Your SO and Strippers.

jpgoeth · Jun 26th, 2008, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GirlFriday

One of my guy friends told me he doesn't get why guys go to strip clubs. He would always say, "why would I go someplace to have some girl turn me on and then I can't do anything about it?"

That is exactly how my boyfriend feels about stripper! Word for word!

illinirdhd · Jun 26th, 2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

I dont mind strippers at all, as long as my SO eats his dinner at home!

Actually, I've been to a couple strip clubs myself, not a big deal at all.

I dont get why girls are so steel footed about strip clubs, ESPECIALLY if the guy went to strip clubs before you.

As far as a stripper at a party, I dont really mind that either, if I were at a party and there were a Male stripper, I wouldnt want him to be bothered by it, so its the same for him.

ITA with you. Could be because I don't mind strip clubs. Could be because my DH isn't that into them (although I've dated men who were and it didn't bother me). Could also be because I've been to a lot of strip clubs, and the girls really are only in it for the money - they're NOT trying to find a boyfriend. If your man isn't dishing out the cash, she's not showing him much action. In Las Vegas, we have more strip clubs than probably anyplace else, and they are highly regulated. Unless your man is paying to have a "private dance" in the VIP room or elsewhere, he's not even touching that stripper - they're totally hands off when it comes to lap dances. (Now if you're a girl getting a dance, you can touch all you want - don't ask how I know this.)

OTOH, if your man is paying hookers and/or getting more than a lap dance at a strip club, then that is a problem.

stellamaried · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:40 PM

I'm not insecure about myself or my relationship, and if I were, I'd be a lot more worried about girls he meets who are actually available! I'm also aware that strippers are in it for the money; that's actually a big reason my guy thinks strip clubs are dumb! For me, it's about both not supporting an industry that encourages the objectification of women (again, often women who are victims of sexual abuse or trauma) and about wanting to be in a relationship where my partner does not engage in any sexual activity outside of our relationship. As I said previously, I wouldn't break up with him if he went to a strip club (I wouldn't be very happy, but he'd know that I'm sure we'd talk about it), but I really believe that lap dances, breast grabbing and, obviously, fellatio, cross a line that I personally do not think is appropriate. I don't see the difference between that and acting that way with a random girl in a bar -- both are meaningless, and both are inappropriate.

illinirdhd · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:47 PM

^^^ I know there are some girls who become strippers and porn stars after sexual abuse, etc., but that doesn't seem to be the norm among strippers in Las Vegas (at least the ones I've known!). There are girls who grow up waiting for their 18th b-day so they can get a boob job and swing from a pole. It can be REALLY good money. I have sold investment property to several strippers - they have put down $100k - $500k, and made monthly payments - some of them save and invest and own homes and cars and designer stuff that the rest of us never will. I've known girls who put themselves through college stripping and graduate loan-free and debt-free. I also knew a girl who was a high end hooker. She would make $5,000 in a NIGHT (she was willing to do things most of us wouldn't think of though), and then was home when her kids woke up in the morning. Pretty good money for a day's work when you're a single mom.

Yes, there are strippers who have had it rough. And there are strippers who put their earnings up their noses. Some are addicts and hookers and a general mess. But there are others who are JUST doing it for the cash. Honestly, it's really not a bad gig.

Roo · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:00 PM

I have a stripper story I can share: a few years ago my DH took a good friend of his to Vegas. This friend had never been to Vegas before so my husband was acting as his 'tour guide'. This guy is in a very oppressive marriage and basically my DH had to offer to pay this guy's way before this guy's wife would even consent for him to go. She keeps this guy on a VERY short leash. Anyway- my hubby called me the day after they got to Vegas and told me his friend wanted to go to one of the infamous Vegas strip clubs and so they were going. I laughed and said, "Ok babe, good luck with that!"

All that night I waited for a call because I could just envision in my mind what was going on.

Very late into the night my hubby called me and told me the story. Apparently they went to the club after they'd been playing poker in a casino and drinking. (They'd hired a driver so they were not driving.) They were in the strip club for about 30 mins and my hubby got up to go to the restroom. He came out and his friend was nowhere to be found. He said he was like, "WTF?"

He was looking around in a confused way when a waitress came over and said, "Hey, is your friend that big redheaded guy? If so, you better get him outta here..." she said this pointing to a back room in the club. My DH went into the room and found his friend with a stripper with gynourmous boobs (hubby described her as looking like a cartoon character). His friend was in a... sorta compromising position and was already into this stripper for about $300, MONEY HE DID NOT HAVE, due to his wife's short leash. My DH got this guy out of hock and was trying to get him OUT of this place. Of course his friend was like a teenager in love with Miss Cartoon Character at this point and in his inebriated state, refused to leave. This guy is about 6'5" and over 200# so my hubby was trying to physically MOVE him out of this place and he was resisting him and causing a scene. Finally my hubby went and got their driver and he helped them get him into the car. They got back to the hotel and put this guy to bed. About 2 hrs. later my hubby woke up to hear moaning and found this guy watching xxx movies on the television in the room.

DH was like, "DUDE, TURN OFF THE PORN, I'm trying to sleep over here!!"

The moral to this story is that when you cage a person, they act out and do all the wrong things. My hubby was calling me with moment by moment accounts of this trip because he knows he can tell me this stuff and I am not going freak out and tell him he can't take his friend to a strip club. This friend, however, is kept on a short leash by his wife and the minute he gets away from her becomes a drunk 45 year old frat boy.

To this day, this guy's wife does not know what happened on that trip. I'm glad I do, because not only is it

but it is important that my husband knows he can tell me this stuff and we can laugh about it together.

kbell · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah411

I guess I will just never understand why it is "okay" for a guy in a committed relationship/marriage to cross certain physical boundaries...touching another woman's breasts, lap dances, "oral" stuff as someone put it....just as long as it's done in the spirit of "fun" at a bachelor party or boy's night out. And just how does being sexual with a total stranger right before your wedding "celebrate" the upcoming nuptials?

I know there will be many people on her who label me and others with similar opinions as "old-fashioned" or "insecure" or "uncomfortable with her body"....but I see sexual fidelity as the result of a commitment between two people who love each other and not as a sign of "insecurity".

Neither my DF nor I would disrespect our love and commitment to each other by engaging in any sort of sexual contact with another person. If other people want to do it, that is their choice. I just don't understand why when others make a different choice, they are labeled as "insecure" or found lacking in some other way.

Not every woman who dislikes strip clubs is insecure.

Not every man who enters one is breast grabbing & getting lap dances. The majority are just looking and most strip clubs would have you bounced if you tried to 'breast grab'. The few that I visited had security everywhere - it wasn't a free for all. I don't see looking on the rare occasion as infidelity or them being sexual with someone else.

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:07 PM

illinirdhd: I think our views on strippers are totally different because of the city we live in. If I were a single mother, didnt have an education(above H/S) then I doubt I would think twice about stripping. Vegas is so expensive, if you have kids and a "decent" job, its not really enough to get by, you HAVE to have a good job making good money, or you will end up on welfare, at least, if you want to live in a good part of town, then you need to have a good job.

Honestly, a lot of the strippers out here have a good head on their shoulders, they are smart, invest their money well. They plan for the future when they know they wont be able to take off their clothes for a living.

An acquaintance of mine is a stripper, she actually has a day job, makes $16.00 an hour(sounds like a lot, right?

), and it still wasnt enough, so she started stripping. She makes over $3,000 a WEEK stripping(on average, a lot of times its over $4,000), not to mention her paychecks from her day job. She invested her money, she has 3 rental properties aside from the house she lives in(and owns), and she put herself through school(Graduated from UNLV this year!), with no debt, shes damn smart if you ask me!

P.S like you said, in Vegas, men are NOT allowed to touch a stripper for any reason. And, if you man is getting turned on by that chick taking his money, then something is wrong!

Roo · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:10 PM

And about bachelor parties: when we got married, I told my DH I would plan a bachelor party for him. I told him I would hire him the most raunchy stripper I could find. I was serious too, because I don't think men should feel like they are being told they can't do this stuff. It only makes their desire to do it stronger and creates resentment (IMO) that they did not get to have one last rite of passage. He told me he had been to his share of bachelor parties already over the years and really wasn't interested in strippers. Instead he had a big poker party that I catered with food from his fave bbq joint.

nooch · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:12 PM

Thank you, kbell, for pointing out that not every woman who likes strip clubs is insecure! It's not about MY insecurity: my fiance is with me because he is attracted to me, every tall & fat inch of me (I was fat before we met so don't say I've let myself go!). I'm not afraid that he's all of a sudden going to see a "better" body and peace out. And I am not delusional enough to think that some stripper wants my man. That's not at all it! I am uncomfortable with the idea of drooling idiot frat boys treating women like crap and engaging in stupid male posturing.

My fiance's college roommate LOVES boobs. They're his favorite things in the world. So I'm sure when he gets married to his girlfriend (who, of course, has huge boobs), they will go to a strip club. And I'm sure my fiance will go. And that will be fine because he won't be going to go to a strip club, he'll be going because it's something you do for your best friend and there are certain times you just shut up about your politics when your friends are involved. But when his brother got married they went to Dave and Buster's and drank and played video games.

And I don't think I am keeping my man "in a cage", if he wanted to go to strip clubs that would be fine but he wouldn't be the man for me, you know?

leothelnss · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roo

And about bachelor parties: when we got married, I told my DH I would plan a bachelor party for him. I told him I would hire him the most raunchy stripper I could find. I was serious too, because I don't think men should feel like they are being told they can't do this stuff. It only makes their desire to do it stronger and creates resentment (IMO) that they did not get to have one last rite of passage. He told me he had been to his share of bachelor parties already over the years and really wasn't interested in strippers. Instead he had a big poker party that I catered with food from his fave bbq joint.

That poker night idea is fantastic! Hmmm.... Might have to hint to his friends whenever we get a date set....

Roo · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leothelnss

That poker night idea is fantastic! Hmmm.... Might have to hint to his friends whenever we get a date set....

It's a lot of fun. I was their "beer wench" -- DH's request-- and I made sure I also got them good cigars to smoke. The guys really enjoyed it.

Zophie · Jun 26th, 2008, 05:04 PM

Just FYI, I've tried working as a stripper and I have a college degree and my dad never raped me, etc. I just wanted to make extra money in my free time. It is a very difficult way to make money, at least in a high-hustle city like Tampa. It's basically like the toughest sales job you can imagine only when they reject your pitch they aren't saying they don't like the Lexus you want them to buy or whatever, they are rejecting YOU. It's a tough job and not easy money like you would think. And trust me, all I wanted was their money and they knew nothing about me. Everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. It's fantasy!!!!

Danica · Jun 26th, 2008, 05:18 PM

No way. I have heard so many disgusting stories of strippers coming to someone's home. They are basically prostitutes, every single time. DH has the choice and the right to attend something like that, but he would not have a wife to come home to. Now... going to a strip club in my opinion is not that bad... do I want him there? no. Do I think it's necessary? no. and fortunately neither does he. So my previous ultimatum does not extend to a strip club, but if anything shady began I would expect him to leave.

illinirdhd · Jun 26th, 2008, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roo

The moral to this story is that when you cage a person, they act out and do all the wrong things. My hubby was calling me with moment by moment accounts of this trip because he knows he can tell me this stuff and I am not going freak out and tell him he can't take his friend to a strip club. This friend, however, is kept on a short leash by his wife and the minute he gets away from her becomes a drunk 45 year old frat boy.

To this day, this guy's wife does not know what happened on that trip. I'm glad I do, because not only is it but it is important that my husband knows he can tell me this stuff and we can laugh about it together.

My relationship with DH is very much the same. I trust him, and he trusts me, and we both know we can share stories like this and the other will not blow a gasket because of something silly like a misadventure in a strip club! I'll take laughter and funny stories any day over jealousy and insecurity and control.

Hubby and his brother (and a couple of others) hit the strip clubs the night before our wedding. They had to do it that night because his brother and the guys couldn't fly in any earlier. My only rules were 1) be careful (call a taxi if you need one) and 2) don't show up at the altar drunk or hung over. He was at the church on time and did not look or smell hung over. I guess they had fun - come to think of it, I didn't ask where they went or what they did. It was their night and I couldn't really care less.

SimplyMe · Jun 26th, 2008, 06:16 PM

Very interesting stories and different P.O.V.s! However, I don't understand when some say it's okay to go as a group but not alone..because peer pressure is powerful. If the majority acts pervertedly, then even the most innocent ones might conform. Trust me, some of my SO's co-workers are some of the best guys I've known. They're educated, responsible, friendly, nice, you name it. Not only that, they're really really good to their gfs! Maybe that's exactly why I'm shocked that they would do such disgusting things, but again men are naturally perverted. So I definitely do believe that peer pressure plays a factor to some degree.

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:47 PM	#34
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	^^^ I know there are some girls who become strippers and porn stars after sexual abuse, etc., but that doesn't seem to be the norm among strippers in Las Vegas (at least the ones I've known!). There are girls who grow up waiting for their 18th b-day so they can get a boob job and swing from a pole. It can be REALLY good money. I have sold investment property to several strippers - they have put down $100k - $500k, and made monthly payments - some of them save and invest and own homes and cars and designer stuff that the rest of us never will. I've known girls who put themselves through college stripping and graduate loan-free and debt-free. I also knew a girl who was a high end hooker. She would make $5,000 in a NIGHT (she was willing to do things most of us wouldn't think of though), and then was home when her kids woke up in the morning. Pretty good money for a day's work when you're a single mom. Yes, there are strippers who have had it rough. And there are strippers who put their earnings up their noses. Some are addicts and hookers and a general mess. But there are others who are JUST doing it for the cash. Honestly, it's really not a bad gig. __________________

Jun 26th, 2008, 04:00 PM	#35
Roo Up to the Minute Mod Location: Rue Roo	I have a stripper story I can share: a few years ago my DH took a good friend of his to Vegas. This friend had never been to Vegas before so my husband was acting as his 'tour guide'. This guy is in a very oppressive marriage and basically my DH had to offer to pay this guy's way before this guy's wife would even consent for him to go. She keeps this guy on a VERY short leash. Anyway- my hubby called me the day after they got to Vegas and told me his friend wanted to go to one of the infamous Vegas strip clubs and so they were going. I laughed and said, "Ok babe, good luck with that!" All that night I waited for a call because I could just envision in my mind what was going on. Very late into the night my hubby called me and told me the story. Apparently they went to the club after they'd been playing poker in a casino and drinking. (They'd hired a driver so they were not driving.) They were in the strip club for about 30 mins and my hubby got up to go to the restroom. He came out and his friend was nowhere to be found. He said he was like, "WTF?" He was looking around in a confused way when a waitress came over and said, "Hey, is your friend that big redheaded guy? If so, you better get him outta here..." she said this pointing to a back room in the club. My DH went into the room and found his friend with a stripper with gynourmous boobs (hubby described her as looking like a cartoon character). His friend was in a... sorta compromising position and was already into this stripper for about $300, MONEY HE DID NOT HAVE, due to his wife's short leash. My DH got this guy out of hock and was trying to get him OUT of this place. Of course his friend was like a teenager in love with Miss Cartoon Character at this point and in his inebriated state, refused to leave. This guy is about 6'5" and over 200# so my hubby was trying to physically MOVE him out of this place and he was resisting him and causing a scene. Finally my hubby went and got their driver and he helped them get him into the car. They got back to the hotel and put this guy to bed. About 2 hrs. later my hubby woke up to hear moaning and found this guy watching xxx movies on the television in the room. DH was like, "DUDE, TURN OFF THE PORN, I'm trying to sleep over here!!" The moral to this story is that when you cage a person, they act out and do all the wrong things. My hubby was calling me with moment by moment accounts of this trip because he knows he can tell me this stuff and I am not going freak out and tell him he can't take his friend to a strip club. This friend, however, is kept on a short leash by his wife and the minute he gets away from her becomes a drunk 45 year old frat boy. To this day, this guy's wife does not know what happened on that trip. I'm glad I do, because not only is it but it is important that my husband knows he can tell me this stuff and we can laugh about it together. __________________ " We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poorhouse in an automobile." -- WILL ROGERS

Jun 26th, 2008, 04:07 PM	#37
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Location: I've gone RAOKing crazy!	illinirdhd: I think our views on strippers are totally different because of the city we live in. If I were a single mother, didnt have an education(above H/S) then I doubt I would think twice about stripping. Vegas is so expensive, if you have kids and a "decent" job, its not really enough to get by, you HAVE to have a good job making good money, or you will end up on welfare, at least, if you want to live in a good part of town, then you need to have a good job. Honestly, a lot of the strippers out here have a good head on their shoulders, they are smart, invest their money well. They plan for the future when they know they wont be able to take off their clothes for a living. An acquaintance of mine is a stripper, she actually has a day job, makes $16.00 an hour(sounds like a lot, right?), and it still wasnt enough, so she started stripping. She makes over $3,000 a WEEK stripping(on average, a lot of times its over $4,000), not to mention her paychecks from her day job. She invested her money, she has 3 rental properties aside from the house she lives in(and owns), and she put herself through school(Graduated from UNLV this year!), with no debt, shes damn smart if you ask me! P.S like you said, in Vegas, men are NOT allowed to touch a stripper for any reason. And, if you man is getting turned on by that chick taking his money, then something is wrong! __________________ ~Valeen~ Happy Holidays to all my tPF friends! Click HERE to visit MySpace Please help get justice for Karley! http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...ey-385571.html

Jun 26th, 2008, 04:10 PM	#38
Roo Up to the Minute Mod Location: Rue Roo	And about bachelor parties: when we got married, I told my DH I would plan a bachelor party for him. I told him I would hire him the most raunchy stripper I could find. I was serious too, because I don't think men should feel like they are being told they can't do this stuff. It only makes their desire to do it stronger and creates resentment (IMO) that they did not get to have one last rite of passage. He told me he had been to his share of bachelor parties already over the years and really wasn't interested in strippers. Instead he had a big poker party that I catered with food from his fave bbq joint. __________________ " We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poorhouse in an automobile." -- WILL ROGERS

Jun 26th, 2008, 04:12 PM	#39
nooch bubblehead Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY	Thank you, kbell, for pointing out that not every woman who likes strip clubs is insecure! It's not about MY insecurity: my fiance is with me because he is attracted to me, every tall & fat inch of me (I was fat before we met so don't say I've let myself go!). I'm not afraid that he's all of a sudden going to see a "better" body and peace out. And I am not delusional enough to think that some stripper wants my man. That's not at all it! I am uncomfortable with the idea of drooling idiot frat boys treating women like crap and engaging in stupid male posturing. My fiance's college roommate LOVES boobs. They're his favorite things in the world. So I'm sure when he gets married to his girlfriend (who, of course, has huge boobs), they will go to a strip club. And I'm sure my fiance will go. And that will be fine because he won't be going to go to a strip club, he'll be going because it's something you do for your best friend and there are certain times you just shut up about your politics when your friends are involved. But when his brother got married they went to Dave and Buster's and drank and played video games. And I don't think I am keeping my man "in a cage", if he wanted to go to strip clubs that would be fine but he wouldn't be the man for me, you know? __________________ FAT AND FABULOUS! CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK! http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:40 PM	#33
stellamaried Happy Happy Joy Joy	I'm not insecure about myself or my relationship, and if I were, I'd be a lot more worried about girls he meets who are actually available! I'm also aware that strippers are in it for the money; that's actually a big reason my guy thinks strip clubs are dumb! For me, it's about both not supporting an industry that encourages the objectification of women (again, often women who are victims of sexual abuse or trauma) and about wanting to be in a relationship where my partner does not engage in any sexual activity outside of our relationship. As I said previously, I wouldn't break up with him if he went to a strip club (I wouldn't be very happy, but he'd know that I'm sure we'd talk about it), but I really believe that lap dances, breast grabbing and, obviously, fellatio, cross a line that I personally do not think is appropriate. I don't see the difference between that and acting that way with a random girl in a bar -- both are meaningless, and both are inappropriate.

Jun 26th, 2008, 05:04 PM	#42
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	Just FYI, I've tried working as a stripper and I have a college degree and my dad never raped me, etc. I just wanted to make extra money in my free time. It is a very difficult way to make money, at least in a high-hustle city like Tampa. It's basically like the toughest sales job you can imagine only when they reject your pitch they aren't saying they don't like the Lexus you want them to buy or whatever, they are rejecting YOU. It's a tough job and not easy money like you would think. And trust me, all I wanted was their money and they knew nothing about me. Everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. It's fantasy!!!! __________________

Jun 26th, 2008, 05:18 PM	#43
Danica Mijn boter boontje Location: TN	No way. I have heard so many disgusting stories of strippers coming to someone's home. They are basically prostitutes, every single time. DH has the choice and the right to attend something like that, but he would not have a wife to come home to. Now... going to a strip club in my opinion is not that bad... do I want him there? no. Do I think it's necessary? no. and fortunately neither does he. So my previous ultimatum does not extend to a strip club, but if anything shady began I would expect him to leave. __________________ Cheerleader for love

Jun 26th, 2008, 06:16 PM	#45
SimplyMe Racing With You. Location: Very foggy!	Very interesting stories and different P.O.V.s! However, I don't understand when some say it's okay to go as a group but not alone..because peer pressure is powerful. If the majority acts pervertedly, then even the most innocent ones might conform. Trust me, some of my SO's co-workers are some of the best guys I've known. They're educated, responsible, friendly, nice, you name it. Not only that, they're really really good to their gfs! Maybe that's exactly why I'm shocked that they would do such disgusting things, but again men are naturally perverted. So I definitely do believe that peer pressure plays a factor to some degree.