[toriajj]

so, it's christmas night, dh and youngest went to bed(late because she took a late nap) so about an hour later, older kids down in gameroom playing with their new wii, i come to kitchen to blow out candles, hear his palmpager buzzing, it's in his "pile" on counter, near back door entrance, papers strown about, keys etc...so it's buzzing, i take the lid/cover thingy off(i am very computer/cell phone illiterate) and there is a list of his emails, so the third one down is 12/25/07 10:55am and says re:ho ho h and it's from a female co-worker named K...dh travels weekly, i know of K, she's married, i think he said around our age(40's) no kids, not-attractive(so he says). so i think, hmmm it's interesting that K emailed MY husband christmas morning or responded to his email. so i set the thing down and go about my business for a few and HAVE to go back to it-again, i am really computer non-savvy so i scroll and find the email and it just says ho ho ho merry christmas when you click on it. i find it awfully odd/personal to be emailing a co-worker on christmas morning, don't you? nothing incriminating in merry christmas, but the ho ho part seems a bit cheery and silly/personal. the whole thing smells to me...
also, this morning, dh was on his palmpager, probably around that time, standing in the kitchen and said to me, "my boss emailed me, to do blank..." i shrugged, thought NOTHING of it, as dh travels lots, talks on phone lots, gets calls thru the night if systems fail, etc. he's very busy, and very work-oriented. had NO idea he was wishing christmas tidings to some gal from work.
cut to the chase-we have great kids, a lousy marriage. he's a workaholic, i am a homemaker. he is pragmatic, unemotional, often not "there" for me.
i don't know if there's more to this-i am mature, not a young bride, but my hubby has been known to p*ss me off for taking women to lunch, etc and not telling me. that's his standard way of doing things. it has hurt me in the past very much but frankly i am caring less and confront him seldom. he has very little energy for anything other than work, he has had some serious health issues the last two years. he's not what you'd call a "playboy" by any means, does not put off that persona.
sorry for rambling about this. just need someone to say, 'well, no it's not NORMAL for a husband with a wife and houseful of kids to be emailing some co-worker on christmas morning' even tho i already know this! i have never worked with a man who i felt the need to email and wish happy holidays. i did fantasize with my college-age daughter, who came upon me as i was snooping, about emailing the woman back and saying "f u for emailing my husband, now have a happy f'in new year!" not very mature is it?
thanks for listening....

[devoted]

I think if he was having a full-blown affair the e-mail would have been more personal...maybe they are developing feelings for each other...or they are really close friends, which can become something more later on, who knows. I would be upset about it too but since the e-mail was so vague I wouldn't be suspicious yet. Snoop around.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by toriajj

i did fantasize with my college-age daughter, who came upon me as i was snooping, about emailing the woman back and saying "f u for emailing my husband, now have a happy f'in new year!" not very mature is it?
thanks for listening....

No, it wouldn't be very mature and would probably show your insecurities and lack of trust as well.

I think you're being unreasonable. You have no reason to think anything's wrong, yet a simple xmas email (which contained nothing suspect) gets you wondering this much?? Newsflash...married men can be friends with female co-workers. Now, stop acting like a jealous 15 year old and stop worrying about this.

And for what it's worth, I got abt 5 emails/txts from female co-workers wishing me a merry xmas....and trust me, I'm not messing around with any of them.

[merde111]

Nah, I wouldn't worry about it either. I myself (a woman) got two 'Merry Christmas' emails from people I barely know. I think it probably says more about the sender (they might not have family to celebrate with, they're lonely and so they send msgs. to everyone on their phone contact list) than anything else. I agree with the previous poster who said that if there was something to be suspicious about, the message would have been more intimate, like, "wish you were here taking a bubble bath with me!" kinda thing.

That said, if you wonder such things about him, this time of year might be a good time to sit down with him and talk about reconnecting and maybe spending a little more quality time together in the new year? Best of luck and hugs to you!!

[claireZk]

It really doesn't sound like your husband is cheating, but honestly I would be slightly annoyed. She has a family, you have a family and it's Christmas, a time you spend with FAMILY. I guess I don't understand why she would be sending an email to someone else's husband on Christmas morning. A proper card from her family to yours would have been the appropriate thing to do or maybe a chain email sent to several people with a more professional tone. She sounds like she's just rude and she needs to get a life

It also sounds like there are some other issues that need to be worked out, so my advice is don't make this a bigger deal than it needs to be, KWIM? When relationships are rocky, people tend to make a big deal out of little things, because they don't know to deal with the real problem(s). I don't know if that's what's going on here, but it kind of seems like it.

So in a nutshell-- yes, you can be annoyed by this lady. She sounds rude and she clearly lacks social grace. But you have no reason (based on this incident) to be suspicious of her or your husband. JMHO...

[KristyDarling]

Hmm, I got Merry Christmas emails from male friends -- married and single -- and it doesn't strike me as odd. I also got Merry Christmas emails today from females, married and single. Sending generic holiday wishes via email these days is very common. For all you know, the email was probably sent as a "group message" to multiple recipients, including your husband. I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. There is nothing odd or sneaky about those messages that I can detect.

[gr8heart]

QUOTE:cut to the chase-we have great kids, a lousy marriage. he's a workaholic, i am a homemaker. he is pragmatic, unemotional, often not "there" for me.
i don't know if there's more to this-i am mature, not a young bride, but my hubby has been known to p*ss me off for taking women to lunch, etc and not telling me. that's his standard way of doing things. it has hurt me in the past very much but frankly i am caring less and confront him seldom. he has very little energy for anything other than work, he has had some serious health issues the last two years. he's not what you'd call a "playboy" by any means, does not put off that persona.


Sorry to hear you are going through this, Tori. I honestly do not think the ho-ho-ho message from his co-worker is the problem. I think what you mentioned^ above is the real problem. There is nothing wrong with getting messages from female co-workers, clients, sponsors, etc., but can understand why it would hurt. My SO is also attached to his BlackBerry thing and travels all over and is a workaholic, so I am used to business and personal messages at all hours of the day.

Perhaps you should try talking to a counselor about how to make things better for you in your relationship. Take care of you! Not confronting him or the issues will only make you pick at the little things like an email message. You deserve to be taken out to lunch or just be included in his 'work' life.

[QueenOfDa702]

Did he email any other co-workers to wish them a Merry Christmas? I dont really see a problem with the Email. If they were messing around, the email probably would have said a little more than just Merry Christmas. I Emailed my guy friend Christmas morning to wish him a Merry Christmas. I dont really see a problem with it.

On the other hand, if you have a lousy marriage, then why not divorce? If you are not happy, dont stay, or at least seek counseling. You said you are "caring less" but from what you just wrote, it seems like you car quite a bit.

If you are that concerned, ask him about it.

[Sternchen]

I don't really understand the problem here ?? Just because his coworker emailed him a merry christmas message, you think he's cheating. Yes, I read what you wrote in your post - but you seem awfully suspicious of your husband and seem to be the jealous type.

[bonniec]

I don't think the message itself is that weird. I have male friends and co-workers who I've wished Happy Holidays to and vice versa in the past. DH knows I still keep male friends who had crushes on me in the past.

It sounds to me that perhaps this struck a cord with you because it exposed the wound of the greater problems in your relationship. I can see how mole hills can become mountains when you're already unhappy. I am sorry about that.

Although I do not sense from your post that he is cheating, only you know the pattern of behavior that he daily demonstrates. If you are truly suspicious, I would just get a private investigator to follow him for a week when he travels. And if nothing, then put this thought to rest and get some marital counseling.

Good luck.

[toriajj]

thanks all,
no, i'm not truly the jealous type, but i've been at home raising kids, and yes, i admit, out of touch with today's cyber-world. i didn't realize so many people had platonic opposite sex relationships with co-workers. i always thought that was a stepping stone to maybe another type of relationship. interesting to hear various perspectives. thanks to all!

[lolitakali]

I think a "Christmas e-mail" is ok as long as there is no "I miss you" kind of stuff on there. To me an e-mail from between co-workers is nothing more than a polite gesture.

[wordpast]

I agree with gr8heart. It's not the message. It's the other things you mentioned (lousy marriage,unemotional, etc..) that's the problem. Based on the other things I can see why you were suspicious of the email though.

[lulilu]

I don't know what to say about the email, but are you saying your daughter caught you snooping on your husband and you discussed with her the issue? Not too wise IMO.

[Danica]

Some of these posts are harsh. I think that a women's intuition says alot, and it entirely depends on the whole situation, only you know whether you are being silly, or whether you think you should be worried based on your marriage and your DH.