What would you want to know about men?

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by Charles

Your numbers seem to overlook history. I think most women have met their mate by not asking their mate out, rather their mate asking them out. Correct me if I'm wrong. However, given my poll, I think that most men tend to like the idea that they took control and asked their mate out (I could post the numbers, but I think that's overkill). Now, are there exceptions, sure, but please don't try to tell these women that they need to step up and make the first move. That's just leading them into a lot of hurt and time wasted. Like I've said, the vast majority of men know that it's their job to ask women out and if they're truly interested in a woman, they will ask her out.

The history argument is rather asinine, to be honest. If women historically didn't ask men out, of course most of the ones who found partners found them by getting asked out.

Using the same logic, when trying to find a job it would be a bad idea to post your resume to job boards, send your resume to companies who aren't actively looking, and use your professional network. After all, historically speaking, people have found jobs mostly by answering job ads

Aside from that, you are creating a bit of a false dilemma. If a guy is truly interested, he's fairly likely to ask a woman out. That much is true. However, there are loads of occasions where he might just not be interested yet, but will be when she asks him out and he gets to know her.

It's rather hard to be truly interested when you just don't know someone well enough yet, and no man asks out every women he meets that he finds attractive.

As for what you said about it leading to women being hurt... there's a chance they'll be rejected, yes. Same thing with guys asking women out. There's no guarantee you'll be successful, but trying still has a rather higher success rate than not trying.


Oh, and here are all the written replies to the two polls I did, so far (obscenities censored):

Quote:

Yes, enthusiasm is one of the biggest things I look for. Right up there with weight and being asian. There's girls that aren't attractive enough to bother hitting on, but could succeed if they made a move without seeming too ****ty. -------------- for me it's pretty cool when a girl is bold enough to do something like that -------------- i've never had a problem asking girls out, but if they beat me to it, its fine by me -------------- **** ya id rather be asked out than ask her -------------- depends on if i like the girl, but i don't have a problem with it -------------- It makes no difference to me. Probably better if I do the asking though, so I don't have to deal /w the fuglies. -------------- Yes. Makes everything less awkward. -------------- I love that ****, you know you've got a winner........unless you've got a stalker. -------------- Love it - why wouldn't you? -------------- Would love it -------------- i love it -------------- I dont mind it,it's all good either way -------------- its very cool to me and a turn on -------------- I rather date a girl that has asked me out. Gives me upper hand. -------------- As a guy, if you have a problem with it, you might as well put on a dress. Women always make the first move anyway, even if you think if you are the one doing it. Believe me, she has pulled the strings somehow to make you ask her out. If that's not the case, she won't be saying yes. -------------- Based on my experience, if a women asks you out, you will **** her, guaranteed... -------------- First time my fiance asked me to come home with her we ****** that night, so I'd have to agree with you. Most anytime a girl says to you "let's get out of here." Also for I knew her for years, but never asked her out. Her asking me to come home with her was one of the best things to ever happen to me. -------------- I'd love it. A man doesn't always have to make the first move. -------------- Eventually love it. -------------- Oh, i love it and it happens ALL the time............ Then i wake up -------------- Love it!! -------------- It's fine by me... but I do enjoy "the thrill of the chase". -------------- I love it. -------------- I prefer a girl making the first physical move but I prefer to ask her out and not the other way around -------------- I hate to be the one who cares about a woman more than she cares about me. If it's the opposite, it really has no disadvantages, OK... unless someone seeks the big satisfaction in actually getting a woman who initially doesn't care about him at all. -------------- Don't like it. If she's asking me out, means I wasn't asking her out. -------------- of course it's good -------------- it cuts out 99% of all the crap and game playing -------------- it all depends... if shes hot-great if not-im busy -------------- **** ya -------------- It's a turn on, if shes hot =) -------------- 9/10 girlfriends I had asked me out.. don't find anything wrong with that.

If any woman is still in doubt, I'd suggest to simply ask the question on a forum mostly populated with male members.

[Sunshine]

My now husband asked my Dad if he could ask me out! I said NO....then I relented..he moved in 2 months later.

[HappyGrl2008]

Well, it's interesting to see two men disagreeing about this!! Charles, I do agree with you that "He's just not that into you" tells women when men are not interested in them and prevents women from becoming too hopeful and making a total fool out of themselves. But what bothers me is that it basicly says that as a woman you can just sit and wait for a guy to ask you out because that's what he will do if he likes you.

I'm happy that Libertine says it's absolutely ok for a woman to ask a guy out. Now...I would never ask a guy out on a date. But in the past I have asked guys that I liked if they wanted to grab a drink, join me tonight going out, etc etc...I never liked that it was me who had to do that, because as a girl you expect the guy to ask you out, right? But now I know it is absolutely fine to do so.

The guys that did ask me out in the past have never been my type. But I've always said yes....and always hated the date! Whenever I initiated something with a guy I liked, it has always been fun (for me at least, haha!).

Now...I have another question...but it makes me uncomfortable asking it....'cause it's a bit embarrassing...Here goes,.. people tell me that I'm beautiful (and with people I mean everyone: family, strangers, guy friends, guy friends of friends, ... except my girlfriends)...now I have to say that I don't see what they see, but I am happy with myself (as everyone should be!!). But could this be a reason that the guys that I like never seem interested in me? It's so frustrating....my love life is really a disaster...

[juneping]

A guy once told me, if a girl makes the first move and he won't mind and will go out with her but he'll treasure her bit less. Just like the toy they nagged for when they were kids. Again I m not talking the super shy no confidence guys.

[Charles]

Again, I'm not saying guys don't like it when girls ask them out. That definitely takes out the fear of rejection for men and puts it one the girl. And let's face it, most of the time a guys is not going to turn down a girl. Which brings me to another reason I think girls should hang back. A guy will say yes to her even if he's not that attracted to her. Then you have the whole issue of a girl getting all wrapped up in a guy who is only marginally attracted to her and possibly only dating her to get laid. Then what? She comes here and posts about why he's not calling her that much etc etc.

I'm not arguing if guys like it or dislike it. I'm arguing that in the grand scheme, it would probably be better to have the girl put out signals and the guy pick up on them and ask her out. That way, it's pretty much assumed that both parties are definitely interested and most of the time, rejection won't happen.

But hey, people should do what they feel comfortable with.

And BTW, you job hunting analogy. Seriously? You're going to compare hunting for a job to matters of the heart?

[Laurie8504]

^^ So that brings up something I'd like to know about men....Why go out with a girl you don't like?

[juneping]

girls go out with guys they were not that into as well, just to see...Don't you agree

[Liz_x3]

I just wanted to add that I have showed interest in someone simply because I loved that they were showing interest in me and stroking my ego. . .

but in all reality - the thought of being cozy with that guy in any way, form, or fashion made me want to cringe into a little ball.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by Laurie8504

^^ So that brings up something I'd like to know about men....Why go out with a girl you don't like?

I don't think it's they the guy doesn't like her, he's just not super interested.

I've gone out with girls that I was only luke warm about.

[GirlFriday]

Originally Posted by Charles

Again, I'm not saying guys don't like it when girls ask them out. That definitely takes out the fear of rejection for men and puts it one the girl. And let's face it, most of the time a guys is not going to turn down a girl. Which brings me to another reason I think girls should hang back. A guy will say yes to her even if he's not that attracted to her. Then you have the whole issue of a girl getting all wrapped up in a guy who is only marginally attracted to her and possibly only dating her to get laid. Then what? She comes here and posts about why he's not calling her that much etc etc. I'm not arguing if guys like it or dislike it. I'm arguing that in the grand scheme, it would probably be better to have the girl put out signals and the guy pick up on them and ask her out. That way, it's pretty much assumed that both parties are definitely interested and most of the time, rejection won't happen. But hey, people should do what they feel comfortable with. And BTW, you job hunting analogy. Seriously? You're going to compare hunting for a job to matters of the heart?

I totally agree. Just because most guys love it when a girl asks them out doesn't mean that's the formula for a great start to a relationship. Yes, it can definitely work out if it's the girl that asks the guy out. But I've seen so many women drag a guy into relationship, and the woman has to initiate everything....the first kiss, the first "I love you", talk about marriage, many guys will just go with the flow and stay in a relationship with a girl they're not that into, because it's easy and they don't want to make any waves.

[MichelleAntonia]

Originally Posted by Charles

I don't think it's they the guy doesn't like her, he's just not super interested. I've gone out with girls that I was only luke warm about.

why would you say this is? just the simple hope of getting laid?

or so he can say he's dated x (some HUGE amount) of girls? the more the better?

or are guy secretly scared of being alone on a friday night?

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Charles

I disagree. I think that book has tons of useful insight. Libertine, I think you're leading these girls down the wrong path. Here's what I think, regarding asking men out and them being interested, etc, etc. Is it cool to ask a guy out..maybe. Some men are fine with it, some would rather take control. Just like anything with dating, this isn't an across the board rule. This is what I think will yield the most positive results. If you like a guy, even if you just met him, watch him a bit. If he's looking at the ground, acting shy and scared, then perhaps you might need to take a bit of control. However, if he's confident looking and outgoing, I'd lay back and let him come to you. Now, that doesn't mean you don't make a move of some sort. Put yourself in his line of sight and let him know you want him to talk to you. Smile at him, keep your body language open towards him, etc. If he's interested, he'll approach. Honestly, I think most guys tend to act like the latter example. If you let them know you're interested, he'll ask you out. If he doesn't ask you out, he's probably not interested. Most guys know their role here. Most guys know they need to make the first move if they're interested. Most guys are ok with being shot down. We don't like it, but we're used to it.

This has always been the way I thought about it

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by GirlFriday

I know most guys love it when girls ask them out, but I was never interested "most" guys. "He's Just Not That Into You" really helped me read guys better. Yes, some guys are just shy, but I wanted a guy that was sure and confident in what he wanted. The book won't lead you to players if you have the discernment and good judgement to know what a player is when you see it. I know plenty of shy guys that take the plunge and ask a girl out when he really wants to. I don't think it's wrong for a girl to ask a guy out, but I think it's wrong for a girl OR guy to keep continuing a relationship with a person that's not making any effort. When you're in a relationship with someone that's not reciprocating and doing what it takes to be with you, then they're "just not that into you."

Yes! I agree, and although I haven't read the book this is what I thought was its purpose. So many women want to will things their way that they ignore whats right in front of them.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Charles

Again, I'm not saying guys don't like it when girls ask them out. That definitely takes out the fear of rejection for men and puts it one the girl. And let's face it, most of the time a guys is not going to turn down a girl. Which brings me to another reason I think girls should hang back. A guy will say yes to her even if he's not that attracted to her. Then you have the whole issue of a girl getting all wrapped up in a guy who is only marginally attracted to her and possibly only dating her to get laid. Then what? She comes here and posts about why he's not calling her that much etc etc. I'm not arguing if guys like it or dislike it. I'm arguing that in the grand scheme, it would probably be better to have the girl put out signals and the guy pick up on them and ask her out. That way, it's pretty much assumed that both parties are definitely interested and most of the time, rejection won't happen. But hey, people should do what they feel comfortable with. And BTW, you job hunting analogy. Seriously? You're going to compare hunting for a job to matters of the heart?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by MichelleAntonia

why would you say this is? just the simple hope of getting laid? or so he can say he's dated x (some HUGE amount) of girls? the more the better? or are guy secretly scared of being alone on a friday night?

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

I don't know why guys do it, really. I've done it cause I was lonely (ie horny) or because I thought there might be something I'm missing. I never really cared about numbers, but my cousin did. As long as she wasn't obese, she was breathing and showed interest, he'd go out with her. He based his manhood on the number of girls he bed.