If New York is just too prim and proper for you, just another one of those prissy, boring Tara Reid types that attracts only prissy and boring guys, when what you really want to see is a whole mess of skanky ho-bags n' manskanks, then Tila Tequila promises to be the show for you! Tila has more Authentic Skankhood than a dozen New Yorks giving lap dances to two dozen Tara Reids - and the contenders for her hand and heart give every indication of making all those strait-laced Rock of Love debutantes look positively Donnamartinesque - which reminds me, Tila's show features two contestants who claim to be virgins! And if Marcus (not one of the virgins) looks just a smoosh familiar, that's because he IS! Trash TV lovers will remember him as The Model Janice Couldn't Tame. He's lost a lot of weight (you may remember he did slip into the restroom to "freshen up" sometimes, in that special way some models are wont to do) and plays a very different character in this reality show, but it is definitely Marcus. Who almost gets into a fight with the redneck dude who is NOT the same redneck dude in this season's Real World, though he could certainly play him on TV. The only other familiar face that stuck out at me in the first episode was Melanie Griffith. Oh wait. It wasn't really Melanie, just another butterface that could play her on TV, in case there should ever be a need for such a thing, but she was wisely immediately eliminated by Tila right off the bat, for being a butterface. And there is a firefighter who managed to find a pair of mint condition 1970s white some kind of foam loafers, who deserves all props for that feat. Maybe next week she'll rock the lime green leisure suit they were originally made to be worn with. Starting next week, all the contestants will move into Tila's house, where they will all sleep in one big bed. And it is one big-ass bed. Except Tila. Although this has not been specifically stated, I don't think the insurance dudes would sign off on Tila sharing a bed with that many manskanks n' skanky ho-bags. They have really tightened up ever since that season of America's Next Top Model when one of them got impetigo, and they had separate beds.