Are Men 'too frightened To Give Women The Compliments They Need ?

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    Men don't like complimenting women, fearing their good intentions will be misinterpreted

    As every woman knows, a simple compliment can brighten a gloomy day.
    But in these politically-correct times, it seems, gentle flattery has become something of a lost art.
    Not only are men failing to compliment female friends and colleagues for fear of causing offence - but women are highly likely to suspect the motives of the individual offering the admiring comment.
    Two-thirds feel uncomfortable if someone other than a partner offers praise, and a similar number mistrust the motives of the man behind the praise.
    Unfortunately for women, this all presents something of a conundrum because, according to research, nine out of ten claim they love to be complimented.
    Experts have set an ideal 'compliment quota' of five a day.
    But even for women in long-term relationships, compliments are few and far between.

    Two-thirds of women questioned for the survey by Loire Valley White Wines complained that their partners praise them less than they did five years ago.
    Only 16 per cent said they received the magic five a day.
    One in eight of the 1,000 women surveyed said that not a single man had complimented them in the past three months.
    Relationship expert Christine Webber said: "In my experience, women do care a great deal about what people think about them. A compliment massively boosts self-esteem.
    "And whilst it may seem somewhat frivolous, it is in fact a vital ingredient for well-being."
    But she added that British women were often not as gracious about receiving compliments as their European neighbours.
    "If a man says, 'Your hair looks nice', she should not be saying, 'It needs washing'. "Or if he says 'You are in great shape' it is churlish to reply, 'I am four pounds overweight'."
    She said many men were terrified of an innocent remark being wrongly interpreted.
    "I think political correctness and fear of saying the wrong thing is the main cause of men failing to compliment women who are not their partners," she added.
    She recommended, perhaps not too surprisingly, that men should steer clear of complimenting breasts, bottoms and legs with non-partners.
    The trick, apparently, is to make someone feel good about themselves, rather than coming over as smarmy or, worse, "a bit lecherous".
    Women do not just want to be complimented on their appearance-In fact, favourite subjects of praise were being a good listener or adviser, or admiration for their ability to juggle a career and home life.
    However, the age-old desire to be complimented on being well turned out is as strong as ever.

    Some 81 per cent long to hear that their hairstyle or outfit is nice, followed by 79 per cent hoping to hear that they are stylish and 73 per cent that they look slimmer.
    According to Miss Webber, compliments are crucial to good relationships.
    "We have busy lives and people tend to assume a lot and forget to say things," she said. "And yet compliments can act like oil in an engine - they help everything to run smoother. "Couples who give frequent compliments to one another tend to treat each other with courtesy and respect and that helps keep their relationships alive."

    Article by Beth Hale. The Daily Mail
  2. i was always taught it was rude not to accept a compliment.
  3. But of course :p I found it to be interesting with some very valid points.
  4. I had edited my last response, wasn't sure if it would be taken the right way LOL
  5. ^^ I agree with this.

    Anyway... I find that guys that I've gotten to know after a period of time and have become good friends with, will often give compliments to their female friends w/o worrying they'll be taken the wrong way. In college, I had more close male friends than female friends... and they would compliment me on how I looked for the day (ie, if I wore a nice outfit or did something different with my hair, etc.), and I never thought anything of it... I would thank them, and it would give my self-esteem a boost, but I never felt there was any other intent other than to simply be nice.

    However, in bars/clubs... I usually do not take compliments from guys seriously. Perhaps it's the setting, where alcohol is involved and not much lighting... lol. But when I receive compliments from strangers while out and about, I usually am flattered, will thank them, and be on my way.

    As for my SO, he compliments me all the time... but then again, the relationship is still relatively new. He did tell me he was unsure of what to do or say when we first started seeing each other, though. He wanted to make sure that I liked him the same way, so that he doesn't end up offending me or making me feel awkward in any way.
  6. If a man says, 'Your hair looks nice', she should not be saying, 'It needs washing'. "Or if he says 'You are in great shape' it is churlish to reply, 'I am four pounds overweight'

    I agree with this.
  7. I agree also. But I also agree that it can be uncomfortable and question the motive.
  8. I agree that giving compliments has become complicated lately. In a relationship, the man has to give some but not too many. My BF and I have been together three years and he still gives me compliments all the time. Good? Well, now it is fine. But earlier in our relationship I was worried he was dating me for my appearance. It is nice to receive compliments from friends, but rare. Female friends are more apt to compliment clothes and shoes, although they will give a "you look great" if you bring up the d word (diet!). Not too long ago I was wearing a nice suit and heels and ran into a classmate. We chatted and he enthusiastically said, "You look great!" It was really nice, but caught me off guard because people tend to err on the side of acting "professional" or politically correct nowadays. It is nice to give and receive compliments, as long as they are genuine!
  9. Perhaps she should've also asked the women how many times they compliment their husbands/BF etc too? :supacool:
  10. No no no.....French men definitely haven't lost the art of complimenting as they know it can take them a loooong way with the ladies !
    Of course -here to the men reading- it depends which sort of compliment...
    Something personal and truly flattering : "I like your perfume", "I like your outfit/shoes/bags/hair", or smg about your personnality/brain : "You're smart/funny" is :yahoo:100%
    Something like a premade pick up line "You have beautiful eyes" "You're truly charming" ....(like I heard that 10000 times in my life) is :push:
    Something like "I like your trainers". I know it's a guy only wanting the same ones !! and usually follows with "where did you get them ?" and it's 100% :yes:
    Something like "You lost weight, you're looking better" when your original weight was 110 lbs is:wtf: (Thank God, only got that once) weight in general with a woman is walking on very thin ice
  11. Are the men as sensitive to compliments as women ??
    Of course my BF likes it when it's about how manly he is !!
  12. Oh 1 more I really don't know which lucky women can reach the 5 compliments/day thing, when I get a compliment that reassures me in the areas I lack self confidence I write it save it for the days I need that compliment :shame:
  13. I don't think men have more of a "duty" to compliment women than the other way around. And I think that if a man doesen't compliment then giving him some might encourage him. ^_^

    About the french, yeah, they do it often, but the "worst" IMO are the italians and spanish, soem of them are too much and it gets silly. "I love your [insert random body part]". :rolleyes:
  14. Please cite the source of the articles you post. Merci!
  15. i will say that i think i get my fair share of compliments, but men in the south are possibly a bit more traditional than men other places.

    it took me a long time to learn how to TAKE a compliment, though, because for a long time i almost never thought i deserved them. that's changed in the past year or so, and it seems like the best response to give is a sincere "aww, thank you so much, that's so sweet" and a smile. no reason to belittle yourself!

    the guy i'm talking to now is a good compliment giver, which is one of the things that originally attracted me to him. so tell your male friends out there that we want to hear good things! they'll get more dates!