Can´t figure out why I have such a low libido !?!?!!! Am I alone ?

  1. .....:tdown: Difficult and embarrassing subject to talk about but....
    Basically I only had strong sex drive for 4 years, my "discovery period". I felt attractive and attracted. (But I only had 2 partners, 1 was 6 months relationship, very good at it, and the other one was my BF of 10 years)
    Then I moved in with my BF, and 2 years after it was happening less and less....I needed to have had a few glasses of wine to feel desire again....and eventually that was not enough anymore, and as our relationship was deteriorating we only had "it" twice a year in our last 2 years .....
    I thought it was bc our relationship was not fulfilling, hence lack of desire for him, he didn´t do any efforts in that department either. Then I had health troubles, hormonal treatment and took anti depressants....so of course it was even worst.
    But NOW, I have been separated from him for 5 months, I don´t take any medication, I have asked to change Pill , gyno gave me Yasminelle (which has the lowest hormonal dosis), I have had my thyroid checked, it´s fine. My blood pressure is a bit low that´s it.
    The thing is there is no one to talk about these things , Doctors fix your real health troubles, I felt already weird talking about "low sex drive" to the gyno (treating me for a light endometriosis).....I think it´s just the way I am and one thing I said retained me to my ex-BF was "you know, there won´t be any other man who´ll accept to not have sex.."

    I just never "think about it"....

    Do I have to live my life that way ? Anyone here in that situation ? help ?:sad:
    Thanks....
     
  2. I think our drives in that departement change throughout our lives, so I don't think you're a lost cause (lol). ANd believe me, there aren't all guys that have such a BIG drive either.

    Is it because you don't feel attractive? I'm only asking because you wrote "I felt attractive and attracted. " If that is the case, then see a psycologist rather than a doctor might be an idea?

    However if all hope is lost, you could get with someone gay or really old, and then just do it for the sake of having children if you would like to.
     
  3. Do you start feeling in the mood after a little bit of foreplay? If you get into it after a little bit of warming up, then maybe you should start the foreplay by yourself. A glass of wine in warm bath, put on some body lotion or oil, listen to sexy music or watch a little soft porn on skinemax, put on something sexy. Maybe you're too stressed and should try to unwind with a backrub from your partner. There are also some creams that give you a little tingle down there - I think you can get them from those Slumber Parties catalogs.

    If you're just not into it, I'd go back to your gyno. Maybe he/she can put you on something - maybe you have too little testosterone or other hormones are out of whack. I think there is a hormone cream that is used topically to make you horny - that is something you wouldn't have to worry about taking every day.

    I have had the opposite problem. My sex drive is rather high - I like it pretty much every day - but DF could take it or leave it most of the time. Sometimes he'd be ready to go below the waist but snoring from above - now that's sexy. :sad: He gave me the same excuses that you probably gave your ex - I'm tired, I just want to relax, we'll do it in the morning, it's not you it's me, etc etc etc. My point in telling you this is that hearing these things from someone you love is really tough. It made me hesitant to initiate sex because I was afraid of being rejected. It made me wonder if he was attracted to me. It made me sad that he wouldn't just do it anyway, especially since he got really into it once he got warmed up. Our sex life has gotten better, not sure why - I think he's less stressed, more secure in our relationship since the wedding invites have already gone out, etc., and maybe he just started doing it anyway. He still hardly ever initiates, unless it's 6:30 on Saturday am and I want to sleep in, but at least he usually does it when I want to.

    It sounds like you're not currently in a serious relationship - maybe in that case a low sex drive is a good thing. It's really frustrating to be climbing the walls when you're single!
     
  4. ^I feel pretty on the surface, not "hot and attractive". I have already seen a psychologist and it´s not really a subject they seem to give much attention either.
    As for the last option, I have actually already found my gay guy ,thanks ! (But I am only joking here as I am still hoping to go for the regular way lol...)
     
  5. I think it really sucks that so many gynos and psychologists don't take this stuff more seriously. A sex drive is very important to lots of people - you shouldn't just have to live with it if your sex drive isn't where you want it.
     
  6. I had a similar problem. There's a thread in the last week or so about it. It was really my birth control taking my sex drive down. After I quit taking it, I haven't had any problems. Everything has really gotten better. You mentioned taking some sort of hormones, so I suggest going to the gyno and openly discussing your options.
     
  7. If you still need to be on anti-depressants you should talk to your doctor about Wellbutrin. It is supposedly a depression drug and can help increase women's sex drives. I actually took Wellbutrin a few years ago and I can say it did help up my sex drive. Unfortunately I have anxiety and Wellbutrin hasn't been the best medication for my anxiety. I am now taking Lexapro which helps my anxiety but definitely makes my libido sluggish. I am also on birth control too so sometimes my sex drive feels nonexistent.

    Some natural ways I up my libido is buying sexy lingerie and cute clothes for myself. I also work out at the gym as much as I can because it makes me feel more fit and attractive.
     
  8. I have the same problem, and I defintely think its my BC. When I am on my "sugar pills" the week when my period starts I feel wayyy different, which stinks because that isnt the week to be having sex.
     
  9. -illinirdhd, I think this is good advice (all the soft stuff to do) and I thought of asking about testosterone but read it has really negative effects...
    I think concerning your future husband, men experience the anxiety of "performing" and maybe he´s scared of not pleasing you. My ex was lacking of slef confidence and wouldn´t initiate anything.... (so from the moment I didn´t feel like it anymore it just stopped hapening) but maybe he just needs a bit of reassurance, I envy your "horny" feeling !!
    I am single, but I would still prefer to feel things even if that means frustration !
    -ScienceNerd : I read your thread, I was on a certain pill for 9 years (including my 4 years of happy sex life...), and now I have changed for Yasminelle (very low dose of estrogen, combined with progesterone) I was told it´s the best on the market !! (I take it continously,no periods)
    -Kirsten, I have stopped anti-depressants for 6 months, but it´s good to know in case I ever need to get back on them.
    Concerning the lingerie and gym, that´s what I have just started and the sport is helping already, gets your blood going and well being hormones as well as making my body hotter ! And connecting myself with my body....

    Actually are there any physical activities that helps you connecting better with your body in general ? like yoga or else ?
    Otherwise I am just gonna "force" myself into the mood with all solutions mentionned above (watching Playboy tv usually works a bit lol)
     
  10. I was going to say the same thing, but then thought "Is sex drive really changeable?" And when I ask that, I really am asking - it's not rhetorical!

    I think there is a LOT of pressure put on men and women about sex drive. You're supposed to be this horny devil 24/7 - it's fed to us on TV, in magazines, movies... It's like the whole skinny/fat debate - nothing will change until we all start to change our perceptions: some people have a high sex drive, others have a low sex drive - it's like high/low metabolism... I think you can tweak it, but otherwise you're pretty much born with what you got and it'll be a great day when a low sex drive is ok! (or a high sex drive doesn't attract comments like "slut" or "nympho").

    And illinirdhd - I imagine your husband would get a lot of flack if he told his mates he had a low sex drive. For men, it's another (sad) double standard. Hey, if a woman doesn't want sex all the time, she's the old ball and chain, but if a man doesn't want it all the time, there must be something wrong with him!
     
  11. I think sex drive is definitely changeable! There are supposedly good meds on the market to increase a low sex drive, and probably others that will diminish overdrive.

    I don't think my BC has ever effected mine, although I can't say for sure because I've been on it almost every month since I started having sex. Maybe I should be in overdrive, but BC lowers me to where I am?

    I also don't think there is a "normal" or "appropriate" sex drive. It should be more about what makes YOU happy and how that fits with what makes your partner happy. But if you would like to be feeling frisky more often than you are, or your partner wants it a lot more or less than you do, I believe there are medications and activities that can balance it out.

    And you girls are right - it's different for guys. With Viagra etc on the market, it's probably not as embarassing for men to confess ED problems - and I've even talked to men in their 50s who say that their doctor will ask if they need the prescription, so they don't even have to bring it up! But men who have a lower sex drive as opposed to functional problems are probably terribly embarassed to ask their doctors or even their golf buddies what to do to fix it.
     
  12. I experience this, as well. It's so frustrating sometimes :rolleyes:
     

  13. Wow, I'm totally like this too... hahahaha.
     
  14. i feel the same soemtimes..i haven't beenw anting to have sex like i used to..and when i do it's more like oh ok i guess i will i would rather not but once it gets going it's ok..but i don't ever get the WANT to on my own..i wish it would be like it used to be
     
  15. Could you take a break from the pill and see if that helps?

    Also, go to the bookstore and buy a little 'romance' novel. I use the term romance but I prefer a little more than 'he ripped her bodice' kind of stuff.