What would you want to know about men?

[juneping]

Originally Posted by cutiepie21

It's not necessarily employment as it is laziness that bothers me. Employment keeps popping up because we are both in our mid-twenties and employment is the central concentration during this phase of life because we are young adults entering the work force. He hates his job, yet is unwilling to change. He would rather play video games than figure out what he wants to do with his life. That screams lack of ambition. I consider myself to be ambitious, and appreciate that character trait in my partner.

you reminded me of a friend of mine. she just became surgeon. she just went on a blind date, the guy was cute but only got a bachelor degree. so he was eliminated. she is turning 32/33 this year.
i don't know how to put my finger into this....it's never wrong to like what you like. sounds like you are an goal getter and it's not wrong to be with someone has the same goal as you do. but would you want to be with someone so focused on his job and he would rather work than spending time with you on v-day, your bday, x'mas, all the national holidays?? i work in a professional field...we also need to take extra credits after being licensed...but it's not unheard of to have 40 hour work week. some famous sweat shops do require their employee to work 80 hour a week, saturday is a must. and that's the choice people make. i would not categorize someone who only works 40 hr a week as lazy.
MHO for you is to keep an open minded about men and their career.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by juneping

sounds like you are an goal getter and it's not wrong to be with someone has the same goal as you do. but would you want to be with someone so focused on his job and he would rather work than spending time with you on v-day, your bday, x'mas, all the national holidays??

I dont think she means that she wants someone who will never be home because he is out working his butt off when she says:

" He would rather play video games than figure out what he wants to do with his life." I dont think its somthing horrible not to want to be with a lazy bum.

My ideal partner would also be an ambitious person. I am not talking a mansion and ferrari, but somebody who likes to broaden his horizons, learn new things, has dreams and wants to make them come true. Someone who if he is stuck in a bad or unsatisfying job will work on getting a better and fullfilling one. My SO lacks a bit in this department, he would like this, he would like that, but he does nothing about it - and I keep telling him - if you want it, you can make it happen. But nobody will read your mind and knock on your door and offer it on a silver platter. At least he started studying again and got promoted recently, but its not like he fought for it...sigh.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

I dont think she means that she wants someone who will never be home because he is out working his butt off when she says: " He would rather play video games than figure out what he wants to do with his life." I dont think its somthing horrible not to want to be with a lazy bum. My ideal partner would also be an ambitious person. I am not talking a mansion and ferrari, but somebody who likes to broaden his horizons, learn new things, has dreams and wants to make them come true. Someone who if he is stuck in a bad or unsatisfying job will work on getting a better and fullfilling one. My SO lacks a bit in this department, he would like this, he would like that, but he does nothing about it - and I keep telling him - if you want it, you can make it happen. But nobody will read your mind and knock on your door and offer it on a silver platter. At least he started studying again and got promoted recently, but its not like he fought for it...sigh.

i was full of hopes and worked very hard in my younger days. i didn't get to where i want to be. the situation is frustrating and discouraging. so i guess i want to say it's never what it seems to some people.
i remember a story i read long time ago.
a CEO went to an island for vacation...he met this fisherman who was talented in playing music. so he was trying to encourage this local guy to get out there to make his name. the guy asked for what? the CEO said so you'll have a better, enjoy your life and blah blah blah. so the local guy said "i'm already enjoying my life". after all those years...i see job as a job and it is a mean to provide the way i want to live my life.
of course when there is opportunity land on my desk..i'd take it but at the same time i really have to accept life as it is.
sorry i think i am OT.

[macska]

Ummm, ok have a tiny situation that I have no idea how to read, so some help would be nice ...

Been dating this great guy for a month now. Things have been going great, then all of a sudden things have come to a sort of halt. We'd been seeing each other 1-2x/week and then this past week - nothing. We'd also been calling/texting semi-daily; this too has dropped to pratically non-existance. Granted, he had a business trip at the beginning of the week and a busy week in general, as did I, but I texted on two occasions and tried to get a small date near the end of the week, but he said he was exausted and I haven't heard from him since (3 days now).

So, what's going on? Is he just really busy/tired? I'm pretty sure it's this, as he has been responding to my txt msgs in the same "tone"/manner as usual, he just hasn't initiated any txt msgs in the last week. I just need a guy's perspective on this and if my texting him every 3-4 days is being "pushy"?

Ugh, so confusing and no, I have not gotten up the nerve to ask him straight out (yet).

Thank you

[Charles]

Situations like this are kind of hard to advise on. He might be legitimately exhausted or he might be over it.

It's been three days since you've heard from him? Did he respond to you last?

Maybe text him and ask if he's feeling more rested. All you can do is make it seem like you believe what he's telling you, and show your concern for his wellbeing. If you initiate a convo and he ignores you or seems distant, then perhaps it's over.

[HappyGrl2008]

Dear Charles,

So I know this guy that I'm emailing with and every time he initiates the contact he'll say something like "I met someone from your country and had to think of you...blablabla"....I'm wondering why he always says that. Why can't he just say that he was thinking of me, or just say "hey how are you?"....it always starts with an "excuse" to e-mail me....KWIM? Maybe I'm rambling...but why is that Charles?

(btw this is the hot guy that I've mentioned 5 million times on this forum already, that lives so far away, and now he told me he's going to jump on a plane to come see me! I'm happy!!)

[Charles]

I'm not sure...maybe that's the way he communicates, ya know, like his style. Or perhaps he's a bit nervous talking to you and want to have that excuse...well, as an excuse to talk to you so it doesn't seem like he's hitting on you.
I'm sure you're aware that I'm not a fan of initiating relationships with someone who's not local, and that's the same here. If this guy comes visit and things go well, then what? When can you see him next? Is he willing to move for you? Are you? I'd focus more on local friends and possible dates and not put too much hope in this guy.

[HappyGrl2008]

Thanks for the explanation, Charles, as always!!

And thanks for the additional advice. I know you're right. But I'm just curious about this guy. Deep in my heart I know that he's not really that into me...otherwise I wouldn't have so much questions about him...things would be clearer for me. He's been giving me too many mixed signals and frankly, that's a "no-no" for me. But I can't deny that he's been nothing but nice to me and he's been able to make me smile again after some crappy times....so...I have no expectations, and I don't want to start any type of relationship with him (yet), just friends. But I'm looking forward to seeing him again and having a good time. I'll see what happens. Thanks Charles! :-)

[mymeimei02]

OK here is one....why are some guys such cowards? I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks thought things were going well. We ended up finally making out and then he seemed to have backed away. I've been e-mailing, texting him asking if he wants to hang out again and he if he responds its vague and there is no answer to what I asked which was if he wants to hang out? I give up. Why can't guys be straight forward and say "hey I am not into you" or "No, I don't want to hang out with you" I can take the truth its better than being left hanging there.....sorry I know not all guys are like this I am just frustrated.

[Charles]

Why can't girls be more forward? :)

It's not really gender specific. Some people would rather be obvious about possibly hurting your feelings. Some are fine with being blunt and up front. Still, in the end, it really doesn't matter. He's not responding the way you'd like, so, move on.

[shazzy99]

Here's one for Charles:

Why would someone you have been with for 8 years just stop calling? There was no arguing or anything like that, a lot of talk about where the relationship was going re marriage, kids, finances etc. and then nothing...All these things have been discussed before as well.

[Chanel Belle]

Originally Posted by mymeimei02

OK here is one....why are some guys such cowards? I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks thought things were going well. We ended up finally making out and then he seemed to have backed away. I've been e-mailing, texting him asking if he wants to hang out again and he if he responds its vague and there is no answer to what I asked which was if he wants to hang out? I give up. Why can't guys be straight forward and say "hey I am not into you" or "No, I don't want to hang out with you" I can take the truth its better than being left hanging there.....sorry I know not all guys are like this I am just frustrated.

A wise person once said that "No answer is your answer."

It's time for you to move on :)

[LinaFelina]

Originally Posted by mymeimei02

OK here is one....why are some guys such cowards? I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks thought things were going well. We ended up finally making out and then he seemed to have backed away. I've been e-mailing, texting him asking if he wants to hang out again and he if he responds its vague and there is no answer to what I asked which was if he wants to hang out? I give up. Why can't guys be straight forward and say "hey I am not into you" or "No, I don't want to hang out with you" I can take the truth its better than being left hanging there.....sorry I know not all guys are like this I am just frustrated.

Originally Posted by Charles

It's not really gender specific. Some people would rather be obvious about possibly hurting your feelings. Some are fine with being blunt and up front. Still, in the end, it really doesn't matter. He's not responding the way you'd like, so, move on.

I agree with Charles. I was in the same situation (I'm male btw). I thought things were going great, but I'd leave her a message and...no response. It would be simplest and not heartbreaking if she had said to me, "You're nice and all, but I just don't feel that spark, and I need that spark". It still would've hurt a bit, but it's something I could understand and then move on.

[mymeimei02]

^ I know I know . I am guilty of being MIA too. It just sucks not knowing for sure.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by shazzy99

Here's one for Charles: Why would someone you have been with for 8 years just stop calling? There was no arguing or anything like that, a lot of talk about where the relationship was going re marriage, kids, finances etc. and then nothing...All these things have been discussed before as well.

So you've been together for 8 years and he stopped calling you? No contact at all? Do you live together?

Obviously there are issues here, but no calling after 8 years? Are you sure he's OK??