Coach for my 13 Y/O Neice?

#16
This is tough...I would probaly give her the coach on Christmas maybe that will motivate her to do good in school. Its hard to do anything if her parents wont motivate her. I hope everything turns out great.
 
#17
Keane Fan said:
But to use myself as an example, My mom reallyyyyyyyyy spoils my sister and me. She let us fly to other states just to see my favorite band, lets my sister and I plan vacations, and has been "rewarding me" with tons of Coach since 7th grade. BUT the thing is, I actually am a really good kid with high aspirations who has been taking AP classes since freshman year and my sis was valedictorian. I'm pretty sure if I failed all my classes she wouldn't "reward" me.
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My oldest (now a sophomore in college) was valedictorian too and got a full 4 year scholarship to college. Of course we are proud of her.

BUT, all three of my girls (even my B student) have Coach purses (nothing too crazy, just small ones). I reward all three of them for the gifts they have whether it be brains, music, kindness, etc... We don't base our rewards on grades alone. Honestly, our B student works harder for her grades than her sisters do for their A's.

I bet your mom rewards you because you are a good kid, not just because of your A's. Try not to get too hung up on the grades. It really means nothing when you are done with school (college). People could care less when you are in the real world. Trust me on that one, I just graduated from college myself and my employer could care less that I was on the Dean's List.
 
#18
teesa2you said:
If your going to use the reward system..show the kids the reward first. They will work harder to achieve that goal. If she wants the purse she will work harder to get it.
Some kids though are just not straight A kids. But are good kids. I know kids that are very respectful and good but struggle in school.
Personally, I would hang onto it and see how she does and give it to her for her middle school graduation instead of christmas. Maybe a charm for christmas then show her what she can have if she does good the rest of the year.
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I like your advice, teesa2you. I could give her the charm for now as sort of a Coach "teaser". She could hang it on the Tinkerbell purse I got her at Disney World, which she loves. I could then show her the Hampton's bag that could be hers if she does better in school.

She really is a good kid, but she gets almost zero motivation to do well in school. I'd be happy if she could squeeze out B-'s as, long as she was trying her best. She actually got an F in math last year, simply because she was lazy and didn't think it mattered. I had to convince her dingy mother that she seriously needed to attend summer school.

With parents like hers, she needs all the motivation and encouragement she can get. She lives among terrible role models and it breaks my heart.
 
#19
I think if her parents don't mind, then it's okay. As long as she's been raised to appreciate more expensive things...I mean, she's already saving up for a pair of shoes on her own, I think it would be okay to give her the bag as a gift.
 
#20
Coachfanatic said:
My oldest (now a sophomore in college) was valedictorian too and got a full 4 year scholarship to college. Of course we are proud of her.

BUT, all three of my girls (even my B student) have Coach purses (nothing too crazy, just small ones). I reward all three of them for the gifts they have whether it be brains, music, kindness, etc... We don't base our rewards on grades alone. Honestly, our B student works harder for her grades than her sisters do for their A's.

I bet your mom rewards you because you are a good kid, not just because of your A's. Try not to get too hung up on the grades. It really means nothing when you are done with school (college). People could care less when you are in the real world. Trust me on that one, I just graduated from college myself and my employer could care less that I was on the Dean's List.
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i'm sure it's not JUST because of my grades. but my whole coach collection is worth almost $2K. for example, for my high school graduation gift I want a $800 bag. i'm pretty sure she wouldn't buy me it IF i wasn't in the top of my class. my mom is really adamant that i don't get a job until college because she wants me to only focus on school. actually, my sister is in college right now and still hasn't had her first job. so it's hard to say it's not just based on grades. i mean obviously she probably just uses this as means of justification for spoiling me, but i would try hard in school nonetheless. i would feel rather inadequate not putting my 100% into anything.

grades matter to a certain extent. if someone were to say, graduate from Harvard, i am quite confident that it would make a difference.
 
#21
This is a tough one. I would probably give it to her in couple of years. I gave my fiance's 18 yr old niece a new signature coach wristlet last Christmas and she was thrilled! She uses it all the time too! I think 13 is a little young but maybe I'm out of the loop.
 
#22
I wouldnt give her the bag. Its a big bag and for a 13 year old I think she should start off with something small so that she can appreciate how expensive these bags really are. If her parents wouldnt be able to afford giving her another coach bag at christmas, her bday, etc. i would be afraid to start something that they cant keep up with. I would go for something smaller and cheaper, like a wristlet.
 
#23
I wouldn't give her the bag either. I just don't think it's an appropriate gift for a 13 year old.

It seems so easy to give luxury, privilege, and ease to children and young adults, but in the long run, it's not good.
 
#24
Keane Fan said:
i'm sure it's not JUST because of my grades. but my whole coach collection is worth almost $2K. for example, for my high school graduation gift I want a $800 bag. i'm pretty sure she wouldn't buy me it IF i wasn't in the top of my class. my mom is really adamant that i don't get a job until college because she wants me to only focus on school. actually, my sister is in college right now and still hasn't had her first job. so it's hard to say it's not just based on grades. i mean obviously she probably just uses this as means of justification for spoiling me, but i would try hard in school nonetheless. i would feel rather inadequate not putting my 100% into anything.

grades matter to a certain extent. if someone were to say, graduate from Harvard, i am quite confident that it would make a difference.
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I'm sorry but you sound like you need a serious reality check. Then again, you're just a kid. Someday you'll learn (hopefully).
 
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