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Elizabethd1012 · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I've been married nearly 5 years and I still don't know exactly how much money my DH makes, nor him me... he never asks questions about my checks, they go to my savings account and some to our joint savings account. I know my DH and I have no major debt (we have our mortgage, we each have a financed car, also small credit card debt), I know how much his salary is, but he never shares how much is bonuses and such are. I don't mind it, my mother (who has been married nearly 46 years) says that a man and woman who are married or moving towards marriage should have joint accounts ie checking and savings, but you should always have a little nest egg that's just yours...

I honestly admire you for this. I would not be able to be married to someone unless I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me esp knowing how much he makes and stuff. I feel like what's the point. BUT it depends on your situation though because when I met my hubby I didn't really have much since I was going to school and neither did he so i guess we were on the same boat. It like we had nothing and we are building something together. But it would have been totally different if we would have met when we were both professionals. In that case then it is understandable that two ppl don't share certain info. But I agree with the little nest egg part because you just never know. When people are upset they get blind and don't care to leave the other person completely broke!!! So it's better to be safe!

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:16 PM

Its easy!!!

I met DH when we were both young and didnt have much. I know how much he makes... I just don't know what his bonuses are!!! My mom says he does that because if I knew I'd think it was free money for me to blow!!!

I pay the electricity bill and the comcast bill, other then that I do what I want. We are on each others accounts, have been for more then 5 years!!! I think that account might be his "nest egg" account where he puts all his bonus money... also he sends me flowers to work a lot... I've never seen that show up on our account statements, so he must use his hidden money to buy me things so I wont know about them! I've known my DH since I was 16, I think I know him better then I do myself!!! I think I'm not too concerned with his finances because I'm the one that pays all the bills I just do it with his money LOL!!! We only discuss finances if I take a large amount from one of his accounts then he'll ask what I bought etc. I hope this doesnt sound too boastful but I'm just so darn content that at 24 my life is so together, that I have a strong marriage, a beautiful house, and money in the bank I don't worry about much. Plus, I have a nest egg he doesn't know about so I'd be a hypocrite if I demanded to know about his!!!

Originally Posted by Elizabethd1012

I honestly admire you for this. I would not be able to be married to someone unless I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me esp knowing how much he makes and stuff. I feel like what's the point. BUT it depends on your situation though because when I met my hubby I didn't really have much since I was going to school and neither did he so i guess we were on the same boat. It like we had nothing and we are building something together. But it would have been totally different if we would have met when we were both professionals. In that case then it is understandable that two ppl don't share certain info. But I agree with the little nest egg part because you just never know. When people are upset they get blind and don't care to leave the other person completely broke!!! So it's better to be safe!

Elizabethd1012 · Oct 29th, 2009, 05:57 PM

^ That makes complete sense! If you have your nest and he doesn't know about it why would you care if he has one? LOL You're right!

But you see in my sister's case it's so different she is a lawyer and makes about 200K per year and is not married. So when she does get married idk how she is going to handle the finances because I doubt she would want to join forces being that she saved her money herself! That's hard.

I guess it's good to meet your hubby when your 16 and pretty much broke like you and I did! It makes things less complicated!!! LMAO

Elizabethd1012 · Oct 29th, 2009, 06:04 PM

^^ On the other hand I have a friend who had nothing but debt when she met her hubby and he is an investment banker. He bought her a car and helped her get out of debt but she has no idea till this day how much he makes or how much he has saved or anything!! She is a stay at home mom so she doesn't work and depends on him for everything. Her life totally changed when she met him because she wasn't doing well. But it is scary to think what could happen if they seperate. :(

Rockysmom · Oct 29th, 2009, 06:37 PM

I think my bf and I had been dating for about 4 years before we really talked about finances. We knew how much each other made but didn't discuss debt or spending habits. We pay everything 50/50 so I don't really tell him how to spend/save.

chinahopes · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:09 PM

I think you should discuss it when you move in together.

wisnowbird · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:22 PM

I told him how much I make after 4 mos of dating (although we'd known each other for more like 9 mos). He moved in with me after a year & didn't find out how much I have in savings/investments until a couple months ago, around the 2 year mark, when we applied for a new apartment together.

juneping · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:28 PM

we know very early on about our financial situation and how much we make. i think it's something i can't stand not knowing. from where/what he works/does...i can ball part how much he makes...but i appreciate he told me the #s.
a friend of mine is getting married and she still doesn't know how much her future husband make....it's something i don't think i can go along without knowing it. but i guess everyone is different.

bagnshoofetish · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:58 PM

finances should come up when expenses come up. for example if you are planning a trip together or some other big purchase. otherwise, financial info is confidential. definitely something that needs discussing if you are planning on moving in together or planning on getting married.

PrettyInPink · Oct 30th, 2009, 01:15 PM

My boyfriend and I began discussing finances right around the time we began discussing marriage. I could not marry somebody who is in a lot of credit card debt, and vice versa. We have both agreed to be 100% out of credit card debt before we make the jump into marriage.

I know how much is in his account, and he knows how much is in my account (which isn't a lot, I'm a broke college student

.)

meganfm · Oct 31st, 2009, 06:01 PM

My DBF and I have been dating 2yrs and although he knows what I make (I just work PT as a student, so it's petty money anyways) and I have a broad ballpark idea of what he makes, but we've never discussed particulars. He's planning on buying a condo soon, and he insinuates that he has enough of a downpayment, but neither of us know how much savings the other has.

What we DO know is that neither of have any debt. I think that's something important to know-rather than find out after you're engaged or married and it's now YOUR problem as well.

I don't really plan on discussing particulars until the point where we would move in together or were to get married.

Oct 29th, 2009, 05:57 PM	#18
Elizabethd1012 Member Joined: Nov 2007 Location: New York Posts: 174	^ That makes complete sense! If you have your nest and he doesn't know about it why would you care if he has one? LOL You're right! But you see in my sister's case it's so different she is a lawyer and makes about 200K per year and is not married. So when she does get married idk how she is going to handle the finances because I doubt she would want to join forces being that she saved her money herself! That's hard. I guess it's good to meet your hubby when your 16 and pretty much broke like you and I did! It makes things less complicated!!! LMAO
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Oct 29th, 2009, 06:04 PM	#19
Elizabethd1012 Member Joined: Nov 2007 Location: New York Posts: 174	^^ On the other hand I have a friend who had nothing but debt when she met her hubby and he is an investment banker. He bought her a car and helped her get out of debt but she has no idea till this day how much he makes or how much he has saved or anything!! She is a stay at home mom so she doesn't work and depends on him for everything. Her life totally changed when she met him because she wasn't doing well. But it is scary to think what could happen if they seperate. :(
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Oct 29th, 2009, 06:37 PM	#20
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941	I think my bf and I had been dating for about 4 years before we really talked about finances. We knew how much each other made but didn't discuss debt or spending habits. We pay everything 50/50 so I don't really tell him how to spend/save.
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941

Oct 29th, 2009, 08:22 PM	#22
wisnowbird Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: New York, NY Posts: 66	I told him how much I make after 4 mos of dating (although we'd known each other for more like 9 mos). He moved in with me after a year & didn't find out how much I have in savings/investments until a couple months ago, around the 2 year mark, when we applied for a new apartment together.
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Oct 29th, 2009, 08:28 PM	#23
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,345	we know very early on about our financial situation and how much we make. i think it's something i can't stand not knowing. from where/what he works/does...i can ball part how much he makes...but i appreciate he told me the #s. a friend of mine is getting married and she still doesn't know how much her future husband make....it's something i don't think i can go along without knowing it. but i guess everyone is different.
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Oct 29th, 2009, 07:09 PM	#21
chinahopes Luckiest. Joined: Oct 2008 Location: the Beach, SC Posts: 1,000	I think you should discuss it when you move in together.

Oct 29th, 2009, 08:58 PM	#24
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,377	finances should come up when expenses come up. for example if you are planning a trip together or some other big purchase. otherwise, financial info is confidential. definitely something that needs discussing if you are planning on moving in together or planning on getting married.
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Oct 30th, 2009, 01:15 PM	#25
PrettyInPink <3 Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Hockey Town! Posts: 1,445	My boyfriend and I began discussing finances right around the time we began discussing marriage. I could not marry somebody who is in a lot of credit card debt, and vice versa. We have both agreed to be 100% out of credit card debt before we make the jump into marriage. I know how much is in his account, and he knows how much is in my account (which isn't a lot, I'm a broke college student .)
	__________________

Oct 31st, 2009, 06:01 PM	#26
meganfm Member Joined: Oct 2008 Location: Vancouver Posts: 1,605	My DBF and I have been dating 2yrs and although he knows what I make (I just work PT as a student, so it's petty money anyways) and I have a broad ballpark idea of what he makes, but we've never discussed particulars. He's planning on buying a condo soon, and he insinuates that he has enough of a downpayment, but neither of us know how much savings the other has. What we DO know is that neither of have any debt. I think that's something important to know-rather than find out after you're engaged or married and it's now YOUR problem as well. I don't really plan on discussing particulars until the point where we would move in together or were to get married.
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