Paying for an Engagement Ring

[claudette2]

We all know that engagement rings can be very expensive (especially if you want an ideal cut stone over 1.5 ct of good clarity and colour!). I've heard a lot of women speak about their rings, but not about who paid for them. I'm curious to know if anyone has shared the cost of their engagement ring with their BF/fiance (especially in cases where the price tag was above $15k?) Thank you! (Also, I love photos, so feel free to post pictures of the rings that you helped pay for, or were treated to :)

[LVLover]

By soon to be would not give me a ring until he could pay cash. We met in our last year of undergrad which was about 4 1/2 years ago. He has been working for 3 1/2 years and we have been engaged for 6 mths now. He gave me a beautiful round diamond just over 2 cts. I was floored!! I have no clue the cost and I don't want to know but I'm sure he had to save awhile. He's in finance and he always says "debt is bad" then chuckles!

[ilzabet]

i split the cost of my wedding ring with DH, but the engagment ring was a gift. i'm not very sentimental about most things, but if he wants to marry me, i'd like him to show that he's responsible enough to save for a goal, you know? mine wasn't ANYWHERE near 15K (or even 5K for that matter) but it was a stretch for him at the time and it truly touched me that he saved as much as he did.

[saligator]

my engagement ring was a gift.

[CoteKing]

My Husband told me a couple months before that he wanted to buy me an engagement ring. He had sold some of his stocks and said he was getting a check...then casually announced he wanted to buy me a ring with it.

It's not huge, it's a 1.16 round diamond, with 7 little diamonds on each side at .25 (on each side). We paid approximately $7,000 for it. It's been appraised at $13,000-we bough it from a small jewler who is a friend of the family.

We moved last year, and I haven't been able to find my paperwork that says what the 3 c's are. I know it's somewhere!

[mangowife]

DH and I chose the setting together, but he had everything to do with selecting the stone. We chose our wedding bands together (I wanted a plain band, but he insisted on one with diamonds - how could I argue? ). He paid for everything.

[winternight]

Fiance paid for it. Honestly I wouldn't have asked for a bigger ring and offered to chip in.

[robyn]

Never!

He is super old fashioned and would feel emasulated if I offered.

In the five years we have lived together, I probably have paid the mortgage out of my checking account instead of his half a dozen times because it was easier than dealing with the disaster area that is his desk & he had a cow.

[Nishi621]

I have never heard of someone helping to pay for their own engagement ring, mine was paid for by my husband.

[claudette2]

Thanks for all of the feedback. My bf and I have spoken a good deal about getting married, from the legal aspects to the location and guest list, but we've spoken less about the engagement ring.

The conversations we have had about engagement rings have been about DeBeers marketing and the politics of the diamond industry. He strongly argues that diamonds have been marketed to drive up demand, and the price has been kept artificially high through operation of a cartel. I agree that marketing is very effective, and can’t deny that DeBeers has bought up a large percentage of the worlds diamond mines, but ultimately feel there is not enough transparency around how DeBeers operates to comment one way or the other. PLUS, all of this doesn't change my desire for a beautiful ring (I envision a 2 ct cushion cut on a platinum micro pave band :)

I know his finances so this is not a question about money, but more of what he would want to spend it on (and he says as much). Part of me feels upset about that, like "I'm worth it" and “doesn’t he want to make me happy?”, but on the other side, I agree that we are talking about a lot of money, and we could see a good return if it was invested properly in something else. At the end of the day though, I still want the ring!

SO, I have been thinking that if he doesn't propose w/ what I want, I can always buy my own ring, or propose splitting the cost, but then I worry I would (i) hurt his feelings, (ii) look really shallow and wasteful of money and (iii) be Hugely disappointed and embarrassed that I had to buy my own ring and lose out on what I’ve always thought was tradition, and a sign of a man’s love. Am I over analyzing this or do you think these are valid feelings?? (sorry for the long winded entry).

[lorihmatthews]

Here's another thread that has lots of engagement ring photos:

Calling all women with pictures of their rings...on their fingers!!!

Both my hubby and I chipped in for my ring -- he wasn't very good with money when we first met and had practically none (although that has changed dramatically since then). I know this sounds vain but my diamond would have been teeny if I didn't help out. Now I have one that we both love.

[angel2434]

Originally Posted by claudette2

Thanks for all of the feedback. My bf and I have spoken a good deal about getting married, from the legal aspects to the location and guest list, but we've spoken less about the engagement ring. The conversations we have had about engagement rings have been about DeBeers marketing and the politics of the diamond industry. He strongly argues that diamonds have been marketed to drive up demand, and the price has been kept artificially high through operation of a cartel. I agree that marketing is very effective, and can’t deny that DeBeers has bought up a large percentage of the worlds diamond mines, but ultimately feel there is not enough transparency around how DeBeers operates to comment one way or the other. PLUS, all of this doesn't change my desire for a beautiful ring (I envision a 2 ct cushion cut on a platinum micro pave band :) I know his finances so this is not a question about money, but more of what he would want to spend it on (and he says as much). Part of me feels upset about that, like "I'm worth it" and “doesn’t he want to make me happy?”, but on the other side, I agree that we are talking about a lot of money, and we could see a good return if it was invested properly in something else. At the end of the day though, I still want the ring! SO, I have been thinking that if he doesn't propose w/ what I want, I can always buy my own ring, or propose splitting the cost, but then I worry I would (i) hurt his feelings, (ii) look really shallow and wasteful of money and (iii) be Hugely disappointed and embarrassed that I had to buy my own ring and lose out on what I’ve always thought was tradition, and a sign of a man’s love. Am I over analyzing this or do you think these are valid feelings?? (sorry for the long winded entry).

I think these are very valid feelings. Although my bf and I havent discussed marriage, he takes those same views (marketing driving up price, not worth it...) on diamonds as well. Honestly, I would feel a bit upset and left out if I didnt end up with a ring (however valid the guys points were).

As for the type of ring you may get, I think that all depends on the financial situation the guy is in. I wouldn't care what size it was if my fiancee was not wealthy. However, if the guy is worth millions and you end up with a ring worth a couple hundred dollars...then thats a different story.

[gingerfarm]

He can feel one way, but he should respect how you feel about wanting a nice ring. Like you said, it's not a matter of money, but what it symbolizes. I don't deny that marketing plays a big role, but putting all that aside, you still want it, right? He should still do go thru the tradition if you cares to make you happy. =)

[Couturegrl]

My fiancee paid for my original engagement ring...awhile after having that, I picked out an upgraded engagement ring setting and he purchased that for me as well.

I *personally* would never pay for my own engagement ring, but I am very traditional when it comes to those types of things. :)

[winternight]

Of course your feelings are valid! I think you should talk to your BF. Part of a successful marriage will be about compromise and if this is something important to you then he should be willing to compromise despite what he thinks of DeBeers. Maybe you should also tell him that you'd love to pick out your ring - or strongly hint it. In my opinion he should get you a nice ring and you shouldn't offer to pay for part of it - but that's because he can afford it and its important to you.