Why so much drama?

[Jenny O]

I hear you big time! In my circle of friends drama is the norm - but it's also good to share feelings and talk over the rough spots. Guys just seem to blow it off which I wish we would do more often. -J

[Cheetah7]

Originally Posted by Fetish

My mother actually works in a hosptial and on a regular basis I have to hear about all the drama and backstabbing that goes on between the 40+ year old women. Its true when they say high school just never ends. You would think that perhaps the WORKPLACE of ALL places would have less drama considering you should be professional and especially in a hospital where you are dealing with peoples lives. Nope..

Yes, it was mostly women in this age group where I work who act this way and it's definitely like high school all over again.

[Fetish]

Originally Posted by GirlFriday

^I worked in a hospital as well with ALL women in my department and there was quite a bit of drama. It was work to not get involved in it. Luckily there were some women that didn't go there, and they stayed out of it. I don't think it's ALL women, but you're right, it was strange to see women in their 50s act like they were still in highschool.

And its so difficult to avoid because even if you dont talk about anyone or try your best to stay out of it, someone will ALWAYS find a way to include you in it. Its practically unavoidable. But we try our best.

[natalie78]

I've always worked with mixes of men and women, but have always found myself gravitating towards the men. A lot less drama involved and I have more in common with men.

[plain jane doe]

I've seen a lot of people posting here with the advice that a guy will treat you the way you let him treat you. I think the same is true for friends. If you don't play, it's not fun for them. I have a couple of friends who are generally drama queens but wouldn't try to start up with me because they know it means they will stop hearing from me for a while.

[ProfNot]

I hate drama. My aunt (the smart one) says when it comes to relationships, esp with a dbf or dh, you can have drama or you can have depth. Pick one. Truth that!

But I am a very emotional person and have a HUGE temper! So sometimes I call a friend or post online simply to vent.

I love that tPF is such a safe, non-judgmental place to vent. I can post that I want to throw my neighbor off a cliff and no one here thinks for even a second that I would even touch the idiot.

[Vegas Long Legs]

I will agree about women & office drama. In our office, if there's 2 women employees, things are fine. When the third come in, its when drama seems to starts.

Will also agree with the poster about people with alot of childhood drama falling into that rut. If they've had some healing around this (counseling, recovery groups) they are usually anti-drama.

[LinaFelina]

I'm male and I have to ask, is it part of growing up as a woman, is it a social thing that just happens? I'm not suggesting at all that all women are this way, but it's not something I come across often with other guys. Some female friends have told me they like hanging out with guys because guys are more blunt and you always know where you stand. Maybe it's that guys don't talk about their feelings or relationships much with each other (and why we don't do such a great job talking to women about them), so we're not that involved or really care what someone else is doing?

On the other hand, I'm jealous that women do have deep friendships with each other, I've known maybe one or two guys in my life I felt I could really talk to, so I feel really comfortable here.

[karmenzsofia]

Originally Posted by Hally

ITA! I know a few people who had particularly chaotic lives as children and I think they are wired to crave drama and it "follows" them everywhere (or they create it themselves).

ITA! It's a biochemical certainty that nervous system is wired not only to our genes and epigenes, but also to our experiences. In other works, if your mom is into drama you will inherit a tendency towards that from her and become even more wired for it because of your experiences with her. The more drama you're exposed to, the more some of your "wires" become accustomed to interact with each other, and the stronger the bond between them becomes.

Originally Posted by Cheetah7

I work in a large hospital and most of the drama I see takes place there amongst the women. You'd think in a place like that employees should be more professional in their conduct but I guess not. Most of the gossip and backstabbing takes place during lunch break and I try not to associate with others who do nothing but talk about other people. In the past I've had friends who continually create drama in their lives and attempt to involve everyone around them in it. It's as if their lives would be extremely boring without it. I distanced myself from them because the friendship was emotionally draining. Now I have 2 friends who are great and don't get into all that.

Funny, my friend works in a hospital, too, and she's been telling me stories about some of the drama there. Yet, whether it's in a hospital or any other place, when I see women spending sooo much time and energy on plotting against other women, I can't help but wonder what's going on in their lives that allows them to waste their resources on this crap.

Originally Posted by Fetish

My mother actually works in a hosptial and on a regular basis I have to hear about all the drama and backstabbing that goes on between the 40+ year old women. Its true when they say high school just never ends. You would think that perhaps the WORKPLACE of ALL places would have less drama considering you should be professional and especially in a hospital where you are dealing with peoples lives. Nope..

I've noticed it more in the 50+ group, starting with just below 50. I know hormones have something to do with it, as do the psychological aspects of being that age. But I still find it alarming how some women in that age group act as though they're truly disturbed -- totally irrational behavior, constantly getting upset because of what someone did or said, extremely childish, controlling, mean and super vindictive. It's sad to see that.

Originally Posted by LinaFelina

I'm male and I have to ask, is it part of growing up as a woman, is it a social thing that just happens? I'm not suggesting at all that all women are this way, but it's not something I come across often with other guys. Some female friends have told me they like hanging out with guys because guys are more blunt and you always know where you stand. Maybe it's that guys don't talk about their feelings or relationships much with each other (and why we don't do such a great job talking to women about them), so we're not that involved or really care what someone else is doing? On the other hand, I'm jealous that women do have deep friendships with each other, I've known maybe one or two guys in my life I felt I could really talk to, so I feel really comfortable here.

I think that women --generally speaking -- place more importance on what others think, what others say, how they compare to other women, etc., which can be the root of a lot of the cattiness. They're also more likely to be emotional control freaks, IMO. While controlling men are more likely to seek to control what women do, controlling women seek to control what men feel.

Because of what they focus on, I think women are more likely than men to get offended and feel hurt, and they're also more likely to blame someone else for those feelings vs holding themselves accountable for their emotions. I also think that women (again, generally speaking) are more likely to choose these emotions vs. other less "dramatic," hurtful ones because of their attraction (for whatever reason...) to the role of victim in emotionally charged situations.

Just an opinion, of course

[agart245]

I think a lot of female drama stems from insecurity. Instead of confronting a problem head on, many girls I know will go behind the back of the person they are upset with and talk sh*t about that person until they feel better. I know so many girls who claim, "Anything I say about someone, I would say to their face," but in most cases, I have found that this is simply not true. A lot of women dislike confrontation, so they take a passive-aggressive approach to the situation, which perpetuates the drama instead of resolving it.

[twinkle.tink]

Well, I hate to admit that women do seem more prone it...that is not always the case. I do have quite a few women friends that I enjoy, drama free...but it wasn't always that way...once I stopped engaging them when it came to drama, it took about 6 months, but they seemed to stop.

Also, my ex husband, is a drama addict, I swear...and yes, he had a lot of drama as a kid....so he seems to 'need' it.

[Fetish]

In general I think guys are more-laid back and tend to deal with drama differently. A lot of guys I know prefer to either fight it out or just forget about it. But there are a lot of guys I know who are just as dramatic (if not more dramatic) than a lot of females I know.

[ami kio]

Originally Posted by agart245

I think a lot of female drama stems from insecurity. Instead of confronting a problem head on, many girls I know will go behind the back of the person they are upset with and talk sh*t about that person until they feel better.

Hmm, it's a double edged sword. Sometimes a good vent is what you need to feel better, and I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, many people go to shrinks to talk about things that bother them, and that may include difficult relationships/friendships.

IMO, the problem is when one gets stuck in venting mode or lets it color the relationship.

I kind of agree with previous posters who mentioned not seeing their female friends too often -- it's a platonic variation of "distance makes the heart grow fonder". My close female friends are ones that live in other cities who IM regularly. For whatever reason, my BFF from college dropped me when she went to med school. I really miss that friendship, but life happens.

[Vegas Long Legs]

Wonder is it has anything to do with stress like the hospital enviroment? Maybe it has to do with the career level?

None of us have worked in every industry to know how it exactly breaks down, kwim.

It seems like there would be a hinderance to promoting someone who's a drama queen so maybe its at the lower levels, the pink collar workers.

The answer is probably as simple as some women & some men are just prone to drama. For what ever reason there is a group who normally wouldn't be, but that just get dragged into it. Which is why it seems like so many are into drama.

Fetish - that is exactly what most men do. (don't want to generalize) Fight it out either verbally or physically & just move on. They get over it.

Twink - Can relate. Just so over drama friendships. Big time wasters.

[AngelBABY84]

Originally Posted by GirlFriday

I agree completely with VLL. We can choose who we hang around. Yes, lots of women are dramatic, but lots of them aren't. We can control the company we keep to a certain extent.

^^I agree.