What would you want to know about men?

[LinaFelina]

Originally Posted by fabgrabs

What if he actually does do all three of these but insists that his head is not yet in a place to commit to you or anyone at the moment, so tells you to be patient and in effect "chill"? And then he goes out with others but is open to you about it? So confusing.

The good part of it is that he is open to you about it, meaning that he's being honest. I don't know how long you two have been going out, but it says to me that he doesn't think that you're "the one" yet. Maybe he has commitment issues or he just wants to date a bit and be sure.

It certainly hurts your relationship with him since it's hard to want to give someone all your heart when they can't give all of theirs back. Don't put your life on hold, and don't commit to him if he won't commit to you.

[leslieluu]

Ok, here's mine: I've been dating my BF for almost 3 years and he's a cold guy not much kissing, not much hugging, he doesn't hold my hand when we're out, he tells me he's never been "affectionate" and It bothers me a lot. When we first started dating he was more affectionate.
I am totally the opposite I'm super affectionate and like to be held and kissed I guess like any girl. At this point, is there anything I can do to make him be more affectionate with me or do I just have to live with it. He says I'm "the one"...he tells that to everyone. I've tried talking to him about it but he says that the more someone tells him to do something the more he won't do it on purpose. He's 27 so I don't know if things will change but it has taken a toll on my self esteem. What to do? Or what do you think is the issue?
I'm not conceited but I know I'm a good looking girl and I have never had this type of issues in a relationship before.

[Laurie8504]

If he's saying you're "the one", but not willing to make any effort to make you feel loved, then he needs to re-evaluate some things....

[fabgrabs]

Originally Posted by LinaFelina

The good part of it is that he is open to you about it, meaning that he's being honest. I don't know how long you two have been going out, but it says to me that he doesn't think that you're "the one" yet. Maybe he has commitment issues or he just wants to date a bit and be sure. It certainly hurts your relationship with him since it's hard to want to give someone all your heart when they can't give all of theirs back. Don't put your life on hold, and don't commit to him if he won't commit to you.

You're right...thank you for the reminder. It's getting increasingly more difficult to hold my heart in this gray area...which has led to a couple of semi-awkward talks, and I can tell he is getting a little frustrated with my inability to be comfortable in this limbo. Wish I had an off switch for my emotions...

[leslieluu]

He thinks he shows me he loves me by buying me things and taking me places but that's not what a woman needs and I've told him that. Sometimes we go months without making out...I hate that but I love the guy and want to make things work. He's divorced he married very young and his marriage lasted 8 months maybe that has something to do with it? He divorced about six years ago. I haven't shared this with anyone I just need some opinions is his behavior normal and am I needy?

[sillykitty]

Originally Posted by leslieluu

He thinks he shows me he loves me by buying me things and taking me places but that's not what a woman needs and I've told him that. Sometimes we go months without making out...I hate that but I love the guy and want to make things work. He's divorced he married very young and his marriage lasted 8 months maybe that has something to do with it? He divorced about six years ago. I haven't shared this with anyone I just need some opinions is his behavior normal and am I needy?

Not a guy, but I'll give my opinion. I think the affection issue is a basic incompatibility that won't get better over time. More worrisome is "someone tells him to do something the more he won't do it on purpose". This is a huge red flag to me. He can love you w all his heart, but w this attitude, you're in for a rough road and a lot of heartache w him.

[leslieluu]

I had never thought about it that way sillykitty. Your comment gives me something to think about.

[BagLadie]

Just always wondered something - do men really think about sex ALL the time? I mean supposedly statistics show that all men think about sex like every 20 seconds or something. How is this true? Or it it?? I could go all day and not think about it once. Just find it funny that guys seriously think about sex that much.

[juneping]

^^from the other thread i mentioned a book....yes, men think about sex very often.
for teenagers...yes...ALL the time. as they grow older, they tend to think less. for a man in his 40s...they can control it. but once they start to entertain the thought of it...it will take a while..like 40min. the book was very interesting to read.

[Charles]

I know for me, it's not that I think about SEX all the time, rather sexual thoughts often pass through my head. Like, if I see a cute girl, I'll think she's cute, but I don't zone out and start thinking of sexual scenarios. It's hard to explain. I'd say it's more like "horny" thoughts as opposed to thoughts specific to sex.

[LinaFelina]

Originally Posted by Charles

I know for me, it's not that I think about SEX all the time, rather sexual thoughts often pass through my head. Like, if I see a cute girl, I'll think she's cute, but I don't zone out and start thinking of sexual scenarios. It's hard to explain. I'd say it's more like "horny" thoughts as opposed to thoughts specific to sex.

Charles explained this perfectly, and it is hard to explain. For a teenage guy, it is just about 24/7. (Most) guys learn some control over it and keep it turned down low when it should be.

[bearonica]

Originally Posted by Charles

I know for me, it's not that I think about SEX all the time, rather sexual thoughts often pass through my head. Like, if I see a cute girl, I'll think she's cute, but I don't zone out and start thinking of sexual scenarios. It's hard to explain. I'd say it's more like "horny" thoughts as opposed to thoughts specific to sex.

So if you see a cute girl, will you think something along the lines of, "yeah, I would do her" ?

[Charles]

Sometimes...yeah. But it's not as blatant as me talking in my head saying that. It's just an assumed thing. If I already recognize she's cute, then of course I'm somewhat sexually attracted to her.
Now, that has no bearing AT ALL on my interactions with her. I have a gf and I'd never cheat. Nor would I treat that random girl as an object or anything other than a person. Sexual thoughts are just that...thoughts.
Obviously, some guys are different.

[bearonica]

Ok, thanks I think I understand then. Perhaps it's like if I happen to see a good-looking man pass by I'll think, "Wow, he's hot" - but that's it, and I'll go on about my business.

Is it also true that for a split second guys will wonder what said cute girl is like in bed (not that they would actually seek to pursue this in real life)?

[bearonica]

Originally Posted by bearonica

Ok, thanks I think I understand then. Perhaps it's like if I happen to see a good-looking man pass by I'll think, "Wow, he's hot" - but that's it, and I'll go on about my business. Is it also true that for a split second guys will wonder what said cute girl is like in bed (not that they would actually seek to pursue this in real life)?

Charles - sorry, maybe you already answered this question above...perhaps i didn't register it...