But people would give such nasty looks :rolleyes:


    I have to say that the "purity" thing freaks me out, though. If it isn't a religious deal (and even then, it's still weird), then it sounds like a bizarre control method. Sure my Dad wasn't thrilled with the idea of me sleeping with my SO, but he realizes my age and that it's completely fine (but the Dad instinct kicks in of course; naturally fathers *don't* like the idea of their little girl sleeping with a boy, lol). Is a Dad supposed to like the idea more of some guy sleeping with her once they are married? Does the thought of it somehow improve, lol? I doubt it :p What does it have to do with him, really, other than bother him? But then again the girls are choosing to do it, but I have a hard time believing that they would do it completely of their own free will. I'm sure there is some type of religious or moral manipulation at hand. I truly doubt it is about abstinence (even if they claim it is), as there are better, less ridiculous ways to teach it. If they are counting on abstinence *until marriage* then it's got to be a religious thing. *grumbles* they should be teaching safe sex though, not abstinence *grumbles*
     
  6. It's interesting this topic came up today, because I saw something at the mall that got me thinking. I was in Macy's heading for the elevator when I saw a dad and his daughter (who looked about 9) walking together. They were laughing about something and seemed really happy. He put his arm around her and hugged her close to him and kissed the top of her head. All I could think of was how sweet that was. My dad was never like that when I was growing up. Seeing that sort of made me realize how much I missed getting affectionate attention from my dad.
     
  7. It's horrible that the first thought that comes to mind is something inappropriate.

    Yes, it does look bad, but unless it keeps happening or if his looks like he's getting some sort of enjoyment out of it that's not supposed to be there, then you can start worrying.


    Although, I'd like to point out that when I was little and I sat on my dad's lap, I always sat on his leg and not, you know, in the middle.
     
  8. Awwwwwwwwwwww, that sounds so sweet!! :crybaby: My dad was gone a lot when I was a kid (he was in the Army and out in the field 1/2 of every month) but when we were together it was nice :smile: Kisses on the head are the best, especially from dads!
     
  9. It always makes so mad. My father and I were always close when I was growing up. He would take me to do things like the museum or the mall when I was little, because my mom wasn't always there. I know he faced people thinking things like that, and it's just not fair. Now, my fiancee and I are looking into the future, and I know he has concerns about being a dad for the same reasons. It's sad that a dad has to choose between being close to his daughter or avoiding speculations.
     
  10. IMO, if your gut reaction is that something doesn't look right, it usually isn't...I don't think most people would react to a father having a small daughter sitting on his lap talking to her and just taking care of her, but if the way he holds her or touches her makes you feel uncomfortable, it's cause for concern. I cannot think of anything worse for a father than to be accused of molesting his child if he's innocent, but there's a shocking amount of incidents involving child abuse and I just think that everybody should watch out for the child if they are sure something is going on.

    To react to a father holding hands with his daughter, having her on his lap or carrying the baby is ridiculous and it's very sad that we have come to a point were normal men have to be unnaturally careful in the way they handle they daughters, but when you think of all the children who suffer in silence with no one to protect them, everybody has to be alert to the fact that this is going on on an alarming scale...
     
  11. wow that is a tough one....
     
  12. My dad used to tickle me alot when i was little too, but i always sat on his leg, never the middle. I think if you get a feeling that it's wrong, it most likely is. If the guy wasn't looking around every 5 seconds like he was guilty of something, it probably would have looked normal.
     
  13. That's a tough one. It all depends on how it looked when you saw it I guess. I know a lot of things my dad did when I was a kid might sound perverted but he in NO WAY was a perv.
     
  14. it has not crossed my mind ever to think anything bad about father and daughter being close. if there is something weird going on, they will NOT be close - know what I mean? I don't think you can ever tell what father may abuse his children - it is possible this might happen with a boy as well, so will people be bothered as well? or go to the mother and tell her she is inappropriate?

    abuse, if it happens, takes many forms so it is difficult to judge. never would I go to someone without proof or anything substantial and say that they might be molesting their child. that is by the way illegal, if you can't substantiate your statement - so technically you could sue. it is totally off to just go and randomly accuse!

    now, if you can backup what you say and you have a feeling you know, that is a whole other matter. you should act on that.
     

  15. I agree with you both, the whole sitting in the middle thing seems odd and I would have thought something wasn't right also...