Why doesn't he understand? Long.

Amberini · Jun 28th, 2008, 09:29 PM

About a year and a half ago, I went out with a guy and I couldn't decide if I really liked him, so I finished with him to save any further confusion. A lot of rumours were spread and I'd broken his heart apparently.

It took a while for us to be able to even look at each other again but eventually we started talking and ended up the best of friends. I didn't see or speak to him for about three months, but as soon as I saw him again i couldn't get rid of him.

He's always telling me "I'm the one" and that he'll love me forever, because no one's like me. Yet, he's been in a relationship with the same girl (who happens to be one of my best friends) TWICE.

Things were fine between her and him when Joe* and I hadn't seen each other but when I came back he finished with her. Still telling me I was the one.

I really don't want a relationship with him, because I know how sour things turned out last time. Yet, he won't stop pestering me. I've told him I don't want to be his girlfriend - can I make it any more clear?

Everytime I shrug him off or do something mean, all I get it "That means you like me!" I do love him, just not in a romantic way. For a time, it was flattering, now it's flat out irritating. I like other guys, but every time I talk to one, or slightly intimate, he's there like a flash. Coming over all possessive. "Oh, I saw you with such & such earlier, what were you doing? I was jealous, you were all over each other" and we're not going out, so what would he be like it we were? He's taken my phone and gone through it, threatened guys to stay away from me, he waits outside school for me to make sure I don't see anyone before I go home and I don't know what I can do to make it any clearer to him, to put him straight and tell him he doesn't own me.

He's really beginning to grate on my nerves.

What can I do?

lovinalotofbags · Jun 28th, 2008, 09:50 PM

This guy really sounds unhinged capable of doing anything. Try to keep your distance and do not talk about your dates with him. You may need to warn others of your relationship. You need to have a serious talk with him in public about his behavior. I am not sure you can even be friends with him.

rainrowan · Jun 28th, 2008, 11:34 PM

You need to make arrangements to have someone else be with you to walk or drive you home after school to avoid this guy, he is really out of line.

I was stalked once in school, I don't know what I did other than I happened to acknowledge this classmate one day in passing. After that, he acted like we were BF/GF and would grab me in the halls to hug me until I yelled at him to stop. After that, he became really nasty and threatening to me in the hallways. There are some sick people out there so be careful!

He's stalking you... it sounds like it's out of control already. You need as many people to know about this as possible, and find out from school security what you can do to protect yourself from this guy. Security might have to escort you out to make sure you'll be safe.

mjlover1977 · Jun 28th, 2008, 11:35 PM

cut him off - period. he cant just be your 'friend' ... seriously, thats not fair what he's doing!

SimplyMe · Jun 29th, 2008, 12:04 AM

He's a loser and a creep. I would stop being friends with him if I were you. Who cares if you're "the one" for him, you know he's not "the one" for you.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 29th, 2008, 12:21 AM

tell him if he doesn't back off you will have no choice but to get the authorities involved. then tell him you are shopping for a rottweiler.

Couture Dreams · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:42 AM

^ lol

its nice that you guys are friends, but obviously those arent his only intentions. he wants you and he cant have you. you cant continue to be his friend. Stop talking to him and drop him from your life. It sounds cruel, but if you dont you'll never get rid of him

GirlFriday · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjlover1977

cut him off - period. he cant just be your 'friend' ... seriously, thats not fair what he's doing!

I agree. He's proven that he can't be friends with you. I would cut him completely off.

When I was single, I hated it when good guy friends tried to cross the friendship line...it always ruined the dynamic of our friendship.

gina8521 · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:57 AM

I also agree, if you don't want a relationship with him, you can't continue to be friends with him. He wants more than friendship & will never get over those feelings if you are hanging around as friends.
I think what he is doing to you is borderline stalking. That could be a potentially dangerous situation.

Amberini · Jun 29th, 2008, 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

tell him if he doesn't back off you will have no choice but to get the authorities involved. then tell him you are shopping for a rottweiler.

legendary.

Hmm, I never thought of it as stalking, it just doesn't seem like him at all. He needs a good talking to, but I don't know how to arrange something without him thinking it's a date...

artich0ke · Jun 29th, 2008, 10:35 AM

Your best option might be to end the friendship.

Whether or not it's your intention (and I'm sure it's not), you're leading him on by still being friends with him. If he is as obsessed with you (and I will not say in love with you, because at this point he does sound obsessed) as he says he is, anything you do to contact him is going to make him think there's a chance the two of you will be together. He may have even been only dating your friend to stay within your circle of friends, you know?

He's a creep, and you need to distance yourself. Make sure you're never alone with him, and don't let him get anywhere near your phone! You may want to consider just telling him you're uncomfortable with his behavior and to stop contacting you because, if he doesn't, you are going to get the authorities involved.

I'm sorry you have to be "friends" with such a creepy dude! Best of luck to you :)

bagnshoofetish · Jun 29th, 2008, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amberini

legendary.

Hmm, I never thought of it as stalking, it just doesn't seem like him at all. He needs a good talking to, but I don't know how to arrange something without him thinking it's a date...

don't make any special arrangements to talk to him. simply tell him next time you see him.

cristalena56 · Jun 29th, 2008, 09:44 PM

restraining order?

he would creep me out..

amber11 · Jun 29th, 2008, 11:43 PM

sounds like a stalker! definitely cut all ties with him- the more attention you give him the more your fueling the fire... and i might let somebody close to you know everything going on just in case you need help down the road if this guy doesn't leave you alone

leaf69erin · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:28 AM

The fact that he is threatening other guys that you are seeing is just pushing it over the line. Do you have any big guy freinds/interests that could have a word with him? Big brother or dad? Anyone just to tell him to back off or else. If he is a truuue freind he will back down and be normal, if he keeps it up then drop all contact with him entirely.. I just hope you go to a big school! Cos if it's a small school then it'll be hard :( Good luck!

Jun 28th, 2008, 09:29 PM	#1
Amberini Amberini Bellini Location: UK	Why doesn't he understand? Long. About a year and a half ago, I went out with a guy and I couldn't decide if I really liked him, so I finished with him to save any further confusion. A lot of rumours were spread and I'd broken his heart apparently. It took a while for us to be able to even look at each other again but eventually we started talking and ended up the best of friends. I didn't see or speak to him for about three months, but as soon as I saw him again i couldn't get rid of him. He's always telling me "I'm the one" and that he'll love me forever, because no one's like me. Yet, he's been in a relationship with the same girl (who happens to be one of my best friends) TWICE. Things were fine between her and him when Joe* and I hadn't seen each other but when I came back he finished with her. Still telling me I was the one. I really don't want a relationship with him, because I know how sour things turned out last time. Yet, he won't stop pestering me. I've told him I don't want to be his girlfriend - can I make it any more clear? Everytime I shrug him off or do something mean, all I get it "That means you like me!" I do love him, just not in a romantic way. For a time, it was flattering, now it's flat out irritating. I like other guys, but every time I talk to one, or slightly intimate, he's there like a flash. Coming over all possessive. "Oh, I saw you with such & such earlier, what were you doing? I was jealous, you were all over each other" and we're not going out, so what would he be like it we were? He's taken my phone and gone through it, threatened guys to stay away from me, he waits outside school for me to make sure I don't see anyone before I go home and I don't know what I can do to make it any clearer to him, to put him straight and tell him he doesn't own me. He's really beginning to grate on my nerves. What can I do? __________________ Well, at least he's taking care of things...

Jun 28th, 2008, 09:50 PM	#2
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	This guy really sounds unhinged capable of doing anything. Try to keep your distance and do not talk about your dates with him. You may need to warn others of your relationship. You need to have a serious talk with him in public about his behavior. I am not sure you can even be friends with him. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 28th, 2008, 11:35 PM	#4
mjlover1977 happily in love Location: Sydney, Australia	cut him off - period. he cant just be your 'friend' ... seriously, thats not fair what he's doing! __________________ my lil bag collection chloe silver silverado LV mono speedy 25 Balenciaga ink shoulder LV Amarante large cles Chloe tan paddington Chanel black mini flap Chanel black lamskin east west Balenciaga black GSH day Prada dark brown cervo lux medium tote miu miu metallic purple small matelasse MBMJ midnight terri Marc Jacobs black quilted banana hobo Marc Jacobs black icey little stam

Jun 29th, 2008, 12:21 AM	#6
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	tell him if he doesn't back off you will have no choice but to get the authorities involved. then tell him you are shopping for a rottweiler. __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:42 AM	#7
Couture Dreams spidey kisses Location: Lovely CA	^ lol its nice that you guys are friends, but obviously those arent his only intentions. he wants you and he cant have you. you cant continue to be his friend. Stop talking to him and drop him from your life. It sounds cruel, but if you dont you'll never get rid of him __________________ SAN FRANCISCO TPF MEET! August 10, 2008 http://forum.purseblog.com/tpf-meeti...216050-11.html Be there.. or be square! Wishlist - Coach Lindsay Vintage Shopper in Gray

Jun 28th, 2008, 11:34 PM	#3
rainrowan INFJ	You need to make arrangements to have someone else be with you to walk or drive you home after school to avoid this guy, he is really out of line. I was stalked once in school, I don't know what I did other than I happened to acknowledge this classmate one day in passing. After that, he acted like we were BF/GF and would grab me in the halls to hug me until I yelled at him to stop. After that, he became really nasty and threatening to me in the hallways. There are some sick people out there so be careful! He's stalking you... it sounds like it's out of control already. You need as many people to know about this as possible, and find out from school security what you can do to protect yourself from this guy. Security might have to escort you out to make sure you'll be safe.

Jun 29th, 2008, 12:04 AM	#5
SimplyMe Racing With You. Location: Very foggy!	He's a loser and a creep. I would stop being friends with him if I were you. Who cares if you're "the one" for him, you know he's not "the one" for you.

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:57 AM	#9
gina8521 Member Location: Las Vegas	I also agree, if you don't want a relationship with him, you can't continue to be friends with him. He wants more than friendship & will never get over those feelings if you are hanging around as friends. I think what he is doing to you is borderline stalking. That could be a potentially dangerous situation.

Jun 29th, 2008, 10:35 AM	#11
artich0ke Member Location: down the Cape	Your best option might be to end the friendship. Whether or not it's your intention (and I'm sure it's not), you're leading him on by still being friends with him. If he is as obsessed with you (and I will not say in love with you, because at this point he does sound obsessed) as he says he is, anything you do to contact him is going to make him think there's a chance the two of you will be together. He may have even been only dating your friend to stay within your circle of friends, you know? He's a creep, and you need to distance yourself. Make sure you're never alone with him, and don't let him get anywhere near your phone! You may want to consider just telling him you're uncomfortable with his behavior and to stop contacting you because, if he doesn't, you are going to get the authorities involved. I'm sorry you have to be "friends" with such a creepy dude! Best of luck to you :) __________________ artich0ke

Jun 29th, 2008, 09:44 PM	#13
cristalena56 ~bethy-lame-o~ Location: phoenix,az	restraining order? he would creep me out.. __________________ "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, My CB Site MySpace But diamonds are a girl's best friend......" Wishlist My Little Collection

Jun 29th, 2008, 11:43 PM	#14
amber11 Member	sounds like a stalker! definitely cut all ties with him- the more attention you give him the more your fueling the fire... and i might let somebody close to you know everything going on just in case you need help down the road if this guy doesn't leave you alone

Jun 30th, 2008, 04:28 AM	#15
leaf69erin Member Location: Australia	The fact that he is threatening other guys that you are seeing is just pushing it over the line. Do you have any big guy freinds/interests that could have a word with him? Big brother or dad? Anyone just to tell him to back off or else. If he is a truuue freind he will back down and be normal, if he keeps it up then drop all contact with him entirely.. I just hope you go to a big school! Cos if it's a small school then it'll be hard :( Good luck!