A ? for the Moms...

  1. Hi Mom's,

    Did any of you have husbands who were less than enthusiastic (maybe scared) about being Dad's?

    Without prying into business that isn't mine, may I ask how things turned out after your child was born (i.e., is he cold/unreceptive to the child, doesn't do any of the work, etc.)?

    Thanks in advance, Moms!! :heart:
     
  2. My husband wanted the baby before she got here, he actually had to talk me into getting pregnant :heart:
     
  3. My Dh was begging to have a child. And he is great with both of the kids. Sorry I am not much help there. I definately wouldn't have gotten pregnant if my DH didn't want kids at that time.
     
  4. Had one like that. Note the past tense.
     
  5. when I met DH he DID NOT want children, he wanted us to be DINKS.
    I would have no part of that and told him so. . . as how matured he realized that us making a ton of money together wouldn't be all that great w/o kids to share it w/.
    I was asking him what he thought his life would be when he was 50 and no kids & just a bunch of money, and what about at 65 yrs old, 70, etc. . .
    He realized I was right, life would be lonely.
    I wouldn't marry a man that didn't want children, so obviously my then boyfriend {now DH} came around.

    I know people in the sitch you describe and it's not pretty, in fact, there's a TON of resentment towards the child from the guy, VERY sad and VERY unfair to the child.
     
  6. I wouldnt have kids with anyone unless they were 100% for it.
    Having a child with someone..DH or SO..is a lifetime,life changing committmt...If he is hesitating..Thats not a good sign
    Being SCARED is OK....LOL......BUT....Not wanting the child is a bad way to bring a child into the world.
     
  7. I think most 1st time parents are a little "scared". Hey, it's a tiny fragile human being relying on you for everything! But resentful or just not wanting one is another story.

    Luckily my DH wanted kids from day 1~
     
  8. I should say that there is a difference between being scared, and afraid of having a child 'in case something goes wrong / is wrong with the child'. There are men who are concerned about things like that, and usually when presented with information, statistics and so on (because they are men) they become less nervous and are usually very loving and enthusiastic parents.

    There are others who downright DON'T want a child. Dislike the idea of kids interrrupting their lifestyle and their goals. These kinds of people make rather bad dads most of the time if they ever become fathers. Many of them are rather distant with the children at least until the child develops a personality and can appeal to the father on a different level, as a person and not an object that cries all the time. These kinds of people either learn to adjust, or somehow harbour a resentment about the kind of life they 'would have liked to have' vs the life 'they had beause {wife's name} got herself pregnant.
     
  9. I'm not a mom, but I am a dad who didn't want a child. She got pregnant unexpectedly, and I was definitely not for having a baby, but she went ahead and popped him out anyway. At first it was very overwhelming. The idea that I was going to tied to a child for the rest of my life. I was 20 and just getting to a place in my life where I was happy, and then..boom. I'm a dad. It took about 6 months for it to sink in (6 months after he was born), although as soon as I held him I knew I had to step up and be a man and a positive role model...it was still hard. I'm a little upset about the fact that I never got to go away to college and travel a lot. I would have a lot of extra money if I didn't have him, but that's overshadowed greatly by my love for him. Yeah, my life changed, but it didn't end. You just shuffle some things around...ya know?
    And really, if I didn't have T, I'd be perfectly fine having no kids, but then again, I've always been ok with being alone. I don't need kids to combat that.
     
  10. hey charles, it's great that u stepped up to it and became a part of your child's life even if it wasn't planned and the timing wasn't ideal.

    have you thought about going to college and taking classes part time? sure the experience would be different than if u had gone fulltime but it might be a way to at least have some part of that experience.




     
  11. shoefan,

    i think the ladies here made some good points

    i'll add something to it.

    you can get a sense of the underlying reason behind him not wanting kids by observing him around kids.

    if he doesn't want anything to do with them, then i think he really doesn't want kids and it's not that much of being scared. it's a lifestyle thing


    if he plays with them, etc then it's probably just fears and the fact that it seems like such a huge thing in life...

    just my 2 cents
     
  12. Thanks, moms and Charles.

    I really appreciate your posts...especially yours, Charles...very insightful and kudos to you for adjusting. Your last sentence is something you have in common with my husband. I, on the other hand, after being with my husband, would dread being alone.

    My husband's "fear," for lack of a better term, is not one of losing DINK status, or one of lifestyle change.

    In fact, I consider myself very fortunate. He treats me like a queen; he is attentive to me and my aging parents, which has been his main argument. We plan to care for my parents (no nursing home). His fear is that we won't have the time/energy to do everything we want to do right. He has a no-compromise way of doing things; either do it right, or don't do it at all.

    This is probably an issue for me today, becasue it was his birthday earlier this week, and as the years go by...

    Thanks again for sharing and reading. :heart:

    Rosa
     
  13. When I was pregnant with my son and everything was going along fine, my friend had an AFP (? right name) test that came back questionable for Down's Syndrome, so she went for the amnio and said her husband did not want the child if he had downs; thankfully, for them, the baby was typical. But I remember tellling my husband and him remarking how scary it would be. Well wouldn't you know it the next week I go for the regular sonogram and everything isn't ok; I was alone, of course, and the tech and Dr. say the baby has a very serious problem, blah blah because after that I didn't hear a word they said. Anyway, when my husband came home I told him the baby was going to be disabled and God Bless him because he never uttered the wrong word, whatever he thought he was smart enough to keep it to himself. I should stress that he already knew way before this how I would feel about it so he had ample warning. It was a very scary time and the year after he was born was worse (he had a serious heart condition, we were told there was nothing they could do and they would just watch him...he is 5 now and was released with a clean bill of health from his heart DR.). OK my long rambling post (sorry) will get to the point :smile: when my husband held this wonderful boy he loved him more than anything in the world, things can be really scary then hopefully you adjust. My son is disabled but my husband and his brothers toss him around the playground like any other kid. I don't mean to say that everyone can or should handle being a dad the same way, but I think alot of people are scared and then you hold your child and know things can more than work out.
     
  14. My EX wanted kids ok until they were born. He resented my son from day one, jealous or whatever - he took no part in the pregnancy & didn't like his pregnant wifes body, so I guess he blamed the child for that & the fact that he had to share my attention after!
    Bringing my son home from hospital for the first time he was crying & my husband said "If he doesn't shut his f***ing mouth I will throw him out the f***ing window & it was all downhill from there.
    He was extremely cruel to my son, part of the reason he is now my EX!!!!
     
  15. OMG wow....:wtf: I hope my SO is never like this if we have kids