Chapelle's Show

  1. Anyone else used to watch it?

    (Right now I'm watching Dave Chapelle's comedy special Killing Them Softly and it got me thinking about his show.)


    My favorite bits were Rick James, Li'l Jon, Prince and The Playa Hata of the Year Awards.

    And when he made fun of R. Kelly! That was funny!
     
  2. [Charlie has just hit Rick after Rick slapped him for no reason]
    Rick James: Darkness, why you hit me like that?
    Charlie Murphy: You hit me!
    Rick James: :censor: , that was weeks ago!




    [while Ice-T is about to reveal the player hater of the year]
    Beautiful
    : He looks like a broke-ass Ice-T!





    [after Dylan attempted to choke Wyclef Jean]
    P. Diddy: If I had my way, I'd never work. I'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all f:censor: king day. Then I'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to me. Then I'd paint, and read, and play violin. I'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don't got that kinda time.




    Charlie Murphy: [when Prince challenges them to basketball] We can call it the shirts vs the blouses.
    [Prince looks on the verge of tears] I don't know what he was crying about. He knew where he got that shirt and it certainly wasn't in the men's department.


    Prosecutor: Mr. Chappelle, what would it take to convince you that R. Kelly is guilty? Dave Chappelle: Okay, I'd have to see a video of him singing "Pee On You," two forms of government ID, a police officer there to verify the whole thing, four or five of my buddies and Neal taking notes, and R. Kelly's grandma to confirm his identity.
    R. Kelly's Grandma: That's my Robert, always peeing on people.




    P. Diddy: All right, I got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I'm gonna have to shut down the studio. The good news is that I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.




    [P. Diddy hosts "Making the Band"]
    P. Diddy: All right, you guys ain't working as a team. I'm gonna have to shut down the studio. The only way I'll reopen the studio is if you go up to the Bronx, and get me some breast milk from a Cambodian immigrant.




    [after Rick James has slapped him for no particular reason]
    Charlie Murphy: I'm standing there I'm thinking, "This :censor: really has lost his f:censor: king mind." First of all, you don't slap a man. Ok. I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, ya know, they did it in Paris, some guy would come up, "I challenge you to a duel." They would have a gunfight after that, somebody had to go!
     
  3. Rick James: Charlie! There's a new joke goin' around - have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?
    Charlie Murphy: [doesn't understand] What?
    Rick James: SLAP!
    [He slaps Charlie]
    I'm Rick James, *****!




    Real Rick James: See, I never just did things just to do them. Come on, what am I gonna do? Just all of a sudden jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on. I got a little more sense then that.
    [pause]
    Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch.




    Businessman: I'll have a Samuel Jackson.
    Samuel Jackson: [shouts] Good motherf:censor: king choice, motherf:censor: ker! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get ya drunk! You'll be f:censor: king fat girls in no time! You might even fight a :censor: or two! Mmmm-mmm, *****!
    [Jackson walks up to the businessman]
    [shouts] How's it taste, motherf:censor: ker?
    Businessman: Could you please stop yelling at me?
    Samuel Jackson: [shouts] No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Haven't you seen my movies? "Juice" That was a good one! "Deep Blue Sea" They ate me! A motherf:censor: king shark ate me! Drink up, *****!



    Ice T: Next one of you muthaf:censor: kas talk when I talk is getting shot.
     
  4. i watch chapelle show. it's really funny. i still watch it occasionally. the rick james episode is one of my favorite. i also like the wayne brady one. :smile:
     
  5. I think DC is brilliant and I LOVE the one with Wayne Brady. Just brutally funny!
     
  6. I didn't see the episode but I read the quotes and I never thought Wayne Brady was even capable of cursing like that!