You never truly know who a person is until ______________ (fill in the blank).

Lululovebags · Sep 26th, 2008, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiffanystar

Until you have a major life crisis (i.e. lose your job, get a serious illness, have a breavement, get divorced etc).

ITA with this.
especially on losing your job and the bereavement part.

IntlSet · Sep 26th, 2008, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bella

Great thread with many thoughtful responses... Here's mine.

You never truly know who a person is until you see how they treat their parents.

I've found this to be very telling in my life experience so far.

Another great one.

Vegas Long Legs · Sep 26th, 2008, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zophie

One thing I've noticed is that if a person is well-off financially, comes into some money, makes it big in their career, whatever, it really shows you what they are really like. When you see a guy who is wealthy and he still treats the guy who busses tables at a restaurant or picks up the trash or washes his car, etc., with respect, you know he's a decent man. Some people get a little ahead in life and you can see that deep down they are really a jerk. They probably were all along, but just never could let their true colors show.

^^^ITA! Money & power show a person true colors. How charitable they are, how they care for their fellow man through contributions. Will show whether they will sell out their intergrity/morals for a little more money or power.

Kiss Me Deadly · Sep 26th, 2008, 01:05 PM

1. live with them
2. loan them money
3. compete with them (situation im in right now in school with my "friend")
4. see them drunk
5. see them with their family

BlkLadyLaw · Sep 26th, 2008, 02:25 PM

from my life experiences thusfar I'd say

living together
how they are at their lowest point/broke/struggling/poor health
how they are their highest point/excelling/on top of the world
how they are towards YOU/OTHERS when you or others are at your highest point/excelling/on top of the world
how they are towards YOU/OTHERS when you or others are at your lowest point/broke/struggling/poor health
when you get into an argument/how they handle conflict
how they are when you or others need them
you hear how others who have known them for along time think of them- friends, family, colleagues
what people do when they think no one is looking, when they can't get caught and when no one they know is around to hold them accoutantable

some 'friends' just will not and cannot be happy for you if excelling in life, love and/or money

I've never liked friends who seem to talk negatively about others for sport or to make themselves feel better about who they are

living with a SO or friend can be a very revealing experience about them and also about yourself

I have a friend that has been laid off twice who is an educated professional and has not had a steady job in the last 3 years and was on the brink of foreclosure recently and was often barely getting by day to day. How should handled the whole thing was amazing to me. She used the down time to help others and volunteer when not job hunting. She remained so positive and upbeat. She never asked anyone for help though all us friends pitched in to provide it anyway. I know others who would never have handled being on the brink of bankruptcy the way that she did and with major health issues on top of it! A strong woman. She found work with a stable quasi-govt job this year and is on the road to recovering financially now and still has her home and avoided bankruptcy.

I learned a lot about my DH (wow I can say that now!) the past year from people who knew him in younger years until today and hold him in such high regard regarding where he came from to the man he is today and about what a good person he is. When you hear it over and over consistently it says a lot.

A lot of things come out when there is conflict...how one handles it is a great testament to their character and if a relationship with them with stand the tests of time

LTV · Sep 26th, 2008, 02:32 PM

....when life happens

aham · Sep 26th, 2008, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zophie

One thing I've noticed is that if a person is well-off financially, comes into some money, makes it big in their career, whatever, it really shows you what they are really like. When you see a guy who is wealthy and he still treats the guy who busses tables at a restaurant or picks up the trash or washes his car, etc., with respect, you know he's a decent man. Some people get a little ahead in life and you can see that deep down they are really a jerk. They probably were all along, but just never could let their true colors show.

wow zophie I could not have said it better myself. You are absolutely right

Bagpuss · Sep 26th, 2008, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

I agree and disagree. I think there's something to be said for people to actually buy real art for the walls (+100 in my book). On the other hand, it's entirely possible to be well-educated when it comes to art history and to have sophisticated taste but simply not be able to afford any decent art.

Or it just could tell you that they value impressing others with their sophisticated taste and knowledge of art.

IntlSet · Sep 26th, 2008, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bagpuss

Or it just could tell you that they value impressing others with their sophisticated taste and knowledge of art.

In my experience that there are very, very few people in this world that I've personally come across who would prefer to spend $X,XXX - $X,XXX,XXX on art to impress others versus on something more obvious. People are far more likely to be impressed by handbags, cars, ychats. Everyone I know who buys art buys it because they love it. Not sure what your experience has been, but art for the folks I've run across isn't an aspirational item intended to signify status.

At my age, the people I know who buy art are the ones who eat ramen for three months to afford a piece they love.

So to keep this on topic: how people spend their money, or how they view how others spend their money and their assumptions as to why, speaks a lot about them, too. There's something kind of noble to me about the idea of a bohemian living with a leaking roof and refusing to sell his grandfather's violin or something! lol

IntlSet · Sep 26th, 2008, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiss Me Deadly

3. compete with them (situation im in right now in school with my "friend")

Very true! I have a friend who I went to high school with... she is sweetest person, ever! She would drive 2 hours to pick you up at the airport if you asked. Just a great girl. But watch out if you got a higher test score than she did... lol

LoriB · Sep 26th, 2008, 03:48 PM

until you....give birth to their child...or have a child with them whatever the case may be...

lolitakali · Sep 26th, 2008, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bagpuss

...ask them for money

Thats funny! But that also show them who YOU are though.
So true!!! LOL!

I think you really know someone when you KNOW you can rely on them in a life & death situation. That that someone is always there for you, no matter what!

thatgurl · Sep 26th, 2008, 04:32 PM

I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses! I agree with all of them!

I'd like to add:

*you've been in their wedding/helped them plan a wedding/baby shower/bachelor/ette party

shushopn · Sep 26th, 2008, 04:55 PM

Until you go through hard times or a crisis.

rainrowan · Sep 26th, 2008, 06:51 PM

You never truly know who someone is until you understand how they are in public and in private with you.

I've had some great friendships one-on-one but as soon as we're in public (group settings), the competition or passive aggression comes out. Or vice versa, where we get along great in social settings and once it's one-on-one, I sense the person trying to change me. It's an eye-opener.

I get that alot and my dh says it's because I'm way too nice and people always try to take advantage of that.

Sep 26th, 2008, 01:05 PM	#49
Kiss Me Deadly Woosaaa Location: New York!!	1. live with them 2. loan them money 3. compete with them (situation im in right now in school with my "friend") 4. see them drunk 5. see them with their family __________________

Sep 26th, 2008, 02:25 PM	#50
BlkLadyLaw Haute Legal Diva Location: Washington DC metro	from my life experiences thusfar I'd say living together how they are at their lowest point/broke/struggling/poor health how they are their highest point/excelling/on top of the world how they are towards YOU/OTHERS when you or others are at your highest point/excelling/on top of the world how they are towards YOU/OTHERS when you or others are at your lowest point/broke/struggling/poor health when you get into an argument/how they handle conflict how they are when you or others need them you hear how others who have known them for along time think of them- friends, family, colleagues what people do when they think no one is looking, when they can't get caught and when no one they know is around to hold them accoutantable some 'friends' just will not and cannot be happy for you if excelling in life, love and/or money I've never liked friends who seem to talk negatively about others for sport or to make themselves feel better about who they are living with a SO or friend can be a very revealing experience about them and also about yourself I have a friend that has been laid off twice who is an educated professional and has not had a steady job in the last 3 years and was on the brink of foreclosure recently and was often barely getting by day to day. How should handled the whole thing was amazing to me. She used the down time to help others and volunteer when not job hunting. She remained so positive and upbeat. She never asked anyone for help though all us friends pitched in to provide it anyway. I know others who would never have handled being on the brink of bankruptcy the way that she did and with major health issues on top of it! A strong woman. She found work with a stable quasi-govt job this year and is on the road to recovering financially now and still has her home and avoided bankruptcy. I learned a lot about my DH (wow I can say that now!) the past year from people who knew him in younger years until today and hold him in such high regard regarding where he came from to the man he is today and about what a good person he is. When you hear it over and over consistently it says a lot. A lot of things come out when there is conflict...how one handles it is a great testament to their character and if a relationship with them with stand the tests of time __________________ Quotes of the day: I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.--Maya Angelou "The happiest people may not have the best of everything but make the best of what they have."

Sep 26th, 2008, 04:32 PM	#58
thatgurl Shopping Squad Prez Location: Blue Devil Territory	I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses! I agree with all of them! I'd like to add: you've been in their wedding/helped them plan a wedding/baby shower/bachelor/ette party __________________ I promise, Santa, I've been good!*

Sep 26th, 2008, 04:55 PM	#59
shushopn I Feel Pretty! Location: Long Island, NY	Until you go through hard times or a crisis. __________________ My Life - the Comedy at www.kykap.blogspot.com

Sep 26th, 2008, 02:32 PM	#51
LTV Member Location: Pacific NW	....when life happens

Sep 26th, 2008, 03:48 PM	#56
LoriB Likes 'em smooshy! Location: USA	until you....give birth to their child...or have a child with them whatever the case may be...

Sep 26th, 2008, 06:51 PM	#60
rainrowan INFJ	You never truly know who someone is until you understand how they are in public and in private with you. I've had some great friendships one-on-one but as soon as we're in public (group settings), the competition or passive aggression comes out. Or vice versa, where we get along great in social settings and once it's one-on-one, I sense the person trying to change me. It's an eye-opener. I get that alot and my dh says it's because I'm way too nice and people always try to take advantage of that.