Buying nice purses for friends? (LONG)

  1. I'm just curious how you all handle this, if you even have to deal with it!
    In the past most of my friends stuck to the $25 birthday gift price. But recently I have had some salary increases, started buying Coach & Dooney for myself, etc. Nothing too fancy. But all of my friends would make comments about how they will prob never get on etc. So I started buying them these bags for their Bday presents, I would try to get great sales, or outlets, etc. and stick to about $100.

    I have one friend at Christmas, I got her a great Leather Coach Backpack. A few weeks after Christmas, I was having a party, and a good friend of mine and I exchanged gifts from Christmas late. We tried to do this in a private setting, but my friend with the coach backpack, and my sis in law, had to "come see what we got"!

    Well when my friend opened up her Dooney Tote I bought her, it almost brought her to tears. She is a teacher, and has had a tough time financially, so it gave me great joy to see how much she appreciated the gift! I was so happy to be able to give her this, she is a great mom, wife & teacher and she deserved it!

    Anyway... my friend (backpack) grabbed the purse up and ran away screaming " I want this bag, it's beautiful, I am so jealous!" Which made me feel like ****, since I felt like I bought her the perfect gift, since the backpack was something she had been wanting for years! Then my sis-in-law started crying because I've never bought her a nice gift like that. I could not believe what was happening!
    About a month later, my SIL showed up with a new coach her hubby bought her because he felt bad for her that she had to go through that! OMG Anyone else ever had anything so crazy happen?
     
  2. I have not had that experience. Unfortunately your friends expectations have changed, it's like they are taking advantage of your kindness and they don't even know it. Can I ask,why did you start such an expensive practice? Do you feel guilty that you have such nice bags and your friends don't? I' so sorry your are in such a situation. Next holiday, stick to the $25 budget. If you find a deal that can't be passed up, pick up the item for the friend but let them purchase it from you in small payments or something like that. If you really feel the urge to buy a bag for a friend, save for a great accomplishment so they won't expect such a bag every birthday.
     
  3. Wow, I don't know what to say. :wtf: I do tend to spoil certain family members or friends with expensive gifts but I usually give it to them behind close doors because this is the exact drama I'm trying to prevent.

    I hope others can give you a better advice. :heart:
     
  4. That had to be embarassing.
     
  5. I think its very sweet of you to buy such thoughtful gifts. I was more liek that when I was younger, I put so much time and money into them. But I soon learned that everyone was starting to expect, so I stopped.
     
  6. Wow! That would make me so upset! I'm sorry your friends behaved so immaturely and selfishly.
     
  7. Well, being poor, we are able to enjoy and appreciate the thought and love that went into our modest little gifts to each other, and I will confess that even among the people I know who are more affluent, they have also been spared that kind of behavior, but -

    I have always been of the opinion that among family and close friends, gift certificates were not really appropriate, precisely because of that love and thoughfulness factor, that someone took the time to think about what you would like, and go look until they found it, but I think that in a situation like yours, gift certificates, all of equal amounts, might be the best solution.

    As unthinkable as it sounds, I guess it is possible that even then, you might have recipients who complained about the amount, but at least they could each get whatever it is that they want. :confused1:
     
  8. Sorry this happened to you :sad:. Maybe you can have a chat with your SIL that the gifts you give to other friends are not reflections on how you feel about her. We give our friends different presents for different reasons, and usually those reasons aren't known to the rest of the world.

    I gave a friend a large Kate Spade once for her b-day, big enough for interviews. She had been laid off for a while, and was feeling down. I thought having a nice bag for interviews would cheer her up and help her feel a little more confident. It was way more than I have spent on her in the past, and I haven't spent that much on her since. But I would be pretty pissed if someone questioned that one time.
     
  9. Well said titania029 . angfento ,what a nice gift for obviously a good friend. I have given Coach bags as thank yous and birthday presents to the ladies that i know it will mean alot to. The women I bought bags for love nice things but do not buy them for themselves.They are selfless wonderful individuals that do so much for others. It sounds like you might want to be more discreet in the future though. Unfortunately, when giving such a nice gift where others are near, there will always be someone with hurt feelings.
     
  10. You sounds like such anice generous person!!! Please don't let the reaction of others get you down. I think it is fantastic that you treat your friends so well adn that you put tons of thought intot what will make them happy, after all that is what matters.

    As for your SIL reation...WHOA! Drama Queen, that is rediculous and so rude to get upset over someone getting a nicer gift (in her opinion) shame on her, I hope she feels silly. Your other friend (the one who received the nice backpack) hopefully she was just excited for your friend and is still enjoying her backpack, hehe...but you know how it is with these nice bags, they make your eye wander and you want more more more!!! :graucho:

    Hang in there, you're a great friend and deep down they all know that!:jammin:
     
  11. ouch... it just sux how some people think that just because someone gets a raise/promotion that he/she has to give more expensive gifts come birthdays or holidays...

    why can't people just be grateful that they got a gift - y'knowm something they didn't have to pay for themselves... ugh!
     
  12. Jeez, wasn't the backpack good enough for your friend? Her reaction seems kind of childish, that is, if she wasn't kidding. And I can't believe your SIL cried over a purse - THAT is immature too. You're very sweet for giving them such thoughtful gifts - unfortunately, it's easy for people to get spoiled and start acting self-entitled.

    It's like they say - No good deed goes unpunished.

    I would downgrade them next year!
     
  13. oh no!! That was so kind of you, I'm sorry that some people over react in those situations. You did a very nice thing, don't let anyone make you feel any different.
     
  14. I'm so sorry your friend was acting like that.Actually,I buy ALL my friends bags like Louis Vuitton,Fendi,etc... so I know what you go through.Once I actually bought my friend this limited edition Fendi bag and she showed it to everyone else so they all got jealous and started this huge drama thing so I ended up buying all my friends even MORE bags because I felt so guilty.It's terrible when that happens!
     
  15. I started buying them nice things, mostly because I have been blessed and I love to spoil people! It makes me feel so good to give people things they really want!


    Your right I think I might just stick to the $25 budget though!