Etiquette on e-ring upgrades?

Loganz · Oct 10th, 2008, 01:16 PM

Hi ladies, this is my first thread in this forum; and I really need some help understanding the etiquette of engagement ring upgrading.

I want to upgrade my e-ring diamond this year (5 year). It dawned on me that maybe I am not the one who should be pioneering this course.

Do women go out on their own and shop for larger diamonds, or is this something that is considered to be insulting to your DH who bought the ring?

The diamond in my ring is 1 carat - when I did bring this up to DH he acted like I wasn't happy with what he had given me; this is not the case, I am happy and he picked a beautiful ring....is there etiquette here that I am missing?

Thanks ladies - I leave for work in a few, so if I don't get back here to this evening that is why.

barcreperie · Oct 10th, 2008, 02:21 PM

Hmmm... I've updated my engagement ring twice. Each time I talked it over with my husband, and he was fine with it. However, he and I both picked out the original ring, so it wasn't a matter of me not liking what he bought me.

If the circumstances apply, maybe you could approach your husband with the theory that , while you love the ring he gave you, y'all can afford a bigger/nicer diamond than you could when you got engaged...

grammyr · Oct 10th, 2008, 04:46 PM

It depends on your relationship with your DH. Mine bought my origional ering fully knowing at the time I wanted to go bigger as soon as we could. Later ( I have upgraded many times!) I often found the one I wanted and took him in to see it. This last time (which is probably the last time!) we went together. We set a budget and shopped together ans agreed on the one I got. He knows I may reset the stone some day (it's in a trendy antiquy type setting, I'm more traditional, although I love the ring now, when it goes out of style I may want to change it). If you are able to upgrade w/o selling your other stone (I always had to trade it in) perhaps he would feel better if you had it set in a pendant so that you can keep it close to your heart. My one piece of advice is that since your stone is a carat (my first was 58 pts.) maybe you could wait until you can go significantly bigger. ( I went from 58pts to 75 pts to 1.04 to 2.0 pts to 3.3 pts) I have no idea what you are looking at, but 1.0 is a nice stone, what are you looking at? Maybe he would like to shop with you?

Loganz · Oct 10th, 2008, 10:24 PM

Thanks ladies! I was wanting to upgrade to 1.5 - I plan on making a recon visit to the jeweller this weekend so I can learn about 1.5 c diamonds.

Thanks again - it is good to know that upgrading is pretty common.

ame · Oct 11th, 2008, 12:18 AM

That's really going to depend on how he feels about it, but this is definitely not something to just do alone. He will notice, and he probably will be hurt.

My husband proposed with a stone just shy of a carat, in a plain setting he knew I'd change. Little did we know how many times it would take to get one that was functional and that we could get some use out of. I know this one will be a good while finally. ANYWAY....the only thing he's really sentimental about is the stone, so I never plan to sell, trade or otherwise have a loss of this diamond. If that means later in life it's an earring, or a side stone, that's fine, but it will always be mine.

Our plans were to do an upgrade at a milestone anniversary...like our 20th or 25th. My folks did theirs at both, with alterations to their rings on the 20th and new rings on the 25th. So we might do that unless financially we are well enough off sooner.

Loganz · Oct 11th, 2008, 12:32 AM

^ good advice, I would never upgrade without him. I just wasn't sure if there was etiquette against the woman spearheading the upgrade process.

bagladyseattle · Oct 11th, 2008, 05:12 AM

Hi Loganz, I aggree with Grammyr. My husband picked it my E-ring. Very lovely stone VVS1, E. 1.12 karat. I love the stone, But I hate the setting. Little over a year after we got married, I changed the setting. First, I went to the jewelry and pick about 2 setting that I like, then come back later w/ my husband and ask him whick one does he like, so he could be part of it. Everyone love my ring with the new setting. I also let him know that like to go bigger (2.0 karat at 5 yr anniversary or sooner. I make sure that he knows that I love the ring and would not trade in... I wanted to keep for my son's wife gift.

Unfortunately, our house got rob and we lost my E-ring. He bought me 3 other rings since, but still have not replace THE ring yet.

Take time shop around and let me him be part of the process. Maybe, you can make your current stone in necklace pendant or tell your husband that you will still wear his e-ring in everyday and your new upgrade on going out and special occassion. Then transition into more regular.

hiromi70 · Oct 11th, 2008, 07:30 AM

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

Accessorize*me · Oct 11th, 2008, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

jan228 · Oct 11th, 2008, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

Are you her husband?

I think your husband might feel a bit hurt because he was proud that he could get you a beautiful engagement ring and now you want to upgrade it. He may be more sentimental about the ring than you are because he worked hard to earn and save for it. I say give it time and speak to him about your desires rationally.

My husband would love to upgrade my engagement ring, because he thinks the quality isn't as good as he can afford now. I, personally love it, but an upgrade is something I would like as well. I told him for our 5 year anniversary we can purchase a nicer stone. I will be keeping my first ring, though.

Loganz · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

Thanks for your opinion - why you chose to end an informative post with an insult I do not know. Next time shelve the insults, thanks.

Loganz · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagladyseattle

Hi Loganz, I aggree with Grammyr. My husband picked it my E-ring. Very lovely stone VVS1, E. 1.12 karat. I love the stone, But I hate the setting. Little over a year after we got married, I changed the setting. First, I went to the jewelry and pick about 2 setting that I like, then come back later w/ my husband and ask him whick one does he like, so he could be part of it. Everyone love my ring with the new setting. I also let him know that like to go bigger (2.0 karat at 5 yr anniversary or sooner. I make sure that he knows that I love the ring and would not trade in... I wanted to keep for my son's wife gift.

Unfortunately, our house got rob and we lost my E-ring. He bought me 3 other rings since, but still have not replace THE ring yet.

Take time shop around and let me him be part of the process. Maybe, you can make your current stone in necklace pendant or tell your husband that you will still wear his e-ring in everyday and your new upgrade on going out and special occassion. Then transition into more regular.

Again - some good food for thought! Thank you! MY DH picked out my e-ring on his own - I always thought he would be more sentimental about the setting than the diamond...I think all you ladies are correct - I need to talk to him and see how he feels!!

risingsun · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

pmptrading, have you come back for a visit?

sinniebunnie · Oct 11th, 2008, 01:30 PM

I noticed that you should not ask for an upgrade because the guy will think what he got you wasnt good enough and that he fell short(maybe that was the best he could afford then and really pushed his budget to get it for you).. you should wait until he offers but feel free to point at things you may like =) so that he gets the hint

barcreperie · Oct 11th, 2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

3/4 carats, huh? Why exactly is 3/4 carats the limit? Why that particular size - is that what you got your wife?

Oct 10th, 2008, 01:16 PM	#1
Loganz labs and bags Location: colorado	Etiquette on e-ring upgrades? Hi ladies, this is my first thread in this forum; and I really need some help understanding the etiquette of engagement ring upgrading. I want to upgrade my e-ring diamond this year (5 year). It dawned on me that maybe I am not the one who should be pioneering this course. Do women go out on their own and shop for larger diamonds, or is this something that is considered to be insulting to your DH who bought the ring? The diamond in my ring is 1 carat - when I did bring this up to DH he acted like I wasn't happy with what he had given me; this is not the case, I am happy and he picked a beautiful ring....is there etiquette here that I am missing? Thanks ladies - I leave for work in a few, so if I don't get back here to this evening that is why.

Oct 10th, 2008, 04:46 PM	#3
grammyr soon-to-be grandma Location: New York	It depends on your relationship with your DH. Mine bought my origional ering fully knowing at the time I wanted to go bigger as soon as we could. Later ( I have upgraded many times!) I often found the one I wanted and took him in to see it. This last time (which is probably the last time!) we went together. We set a budget and shopped together ans agreed on the one I got. He knows I may reset the stone some day (it's in a trendy antiquy type setting, I'm more traditional, although I love the ring now, when it goes out of style I may want to change it). If you are able to upgrade w/o selling your other stone (I always had to trade it in) perhaps he would feel better if you had it set in a pendant so that you can keep it close to your heart. My one piece of advice is that since your stone is a carat (my first was 58 pts.) maybe you could wait until you can go significantly bigger. ( I went from 58pts to 75 pts to 1.04 to 2.0 pts to 3.3 pts) I have no idea what you are looking at, but 1.0 is a nice stone, what are you looking at? Maybe he would like to shop with you? __________________ Dear Santa, define "good"

Oct 11th, 2008, 12:18 AM	#5
ame Member	That's really going to depend on how he feels about it, but this is definitely not something to just do alone. He will notice, and he probably will be hurt. My husband proposed with a stone just shy of a carat, in a plain setting he knew I'd change. Little did we know how many times it would take to get one that was functional and that we could get some use out of. I know this one will be a good while finally. ANYWAY....the only thing he's really sentimental about is the stone, so I never plan to sell, trade or otherwise have a loss of this diamond. If that means later in life it's an earring, or a side stone, that's fine, but it will always be mine. Our plans were to do an upgrade at a milestone anniversary...like our 20th or 25th. My folks did theirs at both, with alterations to their rings on the 20th and new rings on the 25th. So we might do that unless financially we are well enough off sooner. __________________ I LOVE SEWNSATIONAL! Things I want.... -Balenciaga Twiggy -Anna Corinna Jetsetter/Jetsetter Jr. -More Anna Corinna Mini Citys -Mulberry Mabel -Rebecca Minkoff MA/MAM ...it's good to want things.

Oct 11th, 2008, 05:12 AM	#7
bagladyseattle Member Location: Seattle	Hi Loganz, I aggree with Grammyr. My husband picked it my E-ring. Very lovely stone VVS1, E. 1.12 karat. I love the stone, But I hate the setting. Little over a year after we got married, I changed the setting. First, I went to the jewelry and pick about 2 setting that I like, then come back later w/ my husband and ask him whick one does he like, so he could be part of it. Everyone love my ring with the new setting. I also let him know that like to go bigger (2.0 karat at 5 yr anniversary or sooner. I make sure that he knows that I love the ring and would not trade in... I wanted to keep for my son's wife gift. Unfortunately, our house got rob and we lost my E-ring. He bought me 3 other rings since, but still have not replace THE ring yet. Take time shop around and let me him be part of the process. Maybe, you can make your current stone in necklace pendant or tell your husband that you will still wear his e-ring in everyday and your new upgrade on going out and special occassion. Then transition into more regular. __________________ http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...on-367355.html

Oct 11th, 2008, 01:30 PM	#14
sinniebunnie Neurotic 4 Alignment Location: bay area, ca	I noticed that you should not ask for an upgrade because the guy will think what he got you wasnt good enough and that he fell short(maybe that was the best he could afford then and really pushed his budget to get it for you).. you should wait until he offers but feel free to point at things you may like =) so that he gets the hint __________________

Oct 10th, 2008, 02:21 PM	#2
barcreperie Member	Hmmm... I've updated my engagement ring twice. Each time I talked it over with my husband, and he was fine with it. However, he and I both picked out the original ring, so it wasn't a matter of me not liking what he bought me. If the circumstances apply, maybe you could approach your husband with the theory that , while you love the ring he gave you, y'all can afford a bigger/nicer diamond than you could when you got engaged...

Oct 10th, 2008, 10:24 PM	#4
Loganz labs and bags Location: colorado	Thanks ladies! I was wanting to upgrade to 1.5 - I plan on making a recon visit to the jeweller this weekend so I can learn about 1.5 c diamonds. Thanks again - it is good to know that upgrading is pretty common.

Oct 11th, 2008, 12:32 AM	#6
Loganz labs and bags Location: colorado	^ good advice, I would never upgrade without him. I just wasn't sure if there was etiquette against the woman spearheading the upgrade process.

Oct 11th, 2008, 07:30 AM	#8
hiromi70 Sofa King Banned	The etiquette is very simple in this case..... It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75. The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond...... When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt! You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????