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juneping · Oct 1st, 2009, 01:11 PM

i think for me...mn...i actually enjoy the female companionship. we can talk about of stuff. but i think after many years of disappointment and clicking w/ girlfriends...i think the trick is to meet them not so often. i found that way...i actually would miss them and enjoy spending time with them. so we actually wouldn't have time to become catty..

i admit women takes more energy to be friends with...not all but majority. men are just low maintenance friends..even bf sometimes :P

chinahopes · Oct 1st, 2009, 02:14 PM

Most people I run into seem to think it's "cool" or "better" to have a lot of friends. I have 2 good friends in my current location and 3 or 4 from where I'm from, a long ways away. I am VERY particular about whom I surround myself with.

rainrowan · Oct 1st, 2009, 02:25 PM

It could be everyone suffers from some kind of pain inside and they're just walking around with it. That's why it's so easy to be critical/angry/upset/disappointed with someone else, because they reflect what one doesn't see in oneself...

Beenie · Oct 1st, 2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by schadenfreude

There's such competition between women -- a weird contradictory need to be accepted and the need to be the best. It just doesn't go well together. And it seems that women know no boundaries. Whatever it takes to make them feel better, they do it, whether it's gossiping, talking shit, all the way to flat out lying and manipulation.

I agree with much of this. Sad tho...

petitechouchou · Oct 1st, 2009, 06:54 PM

I am still trying to figure out why some women are all drama. I have many theories and I have given up on trying to solve the so-called 'mystery'.

Lucky for me, I have a best friend (let's call her A) that is so awesome and I love her to pieces because she's been there for me thru thick and thin

Vegas Long Legs · Oct 1st, 2009, 08:26 PM

Meeting a good friend is no different than meeting a good man. We can't just go out & settle for the first one that comes along. Don't give up!

JMO - these kind of connections involve activities that are soul related. Maybe its volunteering for a charity, Like working for the Susan B Koman Foundation. Volunteer at a hospital, museum, etc.
I think relationships with other women get easier as you age. Poeple are more willing to go way across barriers like age etc. Most older women have had their time in the sun so its not such a competition. And most have loved & lost & recognize that good girlfriends will be there long after men leave (or die.)

vhdos · Oct 1st, 2009, 09:23 PM

I have very few women friends and I am just fine with it. Every once in a while, it's fun to meet them for dinner/drinks, but that's about all the effort that I care to put into it.

Fetish · Oct 1st, 2009, 10:17 PM

Not every female is like that. I think some people look too hard into things and just because they had awful experiences perhaps time and again, it does not mean its always the case. There are good people out there, its a matter of finding them. And in my situation, not being TOO close to them. Most of my best girlfriends I have actually NEVER had an argument with or had any sort of drama with. But I dont see/talk to them on a daily basis for that to happen. I distance myself away just enough not to allow each other to get on the others nerves and such.

I think its possible that a lot of women are sensitive and hold things in too much. And when they finally have the courage to step into a friendship again, they get burned and stray away from them completely. If you honestly think you are happier that way, then so be it. If having no friends and never having to deal with drama is preferable to you then thats great. Its your life and no one has the right to judge you for it.

But one thing I want to point out is it really depends on the people you surround yourself with. One of my best friends and I lead completely seperate and different lives. Shes constantly complaining to me about the girls in her life. "They are competitive, they are jealous, they make comments about my (thin) figure or my face, they try to fight or ague with me, they put me down.." For years shes been complaining of this and I try to be supportive and helpful and tell her not to stress.

Finally after complaining about this for the millionth time, last week she asks me: "Well what about you? Do girls ever do that to YOU?" I looked at her and said: "No, never." Although she is much thinner and has a much nicer body than me, more confidence, everything.. Ive never had to suffer this problem. And I simply told her: "Its the people you surround yourself around." She is a party-goer.. hanging out with alcoholics and partiers and drug addicts. Im very selective who I hang around but shes a crowd person, so you are more likely to bump into nasties when you make new friends. (Dont get me wrong, Im not saying its the drugs and alcohol.. just the people she surrounds herself with). So you have to be careful about that too. And its not always the "bad crowd" thats going to hurt you in the end. It could be anyone.

If you arent good at reading people, be wary. Look for signs that someone may be a little "not all there" and watch how they treat other people. You will be way less likely to get burned. Usually backstabbers and dramatic people will give you subtle (or often times very obvious) hints that they are only out to cause trouble or hurt people. Sometimes we tend not to look into things too much or pay attention but we should. And dont get too close to anyone too fast. How can a person hurt you and scar you THAT badly when they arent that close to you or dont know much about you? We let ourselves fall into friendships and trust others way too quickly and we end up getting hurt. Move slowly in a friendship like you would a relationship. Be selective of your group of friends and if you are still constantly getting burned, perhaps opt for a different type of friend you wouldnt normally go for.

karmenzsofia · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:19 PM

Addiction. To drama, that is.

I'm convinced there's a pathological component in people who constantly gravitate toward drama and/or create it out of thin air. And, unfortunately, it does seem to be more prevalent in women than men...IMO.

one fifty · Oct 2nd, 2009, 01:38 AM

I agree that sometimes friends grate on each others' nerves and really, I know sometimes they probably do talk about me behind my back but so long as it's not nasty I don't really care KWIM? I value my female friendships and even though I've been burned in the past I don't give up on women as friends.

the other day a close friend (B) was venting about our mutual friend (F) who was trying to persuade her into a financial investment that she didn't want to join, and I listened and gave some hopefully constructive feedback on how to politely but assertively deal with the situation. We honestly agreed that F has a history of poor financial decision making and while we cannot stop her, it is fine for B to draw a line and say no to joining. I guess you can say we were "talking about our friend behind her back" but I don't see it that way, I know F would be hurt if she heard a tape recording of our conversation but from a bruised ego rather than us being catty or causing drama.

I do draw the line at people who are just so darned selfish they can't be bothered with you because their husband, kid, whatever is their LIFE. I did vent on tPF about one such friend and there was no drama, I've just distanced myself from her, and I wouldn't put a lot of energy into being there for her if one day her marriage fell apart and suddenly she "needed" girlfriends. Selfish people like that aren't worth my time, male or female.

Hally · Oct 2nd, 2009, 01:59 AM

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Addiction. To drama, that is.

I'm convinced there's a pathological component in people who constantly gravitate toward drama and/or create it out of thin air. And, unfortunately, it does seem to be more prevalent in women than men...IMO.

ITA! I know a few people who had particularly chaotic lives as children and I think they are wired to crave drama and it "follows" them everywhere (or they create it themselves).

Cheetah7 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM

I work in a large hospital and most of the drama I see takes place there amongst the women. You'd think in a place like that employees should be more professional in their conduct but I guess not. Most of the gossip and backstabbing takes place during lunch break and I try not to associate with others who do nothing but talk about other people.

In the past I've had friends who continually create drama in their lives and attempt to involve everyone around them in it. It's as if their lives would be extremely boring without it. I distanced myself from them because the friendship was emotionally draining. Now I have 2 friends who are great and don't get into all that.

GirlFriday · Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:13 AM

I agree completely with VLL. We can choose who we hang around. Yes, lots of women are dramatic, but lots of them aren't. We can control the company we keep to a certain extent.

Fetish · Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:14 AM

Originally Posted by Cheetah7

I work in a large hospital and most of the drama I see takes place there amongst the women. You'd think in a place like that employees should be more professional in their conduct but I guess not. Most of the gossip and backstabbing takes place during lunch break and I try not to associate with others who do nothing but talk about other people.

In the past I've had friends who continually create drama in their lives and attempt to involve everyone around them in it. It's as if their lives would be extremely boring without it. I distanced myself from them because the friendship was emotionally draining. Now I have 2 friends who are great and don't get into all that.

My mother actually works in a hosptial and on a regular basis I have to hear about all the drama and backstabbing that goes on between the 40+ year old women. Its true when they say high school just never ends. You would think that perhaps the WORKPLACE of ALL places would have less drama considering you should be professional and especially in a hospital where you are dealing with peoples lives. Nope..

GirlFriday · Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:20 AM

^I worked in a hospital as well with ALL women in my department and there was quite a bit of drama. It was work to not get involved in it. Luckily there were some women that didn't go there, and they stayed out of it. I don't think it's ALL women, but you're right, it was strange to see women in their 50s act like they were still in highschool.

Oct 1st, 2009, 01:11 PM	#16
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,344	i think for me...mn...i actually enjoy the female companionship. we can talk about of stuff. but i think after many years of disappointment and clicking w/ girlfriends...i think the trick is to meet them not so often. i found that way...i actually would miss them and enjoy spending time with them. so we actually wouldn't have time to become catty.. i admit women takes more energy to be friends with...not all but majority. men are just low maintenance friends..even bf sometimes :P
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Oct 1st, 2009, 02:25 PM	#18
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934	It could be everyone suffers from some kind of pain inside and they're just walking around with it. That's why it's so easy to be critical/angry/upset/disappointed with someone else, because they reflect what one doesn't see in oneself...
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934

Oct 1st, 2009, 08:26 PM	#21
Vegas Long Legs In an Italian Villa Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 6,097	Meeting a good friend is no different than meeting a good man. We can't just go out & settle for the first one that comes along. Don't give up! JMO - these kind of connections involve activities that are soul related. Maybe its volunteering for a charity, Like working for the Susan B Koman Foundation. Volunteer at a hospital, museum, etc. I think relationships with other women get easier as you age. Poeple are more willing to go way across barriers like age etc. Most older women have had their time in the sun so its not such a competition. And most have loved & lost & recognize that good girlfriends will be there long after men leave (or die.)
	__________________ If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made out of meat? Tom Snyder 1936 -2007 Jane is an oil painting. Her & friends can be found at www.donaldrollerwilson.com

Oct 1st, 2009, 09:23 PM	#22
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,139	I have very few women friends and I am just fine with it. Every once in a while, it's fun to meet them for dinner/drinks, but that's about all the effort that I care to put into it.
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,139	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Oct 1st, 2009, 10:17 PM	#23
Fetish Sofa King Banned Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 93	Not every female is like that. I think some people look too hard into things and just because they had awful experiences perhaps time and again, it does not mean its always the case. There are good people out there, its a matter of finding them. And in my situation, not being TOO close to them. Most of my best girlfriends I have actually NEVER had an argument with or had any sort of drama with. But I dont see/talk to them on a daily basis for that to happen. I distance myself away just enough not to allow each other to get on the others nerves and such. I think its possible that a lot of women are sensitive and hold things in too much. And when they finally have the courage to step into a friendship again, they get burned and stray away from them completely. If you honestly think you are happier that way, then so be it. If having no friends and never having to deal with drama is preferable to you then thats great. Its your life and no one has the right to judge you for it. But one thing I want to point out is it really depends on the people you surround yourself with. One of my best friends and I lead completely seperate and different lives. Shes constantly complaining to me about the girls in her life. "They are competitive, they are jealous, they make comments about my (thin) figure or my face, they try to fight or ague with me, they put me down.." For years shes been complaining of this and I try to be supportive and helpful and tell her not to stress. Finally after complaining about this for the millionth time, last week she asks me: "Well what about you? Do girls ever do that to YOU?" I looked at her and said: "No, never." Although she is much thinner and has a much nicer body than me, more confidence, everything.. Ive never had to suffer this problem. And I simply told her: "Its the people you surround yourself around." She is a party-goer.. hanging out with alcoholics and partiers and drug addicts. Im very selective who I hang around but shes a crowd person, so you are more likely to bump into nasties when you make new friends. (Dont get me wrong, Im not saying its the drugs and alcohol.. just the people she surrounds herself with). So you have to be careful about that too. And its not always the "bad crowd" thats going to hurt you in the end. It could be anyone. If you arent good at reading people, be wary. Look for signs that someone may be a little "not all there" and watch how they treat other people. You will be way less likely to get burned. Usually backstabbers and dramatic people will give you subtle (or often times very obvious) hints that they are only out to cause trouble or hurt people. Sometimes we tend not to look into things too much or pay attention but we should. And dont get too close to anyone too fast. How can a person hurt you and scar you THAT badly when they arent that close to you or dont know much about you? We let ourselves fall into friendships and trust others way too quickly and we end up getting hurt. Move slowly in a friendship like you would a relationship. Be selective of your group of friends and if you are still constantly getting burned, perhaps opt for a different type of friend you wouldnt normally go for.
Fetish Sofa King Banned Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 93

Oct 1st, 2009, 02:14 PM	#17
chinahopes Luckiest. Joined: Oct 2008 Location: the Beach, SC Posts: 1,000	Most people I run into seem to think it's "cool" or "better" to have a lot of friends. I have 2 good friends in my current location and 3 or 4 from where I'm from, a long ways away. I am VERY particular about whom I surround myself with.

Oct 1st, 2009, 06:54 PM	#20
petitechouchou "H" is for Hamster Joined: Jun 2009 Location: sleeping in my skybox Posts: 1,283	I am still trying to figure out why some women are all drama. I have many theories and I have given up on trying to solve the so-called 'mystery'. Lucky for me, I have a best friend (let's call her A) that is so awesome and I love her to pieces because she's been there for me thru thick and thin

Oct 1st, 2009, 11:19 PM	#24
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	Addiction. To drama, that is. I'm convinced there's a pathological component in people who constantly gravitate toward drama and/or create it out of thin air. And, unfortunately, it does seem to be more prevalent in women than men...IMO.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Oct 2nd, 2009, 01:38 AM	#25
one fifty Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 287	I agree that sometimes friends grate on each others' nerves and really, I know sometimes they probably do talk about me behind my back but so long as it's not nasty I don't really care KWIM? I value my female friendships and even though I've been burned in the past I don't give up on women as friends. the other day a close friend (B) was venting about our mutual friend (F) who was trying to persuade her into a financial investment that she didn't want to join, and I listened and gave some hopefully constructive feedback on how to politely but assertively deal with the situation. We honestly agreed that F has a history of poor financial decision making and while we cannot stop her, it is fine for B to draw a line and say no to joining. I guess you can say we were "talking about our friend behind her back" but I don't see it that way, I know F would be hurt if she heard a tape recording of our conversation but from a bruised ego rather than us being catty or causing drama. I do draw the line at people who are just so darned selfish they can't be bothered with you because their husband, kid, whatever is their LIFE. I did vent on tPF about one such friend and there was no drama, I've just distanced myself from her, and I wouldn't put a lot of energy into being there for her if one day her marriage fell apart and suddenly she "needed" girlfriends. Selfish people like that aren't worth my time, male or female.
one fifty Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 287

Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:08 AM	#27
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	I work in a large hospital and most of the drama I see takes place there amongst the women. You'd think in a place like that employees should be more professional in their conduct but I guess not. Most of the gossip and backstabbing takes place during lunch break and I try not to associate with others who do nothing but talk about other people. In the past I've had friends who continually create drama in their lives and attempt to involve everyone around them in it. It's as if their lives would be extremely boring without it. I distanced myself from them because the friendship was emotionally draining. Now I have 2 friends who are great and don't get into all that.
	__________________ Last edited by Cheetah7; Oct 2nd, 2009 at 02:11 AM.

Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:13 AM	#28
GirlFriday Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,355	I agree completely with VLL. We can choose who we hang around. Yes, lots of women are dramatic, but lots of them aren't. We can control the company we keep to a certain extent.
GirlFriday Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,355

Oct 2nd, 2009, 02:20 AM	#30
GirlFriday Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,355	^I worked in a hospital as well with ALL women in my department and there was quite a bit of drama. It was work to not get involved in it. Luckily there were some women that didn't go there, and they stayed out of it. I don't think it's ALL women, but you're right, it was strange to see women in their 50s act like they were still in highschool.
GirlFriday Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,355

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