Etiquette on e-ring upgrades?

Mom2Pat · Oct 11th, 2008, 04:03 PM

My husband picked out my ering and designed the setting and that was 22 years ago. The center stone is a 1.50 VVS, G color oval with .75 on each side. I loved it back 22 years ago when most people were getting solitaires and I love it now. I will be married 19 years in September and my husband knows that I LOVE diamonds. He surprised me back in May with a 2.93 RB and in a much too busy diamond setting of another 2 carat of diamonds. The ring was very blingy but too much with the center stone. I changed the setting to a simple solitaire and love it. He did this all by himself, although he has known for some time that I wanted a 2 carat and decided that I would expect it more on my 20th anniversary so he tricked me and got it for my 19th.

I will never part with my engagement ring for way too many reasons and now wear it has my RHR. The funny thing is that my husband asked me if I was going to sell my Ering, as if it did not matter to him, and I said a big NO.

I think every husband has their own feelings about things. I know mine hates jewelery and has not really bought me much of anything during our marriage jeweler wise so I am more than happy with what he did buy me. He did say though, "that is it" so I guess I will not be upgrading again. Not complaining though.

Keep us posted on your new upgrade and post pictures. I love looking at everybodies diamonds - its an obsession of mine.

Megs · Oct 11th, 2008, 04:44 PM

Longanz, has your husband every mentioned anything about an upgrade? I think this could be a really sensitive subject. Vlad and I spoke about my ring before I got it. Not about the particular ring, but he wanted to know what I liked etc.

After we got engaged he said that he spent more than he originally thought because he doesn't want me to want an upgrade soon after. Not that I would want one, but he thought this was good reasoning.

So I think it could be a very sensitive subject. If your husband picked out that ring and thinks that it is plenty big and beautiful and does not think you would want an upgrade, it could not go well if he caught you looking for something else.

But you know your husband best- try to kind of feel him out and see the best way to bring it up without him being offended.

Swanky Mama Of Three · Oct 11th, 2008, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

The etiquette is very simple in this case.....

It is highly insulting to trade in any stone larger than 0.75.
The idea of upgrading was firstly muted by young (shot gun wedding) couples who bought CZ instead of a real diamond......

When spoilt rich New Yorkers started to do it also - debeers could only see $$$$ signs instead of telling these women what they really felt!

You have 1ct..... when will your materialism ever stop? DID YOU KNOW WE ARE IN A WORLD RECESSION>? ie DEPRESSION>>????

bitter doesn't become you

You have ZERO idea what she or her DH do for a living or how they contribute to the economy.
I can't see where your response is contributing to this thread?

Loganz · Oct 11th, 2008, 07:55 PM

Again - thank you ladies for the input!!

Megs - I love that you and Vlad talked about it and he considered "upgrades" when picking out your ring!

I asked my DH this morning the following,

Me: "Hey I was chatting on tPF and the ladies were discussing what had more sentimentality to the man, the engagement ring setting, or the diamond. What is your opinion?"

His response: "Neither, they both mean nothing to us we don't care."

Me: "So I could scrap the whole thing? I thought the setting would be special to you since you picked it out for me thinking of what you thought I would like and what you would want to see me wear."

Him: "no."

So - there it is ladies, he is not a jerk - I swear, he just means it when he says these things mean more to me than they do to him.

I think that if I have been saving (which I have) and I would like a bigger diamond for the 5 year anniversary in Nov then maybe he doesn't need to be too involved, yes? Other than having the final say, yes?

Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted the white J12 w/dia markers, or to upgrade my diamond - I was starting to lean towards the upgrade because it will always be with me and is a much better investment.

Mrs. MC · Oct 11th, 2008, 08:01 PM

I don't see anything wrong with it if it won't cause controversy. The poster who said that you were being greedy or whatever, it doesn't have to do with greed for the most part. Sometimes the ring that someone has originally just doesn't look right on their finger like it makes their finger look larger or they can afford to have a nicer ring now where as before they were young and in love but struggling more financially. I also would like to know about the insulting poster if the luxury market is so offensive to you and you feel like you need to berate those contemplating such things then why would you even be looking at a website like this ?

hiromi70 · Oct 11th, 2008, 08:15 PM

Why is 0.75 the magical limit.....

I worked for a very famous 5th avenue jeweller in the late 70s / early 80s.

Our Debeers information sheets told us to only mention "upgrades" to people who bought under 0.75. That is where I got this figure from.

Personally the figure is as rediculous as the 2 months salary rule.

It was all dreamed up by some advertising executive........

Personally I gave my wife 0.60 ct.
If she mentioned the word upgrade I would mention her lack of performance in the b-room and suggest an upgrade in that department as well.....

Lola · Oct 11th, 2008, 08:57 PM

Wow, hiromi70.........i'm speechless..........ummmmm, mods?

peace43 · Oct 11th, 2008, 08:59 PM

hiromi70:

Wow! That's a rude comment concerning your own spouse.

shanam · Oct 11th, 2008, 09:11 PM

Bye, bye troll.

bagladyseattle · Oct 11th, 2008, 09:35 PM

hiromi70, OMGoodness! What a rude comment toward your wife!

Swanky Mama Of Three · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:22 PM

L, he doesn't sound like a jerk to me.
My DH and I aren't at all sentimental about mine either. Some of the people here think I'm a freak because of it but the truth is what matters to us is the meaning and the vows we exchanged, not the metal and piece of carbon perched atop my finger.

What we chose when he proposed does not at all reflect who we are or what I like now at all. And to be honest, when I think about the proposal the ring isn't a huge memory for me, it was where he did it and how and what we were doing together at the time which was building our 1st home together. That's what I think of when I think about when we got engaged.

If he's up for it, do it!
It's not usual or weird at all.

LVShoeFan2 · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:32 PM

My DH wasn't too keen on the upgrade idea. My center stone was just shy of .75 carat and I found a great deal on a 1.25 carat diamond. I paid for the upgrade primarily myself by selling some of my little-used bags (including my Birkin that I really never thought was "me"). He kicked in some money but, like I said, he wasn't particularly excited about it. He felt the ring held sentimental value, plus my engagement ring and wedding band were blessed by our priest when we got married. Anyway once I had it done he really didn't notice much of a difference. The ring is the same, it's just the center diamond is a little bigger. My argument to him was that I'm the one who has to look at it and wear it everyday!

LVShoeFan2 · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hiromi70

Why is 0.75 the magical limit.....

I worked for a very famous 5th avenue jeweller in the late 70s / early 80s.

Our Debeers information sheets told us to only mention "upgrades" to people who bought under 0.75. That is where I got this figure from.

Personally the figure is as rediculous as the 2 months salary rule.

It was all dreamed up by some advertising executive........

Personally I gave my wife 0.60 ct.
If she mentioned the word upgrade I would mention her lack of performance in the b-room and suggest an upgrade in that department as well.....

^^Hmmm. Maybe her lack of performance is in direct relation to the lack of size?

lorihmatthews · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:38 PM

If your DH is possibly sensitive about changing the original stone, what do you think of adding side stones to your original ring? That's what my mom did -- she has a middle stone that's about 1 carat and she added a stone on either side that are about 1/2 carat each.

DH and I bought my ring at the end of 2002 when the economy here in SF was really bad (dot-bomb days) so we were able to get a large stone which I probably won't upgrade for some time. I would like to upgrade my band at some point.

Loganz · Oct 11th, 2008, 10:57 PM

Swanky - I feel the same way - the ring is just jewellry (not the vows/not the reasons we got married) and since I wear it daily I just want to look at a larger piece of carbon.

I went tonight to price out diamonds; I was told the market is not affecting the cost - but, I am not sure I believe that. I am going to investigate this now online.

Thanks again ladies for the insights (and laughs LVShoeFan2 in your reply to hiromi)

Oct 11th, 2008, 08:01 PM	#20
Mrs. MC Member	I don't see anything wrong with it if it won't cause controversy. The poster who said that you were being greedy or whatever, it doesn't have to do with greed for the most part. Sometimes the ring that someone has originally just doesn't look right on their finger like it makes their finger look larger or they can afford to have a nicer ring now where as before they were young and in love but struggling more financially. I also would like to know about the insulting poster if the luxury market is so offensive to you and you feel like you need to berate those contemplating such things then why would you even be looking at a website like this ? __________________

Oct 11th, 2008, 08:59 PM	#23
peace43 Member Location: USA	hiromi70: Wow! That's a rude comment concerning your own spouse. __________________ My collection....

Oct 11th, 2008, 09:11 PM	#24
shanam Member Location: Connecticut	Bye, bye troll. __________________ "One's clothes shouldn't draw attention or remark: it should be your wit, charm, intelligence and, for those lucky enough, natural beauty. That's true style."

Oct 11th, 2008, 09:35 PM	#25
bagladyseattle Member Location: Seattle	hiromi70, OMGoodness! What a rude comment toward your wife! __________________ http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...on-367355.html

Oct 11th, 2008, 10:22 PM	#26
Swanky Mama Of Three Location: Dallas Area	L, he doesn't sound like a jerk to me. My DH and I aren't at all sentimental about mine either. Some of the people here think I'm a freak because of it but the truth is what matters to us is the meaning and the vows we exchanged, not the metal and piece of carbon perched atop my finger. What we chose when he proposed does not at all reflect who we are or what I like now at all. And to be honest, when I think about the proposal the ring isn't a huge memory for me, it was where he did it and how and what we were doing together at the time which was building our 1st home together. That's what I think of when I think about when we got engaged. If he's up for it, do it! It's not usual or weird at all. __________________ Holy inappropriateness!!! - a la Bethenny

Oct 11th, 2008, 04:03 PM	#16
Mom2Pat Member	My husband picked out my ering and designed the setting and that was 22 years ago. The center stone is a 1.50 VVS, G color oval with .75 on each side. I loved it back 22 years ago when most people were getting solitaires and I love it now. I will be married 19 years in September and my husband knows that I LOVE diamonds. He surprised me back in May with a 2.93 RB and in a much too busy diamond setting of another 2 carat of diamonds. The ring was very blingy but too much with the center stone. I changed the setting to a simple solitaire and love it. He did this all by himself, although he has known for some time that I wanted a 2 carat and decided that I would expect it more on my 20th anniversary so he tricked me and got it for my 19th. I will never part with my engagement ring for way too many reasons and now wear it has my RHR. The funny thing is that my husband asked me if I was going to sell my Ering, as if it did not matter to him, and I said a big NO. I think every husband has their own feelings about things. I know mine hates jewelery and has not really bought me much of anything during our marriage jeweler wise so I am more than happy with what he did buy me. He did say though, "that is it" so I guess I will not be upgrading again. Not complaining though. Keep us posted on your new upgrade and post pictures. I love looking at everybodies diamonds - its an obsession of mine.

Oct 11th, 2008, 04:44 PM	#17
Megs	Longanz, has your husband every mentioned anything about an upgrade? I think this could be a really sensitive subject. Vlad and I spoke about my ring before I got it. Not about the particular ring, but he wanted to know what I liked etc. After we got engaged he said that he spent more than he originally thought because he doesn't want me to want an upgrade soon after. Not that I would want one, but he thought this was good reasoning. So I think it could be a very sensitive subject. If your husband picked out that ring and thinks that it is plenty big and beautiful and does not think you would want an upgrade, it could not go well if he caught you looking for something else. But you know your husband best- try to kind of feel him out and see the best way to bring it up without him being offended. __________________ Enter our fabulous November giveaway sponsored by Adriana Castro!!!! Check out our latest press, Purse Blog in the Miami Herald!

Oct 11th, 2008, 07:55 PM	#19
Loganz labs and bags Location: colorado	Again - thank you ladies for the input!! Megs - I love that you and Vlad talked about it and he considered "upgrades" when picking out your ring! I asked my DH this morning the following, Me: "Hey I was chatting on tPF and the ladies were discussing what had more sentimentality to the man, the engagement ring setting, or the diamond. What is your opinion?" His response: "Neither, they both mean nothing to us we don't care." Me: "So I could scrap the whole thing? I thought the setting would be special to you since you picked it out for me thinking of what you thought I would like and what you would want to see me wear." Him: "no." So - there it is ladies, he is not a jerk - I swear, he just means it when he says these things mean more to me than they do to him. I think that if I have been saving (which I have) and I would like a bigger diamond for the 5 year anniversary in Nov then maybe he doesn't need to be too involved, yes? Other than having the final say, yes? Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted the white J12 w/dia markers, or to upgrade my diamond - I was starting to lean towards the upgrade because it will always be with me and is a much better investment.

Oct 11th, 2008, 08:15 PM	#21
hiromi70 Sofa King Banned	Why is 0.75 the magical limit..... I worked for a very famous 5th avenue jeweller in the late 70s / early 80s. Our Debeers information sheets told us to only mention "upgrades" to people who bought under 0.75. That is where I got this figure from. Personally the figure is as rediculous as the 2 months salary rule. It was all dreamed up by some advertising executive........ Personally I gave my wife 0.60 ct. If she mentioned the word upgrade I would mention her lack of performance in the b-room and suggest an upgrade in that department as well.....

Oct 11th, 2008, 08:57 PM	#22
Lola Member	Wow, hiromi70.........i'm speechless..........ummmmm, mods?

Oct 11th, 2008, 10:32 PM	#27
LVShoeFan2 Hiphopopotamus Location: Drinkin' your milkshake	My DH wasn't too keen on the upgrade idea. My center stone was just shy of .75 carat and I found a great deal on a 1.25 carat diamond. I paid for the upgrade primarily myself by selling some of my little-used bags (including my Birkin that I really never thought was "me"). He kicked in some money but, like I said, he wasn't particularly excited about it. He felt the ring held sentimental value, plus my engagement ring and wedding band were blessed by our priest when we got married. Anyway once I had it done he really didn't notice much of a difference. The ring is the same, it's just the center diamond is a little bigger. My argument to him was that I'm the one who has to look at it and wear it everyday!

Oct 11th, 2008, 10:38 PM	#29
lorihmatthews Persian Love Location: San Francisco	If your DH is possibly sensitive about changing the original stone, what do you think of adding side stones to your original ring? That's what my mom did -- she has a middle stone that's about 1 carat and she added a stone on either side that are about 1/2 carat each. DH and I bought my ring at the end of 2002 when the economy here in SF was really bad (dot-bomb days) so we were able to get a large stone which I probably won't upgrade for some time. I would like to upgrade my band at some point.

Oct 11th, 2008, 10:57 PM	#30
Loganz labs and bags Location: colorado	Swanky - I feel the same way - the ring is just jewellry (not the vows/not the reasons we got married) and since I wear it daily I just want to look at a larger piece of carbon. I went tonight to price out diamonds; I was told the market is not affecting the cost - but, I am not sure I believe that. I am going to investigate this now online. Thanks again ladies for the insights (and laughs LVShoeFan2 in your reply to hiromi)