BF/Fiance or Family?

  1. One of my best friends is dating a guy that her parents disapprove of. They don't know him at all (he is a dog though but they don't know that) and they base the hatred for him because of the color of his skin. Her dad said that he is going to disown her if she marries the guy. What would you guys do? All of her friends agree that the guy is a dog but my friend just can't see it.
  2. no one will argue that racism is wrong (though it exists in many forms). but whether or parents are racist or not, if the guy is a d-bag she should obviously drop him.

    if she feels the need to prove to her parents that men of other races make fine boyfriends, can't she find a good example of one?
  3. Sometimes when parents disapprove of something you are doing, it makes you want to do it more. If they welcome this guy with open arms and talk about how great he is, she'll probably dump him on her own. That's how things like that work... :shame:
  4. my family doesnt know my bf.. n i wont bother to introduce till i get married or so.. it is my life, it is my choice.. i am not close to my family anyways, so i dont really think it is any of their business... so yes, I chose the bf...
  5. I don't think I would marry someone if my family disapproved. I think they (most of the time) look out for your best interests, and if they can provide a valid reason as to why it wouldn't work between us, then I would take it into consideration. Having said this, I've often found that their assessment is correct most of the time (hindsight is 20/20).

    However, I also think that if we really cared about each other, then my parents would realize this and wish us happiness even though it might not be the union that they envisioned.

    In your friend's case, if the guy is an a**, then her parents probably realized this along with all her friends. Outsiders do sometimes see things clearer.
  6. Well, if he was a nice person, she should introduce him to her family and make it clear that she likes him and they should give him a real chance
  7. I agree with this.

    Bfs come and go ... but your family remains. Don't trade your family for a bf. I do believe that parents have their children's best interest at heart and want their children to be happy.
  8. I think she is trying to declare her independence from her parents with this guy. If he truly is a dog, well, she is going to have to decide for herself, usually the hard way.
  9. I don't care if he is pink, purple, or yellow, but if he is a bum she should cut her losses now. A leopard does not change his stripes.
  10. That's so sad that her parents are judging the book by its cover. Obviously, the fact that he's no good for her is a mere coincidence. I agree with others that it would be hard to marry someone that my family would not approve of, but you have to live your life. The decision ultimately rests with you to decide who to marry, who you want to have kids with and who you want to wake up next to for the rest of your life. They should understand that if he makes her happy they need to let go of their racist feelings.
  11. Very tricky. My parents HATED my ex because he was a different race, and would not give him a chance. But I went out with him for 4 years because I didn't want to prove my parents right, which was actually 2 years longer than I should have.

    When we finally called it quits (not a pleasant break up at all), the main thing I was angry about was that my parents were right all along. They didn't say anything to me, but I knew they were relieved.

    As a friend, you're role is to support her, so it's probably best to just be there for her, and let her make her own choices.
  12. it's hard to be there for my friend cuz the bf IS an a**. he tries to take her away from her friends and he doesnt like people. if it were up to him, him & my friend would be in a box all by themselves. we all want her to just dump this loser. it's hard though because we arent being racist or anything. he really just is a dog!
  13. Same here, although I do not think it's right for your friend's family to judge her boyfriend on the basis of his race.

    I'm Asian, but I've always had Caucasian boyfriends. I've always wondered if their families have had qualms about our being of different races, but luckily, they're generally classy people and not bigots.