[jellybebe]

I have a dream. It's not a totally unattainable dream like being a rock star or supermodel or anything like that. It's a dream career for me that is challenging enough and will eventually pay off but I have a lot of schooling and other challenges to face beforehand. I won't share yet, because I still have some work to do. For the first time in my life, I am getting closer to having this dream come true, but that's because I have worked so hard for it. I'm just disappointed that lots of people around me don't seem to care or take notice. I'm not one to blab about my life, but I have told a couple of people at work just because we see each other often. I work in a related field, but there are plenty of people who work there just to make money and are not after a career or anything so there is a lot of stratification going on. Actually, one coworker I told got really excited for me and started talking about it in front of another coworker. I didn't want her to say anything, but it just slipped out. The other coworker was like, "Oh great, so I guess that means you won't be working here soon." Nothing along the lines of "Congrats" or "What are you planning to do in the future?" Nothing. I realize that she's got problems at home (she's a single mom - by choice) and a lot on her plate, but she's constantly talking about how she treats her bf like crap but he still buys her all these things, and she is not shy about flaunting the things he buys her. I am always nice and compliment her gifts when she draws them to my attention. I think that I know why people act this way towards me (this is not the only time this has happened in my life), I just wish people would be more accountable for their own actions and stop taking their misery out on everyone else! Thanks for reading. End rant.

[dlovely51]

Sorry about this experience. After a lifetime of having rose-colored glasses on, I've smashed them, never to place them on my eyes again. But with that being said, I refuse to allow the self-centered, selfish nature of a lot of people to turn me into something I'm not. I'm still soft hearted. I still care and love people, although I may not receive that love and care when I want or need it. I've just lowered my expectations for other people, hold on close to the relationships are healthy and mutual, and "guard my heart" so that I'm not hurt as deeply/frequently by the actions of others. Good luck on fulfilling your dream!!!

[sinniebunnie]

I really envy people who can go to school and obtain a degree BA/BS/MA etc. It takes a ton of commitment. Then again someone who skipped school and started low and up the food chain is also commitment or is it lack of ambushion (sp?). It seems your Co worker is jealous that you will be moving up in life and she well isn't. BTW she has to show off what she gets because she feels the need to be better in that aspect

[bagnshoofetish]

you know I love ya Jelly but you almost sound guilty of violating the very title of your thread! the fact that you want outside recognition and acknowledgment for what your personal plans are are in and of itself the very definition of self absorption. Babycakes, go for your dreams but they are just that, "your" dreams. There is no reason on earth why anyone needs to be excited as you are about what you intend to do with your life. Sure we all like encouragement but there is a difference between that and wanting praise for our achievments/intentions. Do what you are doing for yourself and your future. it should not matter to you if no one shows great admiration or concern - why should they? its your life not theirs. its happening to you. to expect that others should take interest in your personal life/goals is an unrealistic expectation and will frustrate you for the rest of your life because human nature is just not that way. thats why we have close friendships and family. those are the people who are going to be proud of you and support you. you also have to account for jealousy and feeding that emotion. its not right. keep certain things to yourself. there is no need to share every detail of your life with everyone. be content in your own achievements. others recognition or lack of it will never diminish what you've accomplished.

[sinniebunnie]

OMG is that a hotot bunny?

[restricter]

Jelly, one thing I've learned about my co-workers is that they seem the most supportive when you both can commiserate about how bad things are. Once things go well for you, they can't support you the same way.

Take pleasure in your success and the new friends you'll make on the way.

[jellybebe]

Originally Posted by sinniebunnie

OMG is that a hotot bunny?

Close - he's a netherland dwarf with blue eyes! Did you post in our bunny thread?

[jellybebe]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

you know I love ya Jelly but you almost sound guilty of violating the very title of your thread! the fact that you want outside recognition and acknowledgment for what your personal plans are are in and of itself the very definition of self absorption. Babycakes, go for your dreams but they are just that, "your" dreams. There is no reason on earth why anyone needs to be excited as you are about what you intend to do with your life. Sure we all like encouragement but there is a difference between that and wanting praise for our achievments/intentions. Do what you are doing for yourself and your future. it should not matter to you if no one shows great admiration or concern - why should they? its your life not theirs. its happening to you. to expect that others should take interest in your personal life/goals is an unrealistic expectation and will frustrate you for the rest of your life because human nature is just not that way. thats why we have close friendships and family. those are the people who are going to be proud of you and support you. you also have to account for jealousy and feeding that emotion. its not right. keep certain things to yourself. there is no need to share every detail of your life with everyone. be content in your own achievements. others recognition or lack of it will never diminish what you've accomplished.

True of course, but then why is it considered rude if I don't comment about her bf's present to her? I wasn't expecting someone to praise me necessarily, just not to be overtly rude about something I want to do. I didn't say anything to her about dumping her baby's daddy and raising a child alone or about the fact that she smokes and has a baby (although I told her she should quit for her health) - whatever. I guess I can't think that just because I'm happy for other people, they can be happy for me.

[IntlSet]

It's easier for people to commisserate with you in misery ("misery loves company") than it is for them to share in your joy. Don't take it personally, it's just human nature.

Undoubtedly, you are one of those truly selfless human beings who always take notice of everyone else around them, right? Nobody is perfect, and this is something EVERYONE is guilty of. People have busy, crazy lives and think about us a lot less than we think they do -- and for good reason.

Big congrats on getting one step closer to your dream. Be careful what you say at work, though, you probably don't want it getting back to your boss.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by jellybebe

I guess I can't think that just because I'm happy for other people, they can be happy for me.

in a perfect world, sure. I've learned that when you lower your expectations of people, the less you will be dissappointed. praise people cause you want to, but don't make it contingent on getting it back otherwise your praise will have an ulterior motive attached to it and it won't be quite sincere. KWIM? while you haven't criticized your friend about her baby situation, you still have inadvertedly by releasing it into the universe by telling us. its still harboring a type of resentment which you do not need in your life. put out good things and good things will come back. if they don't come back maybe you need to examine your own motivations for doing things? to be truly "self-less" means not being affected by peoples non-reciprocation of the very sentiments you offer.

[PinkSuadeSoho]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

you know I love ya Jelly but you almost sound guilty of violating the very title of your thread! the fact that you want outside recognition and acknowledgment for what your personal plans are are in and of itself the very definition of self absorption. Babycakes, go for your dreams but they are just that, "your" dreams. There is no reason on earth why anyone needs to be excited as you are about what you intend to do with your life. Sure we all like encouragement but there is a difference between that and wanting praise for our achievments/intentions. Do what you are doing for yourself and your future. it should not matter to you if no one shows great admiration or concern - why should they? its your life not theirs. its happening to you. to expect that others should take interest in your personal life/goals is an unrealistic expectation and will frustrate you for the rest of your life because human nature is just not that way. thats why we have close friendships and family. those are the people who are going to be proud of you and support you. you also have to account for jealousy and feeding that emotion. its not right. keep certain things to yourself. there is no need to share every detail of your life with everyone. be content in your own achievements. others recognition or lack of it will never diminish what you've accomplished.

You have such a way with words Bagnshoofetish well posted!

[Veelyn]

Its easier for people who dont have what you have [and they want what you have] to put you down to make themselves feel better. I dont know why this is but they just do. Ignore those people, they obviously dont care for you, so dont bother with them. That is what I do.

[jellybebe]

Thanks for reading and commenting everyone. It's interesting to see how different people see this sort of issue. I'm not dwelling on any of it, I just think that for the sake of politeness, most people have a standard response to certain events in people's lives - it goes along the lines of "Congratulations" in response to marriage, promotions, graduations, etc.

[devoted]

Originally Posted by jellybebe

got really excited for me and started talking about it in front of another coworker. I didn't want her to say anything, but it just slipped out. The other coworker was like, "Oh great, so I guess that means you won't be working here soon." Nothing along the lines of "Congrats" or "What are you planning to do in the future?" Nothing. I realize that she's got problems at home (she's a single mom - by choice) and a lot on her plate, but she's constantly talking about how she treats her bf like crap but he still buys her all these things, and she is not shy about flaunting the things he buys her. I am always nice and compliment her gifts when she draws them to my attention. I think that I know why people act this way towards me (this is not the only time this has happened in my life), I just wish people would be more accountable for their own actions and stop taking their misery out on everyone else! Thanks for reading. End rant.

she seems sort of upset about the possibility you might be leaving your job soon, take it as compliment since she seems to want you around.

Obviously, if she is in fact upset, she's not going to congratulate you...

[helium]

I'm a little confused by how this is all self centered. I'm really, really sorry... i'm trying and trying and I can't see it. I work in a coffee shop... a few people have gone off in their lives. No, no one ever said congratulations... it's really not the first thing any of us would think to say. Unless you've jumped up and down about how happy you are to be moving on (which then, we'd say you're selfish because I thought you liked it here!), we kind of just assume that the person leaving isn't too happy about it, because most of them aren't happy. Some of them went off to be bank tellers, teachers, personal trainers. I spent three years hearing them rant about how crap the training for all of them is, so when the job actually comes, it really wasn't a 'hey congrats!' thing... it was more of a 'I suppose you're leaving us now huh?'. And they're usually like 'yeah... i'm not really excited to go... teaching for the rest of my life sounds so boring'. So, if there was one person who was actually excited about going on to another job, but never told us or made it obvious, we wouldn't have a clue.

With that said, I used to crave recognition. When I was in high school, unfortunately I was with the group that got the A+. I was borderline A- to B+, which is still good, but compared to them it was just so mediocre. And my English teacher wanted me to enter literary competitions because she said I once wrote a story that was incredible, so I did. Funny thing is, my friend heard about it and said 'hey let's enter it together.' She won. I got a highly commended. Suddenly, what I did seemed so mediocre too. And art, graphic design, I can do all those things, but because my friends were all 'freaks' as you'd call them, you know the really good people, suddenly everything I could do turned into something mediocre.

I only stopped caring when I started living for myself. I literally do not care about what other people think of me anymore. I can't tell you how that happened, but one day, to test my theory out, I wore a nurse costume out to the city. Not anything sexy or anything, just like an old fashioned nurse costume with a nurse cap. Lots of people looked at me. Lots of people talked about me. I was the odd one out, but it didn't bother me the least. And so I became proud of everything I could do, even if no one else noticed because I don't care whether they have something good or bad to say anything more.