bday party/inlaws

  1. <venting> I will start from the beginnning. Every year I have a bday party for my now 7 year old and 5 year old. And every year it is the same crap. My family always is here on time offers food, very helpful (even my friends are helpful)
    Now the problem, every year my husbands family arrives LATE. Sometimes a day late, sometimes they show up at 8:30 at night for the party. Granted, they live about 2 hours from here-my family lives 1.5 hours-3 hours from here.
    NOw the thing that pisses me off every freakin year is after waiting for them to show up, I start cleaning about 6:00. Now every year the party starts at 2:00- NO MATTER WHAT! It has and will always stay that time till the kids turn 18 and I stop having parties for them.
    BUt his family still expect to get feed! which means I have to take everything out, re heat it and clean up after them. I am knocked up, so it pissed me off evern more because I am so freaking tired!!! SO when they come over so late, I am so pissed off I ignore them and I HAVE told them to be on time. I am just getting fed up with these people. My family is convinced that my husbands family hate them because it is like they try to be about 5 hours late every year! AND we are always waiting for them to cut the cake- so they ARE holding up the party.
    I forgot to mention that his neice and nephew showed up around 7:00 while I was cleaning and she asked me to feed her. I told her if she cleaned up after herself she could eat. My husband said I was being rude and I explained that I cleaned the entire kitchen by myself and if they want to eat, they can just clean their dishes. COme on, these kids are 20 years old!!
    SO how do I "tactfully" say if you can't be on time, don't bother coming?
    uh, I am still annoyed
  2. Well, if they do this every year, it's not accidental. Get your husband to support you on this--I can't believe he said you were rude not to cater to people who come so late. IMO he needs to talk to his parents--no drama, just that they need to leave in order to be on time when you go to the trouble of preparing for an event at a certain time.

    This sounds like passive-aggressive behavior: they want to show their power over you or displeasure with you but they won't honestly talk about it, so they disrupt your scheduled party for the children in an underhanded way. don't wait to cut the cake. Put things away and don't reheat food for them when they come really late. don't enable them to get away with unacceptable behavior. Really, your husband needs to support you and not let his family treat you like this. I don't know what the issue is, but their tardiness is a message of some sort.
  3. I hate my inlaws so I feel for you. I don't think I would reheat the food for them. I would tell them where all the food is and point them to the microwave. Your husband is very lucky to have you. Hang in there and don't stress not good for the baby!
  4. Boxermom is spot on! This is unacceptable behavior.
  5. Just don't invite them.

    Or when they come, just tell them to fend for themselves, because you put everything away.
  6. I say in the future just make them a plate. covered with foil. and hand it to them and say you know the kids were starting to think you weren't even coming.
  7. I'm irked just reading your post. Sorry you have to experience this. I wouldn't put up with it, honestly. I won't yell at them or anything but I'd ask my DH to talk to his parents about it.

    I remember you previous thread regardin your in-laws ruining Thanksgiving for you. Don't let them ruin all the special occassions in your life. Talk to your hubster;)
  8. I agree with MAGs, try not to let them ruin special events, I know it's hard, but they will drive you crazy if you LET them.
  9. Invite them 5 hours late, then you know they will be on time.
    Or call them on their cell and tell them come over at 2 or else suffer the wrath from you. Or better yet take the kids to Disneyland or Disney world and say "F them!". They can't even clean off their own plate? It's their problem they are late, I would so remind them. Or to really cause a rift don't even invite them over, buy your kid an extra present and tell them I didn't invite them this year. Harsh, but you have invested so much time, its absolutely not fair to you!
  10. ehm, actually this is an issue that always comes up in my mum's family - they are notorious for not being on time - this is just how they are, they don't do bec they want to upset someone. and yes, they always expect to be fed as well. but in my house no one bothers to clean up anyway until the party is over, i.e. every single guest has left etc plus we help each other. how about the following: ask your husband to take care of his family (my mum has done that on occassion - especially for those that she does not like), make some ironic comments in front of everyone but don't show you are supremely annoyed if you think they do it on purpose, finally just accept how they are - it is not worth it to get upset every time.

    btw, no big deal to ask 20 year olds to clean up after them. well, we don't expect them to clean but at least to put their plates in the kitchen.

    in recent years a lot of family members have been late for invitations so my mother put a stop to it, as she felt they got too used to it - so invitation stop at the moment. why not do the disney, day out thing? you can always get your family to come by another day?

    oh, and I wouldn't wait for them to come for the cake cutting: why don't you just tell them that the party starts at 2, you cut the cake at 4? up to them if they can make it or not. sorry, no tactful way to tell them not to bother coming - but why not put your husband to do the job? his family, he could tell them to be on time!
  11. Goodness. sorry to hear this..
    Some parents in-law are just so mean.
    You need to talk to your husband about this and ask him to talk to them and make it clear. they have no right to act like this with you.
    If they come late every year they should not expect you to cater to their needs, you just had a birthday party and you are tired! why should you take care of people who are rudely late?
    People need to rest after any type of party/get together.
    and I guess they just don't respect that.

    as the others said. if they do come late just point them to the kitchen and tell them to go ahead & to clean up after themselves.
    Don't let them go to you , just ignore
  12. Being punctual is the greatest courtesy you can do...implication being that if one is not punctual one is wasting the other person's time.

    Hold the party ON time. Leave the leftovers in foil covered dishes. Maybe you can hand it to them before they get out of the car so that they can just take the leftovers and drive back?
  13. If you made your Dh get the food out and clean up (by refusing to do it yourself-I would actually do that) after that maybe then he would realize the work you are putting into it!?! He should be helping out anyway. What is he doing while you are doing all the work?
  14. Some of my relatives show up late (they are my family) and it does upset me and especially the kids. I mean I would have all the stuff ready for Christmas Eve dinner and there we are waiting and waiting and they come 1-2 hours late which messes up the cooking. Once they even had the nerve to stop and take my aunt to look at my sister's office before they came here--her office is in a different direction, out of the way and on Christmas Eve that was not the most important thing to do in my mind. I realize that no matter what they will always be late....
    Now your relatives sound crazy, they have no respect for you or your children. I would just NOT INVITE THEM.....I mean who needs that? I don't think your children will miss them since they are not involved. So for the next party, just forget them. Your husband shoulc back them up. Your children deserve a special day and with all the work you do you don't need to be burnt out after the party.....
  15. I've read monica's previous posts about her family situation, and if I remember rightly her husband is not so good at backing her up when there is a confrontation with his family and she is essentially on her own.

    Honestly and very seriously I would tell you what I would do: This is a one-time only thing, and is really not a nice way to do things since it involves deception and passive-aggression. However, sometimes these things DO work. I would carry on with the party as planned, maybe wait about an hour or so. I would tell anybody who is around that I was not feeling so good, and it maybe feels like I'm getting the flu. After the party is over, I would do the clean-up and then go to bed complaining that I feel really unwell. Then when his relatives do come, hubby would have to serve them and clean up afterwards, and then maybe he would realize what a lot of work that entails. And I would keep up the pretext of being unwell for at least another day so that I wouldn't be accused of having a miraculous recovery once his relatives have departed.