Chinese Parents favoring SUCKS!

  1. I am sure that it is not only the Chinese culture who favours their sons over daughters but I can only speak from experience and from family history. I shouldn't say parents, it is mostly my mother, luckily my father is a very fair man. What I don't understand is being women herself and experience what she has gone thru, why she would give her daughters the same treatment. I don't understand the mentality at all. Hello we are in the 2000s!?!

    My mother is the middle child of an older brother and much younger sister, my grandparents were pretty well off and left every penny to my uncle and now my cousin has inherited everything because he is the only boy to the throne. My mother married early in life and never received a thing. My aunt saw what was happening so she grabbed as much as she can. My mother is now in her 60s and appears to be very bitter and angry, espeically now that both her parents has past away. She seems to take this situation out on my sister and I. Of course her sons can do no wrong. Unfortunately one of my brothers don't even have the time of day for her and he somehow is her favourite. Nothing my sister and I can do to please her but only to be critcized

    What I don't understand and hurts alot is that since she has experienced favourism and probably felt unloved by her parents, why she treats my sister and I the same way. The same brother that don't even seem to care about her thinks money grows on trees and is debt over his head but yet lives rent free with his wife and 2 children. Good old mom is always supporting them financially and gives them anything they want. They also seem to take advantage of the fact that my mother always feeling pity for them and even appears to be ungrateful.

    Both my sister and I are financially stable and married to men with good careers. She seems very angry that we have a good life and is constantly putting us down for eating out, buying a new car or going on nice vacations.

    The saddest part of it is, she is always trying to play everyone of us against each other whenever to do something together.:sweatdrop:

    I am not jelous but very hurt. I have 2 boys and a little princess and I will not allow myself to follow that path. Luckily I have a sister and support each other. Dad is a quiet man and good old mom always has her last word in.:yucky:
  2. This is not only Chinese families. My dad, Irish, favored and still favors my brother, the only boy. He set him up in a business so he would never have to actually work for a living, while my sis and I went to school and had careers. It is sickening.
  3. I am very sorry about your situation and can tell you its not only Chinese families. I truly believe its within the person. My mom has the same issues where she favors my siblings and always criticizes me. I've learned to let it go and talk to my boyfriend about it so it doesn't eat me up inside. Of course I get angry at her but I realize that is just the way she is. I cannot change her and even if I wanted to change her, she would probably criticize me about that! Its a lose-lose situation for me but I've learned to not let her affect me.
  4. my bf's parents certainly favouring their only daughter... they give her ANYthing she wants but left the complain to my bf.
    my parents don't favour my only brother too.

    i think it depends on the person itself :p
  5. This isn't just Chinese families.
  6. I'm sorry about your situation - that would be really frustating.

    My mom is Chinese and I know that happened in her family, and I think because of that, she never favors either of us (I have a younger brother). My dad has also never played favorites - I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful family.
  7. It happens in Korean families too. Luckily, not in mine.

  8. Very true -a lot of cultures favor the son. I see it in my husband's family (Jewish) and I have seen it in my family (Jewish side & Italian side).

    No matter what-it stinks!
  9. I've heard of this from my Chinese FIL. He's non traditional which is good ehehehe He told me most Chinese families entrust their business to the first born son.
  10. This tradition actually rooted in almost EVEY COUNTRY in the world.
    in 3rd world countries, also in 1st worlds...

    just look at how in old days women aren't allowed to play in a theatre or drama. in chinese theatres, if there's a woman part, it must be played by men.
    also in shakespeare's kinda things...

    let's faced it, it's a biased world.
    also, i kinda understand the situation which also comes from women point of view where we expected men to be more than women.
    we expected to get a spouse which is smarter, leader, and sorry to say, richer.
    that's why parents invest more on their sons, because they kinda know that their son's gf or wife, expected the men to provide home and living.

    my grandma also favours her oldest son than any of her other son and daughters. my uncle doesn't work, but my grandma insisist on him and his family to live on their house so my aunt pays for the big family's expenses.
  11. ^So true.

    Some female babies are terminated in utero and never get the chance to be born or worse they are born and sold or burned alive, etc...:sad:
  12. My family favours the boys too, they do no wrong...never :amuse:, my brothers can get away with some amazing stuff. Funniest Uncle always forgot my Grandmother's birthday, he was the favorite, and it was so ingrained in everyone that my Mom used to send flowers in his name, then call him and remind him to call Grandmother. Then (she lived with us) we'd listen to how amazing he was and how they were THE MOST beautiful flowers ever. The wierd thing Mom was crazy about him too so she thought nothing of it all:shrugs: ...oh well.
  13. I don't think this is a cultural thing.

    Your mom is being the way she is because she doesn't know any better. If she understood and would think the way you do, she wouldn't be who she is. It's sad but true that we tend to repeat the pattern our parents have, if we don't understand what our parents had done to us. Sounds like your mom is quite bitter with how her parents treated her, and she doesn't know how to resolve those feelings, especially now both of her parents are gone - why should you and your sister have a better life if she didn't? I know, it sounds weird but I have to deal with issues with my mom too, and I've learned a lot as far as trying to understand why my mom did what she did. Bottomline is, the way she was treated is the only way she knows how 'parents/children' relationships work.

    The important thing is you and your sister recognize and reject her behavior and you are not repeating that to your children.
  14. After reading some of your post. I also just realized that my dear old mother does favour her oldest son over the younger one. She is also favouring my nephew who is my brother's first child and gives everything to my nephew over my son, they are both the same age (7). Whenever she finds out that we have for our children, she my go out and get or do the same for my nephew. She was so angry and constantly criticized me that we took our young children to Walt Disney World and on a cruise. She took revenge on us by starting rumors on us.

    Once she made a comment that my children don't carry their last name and that they shouldn't benefit from her wealth. That really burns my a??.

    What kills me is even though this son and daughter in law has no time of day for her, they of course never do any wrong. They live in one of my parents house rent free with all housing expenses paid for and aren't even grateful.

    Since woman are daughters themselves, I can't understand why the carry this mentality. Like I said, my dad is a very fair man but of cours my mother always gets in her last word.

    I now have a little princess after 2 boys, I know that I will never treat her any more different from her 2 brothers.

    Thanks for sharing your stories. It does make me feel a bit better in some ways. I guess it 's great to do some venting.
  15. You should read "The millionaire next door" if you haven't already. There's an article about parents who favor a child and "strengthen the strong and weaken the weak" this case, you are the "Strong" and you are strengthened by your mom's action because you need to be more independent than your brother. Your brother will suffer once your parents are no longer able to provide for him.

    I dont' know what to say about the son's partly why my parents said to not date Asians from certain backgrounds because the men never lift a finger.