[Maryanne007]

This is sort of an odd situation. My family never really ever celebrated christmas, we never do presents, there is no tree, I dont think we do anything special for it, maybe sometimes we go out to dinner or invite some relatives over for dinner, but thats about it. I dont think there is anything planned for this year.

This year my brother (who now has his own family) is not coming home for christmas and my boyfriend is not going home for christmas with his family (he just doesn't feel like it?), though they usually do the whole gift exchange thing/christmas thing.

My boyfriend and I are not exchanging presents either nor have anything planned.

My question is: do I spend christmas with my family or with my bf?

My parents are mad that I never go home (I think they are beginning to feel the empty nest syndrome, even though I am 25... and my brother is older, and neither of us have lived at home for at least 8 years). When I hinted that I might not be home for christmas they freaked out a bit, even though we dont do ANYTHING for it (my mom sometimes even goes to concerts with friends rather than staying at home), and I think my parents always want me to come home just to be home, even though I do nothing at home but sit around watching tv (my parents dont even do anything with me).

My boyfriend just assumes I will be spending christmas with him, because I havent seen him in a couple of weeks (he was out of the country for work) and since he knows my family doesnt really do much for it, and he will be completely alone on that day (though his choice not to see his family, but they live far away). I also dont want to invite him over to my parent's place because nothing is happening there! I'm still in school so inviting everyone over to my place isn't an option either.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I feel guilty for some reason for some how whether it is not spending it with the bf or not spending it with the family... What would I rather do? Nothing! I would rather be alone at this point... haha.

Thoughts? Advice? Thanks... holidays are always so stressful, even when they're not supposed to be!

[Sina]

I think you are stressing yourself out for no reason. If you don't want your BF to be alone, both you and your BF need to go see your parents for Christmas. Then everyone will be happy. You guys may not do anything for Christmas, but it is obviously important for your parents to see you that day. Why don't you want to see them? It just seems a little selfish to me... you should WANT to see them! Please see your parents for Christmas, you only have one mom and dad.

[Adore]

Is there any way to do both? I always see my relatives/family first and then see my boyfriend last and am able to finish off the night with him.

I don't think it's so much that your family wants you there so you can sit around and do nothing, but just to be together as a family... you are 25 so your parents aren't old but they aren't exactly young anymore. And your brother is long gone with his own family and the needs that come along with that.
It doesn't sound like they would be taking you away from anything really going on with your boyfriend either though, like you two aren't really doing anything like gifts or the like. I'm sure he'd understand if you told him you were going to spend some time with your family just as a family, whether you're all in the same room or not.

If you two had something big planned I'm sure your parents would understand, but everything sounds kind of neutral, like nothing's really going on... and that's where your family should really come first; your mom sounds like she would really like you to put them first on that one day. And maybe he can go to your house, too?

[Speedy]

I was about to say the same thing Sina said, both you and your boyfriend go to your folks for the holiday. That was, your parents get to see you, you see them, and if Mom up and goes to a concert, you and bf can take in a movie.

I have kids your age. I'm alsways begging them to come see me, I just plain miss them horribly and I want to see them. Their SO's are always welcome too.

[Sina]

Originally Posted by Speedy

I was about to say the same thing Sina said, both you and your boyfriend go to your folks for the holiday. That was, your parents get to see you, you see them, and if Mom up and goes to a concert, you and bf can take in a movie.

I have kids your age. I'm alsways begging them to come see me, I just plain miss them horribly and I want to see them. Their SO's are always welcome too.

awww see that's just so sad to me. I'm 22 and I see my mom as much as I can. I never want her to feel like I don't want to see her.

[Maryanne007]

Thanks for your thoughts. :) Hm, does it matter that I would be going home (to see my family) on Wednesday? I think they're just sad cause they think they're no longer a priority in my life, but my bf has xmas off, and then he will be working the rest of the week. I was planning to go to my family's from Wednesday to Saturday anyway (both of my parents are retired, so will be home) just not Christmas itself, which I know doesnt mean anything to them, but yet is somehow "symbolic"--like family should be together kind of thing. The thing is they are also very traditional, so if I went to see them in the morning, they would not be happy with me spending the night with the bf.. yes, its kind of crazy, I am 25, and we have been dating for two years.

[Maryanne007]

Its also just that they dont do anything for Christmas, they never have, its a holiday that means nothing to them at all, but I know my mom will be mad about it, even if she is not home... I dont mind seeing them, but I dont really want the bf and parents to mix. My parents dont speak english at all, so the language barrier makes it tough, and whenever they do hear about the bf they go into a tirade of how he should marry me (which is not happening anytime soon), so its just too much pressure to have everyone together (they've never met before either, and I dont think this is the most opportune time to meet).

[Maryanne007]

I appreciate all the thoughts given. I probably am being selfish. *sigh* I do miss my family too, and have been thinking alot about them getting older. But when I'm with them they drive me crazy... thats also a problem. I feel bad when I'm away but when I'm with them.. ah! they're not bad or anything, just over protective, and I know I should be more ok with that... *guilt guilt guilt*

[Sina]

Originally Posted by Maryanne007

Its also just that they dont do anything for Christmas, they never have, its a holiday that means nothing to them at all, but I know my mom will be mad about it, even if she is not home... I dont mind seeing them, but I dont really want the bf and parents to mix. My parents dont speak english at all, so the language barrier makes it tough, and whenever they do hear about the bf they go into a tirade of how he should marry me (which is not happening anytime soon), so its just too much pressure to have everyone together (they've never met before either, and I dont think this is the most opportune time to meet).

Are you Asian? I had a feeling you were when I first read this post because my parents are the same way. We don't really celebrate it, but we kinda do. Sometimes we have a tree, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we give presents, sometimes we don't. Either way, we are together, so no one really cares. I know my mom would be crushed if she didn't see my on Christmas or Thanksgiving, even if we don't do anything. The fact that I am there makes her really happy, even if she doesn't say it. Asian parents can be weird when it comes to expressing their feelings, but I know they would be really sad if you don't go.

[Maryanne007]

Yeah, I'm asian. So you think going after Christmas is just not acceptable? I partially feel like its the same thing, since they'll be home anyway? My parents are also big on sleeping there, they dont care if I come during the day, its more about sleeping at home? A bit odd..

[Sina]

Originally Posted by Maryanne007

Yeah, I'm asian. So you think going after Christmas is just not acceptable? I partially feel like its the same thing, since they'll be home anyway? My parents are also big on sleeping there, they dont care if I come during the day, its more about sleeping at home? A bit odd..

You and your BF could go there for a few hours, hang out, then leave and be back for dinner. Or you could help your mom make a nice Christmas dinner. You could spend the night there and your BF could leave before you go to bed.

[GUCCI_COOCHIE]

I definitely know how you feel about your parents wanting you to be home...JUST TO BE HOME. I come home, and I'll sleep then leave, and they'll be happy that I came. I was going to ask if you were asian, but you already got that question. It really must be an asian thing! haha

As for Christmas, my family never does anything either. I give them gifts/money and I don't expect anything in return. If I didn't plan to be there Christmas day, I wouldnt definitely be there the day before, but that's because we live nearby. Maybe you can talk your bf into spending the day with your family? Then you can spend it with both!

[shasha17a]

Even if you don't have plans, it would still be nice to be with the fam. Me and my family never really did anything on xmas day either. I have been dating my bf for over 3 years now and his family is great. My family and I go spend the day at their house and celebrate with them.

[Speedy]

Well, for me it's not that I am angry they don't come to see me very much, I try as much as I can not to be selfish, but it's hard. I haven't seen my daughter in five years, and I see my son about every two months, although he lives just two hours away. I try not to make them feel guilty about it. It's hard however, since I know my son spends a lot of time with his girlfriends' mother, but that's because she lives closer to the kids.

I just don't understand why, if your parents don't celebrate Christmas, that you must be there Christmas Day. Doesn't make sense to me.

[chelsae]

I think that you should try to do both! Either bring your BF to your parents for a few hours and leave, or you could go to your parents alone, and then have dinner etc. with your BF.