What would you want to know about men?

[Chanel Belle]

Originally Posted by Charles

He probably likes you and doesn't want to say something that might turn you off towards him.

Thanks for that interesting viewpoint :) Darn, I would prefer him being himself than self-censoring himself all the time.

[Charles]

Guys..and girls, do it all the time. I'm sure you've been nervous around a guy you like, not wanting to say something dumb. Yeah?

[Graciella]

Ok, so I think I need some help. I met a guy a while ago; he was the bar tender at a bar we were hanging out, and he is a friend of my friend who works at the same bar. Anyway, I stayed until after closing time and we talked for a few hours. It felt great and we left the bar. He then kissed me on the cheeck, but it didn't stop there. We went to his place to just talk some more and get some sleep, but in the end we had sex...that might seem odd, but it felt great, even though it was my first time (he knew that). We met up again the next day and spent the night together. He stayed until 3 pm the next day - we actually talked and cuddled for about 5 hours or so that day, and he asked me just about everything about myself, going through my books and stuff to get to know me. Then, as we met up a few days later, after we had been kissing for about 15 minutes or so he suddenly said he did not want a relationship with me, and not with anyone in general, because he was too restless, and needed to 'find himself first'. I was devestated, as I was falling in love with him. He came over for dinner a few days later and we had a great time again. Then we didn't see each other for a few weeks, but ran into each other and he kissed me, stating he'd come to my birthday party (next monday). I saw him in the street yesterday, but all he said was 'hi'. What does all this mean? He told our mutual friend that he is very attracted to me...I just don't understand any of this - am I coming on too strong? He sends out pretty mixed signals, I mean, he introduced me to all his friends, asked me to come over to his rugby match, came over for dinner, said things like 'let's run off together' and 'if you go to Egypt and I go to Brazil (which will happen next year), we won't see each other for over 6 months and I can't handle that' - am I just plain stupid and is he playing me, or is there more? I'm very, very inexperienced, and have never been in a relationship, so I really haven't a clue as to wether this is all my fault or not.

[oonik]

Originally Posted by Charles

for some odd reason, men like to be able to get there on our own, or at least make it seem like we can get there on out own. It's the provider/dominant role in us. For me, however, I like to be able to get there, but I also don't like looking stupid, so I plan ahead and familiarize myself with the area so it looks like I know how to get anywhere, anytime. Maybe try that approach? Let him know that he doesn't look so smart when he's getting lost and he's much more likely to get some luvin if he stops to ask for directions, getting you both to your destination sooner, meaning you're less sweaty, meaning you're more willing to make out. Or just explain how much it bothers you and ask him nicely to hit googlemaps prior to going somewhere?

thanks charles. i tink i'd have to do the google mapping myself tho. he suck at it. heheh

[SevenFive]

Originally Posted by Charles

He's probably thinking he's dating a cool chick and he hopes she won't let the age issue ruin a good thing. As for the odds of it working..it depends on the both of you, what each of you want, and what each of you are capable of giving. 10 years isn't a huge gap...unless you're 28 and he's 18, but still, there are generational aspects that might get in the way. ONly time will tell if they're enough to cause you trouble. Bottomline, just with any relationship, it depends on how compatible each of you are.

Well I think I went and mucked things up, Charles. I had an emotional week last week due to some personal things event wise happening in my lilfe. We went to say our good byes after spending the weekend together, and I teared up and the floodgates opened!
I noticed he started pulling back. But, we managed to find time for dinner this week and met at a local hangout for a few hours. It was strained at best. When we parted I asked him if he wanted to take a little break from us, since we were feeling so awkward, and try again after we both had time to recover from the mishap. I asked calmly and sweetly because I do care for him and I don't want this to be a disaster. He said no and he wanted to continue seeing me....but that we just needed to move a little slower. The texting, calls and emails have slowed to a halt. If I initiate them, he always returns them. (So he isn't completely ignoring me.)
He is spending the weekend with his friends, which I think is best because we do need some time.
I am just devastated going from I am dreaming/thinking about/can't wait to see you 24/7 texts and calls that were almost too much for me from him to communication only if I initiate. I am so scared it's over. Tell me sitting at home and crying tonight is the right thing to be doing to get over this relationship so I can move on... Or tell me I am over-reacting and he'll come around.
I just know when I pull back it's game over. Is he is different though? Or is this typical male slow-fade?

[Laurie8504]

I have an issue I'd like a guy's perspective on...

I ran into a friend at work a couple nights ago, to make a long story short he asked if I wanted to hang out afterwards and I said sure. Later, when we were deciding what to do I asked what "Amy" (his gf) was up to, thinking maybe we could join her. Turns out they broke up. It was fine hanging out with him and we have a lot in common so it's easy to talk...but hanging out quickly started feeling like a date after I realized he was single.

So how do I explain to him that one of the things I really liked about him was that he had a girlfriend? I just want guy friends right now, and it's much less complicated if they're taken...they're safe in a way, you know? I don't have to worry about them hitting on me or thinking things are going somewhere and dealing with that awkwardness...

How would a guy prefer to be treated in this situation? I enjoy hanging out with him, but how do I avoid leading him on, without ignoring him? Stick to group activities? I like Amy as well, and don't want to disrespect her or have her thinking anything is going on.

[Liz_x3]

Originally Posted by Graciella

Ok, so I think I need some help. I met a guy a while ago; he was the bar tender at a bar we were hanging out, and he is a friend of my friend who works at the same bar. Anyway, I stayed until after closing time and we talked for a few hours. It felt great and we left the bar. He then kissed me on the cheeck, but it didn't stop there. We went to his place to just talk some more and get some sleep, but in the end we had sex...that might seem odd, but it felt great, even though it was my first time (he knew that). We met up again the next day and spent the night together. He stayed until 3 pm the next day - we actually talked and cuddled for about 5 hours or so that day, and he asked me just about everything about myself, going through my books and stuff to get to know me. Then, as we met up a few days later, after we had been kissing for about 15 minutes or so he suddenly said he did not want a relationship with me, and not with anyone in general, because he was too restless, and needed to 'find himself first'. I was devestated, as I was falling in love with him. He came over for dinner a few days later and we had a great time again. Then we didn't see each other for a few weeks, but ran into each other and he kissed me, stating he'd come to my birthday party (next monday). I saw him in the street yesterday, but all he said was 'hi'. What does all this mean? He told our mutual friend that he is very attracted to me...I just don't understand any of this - am I coming on too strong? He sends out pretty mixed signals, I mean, he introduced me to all his friends, asked me to come over to his rugby match, came over for dinner, said things like 'let's run off together' and 'if you go to Egypt and I go to Brazil (which will happen next year), we won't see each other for over 6 months and I can't handle that' - am I just plain stupid and is he playing me, or is there more? I'm very, very inexperienced, and have never been in a relationship, so I really haven't a clue as to wether this is all my fault or not.

Even I, a girl, can answer this one. If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship then that means he DOESN'T want a serious relationship. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. In fact, he does like you (or is physically attracted to you in the very least.) He just doesn't want commitment. He is simply "going with the flow". Guys say a LOT of things. There's truth to the saying "actions speak louder than words".

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by Graciella

about 15 minutes or so he suddenly said he did not want a relationship with me, and not with anyone in general, because he was too restless, and needed to 'find himself first'. I was devestated, as I was falling in love with him. He came over for dinner a few days later and we had a great time again. Then we didn't see each other for a few weeks, but ran into each other and he kissed me, stating he'd come to my birthday party (next monday). I saw him in the street yesterday, but all he said was 'hi'. What does all this mean? He told our mutual friend that he is very attracted to me...I just don't understand any of this

All the answers that you need to understand are in your own post, hun.

He is attracted to you but he doesnt want a relationship. To be honest it sounded to me a bit from your description that he thinks he found an easy way to get laid a few times and he will try and milk it for what its worth.

If you are not 100% comfortable with this, end all those shenanigans now.

[JCinwrppingppr]

Okay I think I need a guy's help again! About gym ettiquette and meeting people. So I've noticed this guy that I go to school with, also is a member of my gym. (We are on summer break now..) We see each other at least 5 out 7 days of the week at the gym..only we've never talked! We are not friends but we BOTH recognize each other from school.

He's really attractive...I think I would really like to get to know him. From what my friends (who know him) say, he seems like a really awesome person! Anyways, we both kind of linger around the gym waiting to see if one will talk to the other. It's kind of pathetic, really...its like we can't work up the courage to say something to each other, but we will just make eye contact and politely smile or something!

So what do I do? Do I go ahead and introduce myself and say "Hey, you go to ___ School, right? I thought I recognized you from somewhere". Or do I wait for him to approach me?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by Graciella

Ok, so I think I need some help. I met a guy a while ago; he was the bar tender at a bar we were hanging out, and he is a friend of my friend who works at the same bar. Anyway, I stayed until after closing time and we talked for a few hours. It felt great and we left the bar. He then kissed me on the cheeck, but it didn't stop there. We went to his place to just talk some more and get some sleep, but in the end we had sex...that might seem odd, but it felt great, even though it was my first time (he knew that). We met up again the next day and spent the night together. He stayed until 3 pm the next day - we actually talked and cuddled for about 5 hours or so that day, and he asked me just about everything about myself, going through my books and stuff to get to know me. Then, as we met up a few days later, after we had been kissing for about 15 minutes or so he suddenly said he did not want a relationship with me, and not with anyone in general, because he was too restless, and needed to 'find himself first'. I was devestated, as I was falling in love with him. He came over for dinner a few days later and we had a great time again. Then we didn't see each other for a few weeks, but ran into each other and he kissed me, stating he'd come to my birthday party (next monday). I saw him in the street yesterday, but all he said was 'hi'. What does all this mean? He told our mutual friend that he is very attracted to me...I just don't understand any of this - am I coming on too strong? He sends out pretty mixed signals, I mean, he introduced me to all his friends, asked me to come over to his rugby match, came over for dinner, said things like 'let's run off together' and 'if you go to Egypt and I go to Brazil (which will happen next year), we won't see each other for over 6 months and I can't handle that' - am I just plain stupid and is he playing me, or is there more? I'm very, very inexperienced, and have never been in a relationship, so I really haven't a clue as to wether this is all my fault or not.

It seems to me, based on your last thread about this guy, and this post, he's telling you exactly what he wants...or doesn't want, in this case. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Simple as that. No need for you to stress over this. I'd live my life, date other people and if things work out with you guys, great. If not, drop the guy.

I mean, at this point, he's getting everything he needs without any sort of commitment to you. Is that cool with you?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by SevenFive

Well I think I went and mucked things up, Charles. I had an emotional week last week due to some personal things event wise happening in my lilfe. We went to say our good byes after spending the weekend together, and I teared up and the floodgates opened! I noticed he started pulling back. But, we managed to find time for dinner this week and met at a local hangout for a few hours. It was strained at best. When we parted I asked him if he wanted to take a little break from us, since we were feeling so awkward, and try again after we both had time to recover from the mishap. I asked calmly and sweetly because I do care for him and I don't want this to be a disaster. He said no and he wanted to continue seeing me....but that we just needed to move a little slower. The texting, calls and emails have slowed to a halt. If I initiate them, he always returns them. (So he isn't completely ignoring me.) He is spending the weekend with his friends, which I think is best because we do need some time. I am just devastated going from I am dreaming/thinking about/can't wait to see you 24/7 texts and calls that were almost too much for me from him to communication only if I initiate. I am so scared it's over. Tell me sitting at home and crying tonight is the right thing to be doing to get over this relationship so I can move on... Or tell me I am over-reacting and he'll come around. I just know when I pull back it's game over. Is he is different though? Or is this typical male slow-fade?

I don't know. I can't read his mind. He might just need some time or he might be done.
You might have overwhelmed him a bit and he's not ready for the drama. I'd pretend it never happened. Don't even address it as it might be a path for more drama. Just forget about it and call him today to see how his weekend went. Play it from there.

Originally Posted by Laurie8504

I have an issue I'd like a guy's perspective on... I ran into a friend at work a couple nights ago, to make a long story short he asked if I wanted to hang out afterwards and I said sure. Later, when we were deciding what to do I asked what "Amy" (his gf) was up to, thinking maybe we could join her. Turns out they broke up. It was fine hanging out with him and we have a lot in common so it's easy to talk...but hanging out quickly started feeling like a date after I realized he was single. So how do I explain to him that one of the things I really liked about him was that he had a girlfriend? I just want guy friends right now, and it's much less complicated if they're taken...they're safe in a way, you know? I don't have to worry about them hitting on me or thinking things are going somewhere and dealing with that awkwardness... How would a guy prefer to be treated in this situation? I enjoy hanging out with him, but how do I avoid leading him on, without ignoring him? Stick to group activities? I like Amy as well, and don't want to disrespect her or have her thinking anything is going on.

I wouldn't say anything yet. If he asks you out again, see how it goes and then mention something. Maybe when you're with him, tell him how it's great to have a good FRIEND like him and how you enjoy not having to deal with the problems of a guy hitting on you, etc, etc. He should get the hint.

Originally Posted by JCinwrppingppr

Okay I think I need a guy's help again! About gym ettiquette and meeting people. So I've noticed this guy that I go to school with, also is a member of my gym. (We are on summer break now..) We see each other at least 5 out 7 days of the week at the gym..only we've never talked! We are not friends but we BOTH recognize each other from school. He's really attractive...I think I would really like to get to know him. From what my friends (who know him) say, he seems like a really awesome person! Anyways, we both kind of linger around the gym waiting to see if one will talk to the other. It's kind of pathetic, really...its like we can't work up the courage to say something to each other, but we will just make eye contact and politely smile or something! So what do I do? Do I go ahead and introduce myself and say "Hey, you go to ___ School, right? I thought I recognized you from somewhere". Or do I wait for him to approach me?

It's one thing to approach someone at a bar, given the venue, it's almost expected to get approached, but to do it in the bright lights of a gym and lack of liquid courage, it's a bit more daunting. I'd maybe wait until he's on a certain machine and kind of hover and wait for him to get done. Then ask if he minds if you work in with him. That way, you've given him an opening to talk to you, but you're also not hanging yourself out to get shot down.

[Graciella]

Originally Posted by Charles

It seems to me, based on your last thread about this guy, and this post, he's telling you exactly what he wants...or doesn't want, in this case. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Simple as that. No need for you to stress over this. I'd live my life, date other people and if things work out with you guys, great. If not, drop the guy. I mean, at this point, he's getting everything he needs without any sort of commitment to you. Is that cool with you?

No it's not cool with me, and I think I'm finally realizing that I'll never get anything out of this guy, and that he's just using me. This is not a reciprocal thing, I mean, I give him everything, and he gives me nothing. He forgot my birthday (which is today), so f*ck him - I'll just wait for the right guy to come along.

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by Graciella

No it's not cool with me, and I think I'm finally realizing that I'll never get anything out of this guy, and that he's just using me. This is not a reciprocal thing, I mean, I give him everything, and he gives me nothing. He forgot my birthday (which is today), so f*ck him - I'll just wait for the right guy to come along.

Happy birthday Graciella!

The best gift you can give yourself today is to move on from him and forget him. Find someone who enjoys spending time with you. Take good care of yourself!

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by Graciella

No it's not cool with me, and I think I'm finally realizing that I'll never get anything out of this guy, and that he's just using me. This is not a reciprocal thing, I mean, I give him everything, and he gives me nothing. He forgot my birthday (which is today), so f*ck him - I'll just wait for the right guy to come along.

You go, girl ! I feel sorry for him, because he isnt even aware of what he could have and what he is missing out on..his loss!

and Happy Birthday to you!

[Graciella]

Thanks for all your kind replies!