Witness to parent cheating

couturequeen · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:58 AM

Deep stuff...

If you were witness to one of your parents cheating or behaving in a way that was disrespectful to their spouse, would you tell the spouse? If you did not tell the hurt spouse but years later the hurt spouse confessed to you that they were aware of certain behaviors that they found disrespectful, would you confess what you saw? Especially if the spouse does not plan to leave the relationship?

What advice would you give to someone if the hurt parent turned to them for a listening ear regarding infidelity?

What place do adult children have to advise their parents?

mellecyn · Jun 25th, 2008, 11:00 AM

I just said I wanted to stay out of this.

stellamaried · Jun 25th, 2008, 01:11 PM

^^^ I think that's the right answer.

OP, if you are referring to yourself, I am very sorry. In my opinion, it is not a child's place to get involved in or advise their parent in a situation like this. This does not, of course, mean that you cannot be their for him/her (bring over videos, dinner, etc. -- try to do things that he/she enjoys or that make him/her feel good), nor does it mean you don't love him/her; you just can't be his/her emotional support or the person he/she pours their heart out to and asks for advice.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 25th, 2008, 01:35 PM

Parents need to own their own marital problems and NEVER involve their children. If I witnessed one of my parents doing something they shouldn't, I would not tell the other parent, as it would not be my place and would not want to be the one to bring that kind of pain to them. I'm not the cause of that pain. That is something for the cheating parent to own up to and is their responsibility to tell their spouse. I would probably let the offending parent know that I saw them though. That would be plenty for the that parent to chew on.

ChristyR143 · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

Parents need to own their own marital problems and NEVER involve their children. If I witnessed one of my parents doing something they shouldn't, I would not tell the other parent, as it would not be my place and would not want to be the one to bring that kind of pain to them. I'm not the cause of that pain. That is something for the cheating parent to own up to and is their responsibility to tell their spouse. I would probably let the offending parent know that I saw them though. That would be plenty for the that parent to chew on.

Yep, what she said.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

Parents need to own their own marital problems and NEVER involve their children. If I witnessed one of my parents doing something they shouldn't, I would not tell the other parent, as it would not be my place and would not want to be the one to bring that kind of pain to them. I'm not the cause of that pain. That is something for the cheating parent to own up to and is their responsibility to tell their spouse. I would probably let the offending parent know that I saw them though. That would be plenty for the that parent to chew on.

Yup! Yup!

illinirdhd · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:51 PM

I agree - stay out of it. The most I would do is like Bagnshoo said, tell the offending parent what I saw/heard.

tmc089 · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:54 PM

My parents have been basically seperated, but still living together and stayed married for the past 10 years or so. They're old fashioned and hate change, hence never officially getting a divorce. I never got along with my dad until very recently, so I was always on Mom's side.

I guess one time when they really thought they were gonna go through with the divorce, alot of weird stuff started happening...my mom was going out alot more often (she wasn't cheating, just didn't want to be around him, don't blame her lol). One time I walked out of my room and saw my dad looking at personal sites. Obviously I told Mom asap, but I guess he was just prepping in case the divorce went through?

It never did, lol. But he didn't do anything of that sort. It was just kinda weird for me...I was about 14 or 15 and they were at their absolute worst, but I knew that they weren't doing good so it wasn't a huge OMG shock to me.

moi et mes sacs · Jun 25th, 2008, 03:36 PM

I am finding it difficult to comment on this one. I dont think anybody should be in this postion. I would not say anything as anything you say could have severe consequences.

LV Luvr · Jun 25th, 2008, 03:47 PM

I caught my dad cheating on my mom all by accident one night. He could tell the look on my face that I knew. The next chance I had I stood there in front of them and said you tell her or I will. It wasn't pleasant, but I didn't feel it was fair to my mom. And I would do it all over again and that was 15 years ago. PM me if you would like to chat.

misschbby · Jun 25th, 2008, 03:51 PM

people always shoot the messenger! bear this in mind

sofakingsweet · Jun 25th, 2008, 04:53 PM

I didn't say anything... at first. It got out of hand and my sisters and I sat my mother down and told her to wake up because we all knew she was just in denial. We went the tough love route. They're now repairing their marriage, I guess. As popular belief entails, "filipinos do not divorce" and it's very true.

Good luck with it all. I'm sorry you have to go through it. =/

VPT · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I agree - stay out of it. The most I would do is like Bagnshoo said, tell the offending parent what I saw/heard.

That's what I would do

. And if I'm in the blackmailing mood... let's just put it this way I might just get a lot more purses. They pay for their wrongdoing anyway might as well make me the beneficiary

But yeah I would NEVER tell the hurt parent because it is sure to tear the family apart, and why would I do that?

lovinalotofbags · Jun 25th, 2008, 11:07 PM

This is between them. Keep your distance except to be an ear.

exotikittenx · Jun 25th, 2008, 11:27 PM

I just want to say if that is you, I am sorry and what an awful position to be in. Rather than stating my opinion, you should do what you think is best in your heart.

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:58 AM	#1
couturequeen addict Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,077	Witness to parent cheating Deep stuff... If you were witness to one of your parents cheating or behaving in a way that was disrespectful to their spouse, would you tell the spouse? If you did not tell the hurt spouse but years later the hurt spouse confessed to you that they were aware of certain behaviors that they found disrespectful, would you confess what you saw? Especially if the spouse does not plan to leave the relationship? What advice would you give to someone if the hurt parent turned to them for a listening ear regarding infidelity? What place do adult children have to advise their parents? __________________ My updated collection pictures are here. Wishlist Diamond halo stud earrings Bedat No. 7 watch

Jun 25th, 2008, 11:00 AM	#2
mellecyn Take me to LV Joined: Feb 2006 Location: 300 km from LV somewhere in Europe Posts: 2,271	I just said I wanted to stay out of this. __________________ "Pardon my French", euh I mean "English" MelleCyn "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete" Buckminster Fuller

Jun 25th, 2008, 01:35 PM	#4
bagnshoofetish No More 4 Me Thanks! Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 15,183	Parents need to own their own marital problems and NEVER involve their children. If I witnessed one of my parents doing something they shouldn't, I would not tell the other parent, as it would not be my place and would not want to be the one to bring that kind of pain to them. I'm not the cause of that pain. That is something for the cheating parent to own up to and is their responsibility to tell their spouse. I would probably let the offending parent know that I saw them though. That would be plenty for the that parent to chew on. __________________ click here.

Jun 25th, 2008, 02:51 PM	#7
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 3,648	I agree - stay out of it. The most I would do is like Bagnshoo said, tell the offending parent what I saw/heard. __________________

Jun 25th, 2008, 02:54 PM	#8
tmc089 Sofa King Awesome. Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Southeastern CT Posts: 1,147	My parents have been basically seperated, but still living together and stayed married for the past 10 years or so. They're old fashioned and hate change, hence never officially getting a divorce. I never got along with my dad until very recently, so I was always on Mom's side. I guess one time when they really thought they were gonna go through with the divorce, alot of weird stuff started happening...my mom was going out alot more often (she wasn't cheating, just didn't want to be around him, don't blame her lol). One time I walked out of my room and saw my dad looking at personal sites. Obviously I told Mom asap, but I guess he was just prepping in case the divorce went through? It never did, lol. But he didn't do anything of that sort. It was just kinda weird for me...I was about 14 or 15 and they were at their absolute worst, but I knew that they weren't doing good so it wasn't a huge OMG shock to me. __________________ Tricia "Love all, trust few, do wrong to no one."

Jun 25th, 2008, 01:11 PM	#3
stellamaried Member Joined: May 2006 Posts: 545	^^^ I think that's the right answer. OP, if you are referring to yourself, I am very sorry. In my opinion, it is not a child's place to get involved in or advise their parent in a situation like this. This does not, of course, mean that you cannot be their for him/her (bring over videos, dinner, etc. -- try to do things that he/she enjoys or that make him/her feel good), nor does it mean you don't love him/her; you just can't be his/her emotional support or the person he/she pours their heart out to and asks for advice.

Jun 25th, 2008, 03:36 PM	#9
moi et mes sacs Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,372	I am finding it difficult to comment on this one. I dont think anybody should be in this postion. I would not say anything as anything you say could have severe consequences. __________________ I got my studded Nightingale!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 25th, 2008, 03:47 PM	#10
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,391	I caught my dad cheating on my mom all by accident one night. He could tell the look on my face that I knew. The next chance I had I stood there in front of them and said you tell her or I will. It wasn't pleasant, but I didn't feel it was fair to my mom. And I would do it all over again and that was 15 years ago. PM me if you would like to chat. __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Something Red Epi! Gucci Black Tote Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Juicy Earrings - Got it! Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Dior Hoop Earrings Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

Jun 25th, 2008, 03:51 PM	#11
misschbby Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 257	people always shoot the messenger! bear this in mind __________________

Jun 25th, 2008, 04:53 PM	#12
sofakingsweet AKA jo-anne :) Joined: Jun 2007 Location: jersey city/FIT NYC Posts: 160	I didn't say anything... at first. It got out of hand and my sisters and I sat my mother down and told her to wake up because we all knew she was just in denial. We went the tough love route. They're now repairing their marriage, I guess. As popular belief entails, "filipinos do not divorce" and it's very true. Good luck with it all. I'm sorry you have to go through it. =/ __________________ "I finally learned what life's all about, hanging on when your heart's had enough, giving more when you want to give up." -Nicole Richie

Jun 25th, 2008, 11:07 PM	#14
lovinalotofbags Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,377	This is between them. Keep your distance except to be an ear. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 25th, 2008, 11:27 PM	#15
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 3,315	I just want to say if that is you, I am sorry and what an awful position to be in. Rather than stating my opinion, you should do what you think is best in your heart. __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.