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stephc005 · Aug 6th, 2009, 11:35 PM

wow i never even thought about this till now! my bf and i are definitely one of those couples who "plan to get engaged." and truthfully, i am waiting on a damn ring lol. even though it's more about love and all that, without a ring, people (at least those i know) do not think of you as being engaged. another thing, my relatives do not believe in long engagements. if you say you're engaged, they expect a wedding date right away, and will actually think something is wrong if you do have a longer engagement (like 1 yr +). so for me personally, it's better to keep my lips sealed and not even mention an engagement.

candypants1100 · Aug 7th, 2009, 03:03 AM

my fiance gave me a sapphire ring when we first started to get serious as a 'promise ring', like just signifying his commitment to me and our future together. a year later, we got engaged (new ring- a diamond!) and in a year we'll get married.

i have a huge family, and it is important to me to have them at my wedding. thru research i've learned that the more people at your wedding, the more money you spend. so, in planning to get engaged, it kind of buys you some time to start saving for the wedding and future together, rather than getting engaged only to be married two years from that time since most engaged couples get married within a year of the proposal

elmel · Aug 7th, 2009, 12:03 PM

In my case, we are college seniors - so we Plan to get engaged when we both graduate from law school. I think a lot of the time that you make a plan, because there is som reason you are not ready or whether you can afford it, etc etc.

Gimmethebag · Aug 7th, 2009, 11:55 PM

My SO and I have been together for almost seven years. We've discussed engagement at several points in our relationship and we are planning on getting engaged within the next two years.

My SO wants to graduate law school. It's very important to him that he buy my ring himself, with little to no help from his family. Most of the rings in his social circle are 2-3 carats (center stone) and of above average quality... basically, expensive! He also wants us to pay for most of our wedding (my dad agreed to help with some costs too, so I can hold my ground against pressure for a larger wedding). We currently live in a city where we may not be living in a year, and we don't even know where we would want to hold a wedding. After seven years, marriage is not going to change our relationship... We know that we will get married, but we're not in that much of a hurry. Right now I work and I have my own health benefits... it might be different as we get closer to wanting children and I might want to not work full time and take advantage of his health benefits.

My SO knows my ring preferences and knows that I will kill him if he ever proposes at a sporting event. In situations where it's just easier to address each other as fiance/fiancee, I have my great grandmother's engagement ring. I sometimes wear an eternity band on my ring finger at work.

Green Zebra · Aug 8th, 2009, 12:04 AM

I think it's more about the engagement ring...and the plans being readied for the marriage ceremony.

Me? I've been engaged for 7 years....and just got married... Go figure! LOL

dearmissie · Aug 8th, 2009, 01:35 AM

Originally Posted by L4F4

I also find it strange how some couples get engaged to be married years from now. Either get married now (within a few months of the engagement) or don't get engage yet if you're not willing to get married in a few months.

Then should I not be engaged?? I've got a long engagement and it's not because were not "willing" to get married in a few months. I personally WANTED a longer engagement. In addition, the wedding will be paid in cash. And in our family, we don't get married the same year as someone else in our wedding. We don't want to steal anyones thunder and want to be able to give each wedding equal amounts of attention and dedication. It just happens to be that there are 3 weddings within my immediate family. Plus we chose a special meaningful date to wed, not just any convienent Saturday.

niseixtenshi · Aug 8th, 2009, 05:00 AM

Originally Posted by MissLianne

I'm actually one of those "planning on getting engaged at xxx"

I think engagements-weddings and marriages are just different these days as opposed to generations past. It's not just the love and commitment factor you need to have in the equation, but financially stability is almost as important.

Same here. I've been w/ my bf for 6+ years and we talk about marriage all the time & how it'll be in the future. Problem is, we want to buy a house when we get married. I'm a teacher & currently jobless. Mentally, we're both completely committed to each other & know we'll be marrying each other..but we're not financially there yet. I can't wait to be engaged & start our lives together...but again, we're just not there yet.

vuittonamour · Aug 8th, 2009, 02:22 PM

okay there's several reasons for us. it's getting annoying for me now to have to tell people we aren't engaged yet, but it's all because my boyfriend just graduated school and still can't find a job. and it really sucks because before the economy went downhill, someone like him would have had a job offer before he was even officially done with school. he wants to make sure we are on our feet first. and because he wants to be able to buy me a nice ring, which can't even be thought about when he doesn't have a job yet.

we live 300 miles apart. that money that could be saved for a ring or future plans right now is being spent just so we can be able to see each other. we are not financially stable enough right now to really be engaged. and while people say money doesn't matter, to my boyfriend, it does. he wants to make sure it's the right time to be spending the money for a ring and to just be a little farther along before we dive in head first and end up with a wedding and no money or no place to live.

ejoy43 · Aug 8th, 2009, 11:09 PM

YES! You do have to plan an engagement! I've been dating my bf for 8 years and will probably be dating him for another 1-2 years before we get engaged (I'm 24 now). We are simply in no financial situation to get engaged right now, but believe me, if money were no object, of course we'd be engaged already! Duh! Hehe!

As much as money doesn't matter, you have to be financially stable to get married. And getting married is expensive. Engagement rings alone are EXPENSIVE! I honestly know nothing about jewelry, but I swear my bf sweats every time I mention the word ring because he thinks about the huge chunk of change that's gonna be broken off when he finally buys this sucker! Haha! At the same time, once the engagement happens, the wedding expenses are a factor from that point on. I don't believe you have to get married within a certain time frame after the engagement. I am looking forward to a long engagement, because after having experienced the weddings of family members, they take months to plan, but only last a few hours. HOURS! Seriously, all the money is *poof* gone! I am a very traditional girl though and believe in having a fabulous wedding within a reasonable budget. But we do have to plan, plan, plan and save, save, save!

And another huge factor is what happens after the wedding. You have to have a roof over your head and money to pay the bills and survive. A marriage is going to be quite challenging if you can't support each other. That is why I feel you have to plan engagements. You have to be ready to plan a wedding and commit to marriage before you get engaged, right? At least that's how I feel!

PrettyInPink · Aug 8th, 2009, 11:16 PM

I don't think there's any more commitment with being engaged than there is when you're dating. My boyfriend always says, "engaged is just boyfriend/girlfriend with a ring." And, I think that's totally true.

queenvictoria2 · Aug 9th, 2009, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by PrettyInPink

I don't think there's any more commitment with being engaged than there is when you're dating. My boyfriend always says, "engaged is just boyfriend/girlfriend with a ring." And, I think that's totally true.

I don't think this is true. One doesn't have to plan on marrying every person they date

ChiChi143 · Aug 9th, 2009, 10:03 AM

My boyfriend and I are one of those couples that plan to get engaged. We've been together for almost 9 years...since we were 15. We know we are going to get engaged/married within the next couple of years. What's holding us back? Financial reasons. My boyfriend is currently trying to pay off all his debts so he can buy me a ring and we can get married and buy a house soon after. We can do it now, but we'd rather wait a little bit so we can save more money for everything (ring, wedding, house).

michie · Aug 9th, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by PrettyInPink

I don't think there's any more commitment with being engaged than there is when you're dating. My boyfriend always says, "engaged is just boyfriend/girlfriend with a ring." And, I think that's totally true.

LOL. I agree with him, too. If I've been with a man X number of years and we've made concrete plans to get married, that's all I need. But that's just me....

Originally Posted by queenvictoria2

I don't think this is true. One doesn't have to plan on marrying every person they date

I think she (and her BF) meant exclusively dating.

PrettyInPink · Aug 9th, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by michie

LOL. I agree with him, too. If I've been with a man X number of years and we've made concrete plans to get married, that's all I need. But that's just me....

Yep... that's all I need too. We are not in a financially stable enough situation to get married right now. My boyfriend lost his job a few months ago, and I'm not even graduated from school yet. I want to be in a good place financially before I get married.

We have a few stipulations to getting married to each other (both of us are debt free - besides a house or a car, both of us have jobs with benefits, my degree is finished - he's 5 years older than me, and finding a suitable house - we're in the process of looking.)

L4F4 · Aug 9th, 2009, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by dearmissie

Then should I not be engaged?? I've got a long engagement and it's not because were not "willing" to get married in a few months. I personally WANTED a longer engagement. In addition, the wedding will be paid in cash. And in our family, we don't get married the same year as someone else in our wedding. We don't want to steal anyones thunder and want to be able to give each wedding equal amounts of attention and dedication. It just happens to be that there are 3 weddings within my immediate family. Plus we chose a special meaningful date to wed, not just any convienent Saturday.

Should or shouldn't is for each one to say. I'm not telling anyone what to do. For me, I wouldn't.

Aug 7th, 2009, 03:03 AM	#32
candypants1100 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: candyland Posts: 4,584	my fiance gave me a sapphire ring when we first started to get serious as a 'promise ring', like just signifying his commitment to me and our future together. a year later, we got engaged (new ring- a diamond!) and in a year we'll get married. i have a huge family, and it is important to me to have them at my wedding. thru research i've learned that the more people at your wedding, the more money you spend. so, in planning to get engaged, it kind of buys you some time to start saving for the wedding and future together, rather than getting engaged only to be married two years from that time since most engaged couples get married within a year of the proposal
	__________________ There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction. - Salvador Dali

Aug 7th, 2009, 12:03 PM	#33
elmel Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,327	In my case, we are college seniors - so we Plan to get engaged when we both graduate from law school. I think a lot of the time that you make a plan, because there is som reason you are not ready or whether you can afford it, etc etc.
elmel Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,327	__________________ I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in wearing lip gloss for no reason at all. I believe in love. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. -Audrey Hepburn~ Waiting for my... RM Matinee in Latte

Aug 7th, 2009, 11:55 PM	#34
Gimmethebag Gimme Gimme Gimme Joined: Dec 2008 Location: STL-Nashville-Chicago Posts: 1,109	My SO and I have been together for almost seven years. We've discussed engagement at several points in our relationship and we are planning on getting engaged within the next two years. My SO wants to graduate law school. It's very important to him that he buy my ring himself, with little to no help from his family. Most of the rings in his social circle are 2-3 carats (center stone) and of above average quality... basically, expensive! He also wants us to pay for most of our wedding (my dad agreed to help with some costs too, so I can hold my ground against pressure for a larger wedding). We currently live in a city where we may not be living in a year, and we don't even know where we would want to hold a wedding. After seven years, marriage is not going to change our relationship... We know that we will get married, but we're not in that much of a hurry. Right now I work and I have my own health benefits... it might be different as we get closer to wanting children and I might want to not work full time and take advantage of his health benefits. My SO knows my ring preferences and knows that I will kill him if he ever proposes at a sporting event. In situations where it's just easier to address each other as fiance/fiancee, I have my great grandmother's engagement ring. I sometimes wear an eternity band on my ring finger at work.
	__________________ Add Bubbles To Taste Follow me.

Aug 8th, 2009, 02:22 PM	#38
vuittonamour ooh let me see! Joined: Dec 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 4,942	okay there's several reasons for us. it's getting annoying for me now to have to tell people we aren't engaged yet, but it's all because my boyfriend just graduated school and still can't find a job. and it really sucks because before the economy went downhill, someone like him would have had a job offer before he was even officially done with school. he wants to make sure we are on our feet first. and because he wants to be able to buy me a nice ring, which can't even be thought about when he doesn't have a job yet. we live 300 miles apart. that money that could be saved for a ring or future plans right now is being spent just so we can be able to see each other. we are not financially stable enough right now to really be engaged. and while people say money doesn't matter, to my boyfriend, it does. he wants to make sure it's the right time to be spending the money for a ring and to just be a little farther along before we dive in head first and end up with a wedding and no money or no place to live.
	__________________ please help me find my UHG CLs! black satin feticha strass - 36.5

Aug 8th, 2009, 11:09 PM	#39
ejoy43 Mmmm Coach nom nom Joined: Jan 2009 Location: So Cal 562 Posts: 1,527	YES! You do have to plan an engagement! I've been dating my bf for 8 years and will probably be dating him for another 1-2 years before we get engaged (I'm 24 now). We are simply in no financial situation to get engaged right now, but believe me, if money were no object, of course we'd be engaged already! Duh! Hehe! As much as money doesn't matter, you have to be financially stable to get married. And getting married is expensive. Engagement rings alone are EXPENSIVE! I honestly know nothing about jewelry, but I swear my bf sweats every time I mention the word ring because he thinks about the huge chunk of change that's gonna be broken off when he finally buys this sucker! Haha! At the same time, once the engagement happens, the wedding expenses are a factor from that point on. I don't believe you have to get married within a certain time frame after the engagement. I am looking forward to a long engagement, because after having experienced the weddings of family members, they take months to plan, but only last a few hours. HOURS! Seriously, all the money is poof gone! I am a very traditional girl though and believe in having a fabulous wedding within a reasonable budget. But we do have to plan, plan, plan and save, save, save! And another huge factor is what happens after the wedding. You have to have a roof over your head and money to pay the bills and survive. A marriage is going to be quite challenging if you can't support each other. That is why I feel you have to plan engagements. You have to be ready to plan a wedding and commit to marriage before you get engaged, right? At least that's how I feel!
	__________________ Wish List Coach Camel Patent Hailey Coach Inlaid OP Art Claire Coach Black Madison Carryall Coach Chainlink Audrey Gucci Gunmetal Joy Boston Check out my collection Last edited by ejoy43; Aug 8th, 2009 at 11:13 PM.

Aug 6th, 2009, 11:35 PM	#31
stephc005 Member Joined: Aug 2008 Location: MD Posts: 2,731	wow i never even thought about this till now! my bf and i are definitely one of those couples who "plan to get engaged." and truthfully, i am waiting on a damn ring lol. even though it's more about love and all that, without a ring, people (at least those i know) do not think of you as being engaged. another thing, my relatives do not believe in long engagements. if you say you're engaged, they expect a wedding date right away, and will actually think something is wrong if you do have a longer engagement (like 1 yr +). so for me personally, it's better to keep my lips sealed and not even mention an engagement.

Aug 8th, 2009, 12:04 AM	#35
Green Zebra funemployed for now Joined: Oct 2008 Location: Second City Posts: 931	I think it's more about the engagement ring...and the plans being readied for the marriage ceremony. Me? I've been engaged for 7 years....and just got married... Go figure! LOL

Aug 8th, 2009, 11:16 PM	#40
PrettyInPink <3 Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Hockey Town! Posts: 1,445	I don't think there's any more commitment with being engaged than there is when you're dating. My boyfriend always says, "engaged is just boyfriend/girlfriend with a ring." And, I think that's totally true.
	__________________

Aug 9th, 2009, 10:03 AM	#42
ChiChi143 ♥ Happily Engaged ♥ Joined: Jun 2007 Location: New York Posts: 8,257	My boyfriend and I are one of those couples that plan to get engaged. We've been together for almost 9 years...since we were 15. We know we are going to get engaged/married within the next couple of years. What's holding us back? Financial reasons. My boyfriend is currently trying to pay off all his debts so he can buy me a ring and we can get married and buy a house soon after. We can do it now, but we'd rather wait a little bit so we can save more money for everything (ring, wedding, house).
	__________________

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