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juneping · Aug 8th, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by NVMyLV

^^Did OP say that the female co-worker's FB page, was the only person's page that he was checking? I must have missed that, when I read the post. Also, how does OP know how "frequently" that DH is checking the female co-workers FB page? Is he doing it in front of her or does she have a key stroke tracker on the computer to keep up with his online activities?

I don't know. Op wasn't being very specific...but from what I read it just seem that way. Why would she feel weird if he's reading a bunch of peoples fb?

simseema17 · Aug 8th, 2009, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by juneping

I don't know. Op wasn't being very specific...but from what I read it just seem that way. Why would she feel weird if he's reading a bunch of peoples fb?

He was reading others' pages, but hers most frequently...I could see it in my history on my computer

Once was in the morning before work, I know he checks his email then, but that bothered me too

I just don't see why he would do this...he said he won't anymore, and is going to back off the friendship because it makes me uncomfortable

NOW MY QUESTION IS:

How do I put this behind me and move on....its going to mess up our relationship if I can't move beyond it

NVMyLV · Aug 8th, 2009, 03:02 PM

^^ From my personal experience, (I explained what happened to me on page 2 of this thread) try to move past it. If he sees that it was bothering you and he says he will quit, and he DOES, then put on your big girl panties and get over it. He didn't take her to dinner or sneak out and call her on the phone or get caught with her undies in his glove box, did he? If not, then he is only guilty of having a female friend. Flip the script, and think about men that you are frinds with. Is it innocent? Of course it is! (See! It is possible.) Obviously, you feel threatened by her for whatever reason and you need to try to figure out what you are feeling inadequate about. It doesn't mean you are "inadequate", it just proves that you're human. We all have our moments of weakness and self esteem issues. That mindset is what needs to be fixed. That is something that we all have to work out for ourselves. If your relationship gets messed up because you can't get over being jealous, then you have no one to blame but yourself. However, if you catch him in the corner with another woman or find 100% proof that he is cheating (doing the deed) on you that is a horse of another color.

sweetneet · Aug 8th, 2009, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by NVMyLV

^^ From my personal experience, (I explained what happened to me on page 2 of this thread) try to move past it. If he sees that it was bothering you and he says he will quit, and he DOES, then put on your big girl panties and get over it. He didn't take her to dinner or sneak out and call her on the phone or get caught with her undies in his glove box, did he? If not, then he is only guilty of having a female friend. Flip the script, and think about men that you are frinds with. Is it innocent? Of course it is! (See! It is possible.) Obviously, you feel threatened by her for whatever reason and you need to try to figure out what you are feeling inadequate about. It doesn't mean you are "inadequate", it just proves that you're human. We all have our moments of weekness and self esteem issues. That mindset is what needs to be fixed. That is something that we all have to work out for ourselves. If your relationship gets messed up because you can't get over being jealous, then you have no one to blame but yourself. However, if you catch him in the corner with another woman or find 100% proof that he is cheating (doing the deed) on you that is a horse of another color.

i agree, well said.

i still don't see why he should have to stop checking her FB page...her page is not the only one he's checking for updates, so it doesn't seem like he's obsessed with her or anything. like you said it's probably because he doesn't have other friends in the area and she happens to be one his few friends that he can talk about work with. i can totally understand that, from what you say so far it all seems innocent enough.

from the other side of the coin, most of my former co-workers that i chat with on FB etc happen to be guys. i personally would be upset if my DH told me to stop being friends or making contact with a specific person, just because he felt threatened by it. not only would i feel like he didn't trust me at all, I would get the sense that he was somehow punishing me for his insecurities, which would make me resent him and would ultimately make matters worse. just my personal opinion.

simseema17 · Aug 8th, 2009, 05:28 PM

what if he said he sees her like a sister --and since she was cheated on and divorced, he's just kinda looking out for her when she tells him about her dates (which she tells everyone at work about)

gacats · Aug 8th, 2009, 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by guccimamma

i'd be weirded out if my husband was on facebook at all ..but i'm old

Same here.

I would let it go, it's no big deal really.

NVMyLV · Aug 8th, 2009, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by sweetneet

from the other side of the coin, most of my former co-workers that i chat with on FB etc happen to be guys. i personally would be upset if my DH told me to stop being friends or making contact with a specific person, just because he felt threatened by it. not only would i feel like he didn't trust me at all, I would get the sense that he was somehow punishing me for his insecurities, which would make me resent him and would ultimately make matters worse. just my personal opinion.

AMEN! That is what happened to me. My DH had a fit for me to get off FB for the same reasons. (Jealousy over male friends). Trust was never an issue (in 10 years) or so I thought, and that was a source of pride for me. Then BAM! He has his own issues (in his head)and then he became paranoid. I am hurt that he would even think that I would cheat and pissed off at the same time. Jealousy is a poison. I was in the OP's DH's shoes a month ago and it was uncalled for.

NVMyLV · Aug 8th, 2009, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by simseema17

what if he said he sees her like a sister --and since she was cheated on and divorced, he's just kinda looking out for her when she tells him about her dates (which she tells everyone at work about)

She sounds alot like me. First off, I work in a profession that is male dominated. I have more male friends than female. I relate to men better, because....well.... women are catty. By that, I mean, a lot of times women are in competition with each other and they (each individual woman) is the only one that "knows" about the competition. I grill my male co workers all the time about "understanding" the male thought processes. Studies have shown that men and women really do think differently.

One word of advice if you really do see her as a threat. "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer."

simseema17 · Aug 8th, 2009, 08:43 PM

He just came home from work and brought me flowers and my favorite fruit.

He said he brought them just because he loves me, he wants us to be strong and because he's sorry that I've been upset about this. 99% of me believes this because he's a good guy. 1% of me thinks its out of guilt (maybe because I've been cheated on before by an ex boyfriend)

I posted this same thing on another forum and people jumped to say he's cheating...I really don't think he is, and some others said oh he will if it continues....I feel like reading those posts are making me more paranoid!

What is wrong with me...maybe because I had a baby 3 weeks ago my emotions are going crazy

spoiled_brat · Aug 8th, 2009, 09:27 PM

Originally Posted by simseema17

I posted this same thing on another forum and people jumped to say he's cheating...I really don't think he is, and some others said oh he will if it continues....I feel like reading those posts are making me more paranoid!

Just stick to tPF then

I really like the people here and I find that 99% of the comments and advice offered are very sound.

Sorry to have gone off-topic... I don't think your DH is cheating on you either. Hope you can move past it and focus on yourself and your family. Good luck!

amy9 · Aug 8th, 2009, 10:07 PM

Ah, I'd be very bothered by this, but I'm the jealous type. Should probably just let these things go, though; especially if you're assured that they're not attracted to the other. In my opinion, a friendship situation between two people of the opposite sex is only a threat if they're attracted to each other.

NVMyLV · Aug 9th, 2009, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by simseema17

What is wrong with me...maybe because I had a baby 3 weeks ago my emotions are going crazy

You probably hit the nail on the head.

kattykay · Aug 9th, 2009, 09:09 PM

Well if its just stories from work and about how family is doing etc. I wouldnt let it bother me at all.

plumaplomb · Aug 9th, 2009, 09:49 PM

How sweet!! Flowers and fruit........what a guy.

ktheartscoach · Aug 10th, 2009, 02:38 AM

Like others have said, let it go. Speaking as a person with a 7 week old new baby, you are sleep deprived, your hormones are going nuts, you're both dealing with a huge life change, and let's not even go into how frustrating it is to look at all those pre-baby clothes hanging in the closet. Don't let something like this mess up the time you have right now with your new baby. It's an important bonding time for you and DH, and you don't want to waste time focusing on this. If your post had said that he talked about this girl nonstop, had unexplained absences, went out to dinner with her and didn't invite you, drastically changed his appearance, made up reasons to call her, detached himself from his relationship with you, etc., then my response would be different. But it sounds like he's being sensitive to your feelings...so, enjoy those flowers and fruit, get him to hold the baby while you take a nice hot shower and put on some clean p.j.s, and snuggle up on the sofa.

And congratulations on your new little bundle! Enjoy this time as much as you can, and I'll be thinking of you!

Aug 8th, 2009, 03:02 PM	#33
NVMyLV The Undertaker Joined: Sep 2006 Location: Tennessee Posts: 990	^^ From my personal experience, (I explained what happened to me on page 2 of this thread) try to move past it. If he sees that it was bothering you and he says he will quit, and he DOES, then put on your big girl panties and get over it. He didn't take her to dinner or sneak out and call her on the phone or get caught with her undies in his glove box, did he? If not, then he is only guilty of having a female friend. Flip the script, and think about men that you are frinds with. Is it innocent? Of course it is! (See! It is possible.) Obviously, you feel threatened by her for whatever reason and you need to try to figure out what you are feeling inadequate about. It doesn't mean you are "inadequate", it just proves that you're human. We all have our moments of weakness and self esteem issues. That mindset is what needs to be fixed. That is something that we all have to work out for ourselves. If your relationship gets messed up because you can't get over being jealous, then you have no one to blame but yourself. However, if you catch him in the corner with another woman or find 100% proof that he is cheating (doing the deed) on you that is a horse of another color.
	__________________ My other car is a hearse.

Aug 9th, 2009, 09:09 PM	#43
kattykay sofa king sexy! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: new jersey Posts: 4,271	Well if its just stories from work and about how family is doing etc. I wouldnt let it bother me at all.
	__________________ Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say "are you gonna drink that?"

Aug 9th, 2009, 09:49 PM	#44
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,926	How sweet!! Flowers and fruit........what a guy.
plumaplomb Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,926	__________________ http://ebayfashionaddict.blogspot.com

Aug 8th, 2009, 05:28 PM	#35
simseema17 OP Homo sapien Joined: Jul 2007 Location: NY Posts: 1,079	what if he said he sees her like a sister --and since she was cheated on and divorced, he's just kinda looking out for her when she tells him about her dates (which she tells everyone at work about)

Aug 8th, 2009, 08:43 PM	#39
simseema17 OP Homo sapien Joined: Jul 2007 Location: NY Posts: 1,079	He just came home from work and brought me flowers and my favorite fruit. He said he brought them just because he loves me, he wants us to be strong and because he's sorry that I've been upset about this. 99% of me believes this because he's a good guy. 1% of me thinks its out of guilt (maybe because I've been cheated on before by an ex boyfriend) I posted this same thing on another forum and people jumped to say he's cheating...I really don't think he is, and some others said oh he will if it continues....I feel like reading those posts are making me more paranoid! What is wrong with me...maybe because I had a baby 3 weeks ago my emotions are going crazy

Aug 8th, 2009, 10:07 PM	#41
amy9 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Toronto Posts: 41	Ah, I'd be very bothered by this, but I'm the jealous type. Should probably just let these things go, though; especially if you're assured that they're not attracted to the other. In my opinion, a friendship situation between two people of the opposite sex is only a threat if they're attracted to each other.

Aug 10th, 2009, 02:38 AM	#45
ktheartscoach is pink obsessed Joined: Jan 2008 Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains... Posts: 406	Like others have said, let it go. Speaking as a person with a 7 week old new baby, you are sleep deprived, your hormones are going nuts, you're both dealing with a huge life change, and let's not even go into how frustrating it is to look at all those pre-baby clothes hanging in the closet. Don't let something like this mess up the time you have right now with your new baby. It's an important bonding time for you and DH, and you don't want to waste time focusing on this. If your post had said that he talked about this girl nonstop, had unexplained absences, went out to dinner with her and didn't invite you, drastically changed his appearance, made up reasons to call her, detached himself from his relationship with you, etc., then my response would be different. But it sounds like he's being sensitive to your feelings...so, enjoy those flowers and fruit, get him to hold the baby while you take a nice hot shower and put on some clean p.j.s, and snuggle up on the sofa. And congratulations on your new little bundle! Enjoy this time as much as you can, and I'll be thinking of you!

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