29, not thinking about getting married yet

#16
I had my first child at 38 and my 2nd at 41. My husband and I did a lot of fun things before we had children. We moved around quite a bit. We traveled. We took risks in just packing up and moving half way across the country and moving to different towns when we found a place we liked more. So many of my friends had a baby one to two years after they were married and some seemed quite angry that they had kids. I think some were a bit immature at the age of 21 to have a child. We were married for 17 years before I got pregnant. Doctors said nothing was wrong but it just didn't happen. Being older I feel I have so much patience with my kids. I don't sweat the small stuff. My husband and I cherish each minute with them and they are really the love of our lives. My husband is a wonderful father, I don't know if he could have done this when he was younger because of the long working hours. Now that we both work from home it is great, we are able to be with the kids for everything.
When I had my baby at 38 I met 3 women who were also having their first child and they were in the same age group, so it was nice to have a support system.
There is no hurry. Just enjoy what you want out of life. Things have a way of falling in to place.
Hugs.
 
#17
i'm 26 at the moment and def do not want kids. and i probably won't be getting married any time soon either. i don't see anything wrong with being single and happy!
 
#18
hey, I'm 29 too and I'm no where near setting a date for my wedding. I'm just not ready for that stage in my life yet, and it sounds like you aren't either. I'm sure one day it'll hit us that we need to move on to the next stage, just not right now. Bottom line, you have to be ready for that step, and if you're not, don't do it!
 
#19
Not a big deal, don't worry about it! Everyone always says now, 40 is the new 30 is the new 20 blah blah blah. People are getting married and having kids later. I am in NO rush for kids! I'm only 25, but I want to wait until at LEAST 30! I'm glad I'm not the only one not in a rush. Think of it this way, once you have kids, that's it! Take your time until you feel absolutely ready, there is nothing wrong with that. There is no sense in forcing yourself into something just because it seems to be the "norm."
 
#20
When I was young, I assumed I'd have children before I was thirty, always saying how I wouldn't want a large age gap between me and my kids so I could still sort of understand the things they go through. But now that I am almost 28...thirty just seems too soon! We've been travelling all over the world for the past couple years and we still have so many places we want to see before we settle down. My husband's 35 so you'd think he'd be pressuring me, but he's not ready for kids yet either. So I totally understand what you are going through....you are not alone! :smile:
 
#21
You are not alone. I'm in my late 20s and I'm not ready for marriage or having kids. Maybe in my early 30s... I know my bf wants to have kids soon but I'm just not ready yet. I have so many things I want to do before settling down. So take your time and relax...
 
#22
I think both marriage and children are overrated.

Don't be in a rush, especially if it's other people putting the pressure on you. Look at how many people get divorced nowadays, it's not like marriage is the end all and be all of happiness.

Enjoy your life now, do what you want while you're young, the rest will fall into place.
 
#23
ha ha ha... i agree with most of you, esp the phrase that marriage and children are overrated LOL.

but honestly, i haven't really break the news with my bf yet. allthough he said that he wanted to try again and now he's being totally possesive with me, especially since he knew i met lots of new people and working with other people.
but inside my heart, i just wanna try to be alone again u know?
i'm still figuring out how to break the news. it's so complicated. and i don't really wanna ruin his life cause all this time he's being totally dependent on me and i hate to see his potential got wasted.
 
#25
I married right after high school...won't bore anyone with the details. Enjoy yourself and take your time in finding the right person - everything else will fall into place thereafter...
 
#26
fayden said:
i'm 26 at the moment and def do not want kids. and i probably won't be getting married any time soon either. i don't see anything wrong with being single and happy!
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ITA...I knew I would never have kids ever since I was 12...and I still haven't changed my sentiments over 10 years later. And I so do not want to get married when I'm in my twenties. I know it works for some people, but it's not for me...I'm very happy with the idea of being single for a long time!
 
#27
I didn't get married until I was 35. it was the right time for me. I'm so glad I waited. If I had married any of my previous boyfriends I surely would have been divorced by now. Our relationship is very strong and we're quite settled in with each other. I would even venture to say that our relationship is better than people we know who got married much younger. No reason to rush into anything, do what's right for you!
 
#28
diamond_lover said:
honestly nowadays, you don't have to be married to have a child. yes, it is nice but if you were really into being a mother (but didn't have a hubby) it could happen too. Today, theres just so many options out there. also 35 isnt old to have a kid. my SO's mom had him at like 35-36 ... she also didn't get married till like 32 and basically rushed into it (his words not mine). but i think you should just do whatever makes you happy and things will fall into place eventually :heart:

BTW maybe you can have like a backup hubby like in "Friends". i have about 3 haha but only my BF would i consider seriously.
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I strongly disagree with the idea that having a child outside of marriage (or with no partner/husband) is no big deal. I think that having a child is not like having a puppy or an accessory...it's a responsibility and more than just an "I want one so there" type thing. It is DIFFICULT to raise a child alone and doing so purposely, IMHO, is selfish.

Seahorse...Do NOT let your BF pressure you!!! You are obviously feeling the need to be by yourself and find yourself. It took me several years to be comfortable alone and I think until that happens a person can't truly "know" who they are.

I do NOT think that marriage and children are overrated. I think they are both the best things ever...when you are ready. I could not live without my husband. He completes me (ack! Jerry McGuire alert!) truly ... neither of us is perfect (boy did we get in a big fight last week!) but we are best friends. And we eventually want kids (sooner rather than later) but right now we enjoy our lives.

My aunt had her last kid at 40 (by accident!) so it's not like you can't have kids later in life but be aware that the longer a woman (or a man) waits the more issues that can come up for the baby. I.E. men who have children when they are over 40 have babies with higher incidents of Downs (or was it Autism...can't remember exactly) and the percentage of women who have downs babies increases as they get older as well. Sometimes you can't fight biology. ;)
 
#29
I'm turning 26 at the end of this year, and definitely not even close to getting married or having kids.

I was single for nearly 3 years... and started dating again a few months back. I also felt like I "forgot" how to date... but the guy I am with is wonderful, sweet, and very good to me... so we're taking things one step at a time. While it's nice to have someone I enjoy spending time with... I was also content when I was single. I guess things happen and will fall into place when you least expect it. That's how it always happens for me!

Take your time... you know what you want, and what's best for you. You still have plenty of time left!
 
#30
29 is YOUNG! Try not to feel funny or strange. As other posters said 40's is NOT late to be having kids. Take your time. Find the right SO. And go from there! You never know what might happen! Think positively, make good decisions & focus on being a happy, healthy person. Things will fall into place.

I got married when I was 22. Still married! But, no kids, yet! At the time MOST people thought I was too YOUNG to get married. Everyone will have THEIR opinions, it's YOUR happiness that counts!
 
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