What would you want to know about men?

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by Libertine

However, if you're actually still interested in him - or anyone, for that matter - waiting for him to take the first step really is quite silly. If you want something, don't let pride or shyness stand in the way.

Libertine, you are my new God....my new religion!! You are totally changing the way I have been looking at men. Because I was taught to let men make the first move....and well...that hasn't ever been that succesful (although I did encourage them to make a move but I guess I have to be even more direct).

It makes me sad to think about the great guys I have lost because of this. And I also understand now why I have lost some great male friends...... I guess their friendship is gone forever now, right?? Or is there something I can do/say to become friends with them again?

Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us!!

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by forever21

Wow. Really? I just get turned off whenever the guy isn't like, beating down doors to get to me. And I'm a little cynical here, because all of my friends are single and full of complaints about their love life. I'm hesitant to get involved with anything that is weird and complicated.

Yes, really.

If you only go for guys who beat down doors to get to you, you base your dating choices on how specific men feel about you. If the guy who could have been the love of your life doesn't immediately notice you or happens to be a bit shy when approaching women, you would miss out.

Compare it to shopping for purses. If you only bought purses you received advertisements in the mail for, you'd probably never find the best ones. While if you regularly go shopping, you might find something better than you'd ever expected to find.

Besides, a man's ability at approaching women he's interested in comes in handy only once in your life. After those first few minutes, it's actually mostly a negative quality.

But concerning the guy you mentioned... if he was all over another girl while you had been going out with him, he's probably not the best possible choice.

[forever21]

Originally Posted by Libertine

Yes, really. If you only go for guys who beat down doors to get to you, you base your dating choices on how specific men feel about you. If the guy who could have been the love of your life doesn't immediately notice you or happens to be a bit shy when approaching women, you would miss out. Compare it to shopping for purses. If you only bought purses you received advertisements in the mail for, you'd probably never find the best ones. While if you regularly go shopping, you might find something better than you'd ever expected to find. Besides, a man's ability at approaching women he's interested in comes in handy only once in your life. After those first few minutes, it's actually mostly a negative quality. But concerning the guy you mentioned... if he was all over another girl while you had been going out with him, he's probably not the best possible choice.

Wise words. And sometimes I didn't think I like the bag at all in the beginning, then happen to love it. Sometimes I think I really like the bag, turns out it's not that practical...

This sketchy dude is history, but I will keep this advice in mind going forward.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

Whether or not someone was arguing that it is wrong for a woman to have realistic standards is neither here nor there, I was replying to your post.

Maybe I'm missing something, but Libertine gave an example of a female friend of his who had, what sounded like, impossible standards. You replied saying you didn't see anything wrong with that. I replied saying that if you had standards like that girl, you'd probably be single for a very long time and that those standards seemed a bit superficial. You responded that there's nothing wrong with having basic standards like caring, loving, funny, etc...which in my post, I thought was fine to have. I was then confused since you made it seem like the superficial standards that Libertine posted were fine, hence my "Was anybody arguing about realistic standards?" or whatever I posted.

And now we're here. I'm still confused. :)

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by Libertine

If you only go for guys who beat down doors to get to you, you base your dating choices on how specific men feel about you. If the guy who could have been the love of your life doesn't immediately notice you or happens to be a bit shy when approaching women, you would miss out.

So what you are saying is that the book "He's Just Not That Into You" is a whole bunch of nonsense and if you're a woman and apply that rule to your dating life you only end up dating players?

...that makes a lot of sense to me. The majority of men that have asked me out on dates and pursued me were absolutely not my type. And the ones that were shy and didn't ask me out were wonderful, sweet and respectful!

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

So what you are saying is that the book "He's Just Not That Into You" is a whole bunch of nonsense and if you're a woman and apply that rule to your dating life you only end up dating players? ...that makes a lot of sense to me. The majority of men that have asked me out on dates and pursued me were absolutely not my type. And the ones that were shy and didn't ask me out were wonderful, sweet and respectful!

I just responded to someone mentioning "He's just not that into you" a few seconds ago. Here's what I had to say about it:

In need of some Men Advice

So definitely disregard anything that book tells you about dating.

[Tammie25]

I posted another thread about my recent dating experience. So this guy asked you out and you guys had a great time, he asked you out again on the same date, and you guys talked to each other on aim on daily basis after date 1... Two days before Date 2, he cancels due to work schedule...And one day before Date 2 he called and ask u if u were still on for Date 2...You told him u were also out of town during the weekend...He told u to call him back when u come back.

You came back, called him...he only texted you back...You took it as he is not interested...And then he called you the next day...You didnt pick up at that time but called him back and texted him....He told you "he would call u later" but u never heard from him since....

You asked him on aim directly "whats up with saying wanting to hang out again and then cancel", he told u " i do want to get to know u more and would like to hang out for real soon again" and then u didnt hear from him for a week...

I mean i get it that "he is not that into me". But i just dont understand why guys cant be straightforward/honest when you ask them a question....He could have said things like "oh i do like you, but i m really busy these days..." or something along that line. So at least i wont be lingering around to wait for his call...

[juneping]

Originally Posted by Libertine

I just responded to someone mentioning "He's just not that into you" a few seconds ago. Here's what I had to say about it: In need of some Men Advice So definitely disregard anything that book tells you about dating.

i think i glanced that book briefly...honestly..i think that book was okay to follow. women have a tendency to sit there and think whether this guy like her or not. and i just think the book can help those women to stop analysis those situation and move on with their lives.
it just recently happened to a friend of mine...and my gut told me he was not interested and i was right.
bottom line is if he is interested, he will ask the girl out, plain and simple. if a woman is sooo attracted to a super shy guy, that's a different story. so far i haven't met alot of women are into shy guy. they just don't mind.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by juneping

i think i glanced that book briefly...honestly..i think that book was okay to follow. women have a tendency to sit there and think whether this guy like her or not. and i just think the book can help those women to stop analysis those situation and move on with their lives. it just recently happened to a friend of mine...and my gut told me he was not interested and i was right. bottom line is if he is interested, he will ask the girl out, plain and simple. if a woman is sooo attracted to a super shy guy, that's a different story. so far i haven't met alot of women are into shy guy. they just don't mind.

No. Just, no. The whole idea that "if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out" is completely, utterly and totally false.

An example. My first long-term girlfriend was the one who asked me out. Right up until that moment, I had always thought she hated me. We ended up together for 3 years.

Another example. My best friend's wife was the one who first asked him out. Right up until the moment she approached him, he didn't even know she existed.

Etc. I could go on for quite a while.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Charles

Maybe I'm missing something, but Libertine gave an example of a female friend of his who had, what sounded like, impossible standards. You replied saying you didn't see anything wrong with that. I replied saying that if you had standards like that girl, you'd probably be single for a very long time and that those standards seemed a bit superficial. You responded that there's nothing wrong with having basic standards like caring, loving, funny, etc...which in my post, I thought was fine to have. I was then confused since you made it seem like the superficial standards that Libertine posted were fine, hence my "Was anybody arguing about realistic standards?" or whatever I posted. And now we're here. I'm still confused. :)

I think if I talk about it anymore I will confuse myself

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Libertine

No. Just, no. The whole idea that "if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out" is completely, utterly and totally false. An example. My first long-term girlfriend was the one who asked me out. Right up until that moment, I had always thought she hated me. We ended up together for 3 years. Another example. My best friend's wife was the one who first asked him out. Right up until the moment she approached him, he didn't even know she existed. Etc. I could go on for quite a while.

I agree with this, there have been lots of guys I could tell were interested in me that didn't ask me out. And the few that I asked out were happy for the invite

Guys hate rejection just as much as girls for sure!

[juneping]

Originally Posted by Libertine

No. Just, no. The whole idea that "if a guy is interested, he will ask the girl out" is completely, utterly and totally false. An example. My first long-term girlfriend was the one who asked me out. Right up until that moment, I had always thought she hated me. We ended up together for 3 years. Another example. My best friend's wife was the one who first asked him out. Right up until the moment she approached him, he didn't even know she existed. Etc. I could go on for quite a while.

after i read yours and fabs...i think there's a middle ground.
for my friend's case, they were friends, and she was being very extremely approachable. she always return his calls/txt right away..always be there to listen to him. i also had similar experience..and the guy just not interested being more than friendsd. well..i think every girl should have a good guy friend to consult to...
i this thread!!

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by Libertine

So definitely disregard anything that book tells you about dating.

what a relief!! a few years ago I thought that this book was true for a while....which made me a little depressed!! thankfully I never bought it.

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by Libertine

An example. My first long-term girlfriend was the one who asked me out. Right up until that moment, I had always thought she hated me. We ended up together for 3 years.

Without getting too personal, but why did you think she hated you? I'm a very shy person and I often think people mistake my shyness for being arrogant....

Originally Posted by Libertine

Another example. My best friend's wife was the one who first asked him out. Right up until the moment she approached him, he didn't even know she existed.

Once again without getting too personal, how come he didn't notice her at all?? They were obviously a good match, so why didn't he see that before she approached him??

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

Libertine, you are my new God....my new religion!! You are totally changing the way I have been looking at men. Because I was taught to let men make the first move....and well...that hasn't ever been that succesful (although I did encourage them to make a move but I guess I have to be even more direct). It makes me sad to think about the great guys I have lost because of this. And I also understand now why I have lost some great male friends...... I guess their friendship is gone forever now, right?? Or is there something I can do/say to become friends with them again? Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us!!

dag girl would you like some knee pads to go with that LOL!
I was just kidding don't crucify me...