Who gives in first during arguments?

Fendi213 · Jun 5th, 2008, 12:42 PM

In arguments with your other half who usually gives in first?

For the first 6 -8 months of our relationship my boyfriend usually apologised first and made things better between us even if it wasn't always his fault, but now I find myself always apologising for everything even if I don't think I've done anything wrong just to save causing an argument. I hate when we argue, he doesn't speak to me for days and I just cry all the time, I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us.

In the first 6 months or so of our relationship I didn't care so much that we argued and that we didn't speak for a few days because I guess I always knew that he would apologise and we would still be together, but now it feels like we've changed places and I'm the one who is scared that if I don't apologise then things will be over between us.

sarahloveslouis · Jun 5th, 2008, 01:00 PM

We are pretty level-headed people, but historically, he apologizes first.

It's soooooo rare that we ever bicker, though. Usually about dumb things that we end up laughing about the next day!

You should really talk with your boyfriend if you are having feelings of insecurity. The more open the both of you are, the more love can flow between you and your man.

Sternchen · Jun 5th, 2008, 01:01 PM

Oh I know this feeling!! DH and I have been together for a few years and have been married for a year in July. Lately due to stress with my husband's business we've been fighting more often - and these are the fights were NEITHER of us wants to budge and say I'm sorry...So we just stay angry for a while. I know it's not the right thing to do, but I'm tired of having to say I'm sorry when I didn't even do anything wrong.

The two of us go to marriage counceling (not because of the fighting) and it's helped a bit.

How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Do you have any other friends other than your boyfriend, and how often do you see him?

I think it's very important to also have your own life when you're in a relationship so that you're not CONSTANTLY thinking about him, your future together, etc. If you guys see eachother very often (I'd say more than 3x a week???) then how about spending a little bit LESS time together...maybe one time a week less just so that both of you have some breathing room. Seeing eachother too often can feel smothering!

Jahpson · Jun 5th, 2008, 01:08 PM

he apologizes first. unless he is the one who is very pissed, then I....kiss his butt

Fendi213 · Jun 5th, 2008, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sternchen

How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Do you have any other friends other than your boyfriend, and how often do you see him?

I think it's very important to also have your own life when you're in a relationship so that you're not CONSTANTLY thinking about him, your future together, etc. If you guys see eachother very often (I'd say more than 3x a week???) then how about spending a little bit LESS time together...maybe one time a week less just so that both of you have some breathing room. Seeing eachother too often can feel smothering!

We've been together nearly 2 years now, I do have friends other than my boyfriend but my boyfriend is my best friend so fighting with him makes me really upset because I always go to him when I'm upset and when he's the one angry with me I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it.

At the moment were long distance, and I havent seen him in a week but we're ment to be moving in together soon, but thats a whole other story!

At the start of our relationship I went out with my friends alot and I didn't need him as much as he needed me, but now its completly the other way around and I feel like I do need to start seeing my friends more and to stop being to clingy.

candypants1100 · Jun 5th, 2008, 01:25 PM

he usually gives in first... though in the year we've been together, we've only had two fights.

nooch · Jun 5th, 2008, 02:38 PM

In about four and a half years, I'd say it's fairly even. Usually whoever is wrong KNOWS they're wrong and eventually is like you know what, I'm just being a stubborn ass (we're both Taurus!) and you're right.

There've been a couple that we agreed to disagree.

ShimmaPuff · Jun 5th, 2008, 03:11 PM

I do. Always, with Mr Puff or anybody else, for the simple reason that I would rather have peace than try to oblige someone else to concede something I already know, namely that I am right or have a point, so where it might be difficult or even impossible for someone else to apologize, for me it is easy. I am not giving in. I am getting my way.

candace117 · Jun 5th, 2008, 04:46 PM

We always both just look at each other, eyes soften, we say I love you and tell a joke and then we calmly talk about wtf we were bothering to get pissy about in the first place. heehee. It's always simultaneous really...

karman · Jun 5th, 2008, 05:48 PM

My boyfriend and I didn't argue once the first year together. Now we have little arguments maybe once a week, but usually he gives in first.

diamond_lover · Jun 5th, 2008, 06:09 PM

First year, he ALWAYS apologized since he couldn't stand me crying or getting sad. Second year, entire different story. We got into soo many fights where it was basically 50/50 in apologies but we are both so stubborn sometimes the issues drag out until we deal with them. Third and Fourth Years, I think our relationship became alot more stable and matured so we don't really fight at all. But if we do, the person who apologizes is usually the one who has enonugh sense to realize they're wrong (hence him but sometimes me if its REALLY OBVIOUS =) haha).

Junkenpo · Jun 5th, 2008, 10:46 PM

historically, DF is the one that apologizes first.. I think it comes from having 2 older sisters...and him being the youngest. LOL!!

At any rate...I've learned to pick up my slack in the apology department, and sometimes have even checked a behavior becuase I knew it would be something I'd have to apologize about later.

For example.. I have a habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink...however I've been making an effort to change this.... i'll actually wash & put them away, so I don't have to be guilt tripped later when he comes home tired & does it for me. Which... if it were something I did repeatedly, could lead to arguments of "you don't do anything in house" or "i'm always cleaning up after you" or even "you don't appreciate me!"

Y'know?

Think about what the argument is really about & see if there are some behaviors that can be changed.... on both sides!

holly di · Jun 5th, 2008, 11:53 PM

I almost always apologize first, only because I hate to argue. Sometimes I wish I had tougher skin so I could tell him to kiss my ass!

GirlFriday · Jun 6th, 2008, 01:22 AM

I usually apologize first, because I can't stand the tension between us. I want things to be back to normal NOW so I want it resolved and the easiest way to do that is to apologize. I probably apologize too much, but my husband is better at apologizing now...he knows I'm not okay without something resolved, and I can't always be the one at fault that's apologizing.

ShimmaPuff · Jun 6th, 2008, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by holly di

I almost always apologize first, only because I hate to argue. Sometimes I wish I had tougher skin so I could tell him to kiss my ass!

LOL I think of it as the opposite. To me, it is the person who can't apologize at all, or who has difficulty doing so who is the delicate one!

If it would make you feel better, though, you could tell him to kiss your ass before you apologize.

Jun 5th, 2008, 12:42 PM	#1
Fendi213 Jesse	Who gives in first during arguments? In arguments with your other half who usually gives in first? For the first 6 -8 months of our relationship my boyfriend usually apologised first and made things better between us even if it wasn't always his fault, but now I find myself always apologising for everything even if I don't think I've done anything wrong just to save causing an argument. I hate when we argue, he doesn't speak to me for days and I just cry all the time, I think I'm way too attached to him and it worrys me that I'll never be able to cope if anything happend to us. In the first 6 months or so of our relationship I didn't care so much that we argued and that we didn't speak for a few days because I guess I always knew that he would apologise and we would still be together, but now it feels like we've changed places and I'm the one who is scared that if I don't apologise then things will be over between us.

Jun 5th, 2008, 01:00 PM	#2
sarahloveslouis I don't eat turkey!	We are pretty level-headed people, but historically, he apologizes first. It's soooooo rare that we ever bicker, though. Usually about dumb things that we end up laughing about the next day! You should really talk with your boyfriend if you are having feelings of insecurity. The more open the both of you are, the more love can flow between you and your man. __________________

Jun 5th, 2008, 01:01 PM	#3
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Oh I know this feeling!! DH and I have been together for a few years and have been married for a year in July. Lately due to stress with my husband's business we've been fighting more often - and these are the fights were NEITHER of us wants to budge and say I'm sorry...So we just stay angry for a while. I know it's not the right thing to do, but I'm tired of having to say I'm sorry when I didn't even do anything wrong. The two of us go to marriage counceling (not because of the fighting) and it's helped a bit. How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Do you have any other friends other than your boyfriend, and how often do you see him? I think it's very important to also have your own life when you're in a relationship so that you're not CONSTANTLY thinking about him, your future together, etc. If you guys see eachother very often (I'd say more than 3x a week???) then how about spending a little bit LESS time together...maybe one time a week less just so that both of you have some breathing room. Seeing eachother too often can feel smothering! __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

Jun 5th, 2008, 01:08 PM	#4
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	he apologizes first. unless he is the one who is very pissed, then I....kiss his butt __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 5th, 2008, 02:38 PM	#7
nooch bubblehead Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY	In about four and a half years, I'd say it's fairly even. Usually whoever is wrong KNOWS they're wrong and eventually is like you know what, I'm just being a stubborn ass (we're both Taurus!) and you're right. There've been a couple that we agreed to disagree. __________________ FAT AND FABULOUS! CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK! http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes

Jun 5th, 2008, 01:25 PM	#6
candypants1100 Member Location: candyland	he usually gives in first... though in the year we've been together, we've only had two fights.

Jun 5th, 2008, 03:11 PM	#8
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	I do. Always, with Mr Puff or anybody else, for the simple reason that I would rather have peace than try to oblige someone else to concede something I already know, namely that I am right or have a point, so where it might be difficult or even impossible for someone else to apologize, for me it is easy. I am not giving in. I am getting my way. __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! http://mangonocturna.blogspot.com/

Jun 5th, 2008, 04:46 PM	#9
candace117 Pirate Trash Location: Hardcorvallis	We always both just look at each other, eyes soften, we say I love you and tell a joke and then we calmly talk about wtf we were bothering to get pissy about in the first place. heehee. It's always simultaneous really... __________________ "With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double G."

Jun 5th, 2008, 05:48 PM	#10
karman nail polish addict Location: Canada	My boyfriend and I didn't argue once the first year together. Now we have little arguments maybe once a week, but usually he gives in first. __________________ karman Louis Vuitton, Chanel & nail polish View my collection here

Jun 5th, 2008, 06:09 PM	#11
diamond_lover Member Location: NYC	First year, he ALWAYS apologized since he couldn't stand me crying or getting sad. Second year, entire different story. We got into soo many fights where it was basically 50/50 in apologies but we are both so stubborn sometimes the issues drag out until we deal with them. Third and Fourth Years, I think our relationship became alot more stable and matured so we don't really fight at all. But if we do, the person who apologizes is usually the one who has enonugh sense to realize they're wrong (hence him but sometimes me if its REALLY OBVIOUS =) haha).

Jun 5th, 2008, 10:46 PM	#12
Junkenpo Boom, baby! Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass	historically, DF is the one that apologizes first.. I think it comes from having 2 older sisters...and him being the youngest. LOL!! At any rate...I've learned to pick up my slack in the apology department, and sometimes have even checked a behavior becuase I knew it would be something I'd have to apologize about later. For example.. I have a habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink...however I've been making an effort to change this.... i'll actually wash & put them away, so I don't have to be guilt tripped later when he comes home tired & does it for me. Which... if it were something I did repeatedly, could lead to arguments of "you don't do anything in house" or "i'm always cleaning up after you" or even "you don't appreciate me!" Y'know? Think about what the argument is really about & see if there are some behaviors that can be changed.... on both sides! __________________ Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky] PONDERING: Damier Pochette Melville, mini pochette, Naviglio; Ivoire Epi Alma; Amarante cles or keyholder...

Jun 5th, 2008, 11:53 PM	#13
holly di Member Location: little rock, arkansas	I almost always apologize first, only because I hate to argue. Sometimes I wish I had tougher skin so I could tell him to kiss my ass! __________________ It's a boy!!!!!!!

Jun 6th, 2008, 01:22 AM	#14
GirlFriday Member	I usually apologize first, because I can't stand the tension between us. I want things to be back to normal NOW so I want it resolved and the easiest way to do that is to apologize. I probably apologize too much, but my husband is better at apologizing now...he knows I'm not okay without something resolved, and I can't always be the one at fault that's apologizing.