[helium]

From hearing lots of things at work (although you would be forgiven if you think I heard these from tpf, women just seem to have the same problems), i've realised that I have been giving the same answer to women over and over again to the girls at work. My coworkers, though beautiful, nice wonderful girls who range from 17 to 24, are not the brightest when it comes to relationships.

Lately, I feel like i've been talking to a brick wall, so i'm sorry I have to take it out on you tpf girls, but I just don't feel right yelling at a girl with relationships problems no matter now stupid they are. With that said, I am going to just vent my heart out starting... now:

a) Your guy is angry because you're not listening to him.
- Coworker A has just recently nabbed a boy a month ago. Too bad now the honeymoon stage is over, because problems have arised, namely other things that the boy wants to do without her. Boyfriend A takes a few hours out of a day, which was supposedly 'we eat curry in the morning together' day, and goes out with a friend for a movie. Coworker A is pissed. That's nice and all, but Coworker A takes it another step further - he must think she's not attractive anymore. Boyfriend A insists that he still does, but just wanted to spend some time with the friends. Coworker A thinks not eating curry with her is the biggest sign of not finding her attractive anymore.

What I told her: "You know, he's telling the truth. He wants to go out with his friends. You want to go out with yours sometimes, so why does this mean he doesn't find you attractive anymore?"

What she tells me: "Because we always hung out together you know. The only reason why he wouldn't want to is if he didn't think I was pretty anymore.

b) I am just high maintenance
- This one has always confused me. I'm a little confused by how 'high maintenance ' is, in anyway, a good thing, but hey some women seem to be really proud of it. Coworker B, epitome of jealousy and high maintenance in women, recently broke up. She simply cannot understand why he would want to break up with her, despite the fact that she demanded that he spend no more than on average one hour per two weeks with his friends, demanded that all female friends to be ditched right away, demanded that every female stay at least a kilometer away from him, and demanded all photos of females to be kept five meters away from him. Doing any of those would start an intense jealousy fit in which yelling and screaming would occur, crying to the coworkers would occur, and us saying 'poor boyfriend' when she's gone.

What she told me: "If he really loved me, he would've done all those things.'
What I told her: "If you really loved him, you would've respected his need to see other people if you want me to be honest*"

*She hasn't talked to me and takes great care to avoid me since I said that to her.

3) I like the bad boys
- This one isn't as bad, and I'm kind of iffy on this one. Like... everyone has different tastes in men and I can respect that, but... well you can judge for yourself. Coworker C's ex cheated on her. That is really quite unforgivable, I have nothing to say to that except 'jerk!'. But, Coworker C has recently found another man, who cheats on her again! Coworker C is absolutely shattered, but admits that she is just 'drawn to the bad boys'. I kind of think that you're bringing it upon yourself, but I am definitely iffy on this one.

So, girls, please think about your own actions before wondering why your man is mad. Sometimes it's just simple, sometimes you need to give up what you want so he can be happy too. Relationships are compromise. A boyfriend is a human being, not a servant that waits on you hand and foot with flowers and chocolates and sex and hugs and kisses. Boyfriend has needs too in the form of other friends and space. Boyfriend also has feelings, despite not really showing them sometimes. So please ladies, think about your own actions a bit more first!

[Sternchen]

Helium, I think we think exactly the same. Your post is basically everthing that goes around in my mind, just written nicer than I could ever write!

I think I love you ROFL

[helium]

Originally Posted by lamiastella

Helium, I think we think exactly the same. Your post is basically everthing that goes around in my mind, just written nicer than I could ever write!

I think I love you ROFL

Aww I love you too! Look out though, boyfriend might not like me joking around like that .

[Sternchen]

<sarcasm>DUMP HIM!!! You can do much better!!! You don't deserve a man who doesn't trust you 1000000%

</sarcasm>

[Sternchen]

Hmmm, I guess I'll write why my husband gets mad at me sometimes.

My husband has been battling depression for a number of years now and things started to get worse recently. I'm the type of person who always wants to know what is wrong, and always wants to try and fix it. Hubby is away on business a lot, so we do a lot of talking on the phone and chatting over the internet. I can tell when he's in a funk because he won't really type or say anything worth while and will use a ton of smileys, probably in an attempt to cover up his funk. I dunno.

So...Me being the "I want to fix your problems" person, I always feel the need to tell him "You're not in a good mood today, are you?". I know that I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. I know to leave him space when he's feeling like this, but I just nag nag nag nag nag until he gets pissed off, we fight, and I cry. ...Crying is my way of trying to get what I want. Yes, I admit it. You know you probably do it too!

In the back of my head I know that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, but I do it anyway....Hmphf lol

[HauteMama]

I think a lot of people need to learn things themselves, the hard way, in order to really believe them. People who know better or have been through it already can talk until they are blue in the face, but some people just have to experience it first-hand before they accept it.

I used to be attracted to bad boys, too, until I finally realized that the constant "excitement" was actually apprehension and concern about when or whether I would be hurt. When I found someone for whom love meant trust and companionship in addition to passion, I found I didn't miss the bad boys at all.

[Jahpson]

Co-worker A is being plain ridiculous

Co-worker B is insecure and clingy

Co-Worker C is naive

Helim, you should really write a book


I use to be attractive to bad boys, and then I was old enough to get my drivers permit...

[merika]

Helium - that was a perfect 'bad relationships in a nutshell' post!! That was great!

[Charles]

Well, there are bad boys that are caring too. The boys Helium referred to are call a$$holes.

How bout this one:
"Well, we went out a couple of times and now he just seems distant. He says he's busy with work, but he doesn't really seem interested anymore, but when we do talk, he's super nice and says he wants to hang out soon. What does it all mean??"
There should be a speak and spell for relationships. You type in the circumstances and it says "He's...not...interested in...you"

[riffraff]

Originally Posted by Charles

Well, there are bad boys that are caring too. The boys Helium referred to are call a$$holes.

How bout this one:
"Well, we went out a couple of times and now he just seems distant. He says he's busy with work, but he doesn't really seem interested anymore, but when we do talk, he's super nice and says he wants to hang out soon. What does it all mean??"
There should be a speak and spell for relationships. You type in the circumstances and it says "He's...not...interested in...you"

At that point I usually ask her if she slept with him

[FemBot]

Originally Posted by Charles

There should be a speak and spell for relationships.

[oogiewoogie]

Thanks for posting Helium~!

[illinirdhd]

When are women going to get it through their heads: men don't like clingy women! If you smother a guy, make him give up his female friends, then his male friends, then his family, make him spend every moment with you, tell him constantly what he's doing to hurt you, etc etc etc, you might as well castrate him and chain him to a wall. We want men to be MEN but then we try to control them! What's that about? Do women really want a man who has no life outside of them? I know I don't! I don't want to force a man to spend time with me. That doesn't work!

True enough, some guys will marry that girl who smothers and controls them. But are those the guys we really want? Why do people get together and stay together just to make each other miserable? Probably the same people who get pregnant to save a marriage.

Newsflash: all of us were attracted to "bad boys" at one time or another. But most of us grow out of it, we get smart and stop looking for relationships that just won't work for us. Then again, to me a "bad boy" is one who goes out drinking with his friends, drives too fast, rides a motorcycle, cares more about his social life than his finances. To me, a guy who cheats is a CHEATER and a JERK and is NOT the kind of guy I would want, EVER. Yet some women can't figure that out. It's like they just seek out guys who will hurt them. Very sad.

You know, I honestly believe that men treat women like crap because women LET THEM! If we would all band together and really dedicate ourselves to not giving JERKS a second glance, they might shape up! If every cheater (male or female) got dumped the second his/her SO found out, maybe there wouldn't be so much cheating going on! But no, women date a guy for a week, sleep with him, and then are broken-hearted when they find out he's sleeping with someone else too. But he apologizes, so they give him a second chance, and he cheats again! Screw that! Maybe we shouldn't be so antsy to hop in the sack, and we should make sure that the guys we're hitting the sheets with are respectable human beings who care about more than just getting off. Maybe we should make a bigger effort to show men that we require respect and love and dedication before we get on our knees.

Don't get me wrong - I have NO problem with casual sex. If a man or a woman makes that decision, good for them! But helium's example C is typical of women I meet - they're looking for a relationship - happily ever after, marriage, 2 kids, picket fence, dog in the yard. Then they go out and sleep with a guy after a date or two! It just doesn't make sense.

Thanks, helium - I don't even think I need my coffee this morning.

[tadpolenyc]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

I think a lot of people need to learn things themselves, the hard way, in order to really believe them. People who know better or have been through it already can talk until they are blue in the face, but some people just have to experience it first-hand before they accept it.

i agree. some people unload their problems on you in the guise of coming to you for advice when all they want to hear is that they're right and their partner is wrong. when you try to tell them otherwise, they get angry at you.

i have friends at work that i keep at a distance. i don't want to hear too much about their personal lives and i hold back on dispensing my perceptions of their situation. i know that some people do not like hearing the truth, and i'd rather not take the chance of pissing someone off, thereby, making my work environment uncomfortable and awkward. i just give my default answer of "you need to do what you think is right." usually, that's a good enough response for most people. they're going to do whatever they want anyway regardless of any sound counsel.

[scarlett_2005]

Ita w/ Helium and HauteMama.

Some women are just totally naive and blind. I'll be the first to admit when I was young I was extremely naive when it came to my relationships. But I learned.

I think a big problem with women is the "fairytale" mentality. The fairytale type thinking is just stupid. Relationships are hard work. Any stable relationship will be filled with good times and bad. For me the bad times made me really appreciate the good times and really treasure what I have with dh. Honestly I'm glad for the bad times, they've taught me a lot about myself, dh and our relationship. The bad times we've gotten through have made our relationship so much stronger.