why are men such jerks?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by birkinbag

I'm not forcing a relationship with him. I had a feeling it would take a long time for him to commit and that he was holding something back. I love being independent and single. I just never wanted for it to not be monogamous because I'm not like that. I would never consider a serious relationship so early on. I didn't think we were ever gf/bf, I just wanted it to be exclusive because that's what I expect from everyone I date so it was shocking to me. He does actually like me and feels affection for me so it's not like it's just sex that he wants. And yeah, I did allow him to date/sleep with other people while I remain monogamous and as soon as I date someone else, I would end it with him because I just don't believe in dating multiple people, at least not for myself but I don't care if he does it as long as I don't know about it. I guess I remained in it because I just want to have fun while I'm here and get the benefit of hanging out with someone and the physical stuff. I'm getting so bored of this place and will move soon once I finish school and find a job.

But being committed to someone means you're serious about them.

bf/gf = commitment = exclusive = serious

[spoiled_brat]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

1. Then why did you have sex with him if you dont love him and you only have sex with guys you love? 2. Everything you wrote about this guy screams to me that he is drinking douchebagorade every morning. If you feel having fun with him will make up for knowing that any time he can be flirting/sleeping with another woman, go ahead. Otherwise cut him off asap.

I'm sorry I'm just LMFAO at douchebagorade!

[amymaria]

I think you both want different things AND on top of that you view relationships differently.

[MidNiteSun]

aawww...im sorry to hear that. hugs!!!

i agree with domlee. not all men are jerks. there are a lot of good men out there. i dated a lot of jerks b4 i met my dh. im a little old-fashioned, i didn't want to have sex b4 marriage. a lot of guys ran off after i told them that. my dh is an amazing guy. he had no problem with that. we dated for 6 yrs & he patiently waited 6 yrs. we've been married for over 2 yrs & still are very much in love.

my point is that there are good men out there, just take ur time & u'll find 1. i think u should stop seeing this guy. seems like he just wants to be friends with benefits, just like all other tpfers said. u deserve much better. good luck.

[kbnkch]

This man is saying that he WILL date other women and he WILL have sex with them and he WILL dump you when he meets a woman who brows him away in a few dates.

Yes, he likes you and likes to hang out with you and have sex with you. BUT I bet lots of men would like that too. Of course they do coz you are a fabulous person!! Pick a man wisely according to what you want in the relationship.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by Charles

I don't see the guy as a jerk, nor a player. He's simply a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship with you. He never said he did, so I'm not sure why you'd jump to conclusions. Move on to a guy who does want to commit to you.

I dont know Charles, he is holding her hand, telling her he likes her, initiating most of the dates and once they have sex he tells her that she should have known from the signals he was sending that its not serious? Maybe OP should have clarified what the situation really was, but he was leading her on noentheless.

[birkinbag]

Actually, I think I changed my mind again. I think I deserve better than this. He said if we weren't in a casual relationship that he wants to be friends but I'm not sure I want to be friends either. I'm just so confused. I know some of you are right and when I read your posts, I think I should just dump him. And I was planning to do that until he told me he wasn't like my ex (who I felt was using me) because he actually likes me and feels affection for me. I just feel that the timing is so off. We don't want the same things in life. I just wish I had known sooner so I wouldn't get attached to him. I did feel like he was leading me on. Should I remain friends? I could always use another friend but I don't know if it's a good idea to do so with someone you dated. I tried doing that before and there were just too many things from the past that I couldn't let go. I don't know anymore.:(

[bisousx]

Originally Posted by birkinbag

Actually, I think I changed my mind again. I think I deserve better than this. He said if we weren't in a casual relationship that he wants to be friends but I'm not sure I want to be friends either. I'm just so confused. I know some of you are right and when I read your posts, I think I should just dump him. And I was planning to do that until he told me he wasn't like my ex (who I felt was using me) because he actually likes me and feels affection for me. I just feel that the timing is so off. We don't want the same things in life. I just wish I had known sooner so I wouldn't get attached to him. I did feel like he was leading me on. Should I remain friends? I could always use another friend but I don't know if it's a good idea to do so with someone you dated. I tried doing that before and there were just too many things from the past that I couldn't let go. I don't know anymore.:(

Um, no I don't think you need friends who'd do that to you!

I would just cut my losses and consider this as a lesson on what to look out for. It's extremely easy for guys to say sweet things and act affectionate, if it means they get what they want (sex) in the end. Pretty old trick in the book, if you ask me.

[juneping]

i think you could move on for now. see other men who want to have a r/s with you..instead of just a bed buddy.
you don't have to rush to be friends with someone like that.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

1. Then why did you have sex with him if you dont love him and you only have sex with guys you love? 2. Everything you wrote about this guy screams to me that he is drinking douchebagorade every morning. If you feel having fun with him will make up for knowing that any time he can be flirting/sleeping with another woman, go ahead. Otherwise cut him off asap.

oh and to answer you OP I agree with this entire post!

[Bella]

Might just be me.. and maybe Charles, but I don't think this guy is such a jerk. He's told you what he wants and if you want more, that's on you. I understand how one could be more attached after sleeping with someone, it can hurt, but this scenario isn't uncommon. You slept with him before loving him, been there.. and now it hurts because he doesn't want to only be with you. A shot to the ego/heart/gut.. why did I have sex with him! I know I've said that to myself before. But, you can be just friends if you want to be. You never know what the future will bring.

[birkinbag]

Well guys, I finally broke it off. I told him I deserve better and I don't want to be friends, maybe in the future but not now. I actually feel great. It's like a huge burden off my shoulders. Now I can just move on with my life and focus on the things I want in life without any distractions. Thank you guys for helping me to realize this.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

I dont know Charles, he is holding her hand, telling her he likes her, initiating most of the dates and once they have sex he tells her that she should have known from the signals he was sending that its not serious? Maybe OP should have clarified what the situation really was, but he was leading her on noentheless.

I've done all of that and never considered those signs as signs of being in a serious relationship.
Holding hands??
Initiating dates...well duh, I'm the guy.
Now, if this guy was saying "I really think you're the one for me" and "You're exactly what I'm looking for" that would be leading her on. Holding hands...not so much.

OP, glad you're taking more control of your life. You know what you want, now stick to your guns.
Also, a little advice, if you don't want to have sex prior to being committed to someone, make sure you know 100% his intentions before you drop the drawers.

[domlee]

He may not be a true jerk, but this part is pretty f*cked up IMO.

"...he just wants to date around and would only consider a serious relationship right away if he was blown away by the person after a few dates and he said he's experienced that twice but didn't feel that way about me."

Great. So how is someone supposed to feel, when they're told that you don't blow them away. Insensitive IMO. And I'm sorry, but the above sentence had better be coming from the lips of say Cindy Crawford, Angelina Jolie, David Beckham, or some other top tier "beautiful" celebrity ...

--------------------

birkinbag - good for you for cutting ties w/ him.

[Bella]

Good for you! There are plenty of fish in the sea.