What would you want to know about men?

[macska]

Ok, here's one I don't get, has happened to me only twice, but scared the begeesus out of me both times ... why do some guys introduce you to everyone they know within days of meeting you and only after one date? Seems a little fast - no?

[Charles]

What do you mean? Like..family?

Some guys don't really see introducing you to friends as a big deal. I don't. I mean, I'm not going to throw a party and invite all my pals so you can say hi, but I don't mind making plans with everyone and having a new girl come with. Ya know?
Some people like to keep friend world and relationship world separate until they're sure something solid is forming in the relationship world. Others don't.

[vittorio]

look, they either want to show off with you or are too insecure and weak to fight it out alone with you, confront you person to person. neither is a recommendation for the guy.
also southern people are very much group people and the guys mamas boys, weak alone and the dominant female impregnated in them, so its no wonder they are so dependent on what their friends think of you instead of making up their own minds.
my five cent

[macska]

In both cases it was to family and friends. The friends thing I get, but I find it a little fast to meet the family after less than a week ... maybe we just do things differently in our family ... oh well. Thanks for the explanations guys :)

[HawaiiDude]

Originally Posted by MarieG

I have no answer. I am in an in between situation in my life right now and don't know where I'll be next week (country wise) I guess I am longing for something steady because of all this.... What do you make of his behavior and all of it? Do you think he likes me? I'll meanwhile try to find an answer to your questions- thanks so much for your thoughts!!

Hi Marie, I'm Steve. I saw your posts and it reminds me of a similar LDR I had a few years back, so I thought I'd chime in.

First off, Charles is definitely asking the right questions that you need to be asking yourself. I have no idea what city you're in, but it's a HUGE commitment to move somewhere else for someone (even if it seems romantic, which it definitely is.)

The LDR I mentioned happened w/me and a girl from a Deep Southern state when I was living in Wash. DC. We'll call her Amy. She was about to join the Peace Corps when we met online through a mutual friend. We hit it off right away and chatted for another six weeks, both on the phone and online. Then, she flew up to visit me for a few days.

We had a great time, fell in love, etc. We even talked about her moving to DC and not joining the Peace Corps.

Then, Amy went home to her state (sorry to be vague, but I like to respect privacy.) Anyway, as it turned out, she was from a VERY conservative family and when her parents found out she had flown to another city to meet "some guy she met on the Internet," all hell broke loose. The whole thing blew up in our faces.

Here's my point: I never even knew that her family was so conservative. Had I known, I would have probably not gotten so involved with her. I say this because, from reading your posts, you may not know much about this guy yet. And the only way to get to know someone is by living in the same town.

(For the record, I was really upset at the time, but a year later, I met the woman who would become my wife. I googled Amy last year and found out that she married a preacher!)

LDR's are definitely romantic and I don't want to discourage the romance part. But, part of what makes them so romantic is the fact that they're LD. You never have to experience the person's bad habits (or how they might react to yours.) You don't have to negotiate any rules for the relationship, either, because time is usually limited when you're with the person.

I am NOT saying to end it or anything drastic. I guess what I'm saying is it might be good to simply enjoy it for what it is: a great time.

Anyway, sorry to throw my two cents in here (especially since ya didn't ask lol). Still, having been through a similar situation, I hope it helps.

[336]

Why they say one thing and do another.

[HappyGrl2008]

Dear Charles :)

Why is it that men just never seem to care about anything? Women always want to know everything about another person, I guess because we have a natural desire to please someone - and you can only please someone when you know stuff about them. With men I always end up talking about superficial things, sports and all that stuff...never goes deeper...they never ask anything or talk/ask about personal stuff...are men naturally 'selfish' and not interested, or is it bad luck on my side meeting the wrong guys? Help!

[Charles]

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

Dear Charles :) Why is it that men just never seem to care about anything? Women always want to know everything about another person, I guess because we have a natural desire to please someone - and you can only please someone when you know stuff about them. With men I always end up talking about superficial things, sports and all that stuff...never goes deeper...they never ask anything or talk/ask about personal stuff...are men naturally 'selfish' and not interested, or is it bad luck on my side meeting the wrong guys? Help!

Some men lack depth, some don't. It seems you're meeting the wrong kind of guys. That's the crappy part of dating...all the losers you have to muddle through before you find the right guy.

[cutiepie21]

I want to know why all the men I meet lack ambition. Maybe it's the age group: early to mid twenties. It seems like all they want to do is play video games and have no interest in getting a higher education or a stable career that can support a family, whereas all my girlfriends are pursuing a masters or a doctorate.

[Chanel Belle]

Originally Posted by HawaiiDude

Hi Marie, I'm Steve. I saw your posts and it reminds me of a similar LDR I had a few years back, so I thought I'd chime in. First off, Charles is definitely asking the right questions that you need to be asking yourself. I have no idea what city you're in, but it's a HUGE commitment to move somewhere else for someone (even if it seems romantic, which it definitely is.) The LDR I mentioned happened w/me and a girl from a Deep Southern state when I was living in Wash. DC. We'll call her Amy. She was about to join the Peace Corps when we met online through a mutual friend. We hit it off right away and chatted for another six weeks, both on the phone and online. Then, she flew up to visit me for a few days. We had a great time, fell in love, etc. We even talked about her moving to DC and not joining the Peace Corps. Then, Amy went home to her state (sorry to be vague, but I like to respect privacy.) Anyway, as it turned out, she was from a VERY conservative family and when her parents found out she had flown to another city to meet "some guy she met on the Internet," all hell broke loose. The whole thing blew up in our faces. Here's my point: I never even knew that her family was so conservative. Had I known, I would have probably not gotten so involved with her. I say this because, from reading your posts, you may not know much about this guy yet. And the only way to get to know someone is by living in the same town. (For the record, I was really upset at the time, but a year later, I met the woman who would become my wife. I googled Amy last year and found out that she married a preacher!) LDR's are definitely romantic and I don't want to discourage the romance part. But, part of what makes them so romantic is the fact that they're LD. You never have to experience the person's bad habits (or how they might react to yours.) You don't have to negotiate any rules for the relationship, either, because time is usually limited when you're with the person. I am NOT saying to end it or anything drastic. I guess what I'm saying is it might be good to simply enjoy it for what it is: a great time. Anyway, sorry to throw my two cents in here (especially since ya didn't ask lol). Still, having been through a similar situation, I hope it helps.

Well said.

[dbtbandit67]

Originally Posted by cutiepie21

I want to know why all the men I meet lack ambition. Maybe it's the age group: early to mid twenties. It seems like all they want to do is play video games and have no interest in getting a higher education or a stable career that can support a family, whereas all my girlfriends are pursuing a masters or a doctorate.

Would you be content with less attractive more ambitious men? If only we could have our cake and eat it too lol

[cutiepie21]

Originally Posted by dbtbandit67

Would you be content with less attractive more ambitious men? If only we could have our cake and eat it too lol

Oh, believe me, I sacrificed in the looks department for a guy who appeared to be ambitious (talked a lot about his future and wanting a good career) only to find out a few months later that he didn't have any actual plans to follow through with anything. All talk and no action really turns me off.

[ProfNot]

I just skimmed through Libertine's list on his website.

Ladies: Libertine is not a nice man. And definitely not a kind person.

Please do not think all his tips are correct.

I'm glad I know far nicer men than him.

[Charles]

So what are you looking for? A guy who's going to be a doctor or a guy who's intelligent and has a job he loves, but isn't a neurologist? IT depends on your definition of ambitious. To some, it means finding a good job that can transition into a career and something that they love to go to every day. For others, it's going to school forever to attain a job that pays well.

[cutiepie21]

Originally Posted by Charles

So what are you looking for? A guy who's going to be a doctor or a guy who's intelligent and has a job he loves, but isn't a neurologist? IT depends on your definition of ambitious. To some, it means finding a good job that can transition into a career and something that they love to go to every day. For others, it's going to school forever to attain a job that pays well.

To me, ambitious means hard-working, goal oriented and willing to put in the work and hours it takes to achieve the goals. A lot of men I know talk about wanting a nice career, wanting to obtaining professional licenses, and then they fail all their college courses. There is nothing ambitious about that because it's all talk. If they were actually ambitious, they would realize that they need to put in the work and effort to achieve their goals, instead of just dream about them.

A lot of people don't have formal education but are hard-working and have self-discipline, so it's not about getting as many degrees as you can. It's about getting yourself out of a dead end job and becoming successful without people holding your hand or pushing you to do it. I like a man who can take initiative for his own future.