What would you want to know about men?

[Chanel Belle]

Dear Charles, I have another question about men :)

If I'm dating a guy who is naturally flirtatious, how do I know if he's sincerely interested in me or if he treats me as one of his friends?

Thanks! :)

[Charles]

He'll ask you out if he's truly interested. If a guy has enough confidence to flirt with you, he has enough confidence to ask you out.

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by Charles

I wouldn't say anything yet. If he asks you out again, see how it goes and then mention something. Maybe when you're with him, tell him how it's great to have a good FRIEND like him and how you enjoy not having to deal with the problems of a guy hitting on you, etc, etc. He should get the hint.

Oh, that's really good...and subtle. I wouldn't have thought of it. Thanks!

[mellecyn]

Dear Charles
I´d like to know what happens in a guy´s head between the moment he asks you out on a second date,(at this point I have made an semi impression on him), follows up with texting......and then nothing.
I guess he might have other priorities, didn´t like me that much, spotted another girl.....but does he keep in mind the "first impression" or does it just fade away because you´re not "here"?
Because, personally I keep in mind how the date went, imagine the potential and if i said yes for a second date, I rarely change my mind and will follow through.
Men don´t seem to work that way though ?!

[Charles]

What kind of time frame are we talking about?
It could be that he's super busy, or he could have met another girl.

[HappyGrl2008]

Dear Charles ,

Here's an unimportant question:
the average decent guy with a 'ready-to-settle-down age and lifestyle', does he like it better when a beautiful girl puts a huge amount of pictures of herself on her network profile? (especially modelling pictures and "look how pretty and sexy I am" pictures)...Of course, a guy would enjoy those pics but in the end is it a turn-on or a turn-off? I know it would depend on the guy, but in general? Not asking for any particular reason...(cough cough).... thanks!!

[mellecyn]

Originally Posted by Charles

What kind of time frame are we talking about? It could be that he's super busy, or he could have met another girl.

Usually 1 week. Go on date 1. (or even get on the phone to agree on date 1.) then wants date 2. and even proposes plans for the week after. A few texts follow, then 2 days before date 2.(or date 1. if initial contact was phone call from dating site) = silence.
It happened 4 times in the past month.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

Dear Charles , Here's an unimportant question: the average decent guy with a 'ready-to-settle-down age and lifestyle', does he like it better when a beautiful girl puts a huge amount of pictures of herself on her network profile? (especially modelling pictures and "look how pretty and sexy I am" pictures)...Of course, a guy would enjoy those pics but in the end is it a turn-on or a turn-off? I know it would depend on the guy, but in general? Not asking for any particular reason...(cough cough).... thanks!!

I think it kind of depends on how it's presented. I've known girls that plastered revealing pics all over their personal MySpace and to me, it's a turn off. If it's a profile for modeling or something like that, that's a bit different.
I prefer a girl to have a bit of restraint in that aspect, but I know a lot of guys who eat it up and like showing their girl off. So, it depends on the guy too.
As a general guideline, I'd say take the modest route over the revealing route.

Originally Posted by mellecyn

Usually 1 week. Go on date 1. (or even get on the phone to agree on date 1.) then wants date 2. and even proposes plans for the week after. A few texts follow, then 2 days before date 2.(or date 1. if initial contact was phone call from dating site) = silence. It happened 4 times in the past month.

It's hard to tell, but bottom line...he didn't show up for the second date, so unless he has a great reason, don't even give it a second thought. Move on.

[MarieG]

Dear Charles, please help me understand this guy as I am completely confused:

I started chatting to this very cute Spanish guy on facebook- we had a lot of common friends in Australia and I thought we had met at a party and added him as a friend but then in turned out we didn't but we started writing each other as he was clearly interested in getting to know me and i though- why not. So we ended up chatting/emailing/flirting every evening and constantly saying that we should catch up and I eventually had time so I thought to myself: why not? i have time and i've never done anything as crazy as this!

So we decided to meet and I booked a flight to Spain lol. Felt pretty crazy and so unlike me but whatever haha So we kept on talking and I flew there- we met and got along great and I was there for 5 days in total.

On the 3rd day, after getting along really well, he suddenly totally flipped and said that he thinks that i know exactly what i want and that i want a boyfriend and that he doesn't know if he can give me what i want right now. I told him that I don't know what i want out of this yet and where on earth he got that impression from. He was really rude and said: let's get ready for the evening now and not talk anymore.

I was really upset, went to shower and though to myself: whatever- stuff him! I'm sick of being jerked around by men so I'll just do whatever i want. All of the sudden he knocks on the door and apologizes and asks me if i'd like a glass of wine saying he's really sorry he flipped. I was still pissed inside and just didn't care that much anymore.

We then met up with 2 of his long term guy friends in the evening and I had a blast, dancing and talking to them loads and the Spanish guy was super surprised and said: "Wow, i had no idea that you're a girl everyone wants! please never leave! i won't be as fun as you when i meet your friends" etc etc

I just thought to myself: 'whatever'! seriously! anyway, we then spend the next 2 days together- i was nice but pretty indifferent to him and he was fully into me, saying he really wants to see me again and how beautiful i am etc etc.

after i left he immediately wrote me that he misses me already and that he hopes we get to spend more time together. I responded with the same kind if message and wrote him in the evening after i arrived thanking him for my time there etc and he reaffirmed that he thinks i'm a great girl and that he wants to see me again.

During that time, one of his friends, a nose/ear/throat doc we partied with that evening, added me on facebook and majorly started hitting on me and writing me via facebook and i stayed nice but tried to avoid it. Well, Spanish guy all of the sudden starts being less and less responsive, writing a comment on a pic or some random question once a day on facebook, urging me to put the pics of us up we had taken which i eventually did. One week later I get an email from him saying that he's been so different because his friends has been telling all of his friends that I've been flirting with him and Spanish guy said that he assumes that his friend was probably hitting on me but asked me to cut out contact " because he doesn't want his friend to jeopardize something that's about to kick off between us"

I proceed to tell him that i completely understand why that would make him uncomfortable and told him that i was uncomfy with this, too, and cut out contact with the guy completely. Well, this was on Wednesday and Spanish guys still remained strange. He didn't respond to my clarification email so I wrote him saying:"are we ok now?" and he wrote 'yes we are- i'll get back to you shortly, BIG KISS' which was yesterday morning and he hasn't gotten back to me.

Ugh, so much drama about all of this already- i swear. And he ticked all of the right boxes: he's 29, and engineer, has been in 3 long term relationships and seems really nice.

Please tell me what you think! I haven't written to him yet as I don't wanna be pushy but i am considering writing him an email saying that I am puzzled about where we stand this afternoon- is that too much? should i just wait?

Thanks so much in advance!

[Charles]

Originally Posted by MarieG

Ugh, so much drama about all of this already

Let me re-iterate soemthing you said ^^

That!

What are your plans? Are you willing to move for this guy? What about him? Will he move for you? Unless someone is moving, this isn't going to work out. Honestly, I think it's a waste of time. LDR's don't seem to work when they start off with very little foundation, and a shaky one at that (which is what you have at this point)

If you're still going to pursue him and try to make it work, at that point I'll try to understand why he's acting like he is.

[MarieG]

Originally Posted by Charles

Let me re-iterate soemthing you said ^^ That! What are your plans? Are you willing to move for this guy? What about him? Will he move for you? Unless someone is moving, this isn't going to work out. Honestly, I think it's a waste of time. LDR's don't seem to work when they start off with very little foundation, and a shaky one at that (which is what you have at this point) If you're still going to pursue him and try to make it work, at that point I'll try to understand why he's acting like he is.

Thanks so much for your response, Charles! I know- the foundation is already pretty bad! So would you recommend I write him and ask about where he thinks we stand?

[Charles]

What do you want out of this? Are you willing to move for him?

[MarieG]

Good questions, Charles! You seem to ask all of the right questions... I have no answer. I am in an in between situation in my life right now and don't know where I'll be next week (country wise) I guess I am longing for something steady because of all this....

What do you make of his behavior and all of it? Do you think he likes me?

I'll meanwhile try to find an answer to your questions- thanks so much for your thoughts!!

[tiffanystar]

Hmmm I admit I haven't read through this thread. All I know about men is what my very honest hubby has told me. Basically all they care about is sex.

[Lyn2005]

Originally Posted by Charles

So this was the last time he contacted you? Yeah, I'd not talk to him anymore

Yesterday, he called again. I accidently picked up, and he was angry because he said that he was in the area last weekend and called my house line repeatedly, and I wasn't home so we weren't able to meet up. He had drove from Bellingham to Vancouver (I'm in suburb of Vancouver). (I was home, my aunt picked up, and said that I wasn't because I'm taking your advice to stop contact)

I'm slightly scared at this point, because I never made contact with him since to "meet up" and certainly have no interest in his affairs or seeing him again. He tried to give me his contact info over the phone again, and talk again. I cut him off and firmly told him that I wanted NO CONTACT with him, and to respect my wishes for no contact. I then asked him if he understood. He said he didn't understand. I told him I wished him a good life and that his problems all work out in the future, and not to contact me ever again, and hung up.


My question is this: Is there anything else I could have done to discourage him from contacting me again? Did I handle the situation correctly? Did I accidently encourage him to keep contacting me by listening to him talk about his issues? Should I ask my family to change their house phone line? Is this typical male behavior and will a sane rational male stop contact as asked?