Boyfriend issue-PLEASE HELP:(

  1. First, I want to thank each and every one of you for your time. I have had problems before with him and tPF ladies were so supportive and caring. I'm truly lucky to have you guys.

    So here's another chapter in my tumultuous relationship. I'm a medical student and I'm currently on a surgery rotation. Last night when I was on call, a truama came into the ER. This poor 17 year old kid who had lost so much blood on the accident scene, that he came in blue. I couldn't believe he was still conscious and talking. He asked one of the nurses if he'd be OK. At that moment, I teared up thinking that he might not (I'm a wuss when it comes to death. I still haven't "gotten used to it")

    We take him to the OR, and when the truama doc opened him up, LITERS AND LITERS of blood came pouring out. It was like a waterfall. The whole floor of the operating room was red. I've NEVER seen such a thing. Long story short, he blew out his whole abdominal wall muscles from the strain of the seatbelt. He severed his main arterial supply to his bowels, which were taken out because they turned black. He's stable now. He'll be going back to the OR for reconstruction of his abdomen. I very surprised he's alive. But I thank God, and I thank the excellent surgeons that were there.

    So, how is this all relevant? Well, when I was suturing his thigh, I think I stuck myself with the needle. I inspected my thumb after the surgery was over and I couldn't see a break in the skin. It just hurt A LOT! So, I followed the protocol and I filed an incident report. That means they check his blood for HIV, and if positive, I start taking antiretroviral medications. I just wanted to be safe, because you never know who has it.
    So after I leave the hospital, I call my bf to tell him what happened. Being a doctor, I thought he would have some good advice. At least as my bf he can console me. But when I told him, he said in the most calm, unattached, disingenuine and uninterested manner possible "Oh baby, I'm sorry". That's it. No, "you're going to be fine" or, "what can I do for you", or asking more about the situation. Then I aked him why he was so calm. He claimed that he didn't know what to say, and that I should know that his outlook on these sorts of things is "well, what are you going to do. things happen".

    I told him that he's not giving me the kind of support I need right now and that I'm freaked out, so I wanted to call my brother instead. Maybe he would be more empathetic. Instead of asking me what he can do better, or what I need from him, he said "well, why won't you go find someone else then". I said that I just need something he's not giving me, so I want to talk to someone else, like a family member. Then he follow by saying, "well, next time I want something you can't give me, I'll go to someone else too" (we're in a long distance relationship, and that was a loaded response)

    I haven't called him, nor has he called me. And now I'm crying all day because he doesn't even care to call me to ask what happen with the HIV test results!! I want your honest opinion, did I do something wrong? Or I'm a justified in feeling abandoned and cheated?

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your time and support.
    Love you guys:heart::heart::heart::heart:
  2. I read your previous thread also, about your relationship and everything else, before I reply to this thread. Instead of replying directly, I will tell you the story of my life.

    I dated a man for 5 years. I met him when I was young, and he was an established professional. I was a student, and he had finished his Masters in Engineering and was employed as an engineer. He transferred to a different place because of his job, and we had a long distance relationship.

    I was average height and slim (5'6" - 100 lb) and he loved me for my figure. My mother is about 5' and rather plump. He was always paranoid and asking me if i would end up looking like my mother. He liked girls with high, small breasts,and would be concerned if my breasts would sag, my behind get big, my stomach protrude. I was really slim and didn't think any of the above would apply to me anyway. My mother was very concerned that he didn't care much about me - he didn't worry if I got hurt, he just made cursory attempts to be concerned if I came to any physical harm.

    Long story short, I thought that these were not important things in life, and at a very immature 22 I married him. I was in college, rather sedentary and studying a lot, and I gained some weight...until I was about 130lb. This made him very annoyed. he refused to have sex with me because he thought I was unattractive and overweight. He'd point to my stomach when I was undressing and say "you look like you're 5 months pregnant". Our intimate life dwindled to almost nothing, and I was really unhappy.

    Anyhow, in the middle of all this - we had been making attempts to have a family, and were not using contraception - I got pregnant. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage in the first trimester. He got me a cab to go to the hospital, and he went home. He said it really wasn't his place to be there, and that the doctors would take care of me.

    Women are stupid. I still made excuses for him in my mind. His whole lack of physical interest ws my fault, I thought, and he was unhappy and refused to come to hospital because I had lost his child. There were arguments and times when he refused to speak to me for several days at a time, even though I would apologize. I ended up apologizing even if the fault was his.

    I got pregnant again. He still wasn't very concerned, didn't worry much and if i worried (because I had had a previous miscarriage)and called some member of my family then he would withdraw and behave as if I betrayed him.

    After much trouble and heartache, we ended up splitting when our son was 4 months old. He doesn't show much sign of any concern for his son either. He doesn't keep in touch, and my son lives with me. It took me a long time to get over the blows to my self esteem - the gained weight, the sagging breasts, the results of pregnancy were much more devastating to me than they should have been.

    So this is my story. Learn from it what you will.
  3. I've read your other thread too now, and I'm sorry to say this, but I think your boyfriend is being a complete insensitive :censor:
  4. I remember your old thread about your boyfriend as well, seriously, this guy is not worth your time. He's not giving you what you need, and you CAN find a guy who is sensitive to your needs. Take care of yourself, sorry you're going through such a rough time.
  5. I agree. I don't know really what to say, because I think you already know that his treatment of you is wrong, except to say that any woman deserves better from her other half.
  6. I'm new to this forum, and after reading this post I skimmed through your previous ones...

    This guy is such an insensitive, dumb dick, I really can't believe it. I don't want to just repeat what everyone else is saying, but you REALLY CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!

    AND you're 5'11 and 140 lbs??? This guy should be thanking his lucky stars he's with such a catch! (What I wouldn't give to be 5'11!)

    I think you already know what you have to do, it's just a matter of time. Good luck!
  7. Ask yourself this question, and you have to answer it honestly, in your heart.

    "Am I better with than without this person"?
    Think about this for a while. When you find the person that you say "yes, I am a better, happier, healthier person with him/her", that is the one.
    Good luck.
  8. Bluebunny you know what the real deal is. If he had called you with this problem how would you have reacted? It may be time for you to make some changes in your life.
  9. What a prick, lose him. He isn't even worth your scrubs.
  10. You are justified in feeling abadoned and cheated.

    Dump this jerk.

    I remember your other post about his wanting you to stay skinny.

    Dump this jerk.

    As my auntie would say
    Make yourself available to meet a man who will truly treasure you.
  11. THANK YOU FOR POSTING YOUR STORY!!!!! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

    I hope lots of young women dating jerks read it!
  12. Blue - I am in awe of your talent & compassion for your patients, let alone what you have accomplished so far in life! You have a TON to offer someone that deserves you. Don't ever have any doubts about this.
    You already know in your heart what you should do.
    Most of us reading this have been there. Know that we are here to listen to you talk this through.

  13. I appreciate your story. In a way, it was quite cathartic for me. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I read your story in tears, tears because I was sad for you and tears because I was sad for me. I hope we both find happiness. In fact, that should be our New Years' resolution!! Good luck and thank you for your advice.
  14. BlueBunny--I remember your previous thread and responded. He hasn't changed for the better, has he? How much more time are you going to invest in this relationship? You deserve better! You will never get the support and love you deserve from this self-absorbed man. There are worse things than being single--being with him in any sort of relationship is one of them, in my book.
    medhavini--you're helping lots of women by sharing your story. Your son is lucky to have you, and it's your ex's loss to not be fully involved in his son's life. I know it means more work and stress for you, but I have no doubt that you are a wonderful parent.
  15. BlueBunny,
    If your BF is insensitive now, think about how much worse he will be after you marry him, and when some of that mad romantic feelings wear off a little? You are an intelligent and desirable girl. You deserve much better. Your present BF is not meant to be. The real Prince Charming of your life is somewhere out there waiting to be discovered.

    Sorry that you are sad now, but things will only get better if you lose him.

    Many hugs!