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nooch · Jun 29th, 2009, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by ProfNot

I just skimmed through Libertine's list on his website.

Ladies: Libertine is not a nice man. And definitely not a kind person.

Please do not think all his tips are correct.

I'm glad I know far nicer men than him.

That guy got run off, have no fear!

Charles · Jun 29th, 2009, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by cutiepie21

To me, ambitious means hard-working, goal oriented and willing to put in the work and hours it takes to achieve the goals. A lot of men I know talk about wanting a nice career, wanting to obtaining professional licenses, and then they fail all their college courses. There is nothing ambitious about that because it's all talk. If they were actually ambitious, they would realize that they need to put in the work and effort to achieve their goals, instead of just dream about them.

A lot of people don't have formal education but are hard-working and have self-discipline, so it's not about getting as many degrees as you can. It's about getting yourself out of a dead end job and becoming successful without people holding your hand or pushing you to do it. I like a man who can take initiative for his own future.

So basically, money isn't a big deal, as long as he has an "acceptable" career? I mean, you'd be OK with a school teacher...yes?
I'll assume that's a yes. So, you say you only meet loser guys. OK, where are you going to meet these guys? Are you physically attracted to them? Do they approach you or vice versa? Do you find out these guys are losers right off the bat or does it take a few dates?

mellecyn · Jun 30th, 2009, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by 336

Why they say one thing and do another.

To avoid confrontation...They always say "yes" !!
"I´ll call you", "I want to see you again", "yes I want her phone number"

luckygirl83 · Jun 30th, 2009, 06:32 PM

I've been looking thru this thread - how informative! I have a question: The guy I am dating (it's been 3 mos) is very touchy feely (acceptable to me) and completely attentive to my needs (even when I didn't know I had those needs!). We laugh all the time and time seems to disappear when we are together. We have serious talks without any hesitation and all in all, everything is good.

I just came out of a past relationship (12 yrs) where my ex didn't like me to call/text or hold his hands, etc. He wanted his own space, his circle of friends, and time for himself. Talks were usually out of the question until they are resolved in full-blown fights. As a result, I am used to being a g/f that gives the guy plenty of space, free time, and boys weekends out.

The new guy is the complete opposite and wants me to hang out and call. He has mentioned that he initiates most of the calls and dates and feels like "the clingy girlfriend" in the relationship. I definitely do not want him to feel that way but it's hard to change. I am afraid to be clingy so I've held back quite a bit. I definitely do not want to be clingy - he has mentioned how some of his ex'es were so clingy that he could barely breathe. How can I meet him in the middle without losing this great relationship?

In general, are men supposed to be less "clingy" in a relationship and women more so? What if the roles are switched?

macska · Jun 30th, 2009, 07:46 PM

^^^
My only suggestion is to be yourself. Don't hold back because of a past relationship; that was the past and with a completely different person. Live in the now and enjoy the great guy you have.

ver0nique · Jun 30th, 2009, 09:53 PM

^^ITA.

As long as you're not calling him every hour, you're fine. :)

Jahpson · Jul 1st, 2009, 01:22 PM

why do they think they can have it all?

or

why do they think that they should get away with things but won't let anybody get away with the same thing?

Charles · Jul 1st, 2009, 04:17 PM

Originally Posted by macska

^^^
My only suggestion is to be yourself. Don't hold back because of a past relationship; that was the past and with a completely different person. Live in the now and enjoy the great guy you have.

I agree.
I'm guess that in your past relationship that it wasn't you didn't want to talk to him, it was just that you didn't call, when you wanted to talk, cause you were afraid he'd get mad. Evidently that's not the case here.

I think, in a relationship that's healthy (in other words, there's no question that there are feelings between and for both parties), calls should happen when you want to talk to your SO. Like it was said, don't call every hour, but if you're sitting there and want to talk to him...call him. I'd also talk to him and explain your previous situation and how that's affected you now and ask him to be patient with you while you acclimate yourself to this new relationship and his expectations.

Jahpson, I don't think your question is gender specific. Sounds like you might be dealing with some selfish people.

SevenFive · Jul 1st, 2009, 11:48 PM

What's guyspeak for "friends" ...
His definition was we needed to slow things down and be friends and <<possibly>> we could work things out.

Charles · Jul 2nd, 2009, 12:46 AM

Not to sound like a smart ass, but it sounds like he wants to slow down and be friends. In other words...not be committed to you.

SevenFive · Jul 2nd, 2009, 01:15 AM

Originally Posted by Charles

Not to sound like a smart ass, but it sounds like he wants to slow down and be friends. In other words...not be committed to you.

Maybe I need a smart ass opinion to help me move on

We both jumped into it headstrong. It was too much for both of us because neither of us was prepared to deal with the emotional roller coaster from jumping in too fast.
I asked him <<jokingly>> if he was trying to let me down easy or get rid of me and I wasn't catching the hint? He said emphatically "no."
I gave him till the end of the summer to sort his feelings out, and us to take a break. It's too hard for me to be a friend to someone I want to see. I told him I wanted to work things out... but I needed a break. But it was up to him. At the end of the summer I wanted to try again. But, It needed to be his choice: I wasn't going to contact him or bug him about it.
All I do is cry about the fact he thinks I tested him. I had no reason to, I didn't realize that's what he was thought I was doing, purposefully doing. We had tried to work on things... but he started acting weird(I guess because he didn't know at that time why he was angry with me... when I asked him about this in our last talk he said he figured out it was because he was angry with me about testing him.)
It will be a week tomorrow since we spoke about this... and I haven't heard from him yet. Now I am reading all sorts of things into the last talk we had. Silly I know.

Charles · Jul 2nd, 2009, 09:00 AM

Well, he told you what he wanted, and it seems as though he's doing what he told you. I'd give him some space and maybe in a week or so, shoot him a text asking him if he's doing ok. "Just checking in on you. Hope things are well with you". Just one text, and keep it short and concerned about his well being...nothing to do with hanging out or emotions or anything like that. Play it from there.

LinaFelina · Jul 2nd, 2009, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

Dear Charles :)

Why is it that men just never seem to care about anything? Women always want to know everything about another person, I guess because we have a natural desire to please someone - and you can only please someone when you know stuff about them. With men I always end up talking about superficial things, sports and all that stuff...never goes deeper...they never ask anything or talk/ask about personal stuff...are men naturally 'selfish' and not interested, or is it bad luck on my side meeting the wrong guys? Help!

I think mostly because we (especially younger guys) haven't had much practice at it. Growing up, most guys do not talk about their feelings. If we even bother to buy a guy friend a birthday card, it'll probably have a girl in a bikini on it. It sort of gets ingrained that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and to show weakness around other guys is a bad thing. By the time we get around to being interested in women, we haven't had much practice at being personal. Some guys learn this earlier on, some never do.

Charles · Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:55 PM

Eh...I kind of disagree. It used to be frowned upon, but as men get older most don't care if they show emotions and how they look to their friends. I think the issue is that once you hold in emotions for so long, you just get used to it and you don't know how to share, if that makes sense. In additions to that, a lot of men don't even know what they're feeling, so how can they verbalize it? We just know we're happy, sad, mad, excited...nothing too dynamic, ya know?
As for what's superficial and what's not. I'm sure many a guy will disagree that sports are superficial.

Girls have their "typical" hobbies as do guys.

*edit*

After reading what you wrote, again, it seems like we're saying the same thing.

HappyGrl2008 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:13 PM

Well, thank you both LinaFelina and Charles for your explanation. :)

So it's not a bad sign when guys don't show interest in me as a person then? And when I would be talking sports with a guy it means that we're actually bonding?

It's just that I feel so messed up when it comes to this. I feel like there're two types of men that I meet: the over-confident "i just wanna sleep with you" type and the one that is not interested (even when I have a nice conversation with him)...

I don't know what to do...I'm confused...it always seems so easy for others "boy meets girl" and boom a relationship is born. I think I'm doing something wrong. Maybe they think I'm not interested...but that can't be possible...I always smile, sometimes suggest to meet up again, etc...but I always get rejected. Maybe it's my radiant personality and beauty that throws them off (JUST KIDDING!!!!)

At the end of the day it does make me sad though.

Jun 30th, 2009, 06:32 PM	#484
luckygirl83 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: New York City Posts: 688	I've been looking thru this thread - how informative! I have a question: The guy I am dating (it's been 3 mos) is very touchy feely (acceptable to me) and completely attentive to my needs (even when I didn't know I had those needs!). We laugh all the time and time seems to disappear when we are together. We have serious talks without any hesitation and all in all, everything is good. I just came out of a past relationship (12 yrs) where my ex didn't like me to call/text or hold his hands, etc. He wanted his own space, his circle of friends, and time for himself. Talks were usually out of the question until they are resolved in full-blown fights. As a result, I am used to being a g/f that gives the guy plenty of space, free time, and boys weekends out. The new guy is the complete opposite and wants me to hang out and call. He has mentioned that he initiates most of the calls and dates and feels like "the clingy girlfriend" in the relationship. I definitely do not want him to feel that way but it's hard to change. I am afraid to be clingy so I've held back quite a bit. I definitely do not want to be clingy - he has mentioned how some of his ex'es were so clingy that he could barely breathe. How can I meet him in the middle without losing this great relationship? In general, are men supposed to be less "clingy" in a relationship and women more so? What if the roles are switched?
	Last edited by luckygirl83; Jun 30th, 2009 at 06:52 PM.

Jun 30th, 2009, 09:53 PM	#486
ver0nique ataraxiz Joined: Feb 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 1,054	^^ITA. As long as you're not calling him every hour, you're fine. :)
	__________________ ♥

Jul 1st, 2009, 01:22 PM	#487
Jahpson Member Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Playground Posts: 22,389	why do they think they can have it all? or why do they think that they should get away with things but won't let anybody get away with the same thing?
	__________________ Michael Joseph Jackson 1958-2009

Jul 2nd, 2009, 12:46 AM	#490
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,190	Not to sound like a smart ass, but it sounds like he wants to slow down and be friends. In other words...not be committed to you.
	__________________

Jul 2nd, 2009, 09:00 AM	#492
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,190	Well, he told you what he wanted, and it seems as though he's doing what he told you. I'd give him some space and maybe in a week or so, shoot him a text asking him if he's doing ok. "Just checking in on you. Hope things are well with you". Just one text, and keep it short and concerned about his well being...nothing to do with hanging out or emotions or anything like that. Play it from there.
	__________________

Jun 30th, 2009, 07:46 PM	#485
macska Member Joined: Sep 2008 Location: World Traveller Posts: 1,131	^^^ My only suggestion is to be yourself. Don't hold back because of a past relationship; that was the past and with a completely different person. Live in the now and enjoy the great guy you have.

Jul 1st, 2009, 11:48 PM	#489
SevenFive Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 17	What's guyspeak for "friends" ... His definition was we needed to slow things down and be friends and <<possibly>> we could work things out.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 02:55 PM	#494
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,190	Eh...I kind of disagree. It used to be frowned upon, but as men get older most don't care if they show emotions and how they look to their friends. I think the issue is that once you hold in emotions for so long, you just get used to it and you don't know how to share, if that makes sense. In additions to that, a lot of men don't even know what they're feeling, so how can they verbalize it? We just know we're happy, sad, mad, excited...nothing too dynamic, ya know? As for what's superficial and what's not. I'm sure many a guy will disagree that sports are superficial. Girls have their "typical" hobbies as do guys. edit After reading what you wrote, again, it seems like we're saying the same thing.
	__________________

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:13 PM	#495
HappyGrl2008 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 272	Well, thank you both LinaFelina and Charles for your explanation. :) So it's not a bad sign when guys don't show interest in me as a person then? And when I would be talking sports with a guy it means that we're actually bonding? It's just that I feel so messed up when it comes to this. I feel like there're two types of men that I meet: the over-confident "i just wanna sleep with you" type and the one that is not interested (even when I have a nice conversation with him)... I don't know what to do...I'm confused...it always seems so easy for others "boy meets girl" and boom a relationship is born. I think I'm doing something wrong. Maybe they think I'm not interested...but that can't be possible...I always smile, sometimes suggest to meet up again, etc...but I always get rejected. Maybe it's my radiant personality and beauty that throws them off (JUST KIDDING!!!!) At the end of the day it does make me sad though.
HappyGrl2008 Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 272

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