What would you want to know about men?

[HappyGrl2008]

I love this thread. I'm reading things that are opening my eyes. And some things that make me sad too when I think of how I misread some men's feelings...

Libertine, I have a question:
What does it mean when a guy that you were once 'close' with and who was in love with you, tells you a decent amount of time later (when he already has a new g/f) that he would never want to be with a girl that's not from his region/hometown. I obviously wasn't from his region and he really hurt me with that. We never had a fight and always shared good times. Did he say this to hurt me, or to prove something to me? I wanted to tell him that I had wished he had told me that before cause then I would have never fallen in love with him....but I didn't tell him that. I felt pretty used after he told me that...

[nooch]

Originally Posted by Libertine

Ack. I'm going to have to be blunt, now. My apologies for what I'm about to say, but you probably have no idea how offensive what you just said is. If a man isn't successful, do you think he should approaching women altogether? If a man makes little money, should he apologize before asking a woman out? If a man is unsure what to do with his life for a while, should he just stop trying to become happy? You're essentially complaining that some financially unsuccessful men have self esteem. Just think about that for a moment. If you aren't interested in men who aren't financially successful, that's entirely up to you. But implying that you're offended because they apparently don't realize what "losers" they are is just horrible.

You can't be serious. I am pretty sure Fab was referring to the "men" who have no job, make no attempt to look for a job, don't pay their bills, spend their lives running from the child support enforcement agency, and for whatever reason, are deluded enough to believe that because they are so special, women of the world owe them a rent free place to live, a car, authorized user on their credit cards... not a good man who doesn't make much money. There are men out there (and I am sure you've met women who do this too) who wholeheartedly believe that they are a great catch despite bringing absolutely nothing to the table - financially or otherwise. Turn on Judge Judy, they're everywhere! Grown men who haven't had a job in their lives, whose mantras are "it was a gift!" and "she wanted to buy me a car and get me a job and let me live there for free!". And yeah, some women are dumb and fall for this shit (which of course gives these idiots even more confidence that they'll find a woman dumb enough to fall for it) but these men are everywhere. Don't twist her words because maybe she hit a sensitive spot! I'm pretty sure if a woman sucked your pockets dry and acted like she deserved it because she had a mystical magical vagina you would have some not-nice things to say about her.

My man works at Radio Shack. I get happy if he sells someone a phone and gets an extra $15. But he WORKS to pay his bills and that's where his self esteem comes from. Getting up in the damn morning and going to school and then going to work. You can't be serious if you actually think she was disrespecting hard working low income men. She was talking about the Judge Judy men of the world.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by nooch

You are forgetting all the manipulative, pathetic, unemployed losers who seek out women between 18-22 because they don't see through their bullshit. I am not discounting what you are talking about, as it makes perfect sense. But lots (and lots and lots) of men who seek out younger women are, as mellecyn said, looking for girls who will take unlimited amounts of bullshit.

I think your comment needs to be split up in two parts... the manipulative part, and the unemployed part.

I'll agree that manipulative men are likely to specifically look for naive, easy-to-exploit girls. And those are probably often the younger ones.

On the other hand, if a guy is having trouble finding a job, and women his own age refuse to go out with him because of that, what else should he do? A man like that wouldn't be "seeking out" younger women, he'd simply end up either dating younger women or choosing celibacy.

[nooch]

^^ There's a difference between unemployed and Unemployed. I meant Unemployed. You know, professionally unemployed.

[HappyGrl2008]

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

Here's a good question~ Why do men in their late 20's early 30's who have no career or ambition, no place of their own, no car, and barely make any money think that because they have a penis they are hot sh!t and women should want them just because they are a man?

I guess simply because they want a woman to sleep with on regular basis but have to try a million times harder to find one opposed to men who have the career etc. They have to do more convincing in order to get what they want. So if they can make one lady believe that they are "hot sh!t" it has been worth the try!

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by nooch

You can't be serious. I am pretty sure Fab was referring to the "men" who have no job, make no attempt to look for a job, don't pay their bills, spend their lives running from the child support enforcement agency, and for whatever reason, are deluded enough to believe that because they are so special, women of the world owe them a rent free place to live, a car, authorized user on their credit cards... not a good man who doesn't make much money. There are men out there (and I am sure you've met women who do this too) who wholeheartedly believe that they are a great catch despite bringing absolutely nothing to the table - financially or otherwise. Turn on Judge Judy, they're everywhere! Grown men who haven't had a job in their lives, whose mantras are "it was a gift!" and "she wanted to buy me a car and get me a job and let me live there for free!". And yeah, some women are dumb and fall for this shit (which of course gives these idiots even more confidence that they'll find a woman dumb enough to fall for it) but these men are everywhere. Don't twist her words because maybe she hit a sensitive spot! I'm pretty sure if a woman sucked your pockets dry and acted like she deserved it because she had a mystical magical vagina you would have some not-nice things to say about her. My man works at Radio Shack. I get happy if he sells someone a phone and gets an extra $15. But he WORKS to pay his bills and that's where his self esteem comes from. Getting up in the damn morning and going to school and then going to work. You can't be serious if you actually think she was disrespecting hard working low income men. She was talking about the Judge Judy men of the world.

She said they "barely make any money", implying that they do work, and specifically mentioned a number of material assets they apparently should have. Also, note that she said "no career", rather than "no job".

As for the "Judge Judy men"... Judge Judy is a television show, which specifically chooses its subjects to draw viewers. It's not a representative reflection of reality.

Personally, I have never even met one single man like that in real life. Part of that is probably selection bias (I have my own company which I use to pay my way through med school, so most of the men I meet are workaholics). However, since my mother used to work as a parole officer, I've seen first-hand that even ex-cons usually work 40+ hours a week.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by HappyGrl2008

I love this thread. I'm reading things that are opening my eyes. And some things that make me sad too when I think of how I misread some men's feelings... Libertine, I have a question: What does it mean when a guy that you were once 'close' with and who was in love with you, tells you a decent amount of time later (when he already has a new g/f) that he would never want to be with a girl that's not from his region/hometown. I obviously wasn't from his region and he really hurt me with that. We never had a fight and always shared good times. Did he say this to hurt me, or to prove something to me? I wanted to tell him that I had wished he had told me that before cause then I would have never fallen in love with him....but I didn't tell him that. I felt pretty used after he told me that...

It sounds to me like he got hurt as well, and said what he said mainly to rationalize a situation he wasn't happy with. A bit like someone who doesn't get the job he wants, then says he didn't want it anyway.

[juneping]

I tend to agree with OP and charles here.
Men look for women mostly based on the look and character and women mostly focused on men's career (money) and character, and after the age of 25 we tend to see the world or reality differently.
All my female friends have good jobs and make good money and sometimes their way to look for their mate is just downright judgemental. If the guy is not making more than they do or hold a decent job they see those guys as losers. Some of them even felt offended if they got asked out.
Not saying about fab's case but what I have seen.

Originally Posted by nooch

You can't be serious. I am pretty sure Fab was referring to the "men" who have no job, make no attempt to look for a job, don't pay their bills, spend their lives running from the child support enforcement agency, and for whatever reason, are deluded enough to believe that because they are so special, women of the world owe them a rent free place to live, a car, authorized user on their credit cards... not a good man who doesn't make much money. There are men out there (and I am sure you've met women who do this too) who wholeheartedly believe that they are a great catch despite bringing absolutely nothing to the table - financially or otherwise. Turn on Judge Judy, they're everywhere! Grown men who haven't had a job in their lives, whose mantras are "it was a gift!" and "she wanted to buy me a car and get me a job and let me live there for free!". And yeah, some women are dumb and fall for this shit (which of course gives these idiots even more confidence that they'll find a woman dumb enough to fall for it) but these men are everywhere. Don't twist her words because maybe she hit a sensitive spot! I'm pretty sure if a woman sucked your pockets dry and acted like she deserved it because she had a mystical magical vagina you would have some not-nice things to say about her. My man works at Radio Shack. I get happy if he sells someone a phone and gets an extra $15. But he WORKS to pay his bills and that's where his self esteem comes from. Getting up in the damn morning and going to school and then going to work. You can't be serious if you actually think she was disrespecting hard working low income men. She was talking about the Judge Judy men of the world.

[Chanel Belle]

Can Libertine (or any red-blooded male) explain what is so appealing about Jessica Alba?? I read in a magaizne she's the #1 woman that men fantasize about...lol.

In detail, please. =D

[Charles]

I got this one!




Next question!

[hide_fiend]

I want to know why the hell they think they're smarter than us or that we are all frivolity and barely any substance.

[MichelleAntonia]

^i'm not a guy, of course, so i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that that's probably the specific guys you've come across. not all men are like this. if you're around ones that are, it's time to seek out different ones!

guys might assume a beautiful woman is frivolous and substance-less (which is shitty, but it happens). but the good ones are very open to being proven wrong, and are easily when they get to know you.

i don't have that problem because i'm quite plain and use "big words" supposedly, so stupidity isn't assumed about me. lol. but that's what you get for being regular looking as opposed to hot. they've both got their pros and cons!

[dbtbandit67]

here's a tip... we often do and say things without thinking, and we genuinely don't mean to hurt people's feelings lol

[mellecyn]

Questions about flirting :
Why often at a party or bar (any social event), some men will look at you repeatedly as if they were interested but won´t do anything ?
If they are intimidated, should I initiate something ?

Why the guys I know will flirt with/hit on a certain girl and not another ? The girls are equally physically attractive. (and they all already know each other)

[dbtbandit67]

Originally Posted by mellecyn

Questions about flirting : Why often at a party or bar (any social event), some men will look at you repeatedly as if they were interested but won´t do anything ? If they are intimidated, should I initiate something ? Why the guys I know will flirt with/hit on a certain girl and not another ? The girls are equally physically attractive. (and they all already know each other)

it takes a lot of courage to go up to a girl and talk to her, especially in a public setting where rejection is obvious and for everyone to see. think about the times you've seen a guy publically try to talk to a girl and the girl turns him down. it does a lot of damage to a guy's pride lol. so yes, if you sense something, and you are interested in talking to him as well, i think you should go up and talk to him.

i dont really know how to answer your second question lol. i guess the vibe she gives off makes a big difference. if two girls are equally attractive, but one looks friendly and the other looks snobby, i'm more likely to want to talk to the friendly one.