[mm16]

So I recently broke off an unhealthy relationship of 3 years and nearly immediately met Alan.


I have NEVER met anyone like him-he's sweet, affectionate (he always goes to hold my hand)...he just likes being with me, doing nothing or going out, it doesn't matter.

I guess I don't really remember the last time I felt like this (happy and in love). Anyway, tonight he told me he has to tell me something that he's been trying to put off but he can't and it has me extremely worried..

I think I'm looking for your interpretations..here is the exact message I got from him (tacky, yes that he sent a message but at his job he isn't allowed to be on the telephone so..)

"I'm not happy with me. I may have f-ed everything up. I know this will hurt you. I should have told you a long time ago but I was trying to just forget about it. That won't work and I can't just not tell you. I guess I want to be Mr. Perfect but I'm not... I know this message will make you think too much, but its how I feel. I'll tell you everything tonight."

Wow...what in the world could he have to tell me?! I am so freaking nervous to see him tonight. I think I'm fearing a deal breaker or us not being together...what would you make of that?

[illinirdhd]

Prior marriage? Current marriage? Kids you don't know about? Terrible credit? Criminal record? Sickness? STD? AIDS? It could be anything. Try not to worry yourself too much about it. Let him open his heart to you, tell you everything. And then decide what YOU need to do. If it's something big, then sleep on it for a night or two before you do anything. If whatever he tells you is a deal breaker, then get out of the relationship, because it won't change. If it's something you KNOW you can handle, then handle it. But take a deep breath, listen to him, and think about what you need to do for YOU. No one is perfect, but there are things we can overlook and things we can't (and shouldn't!).

Hoping for the best.... The tPF girls (and guys) are here if you need us...

ETA: It might not be as big a deal to you as he thinks it will be. My DH has this habit of stewing over tiny things like they're the end of the world. And I have to bring him back to reality.

[mm16]

I'm thinking it has something to do with a previous relationship..like he's not over an ex or something.

[chinadoll724]

OH no! I don't want to be wrong and make you worry for no reason, but is it possible he cheated and feels guilty about it?

[VPT]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

Prior marriage? Current marriage? Kids you don't know about? Terrible credit? Criminal record? Sickness? STD? AIDS?

You really prepare her for the worst don't you?

OP just let him say it, you getting all nervous will only make him more nervous he probably won't be able to feel comfortable enough to tell you everything.

[Cristina]

I'm with illinirdhd. When you get together tonight, let him say what he needs to. Sit and listen, then decide what is best for you. You may need a day or two to think about it, but in the end, you need to put yourself, your happiness and your well being first.

Good luck! I hope he is making a mountain out of a molehill and the issue is something you both can look past and hopefully build a healthy relationship.

[mm16]

Originally Posted by chinadoll724

OH no! I don't want to be wrong and make you worry for no reason, but is it possible he cheated and feels guilty about it?

I don't think so...but I guess its a possibility. We've only been dating for a few months..

[mm16]

Originally Posted by Cristina

I'm with illinirdhd. When you get together tonight, let him say what he needs to. Sit and listen, then decide what is best for you. You may need a day or two to think about it, but in the end, you need to put yourself, your happiness and your well being first.

Good luck! I hope he is making a mountain out of a molehill and the issue is something you both can look past and hopefully build a healthy relationship.

OMG, me too. I told him that I'll be there for him to listen/to do whatever he needs..

I'm just scared because we have such a good time together, always..and I'm really falling for him.

[Virgo]

My guess would be a criminal record, huge debt or a child from a previous relationship.

Hopefully its just something he feels like is a bigger deal than you would think it is.

Good luck!

[mm16]

Shall we begin the betting?

On edit, he just called..we will be meeting up in an hour..and I'll be sure to update (if I come home tonight) or tomorrow morning...but I'll still be here for an hour!

[Cristina]

Originally Posted by mm16

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OMG, me too. I told him that I'll be there for him to listen/to do whatever he needs..

I'm just scared because we have such a good time together, always..and I'm really falling for him.

Just an FYI - watch it on being too eager to sweep the issue under the rug if deep down, you feel as if it may come back and take a toll on the relationship. Definitely be there to listen, but as far as the "doing" part - don't put pleasing and reassuring him that everything is fine and dandy ahead of your own needs and happiness. I speak from experience. I swept important issues under the rug for the sake of loving someone and having someone love me back. It backfired in the end.

I'm just trying to provide a couple words of advice. Let us know how it goes!

[nolarice]

i agree w/ illinirdhd and cristina. hopefully it's not as bad as it sounds. <<hugs!>> let us know how it goes.

[mm16]

^Thanks for the advice Cristina. You're right about acting too fast on the "doing" part. I'll be there to listen and take a few days (depending on what it is)..

[lovinalotofbags]

Forgot to add to the list, "had sex with a man." I hope that is not true but think it has something to do with sex.

[abbygirl]

How about him being gay? Maybe he was and you have turned him straight -

Does that even happen?

OR

He is married.