When to get married?

KC1984 · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:14 AM

I've been with my partner for a few years (engaged), blissfully happy, have a 19 months old daughter.
He proposed last July - he gave me a beatiful ring that he had made. I'm really happy just been engaged as it showed we'd both made a commitment but now everyones on at us to set a date.

Money's not an issue so we could get married soon, but I'd like my daughter to have an active role in the wedding so I though wait till she was about 3 but then we've discussed having another so I'm thinking maybe I havent got as much time as i thought.
You see I'm a young mum I'm only 24 - I think been married will make me feel old but I don't want to wait till after we have our 2nd as I'll want them to have an active role as well so then I may be knocking on 30's door!

So I thought I'd open it up to the forum when did you all decided to take the plunge???

IntlSet · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:20 AM

Since you two already have a child together, I'd say you should probably get married for legal and financial reasons if not any other.

I'm 24 also, and depending on how well my SO does this year financially (the bulk of his income comes in the form of an annual bonus), we could be engaged by next year and married shortly thereafter since we plan to elope!

ETA: If you're not too young to have and raise a child, you're probably not too young to get married. Did you think of it that way? Congrats on the engagement!

Jahpson · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:23 AM

I'm not married yet, but think that when you two are ready then you should get hitched.

why is everyone pressuring you two? Are they going to split the costs of the wedding?

Congrats on your engagement by the way! Your family is almost complete. and 24 years old is not that young, or old at all.

rainrowan · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:32 AM

You could always get your marriage certificate from your Town Hall/JoP for now. Then you can plan the wedding you want when your daughter is old enough to participate. It's less stressful without that time constraint weighing on you.

DH and I were engaged for about 2 years; we always procrastinated about a wedding date. We got around to ordering our wedding bands from Tiffanys during our lunch hour, still without a wedding date set. One month later, after Valentines brunch, we just looked at each other and just knew, it was time. In a matter of a week, we had gotten the marriage certificate and had the wedding officiated by the JoP -- essentially we eloped!

kbell · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:41 AM

I had been with my husb about 3 yrs before we got engaged. The wedding took place about 10 mos later - but we didn't have a small child to consider - we just started planning & that's how it ended up. Do what feels right for you. If I recall correctly, our marriage lic. was only good for so long.... I though it expired after say 30 or 60 days - this probably differs from state to state.

k2sealer · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:34 PM

Depends on whether you are planning to do the big expensive party type wedding, or the simple inexpensive wedding. I have no advice on the big party type wedding because it is more of a tradition in my family to elope. Strongly encouraged, in fact. My only advice is for you to make sure you spend an equal or greater amount of time planning your marriage as you do planning your wedding.

stellamaried · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IntlSet

Since you two already have a child together, I'd say you should probably get married for legal and financial reasons if not any other.

...

ETA: If you're not too young to have and raise a child, you're probably not too young to get married. Did you think of it that way? Congrats on the engagement!

I agree. If you decide to marry soon, you should plan a ceremony (however big or small) that appeals to you, and not worry about others' expectations.

illinirdhd · Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:56 PM

ITA with IntlSet too. DH and I dated for about 1.5 years before we got engaged, and then the wedding was about 6 months after we got engaged. 2 years was perfect for us. Then again, we're in our 30s and wanted to get married before having kids.

I have a friend who was all freaked out about getting married, even though she and her now-DH have 2 kids together and have been living together for 6 or 7 years. They finally did get married (he had wanted to all along, but she held out til she needed dental insurance!). She said marriage just seemed so permanent. It may be because I worked for divorce attorneys for a really long time, but to me, kids are a bigger and more permanent commitment than marriage. IDK, just my opinion.

I agree with a previous poster though - there's no reason you couldn't do a civil ceremony now and then a vow renewal and big reception once your child(ren) is/are old enough to participate!

moi et mes sacs · Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:11 PM

We were together for 6 years before we married. I can honestly say it made no difference to me as to how I felt. It just felt right for both of us and I think you will know when the time is right. I wouldnt listen to others telling you it is time to marry, only you two will know the time has come.

misschbby · Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:32 PM

being married is nice adds real commitment and a great day out for you and your loved ones . i only got married though after 14 years together. It was nice my uncle said that we were getting marrried because we wanted too no other reason ( ie family society pressure etc!) he said that was refreshing . So my advice wait you will know when the time is right

lovinalotofbags · Jun 23rd, 2008, 03:12 PM

Go ahead and do it already. Your daughter is 19 months old, she can walk and stand to be included. Do it the way you two want to do it, small or large, just do it.

VPT · Jun 23rd, 2008, 07:23 PM

If either of you isn't going to date other people then it makes sense to get hitch asap, it just benefits the little princess to be assured her family is legally together.
To answer your question, it depends on the couple's situation - financial and emotional, but normally weddings take place 1-1.5 years from engagement date.

lulilu · Jun 23rd, 2008, 08:37 PM

Get married as soon as you can.

guccimamma · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:11 PM

you are not that young a mom.

i think you should get married immediately, delaying the marriage so the child can be involved is ridiculous. were you involved in your parents' wedding?

just do it. she will be cute no matter what age. i think it is better for her to only have memories of mom and dad being married....not being there when you got married.

Virgo · Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:19 PM

You have a child together, I really don't understand waiting especially since money isn't an issue. How does July work for you guys?

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:14 AM	#1
KC1984 Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: In my own little World Posts: 348	When to get married? I've been with my partner for a few years (engaged), blissfully happy, have a 19 months old daughter. He proposed last July - he gave me a beatiful ring that he had made. I'm really happy just been engaged as it showed we'd both made a commitment but now everyones on at us to set a date. Money's not an issue so we could get married soon, but I'd like my daughter to have an active role in the wedding so I though wait till she was about 3 but then we've discussed having another so I'm thinking maybe I havent got as much time as i thought. You see I'm a young mum I'm only 24 - I think been married will make me feel old but I don't want to wait till after we have our 2nd as I'll want them to have an active role as well so then I may be knocking on 30's door! So I thought I'd open it up to the forum when did you all decided to take the plunge???

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:20 AM	#2
IntlSet Bonjour! Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 11,059	Since you two already have a child together, I'd say you should probably get married for legal and financial reasons if not any other. I'm 24 also, and depending on how well my SO does this year financially (the bulk of his income comes in the form of an annual bonus), we could be engaged by next year and married shortly thereafter since we plan to elope! ETA: If you're not too young to have and raise a child, you're probably not too young to get married. Did you think of it that way? Congrats on the engagement! __________________ http://drinkmorechampagne.wordpress.com/ Last edited by IntlSet; Jun 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 AM.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:23 AM	#3
Jahpson I'mma Do Me......... Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Playground Posts: 9,641	I'm not married yet, but think that when you two are ready then you should get hitched. why is everyone pressuring you two? Are they going to split the costs of the wedding? Congrats on your engagement by the way! Your family is almost complete. and 24 years old is not that young, or old at all. __________________ View my very own blog and make a comment! Amazingly Sophisticated

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:41 AM	#5
kbell Member Joined: Aug 2007 Location: MA Posts: 1,936	I had been with my husb about 3 yrs before we got engaged. The wedding took place about 10 mos later - but we didn't have a small child to consider - we just started planning & that's how it ended up. Do what feels right for you. If I recall correctly, our marriage lic. was only good for so long.... I though it expired after say 30 or 60 days - this probably differs from state to state. __________________ Is it football season yet? All out ban in progress

Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:56 PM	#8
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 4,370	ITA with IntlSet too. DH and I dated for about 1.5 years before we got engaged, and then the wedding was about 6 months after we got engaged. 2 years was perfect for us. Then again, we're in our 30s and wanted to get married before having kids. I have a friend who was all freaked out about getting married, even though she and her now-DH have 2 kids together and have been living together for 6 or 7 years. They finally did get married (he had wanted to all along, but she held out til she needed dental insurance!). She said marriage just seemed so permanent. It may be because I worked for divorce attorneys for a really long time, but to me, kids are a bigger and more permanent commitment than marriage. IDK, just my opinion. I agree with a previous poster though - there's no reason you couldn't do a civil ceremony now and then a vow renewal and big reception once your child(ren) is/are old enough to participate! __________________

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:32 AM	#4
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,468	You could always get your marriage certificate from your Town Hall/JoP for now. Then you can plan the wedding you want when your daughter is old enough to participate. It's less stressful without that time constraint weighing on you. DH and I were engaged for about 2 years; we always procrastinated about a wedding date. We got around to ordering our wedding bands from Tiffanys during our lunch hour, still without a wedding date set. One month later, after Valentines brunch, we just looked at each other and just knew, it was time. In a matter of a week, we had gotten the marriage certificate and had the wedding officiated by the JoP -- essentially we eloped!

Jun 23rd, 2008, 01:34 PM	#6
k2sealer Kerri Joined: Aug 2007 Location: Everett, Washington Posts: 777	Depends on whether you are planning to do the big expensive party type wedding, or the simple inexpensive wedding. I have no advice on the big party type wedding because it is more of a tradition in my family to elope. Strongly encouraged, in fact. My only advice is for you to make sure you spend an equal or greater amount of time planning your marriage as you do planning your wedding.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:11 PM	#9
moi et mes sacs Science Geek! Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,122	We were together for 6 years before we married. I can honestly say it made no difference to me as to how I felt. It just felt right for both of us and I think you will know when the time is right. I wouldnt listen to others telling you it is time to marry, only you two will know the time has come. __________________ The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas Linus Pauling

Jun 23rd, 2008, 02:32 PM	#10
misschbby Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 294	being married is nice adds real commitment and a great day out for you and your loved ones . i only got married though after 14 years together. It was nice my uncle said that we were getting marrried because we wanted too no other reason ( ie family society pressure etc!) he said that was refreshing . So my advice wait you will know when the time is right __________________

Jun 23rd, 2008, 03:12 PM	#11
lovinalotofbags Fashion disaster Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,612	Go ahead and do it already. Your daughter is 19 months old, she can walk and stand to be included. Do it the way you two want to do it, small or large, just do it. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 07:23 PM	#12
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Joined: May 2008 Location: Singapore / Vancouver Posts: 2,148	If either of you isn't going to date other people then it makes sense to get hitch asap, it just benefits the little princess to be assured her family is legally together. To answer your question, it depends on the couple's situation - financial and emotional, but normally weddings take place 1-1.5 years from engagement date. __________________

Jun 23rd, 2008, 08:37 PM	#13
lulilu Member Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 6,367	Get married as soon as you can.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:11 PM	#14
guccimamma guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,851	you are not that young a mom. i think you should get married immediately, delaying the marriage so the child can be involved is ridiculous. were you involved in your parents' wedding? just do it. she will be cute no matter what age. i think it is better for her to only have memories of mom and dad being married....not being there when you got married.

Jun 23rd, 2008, 10:19 PM	#15
Virgo Member Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,545	You have a child together, I really don't understand waiting especially since money isn't an issue. How does July work for you guys? __________________ Virgo