A Touchy Issue -- Opinions please!

  1. Today I was talking to a close friend and we somehow started talking about sex :graucho: lol. But after the couple of laughs and stories we shared we started talking about the fact that it is more socially accepted for a guy to sleep around then it is for a female to sleep around. If a guy has sex with 3 girls over the weekend then he is proclaimed a "man". But if a girl has sex with 3 guys over the weekend then she is called a "whore". When a guy loses his virginity then everyone congratulates him but when a girl loses hers then she is looked down upon (in most cases). People think nothing about the number of girls a guy has slept with but when it comes to the number of guys a girl has slept with, it suddenly becomes a big issue.
    I was wondering what your opinion is on this subject. Do you think that this double-ended standard is perfectly fine or do you disagree with it?

    Personally, I disagree with this extremely. Both sexes should be treated the same when it comes to this subject IMO.
     
  2. I agree that it's such a double-standard and it's BS IMO!!
     
  3. I think both men and women can have casual sex for the wrong reasons. Low self esteem, a false sense of being wanted etc. However, male or female, if you're in good mental health, and truly enjoy casual sex for what it represents, then, more power to ya.
    I was in an 8 year relationship then broke things off. I admit, the first 4 or 5 girls I was with was simply filler to help get my mind off of things, but after I was single for a bit, I realized that I actually liked it. I liked the independence and the ability to do what I wanted (within the eyes of the law!), so I started casually sleeping with girls simply cause I loved being single, but also loved having sex. I was upfront from the start so there was no misunderstandings. Girls knew that I didn't want a relationship, and really, I was pretty damn happy. I could be with whoever I wanted, and still had the semi-weekly (sometimes more if I was doing well) interlude. Of course, that happiness didn't last forever, and I started to miss companionship. I started to want girls to stick around a bit longer than 10am, and I had to start changing my ways. Anyway...long story short, I don't think I was doing anything wrong as I was honest with myself and the girls. And I would feel the same way about a girl who was doing the same thing, and trust me, I ran across a few. In a way, I admire a woman who can be honest and say "I don't need a commitment or a steady man, yet I still want sex" and then gets what she wants.
     
  4. I agree with Charles and Syntagma, there is a double standard on different levels. I have often wondered this myself. I also wondered why if a 40-50 year old man was not married, he was a "bachelor", but if a 40-50 year old woman wasnt married.. something was "wrong" with her for some reason or another..
     
  5. Yes, a double standard prevails in that area and in many others, to one degree or another in just about every society, every culture on the planet.

    This nastiness has its roots in an ancient but difficult to remove nastiness of women as property, as a commodity, as opposed to standalone human beings with intrinsic value separate from anything related to reproduction, including sexual allure and conformity to a particular standard of beauty.

    Cultural change is the slowest kind of change, and the best that those of us who disagree with the societal norm can do is live our own lives in accordance with our own convictions about ourselves and our sisters, and impart our values to those among the next generation whose lives we touch.
     
  6. I'm just curious as to if this IS still the case. It definitely was back in the 80's when I was in h.s. and then college. But, while teaching m.s. kids and listening to the latest studies regarding 'hook up' parties and the teen definitions of sex, oral sex, etc. I thought maybe this had drastically changed...to the point of 'it's all good for both genders'. No? The double standard still exists?
     
  7. i'm quite proud of what i believe to be a highly-evolved view of female sexuality (and, therefore, my own sexuality) and don't think that any woman should be looked down upon for having sex outside of a conventional relationship any more than a man. if everyone's expectations are the same, and everyone is doing it out of enjoyment of sex (not because of low self esteem, need to feel 'wanted,' etc - that kind of behavior is worthy of criticism, no matter the gender), then there is no reason that a woman should not pursue physical enjoyment.

    i'm currently in a sexual relationship with my ex boyfriend. the breakup was amicable, we enjoy and trust each other, and we enjoy having sex with each other. we didn't work well in an emotional relationship, and i do not wish to have a boyfriend at the moment at all (i go to school full time and work full time - i've got more than enough on my plate). we're both too busy to commit to a conventional relationship with each other OR other people, so this works very well for us. we're both happy with the results thus far. i'm certainly not a whore for doing this, it doesn't feel like an irresponsible or negligent decision. we both understand what we're doing and share expectations. so what's so slutty about that, eh?
     
  8. I think there's a double standard because men aren't as emotionally involved when it comes to sex. Well . . . single men, anyway. It's usally they hit it, they quit it.

    Women are the ones that are known to get more emotionally involved when it comes to sex. (Sidebar, that's why I don't believe in one night stands because, knowing me, I will get too emotionally involved.)

    So when a woman sleeps around like a guy, other women don't really know how to take that and guys aren't used to women acting like they do when it comes to the opposite sex.
     
  9. franniegurl, I have to say that when I was younger (high school and the first few years of college) sex seemed like a really big deal to me. I had sex with two boyfriends in high school, and I was very concerned about whether that made me a "slut." I have to say also that I was nearly as concerned with how many women the guys I was interested in had slept with, so it wasn't really a double standard for me.

    At this point in my life (mid-20s), if I were single I think I probably would have relatively casual sex and not feel very bad about it. I think it's pretty acceptable for women to have casual sex (within limits). Men may have it a little easier, but I just don't see it as a big deal among myself and my friends, who are educated and respectable women in their 20s and 30s! I have a friend who is in her 30s and has had sex with a lot of men, and another in her mid-20s who just lost her virginity two years ago to the same guy she is with now. I don't think either of them gets any more or less respect because of it.
     
  10. i think women have the choice to sleep with whomever they choose- just like men. and who/when/where/how many times is nobody's business.

    i think sexuality is meant to be explored...so i see no problem. just be safe- and have fun (:graucho:)

    i'm just not a sexual person (at 21, i just don't enjoy it. can't figure that one out)...but if i were, i would have no problem with it, kwim?
     
  11. It's never good to have double standards, but I think I may have an idea of why this came about. I had a conversation with one of my fiancee's friends once, in which he told me he was glad I "waited for a good guy" (my fiancee was my first and only), cause no guy wants to be where another one already has been. I think it's a territorial thing. As for women, I know for me at least, it's appealing when a guy already has experience, so he knows what he's doing, since at the time I didn't. I hope this made sense.
     
  12. hmm i guess in college, one night stands are pretty common especially at frat parties and clubs. i think it should definitely be equal but i don't think casual sex necessarily leads to someone being a whore. i also think "whore" can be applied to both sexes. i have definitely dated a man whore! lol
     
  13. For the record, I don't judge people who do have one night stands, I'm just saying it's something I wouldn't choose to do.
     
  14. This is an issue that really gets me steaming. I totally disagree with it. If guys are able to have sex without deep feelings and have it be no problem than women should be able to as well. If it's concentual and without misunderstandings, then i honestly don't see a problem. It's a personal decision and everyone will differ.
     
  15. Yes, there is a big double standard when it comes to this subject. I don't think there is any problem in having casual sex, lot's of people do it and I believe that adults can make their own decisions on who they would like to be with in that intimate way.

    As a teenager, my hormones were raging like crazy. I lost my virginity at 17 to a midshipman at the Naval Academy. We had a semi-short "relationship" (in quotes because there was no dating, just sex involved, lol) and then he introduced me to his roomates and I met a few other mids that I hung out with. Well...me being the hormoned teenager I was, I ended up having sexual relations with all of them. Not always PIV sex, but you get the drift. Now that I'm at the ripe old age of 21 (haha), I realize that having casual sex like I did when I was a teenager is a thing of the past. I'm in a comitted relationship now, but I think that if Bart and I were ever to break up I would not be able to have casual sex with other men. I learned after a few experiences with those mids that I get attached way too easily and it just wouldn't be good for my heart or my head :smile:

    Anyway, I don't judge people who have one night stands or have a "buddy", but I do judge people who sell their body to make money.

    As long as it's consentual and legal and not prostitution, it's all good in my book :biggrin:

    PS: I need to add real quick that during my many escapades in high school, it was the "cool" thing to be dating and sleeping with a midshipman. I lived in Annapolis, MD so those mids were running all over the place...There was never a concern if I was going to be looked at as a "slut", the concern was how many mids you could have :smile: