Your SO and Strippers.

SimplyMe · Jun 27th, 2008, 12:21 AM

Gals, it has NOTHING to do with age. Please look up the Milgram Obedience study. It's about conformity and how powerful it is. If educated smart adults are willingly to "shock" another person based on pressure, then it's not surprising for guys to act stupid and out of the norm under the influence.

Edit: Oh and to answer the question if anyone IS interested, the guys at around mid twenties.

Virginia · Jun 27th, 2008, 02:50 AM

I would be soooo pissed off if I ever find out that my bf has been playing with a stripper! I expect that there will be one at his bachelor's party and also at his friends' bachelor parties but and that is ok as long as there is no touching.

Zophie · Jun 27th, 2008, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stellamaried

Do you think there's something to her post, though -- not necessarily peer pressure, but a group mentality that "normalizes" these things? Like the 14 year olds and the pregnancy pact? Or, for example, I knew kids in college who progressively did more, and more hardcore, drugs over a pretty short period of time, and I really think that it was in very large part because they felt "safe" because everyone else was doing it (and probably wouldn't have done it on their own)? I really don't know the answer, and I certainly don't mean to compare grown men with teenagers or imply that they have the limited reasoning power/impulse control of teenagers, but SimplyMe's post kind of made me think. I mean, would those guys have gone out and done that on their own, or did they look around and saw other guys in committed relationships acting that way and thought it was okay?

[By the way, I truly trust my guy not to engage in inappropriate behavior, whether he's alone or with a group (and wouldn't be with someone who I didn't trust), but I thought it was an interesting post.]

I think it's possible that a group mentality could lead a man or woman to do something they otherwise didn't want to do originally. I dunno. I seriouslly didn't realize so many women had a problem with their men going to strip clubs and getting lap dances until reading this thread. I have actually been the one to try to get people to go to the strip clubs and have gotten a few guys to take me (not anyone's boyfriend or husband though, so don't worry ladies!) I do have to admit I've always sort of walked to the beat of a different drummer.

stellamaried · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:23 AM

^^ I was thinking more about the more "intimate" behavior that occurs at the private parties people are talking about, just to clarify my prior post.

Most of the people I've talked to in real life have no issue with their guys going to strip clubs, or going themselves with their guys. One of my BFs sends her DH to strip clubs! It just happens not to be for me (and mine :)).

PetiteChaton · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:47 AM

I would be lying if i said i wouldnt care.. Id care more if he was the one that wanted the stripper or went to a strip club because he wanted to.. but if he was just invited to a party and there was a stripper there..altho it would make me feel a little ackward, i cant really blame HIM for it because...well.. It wouldnt be his fault that his friends decided to have one.

helium · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:48 AM

I trust my boyfriend enough to know that he's not going to respond or do anything to a stripper if she tried, so i'm confused... don't all of you but that trust in your partner?

PetiteChaton · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helium

I trust my boyfriend enough to know that he's not going to respond or do anything to a stripper if she tried, so i'm confused... don't all of you but that trust in your partner?

I dont think its about trust.. its the thought that your man will be perving on a naked woman and he will be getting aroused by that.. to some women thats an uncomfortable thought.. theres a good chance that those images will be stuck in his head for a while....

To others, they dont understand why a taken man would even want to hire a stripper, touch her, etc.. I mean.. you wouldnt like it if a stranger walked up to your boyfriend and said "here, look at my privates".. a stripper isnt any different.

helium · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PetiteChaton

I dont think its about trust.. its the thought that your man will be perving on a naked woman and he will be getting aroused by that.. to some women thats an uncomfortable thought.. theres a good chance that those images will be stuck in his head for a while....

To others, they dont understand why a taken man would even want to hire a stripper, touch her, etc.. I mean.. you wouldnt like it if a stranger walked up to your boyfriend and said "here, look at my privates".. a stripper isnt any different.

Oops ok hang on, let me rephrase that, having strippers at a party that he happened to be invited to as opposed to active seeking.

Bella · Jun 27th, 2008, 05:30 AM

Wow ... this hits close to home for me. lol My SO was just in a good friend's wedding recently. The bachelor party was a few weeks prior, he knows I don't like the idea of strippers, but I would never put my foot down so to speak. I knew there was a great possibility of strippers being involved in this bachelor party weekend, whatever, I trust him and he respects me, that's it. I never asked, didn't want to know.

Well, just recently we were talking and he revealed to me why he didn't go out on the last night, he stayed home ... I have a good man and I love him with all my heart.

I think if your partner respects you and you know it, it won't be as much of an issue.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zophie

Men are men. They like sex and naked women. I think women just often don't want to believe it. A guy can be a great boyfriend or husband and still find other women attractive.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PetiteChaton

I dont think its about trust.. its the thought that your man will be perving on a naked woman and he will be getting aroused by that.. to some women thats an uncomfortable thought.. theres a good chance that those images will be stuck in his head for a while....

To others, they dont understand why a taken man would even want to hire a stripper, touch her, etc.. I mean.. you wouldnt like it if a stranger walked up to your boyfriend and said "here, look at my privates".. a stripper isnt any different.

I agree, but to women who think this way they should also think about the woman who he saw earlier in the day in the tight pants, short skirt or breast bearing top that also aroused him. Men are very visual so i'm sure they get aroused by women several times a day and its not always the wife/girlfriend who's doing the arousing. And to me that's ok, its crossing the line that makes it not ok. And so what if he wants to think about that super hot stripper while he's ahem on top of me

its not like at one point or another my mind hasn't drifted to say Matthew McConehey or someone

helium · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:35 AM

I thought women would just be pissed off if a stripper touched them or made moves to try to tempt him to.

If you're getting annoyed over him getting aroused, you're fighting a losing battle!

Jahpson · Jun 27th, 2008, 10:57 AM

he can look, but he better not touch. It also better be an event (bachelor's party, retirement etc.)

anything else is not exceptable.

Purses · Jun 27th, 2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bnjj

Not directly on topic but... I had a 12 year relationship with a guy who one day announced he was becoming a stripper. That was the beginning of a very rapid end.

Holy Cow! That must of been unexpected. Did he have high ego? They don't get paid as well, if that gives you any peace of mind.

stellamaried · Jun 27th, 2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helium

I trust my boyfriend enough to know that he's not going to respond or do anything to a stripper if she tried, so i'm confused... don't all of you but that trust in your partner?

I think it's much more nuanced than that.

But to answer your question, if there were a bachelor party and the group was going to a strip club, would I insist that he stay home? Of course not. As I said, I do trust him, or I wouldn't be with him in the first place. Would I be thrilled? Nope (but I'm sure we'd talk about it and I wouldn't be angry or hold a grudge or anything). It's not about not trusting a guy, being insecure, or trying to control his life, it's about where the line is where something makes you uncomfortable.

Jun 27th, 2008, 02:50 AM	#62
Virginia <3 JTan, Roly & LV Location: Los Angeles	I would be soooo pissed off if I ever find out that my bf has been playing with a stripper! I expect that there will be one at his bachelor's party and also at his friends' bachelor parties but and that is ok as long as there is no touching. __________________ My Collection (mostly LV's) (updated 7/15/08, pg. 19)

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:57 AM	#73
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	he can look, but he better not touch. It also better be an event (bachelor's party, retirement etc.) anything else is not exceptable. __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 27th, 2008, 12:21 AM	#61
SimplyMe Racing With You. Location: Very foggy!	Gals, it has NOTHING to do with age. Please look up the Milgram Obedience study. It's about conformity and how powerful it is. If educated smart adults are willingly to "shock" another person based on pressure, then it's not surprising for guys to act stupid and out of the norm under the influence. Edit: Oh and to answer the question if anyone IS interested, the guys at around mid twenties.

Jun 27th, 2008, 03:23 AM	#64
stellamaried Happy Happy Joy Joy	^^ I was thinking more about the more "intimate" behavior that occurs at the private parties people are talking about, just to clarify my prior post. Most of the people I've talked to in real life have no issue with their guys going to strip clubs, or going themselves with their guys. One of my BFs sends her DH to strip clubs! It just happens not to be for me (and mine :)).

Jun 27th, 2008, 03:47 AM	#65
PetiteChaton Tres chic	I would be lying if i said i wouldnt care.. Id care more if he was the one that wanted the stripper or went to a strip club because he wanted to.. but if he was just invited to a party and there was a stripper there..altho it would make me feel a little ackward, i cant really blame HIM for it because...well.. It wouldnt be his fault that his friends decided to have one.

Jun 27th, 2008, 03:48 AM	#66
helium Member	I trust my boyfriend enough to know that he's not going to respond or do anything to a stripper if she tried, so i'm confused... don't all of you but that trust in your partner?

Jun 27th, 2008, 05:30 AM	#69
Bella just Bella	Wow ... this hits close to home for me. lol My SO was just in a good friend's wedding recently. The bachelor party was a few weeks prior, he knows I don't like the idea of strippers, but I would never put my foot down so to speak. I knew there was a great possibility of strippers being involved in this bachelor party weekend, whatever, I trust him and he respects me, that's it. I never asked, didn't want to know. Well, just recently we were talking and he revealed to me why he didn't go out on the last night, he stayed home ... I have a good man and I love him with all my heart. I think if your partner respects you and you know it, it won't be as much of an issue.

Jun 27th, 2008, 10:35 AM	#72
helium Member	I thought women would just be pissed off if a stripper touched them or made moves to try to tempt him to. If you're getting annoyed over him getting aroused, you're fighting a losing battle!