What would you want to know about men?

[MichelleAntonia]

Originally Posted by Libertine

Oh boy, this is going to make me unpopular... Let me start off by admitting that I am one of the men you're talking about. Same age range, and I'm currently engaged to a girl who is 8 years younger than I am. So, I will mainly be talking about my own experiences here, which aren't likely to be universally true. With that out of the way... in my experience, many single women between ~25 and ~35 are absolute monsters. First, there are the ones with baggage. While I generally consider myself to be a good listener, hearing endless rants about specific ex-boyfriends is not my idea of a good time. Especially not on first dates. Second, there are the ones with plans for the future. While there's nothing wrong with making plans, describing exactly how you want to spend the next fifteen years is enough to ruin any date. I've actually had two first (and last) dates with different women who both mentioned they wanted to be married and have a child by the time they reached 30. One was 27, the other 28. Third, there are the ones who brag. Don't get me wrong - confident, successful women are great. But so is modesty. Even if a woman does consider herself to be the pinnacle of human evolution, mentioning it on a date is not a particularly good idea. Because, well, a date isn't an infomercial. Some random lines I've heard from women on dates: "Men always fall in love with me." "All the guys I meet are intimidated by my success." "It's hard to find a man who is just as intelligent as I am." And finally, there are the ones with demands. Big, long lists of demands, ranging from somewhat understandable to utterly ridiculous. Here are the *actual* demands of a close friend of mine, who simply cannot fathom why she is still single: At least 6' tall, handsome, athletic, dark hair, at least an MA but preferably a PhD from an Ivy League university, six figure income, successful and ambitious, romantic, wants children, loves classical music, has had over 4 but under 10 sexual partners, shares her taste in movies (romcoms) and literature (Kundera), 2-5 years older than she is, wants to spend lots of time with her, dresses well, has a good sense of humor, does not smoke, isn't too hairy, shares her political convictions (liberal), has a creative side (either plays an instrument, writes prose or poetry, or paints), and doesn't have any kids. Right. That's obviously not going to happen. (although I won't be the one to tell her that) By contrast - again, in my experience - single women under 25 and over 35 usually appear to be mostly interested in finding someone they simply enjoy spending time with. I'm entirely sure that there are loads of single women in the 25-35 age range who aren't anything like the horror stories I described above, but the ones who are exactly like those stories are a good reason for men to search for love in other places - or, in this case, ages.

that makes a ton of sense.


as does this

Originally Posted by nooch

You are forgetting all the manipulative, pathetic, unemployed losers who seek out women between 18-22 because they don't see through their bullshit. I am not discounting what you are talking about, as it makes perfect sense. But lots (and lots and lots) of men who seek out younger women are, as mellecyn said, looking for girls who will take unlimited amounts of bullshit.

so, what i can gather from this is-- it depends on the specific woman just as much as it depends on the specific man.

[Charles]

I just wanted to say that Libertine is giving some spot on answers!

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by nooch

You are forgetting all the manipulative, pathetic, unemployed losers who seek out women between 18-22 because they don't see through their bullshit. I am not discounting what you are talking about, as it makes perfect sense. But lots (and lots and lots) of men who seek out younger women are, as mellecyn said, looking for girls who will take unlimited amounts of bullshit.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by MichelleAntonia

so, what i can gather from this is-- it depends on the specific woman just as much as it depends on the specific man.

Yes I agree!

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Libertine

Oh boy, this is going to make me unpopular... Let me start off by admitting that I am one of the men you're talking about. Same age range, and I'm currently engaged to a girl who is 8 years younger than I am. So, I will mainly be talking about my own experiences here, which aren't likely to be universally true. With that out of the way... in my experience, many single women between ~25 and ~35 are absolute monsters. First, there are the ones with baggage. While I generally consider myself to be a good listener, hearing endless rants about specific ex-boyfriends is not my idea of a good time. Especially not on first dates. Second, there are the ones with plans for the future. While there's nothing wrong with making plans, describing exactly how you want to spend the next fifteen years is enough to ruin any date. I've actually had two first (and last) dates with different women who both mentioned they wanted to be married and have a child by the time they reached 30. One was 27, the other 28. Third, there are the ones who brag. Don't get me wrong - confident, successful women are great. But so is modesty. Even if a woman does consider herself to be the pinnacle of human evolution, mentioning it on a date is not a particularly good idea. Because, well, a date isn't an infomercial. Some random lines I've heard from women on dates: "Men always fall in love with me." "All the guys I meet are intimidated by my success." "It's hard to find a man who is just as intelligent as I am." And finally, there are the ones with demands. Big, long lists of demands, ranging from somewhat understandable to utterly ridiculous. Here are the *actual* demands of a close friend of mine, who simply cannot fathom why she is still single: At least 6' tall, handsome, athletic, dark hair, at least an MA but preferably a PhD from an Ivy League university, six figure income, successful and ambitious, romantic, wants children, loves classical music, has had over 4 but under 10 sexual partners, shares her taste in movies (romcoms) and literature (Kundera), 2-5 years older than she is, wants to spend lots of time with her, dresses well, has a good sense of humor, does not smoke, isn't too hairy, shares her political convictions (liberal), has a creative side (either plays an instrument, writes prose or poetry, or paints), and doesn't have any kids. Right. That's obviously not going to happen. (although I won't be the one to tell her that) By contrast - again, in my experience - single women under 25 and over 35 usually appear to be mostly interested in finding someone they simply enjoy spending time with. I'm entirely sure that there are loads of single women in the 25-35 age range who aren't anything like the horror stories I described above, but the ones who are exactly like those stories are a good reason for men to search for love in other places - or, in this case, ages.

As for women having a list of demands of what they are looking for in a mate I dont see what's wrong with that we all have our standards. Men do this too! They have a list of things they want in a potential mate and I guess that may be the difference between men and women at times. Maybe more women are looking for life partners and men to father their children so they hold a little tighter to their list of standards while men can be a little more lax about it because every girl they go out with they don't look at as potential wives.

[~Fabulousity~]

Here's a good question~
Why do men in their late 20's early 30's who have no career or ambition, no place of their own, no car, and barely make any money think that because they have a penis they are hot sh!t and women should want them just because they are a man?

[NoSnowHere]

I want to know why men don't listen. Actually, they hear what they want to hear. And why do they need to watch tv so loud?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

As for women having a list of demands of what they are looking for in a mate I dont see what's wrong with that we all have our standards. Men do this too! They have a list of things they want in a potential mate and I guess that may be the difference between men and women at times. Maybe more women are looking for life partners and men to father their children so they hold a little tighter to their list of standards while men can be a little more lax about it because every girl they go out with they don't look at as potential wives.

If you don't see anything wrong with that, great, but I have a feeling, like Libertine's friend, you're going to be single for a very long time. There's a difference between insisting a man be ambitious, caring, funny, and intelligent and insisting he have all the qualities Libertine listed. Do you not see the difference?
Also, I can promise you that a man's list would generally be much shorter and not based so much on superficial qualities.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by Charles

If you don't see anything wrong with that, great, but I have a feeling, like Libertine's friend, you're going to be single for a very long time. There's a difference between insisting a man be ambitious, caring, funny, and intelligent and insisting he have all the qualities Libertine listed. Do you not see the difference? Also, I can promise you that a man's list would generally be much shorter and not based so much on superficial qualities.

I absolutely see the difference, and personally I would never have such a list and expect any man to meet every single quality on it. That's not where I was going with my post. I know that there will be things about a guy that a woman will not like (just as there will be things about a woman that a man may not like) and if its a deal braker than she should move on, I don't believe in trying to change anyone. What i'm saying is that there is nothing wrong with a woman having realistic stardards about a man, and knowing that he may not meet all of the standards but as long as he's hitting on the most important of them than it should be cool.

[~Fabulousity~]

oh and I forgot to add I plan on being single for at least the next 5-7 yrs

[Charles]

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

I absolutely see the difference, and personally I would never have such a list and expect any man to meet every single quality on it. That's not where I was going with my post. I know that there will be things about a guy that a woman will not like (just as there will be things about a woman that a man may not like) and if its a deal braker than she should move on, I don't believe in trying to change anyone. What i'm saying is that there is nothing wrong with a woman having realistic stardards about a man, and knowing that he may not meet all of the standards but as long as he's hitting on the most important of them than it should be cool.

Was someone arguing that it is wrong for a woman to have realistic standards??

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

Here's a good question~ Why do men in their late 20's early 30's who have no career or ambition, no place of their own, no car, and barely make any money think that because they have a penis they are hot sh!t and women should want them just because they are a man?

Ack. I'm going to have to be blunt, now. My apologies for what I'm about to say, but you probably have no idea how offensive what you just said is.

If a man isn't successful, do you think he should approaching women altogether? If a man makes little money, should he apologize before asking a woman out? If a man is unsure what to do with his life for a while, should he just stop trying to become happy?

You're essentially complaining that some financially unsuccessful men have self esteem. Just think about that for a moment.

If you aren't interested in men who aren't financially successful, that's entirely up to you. But implying that you're offended because they apparently don't realize what "losers" they are is just horrible.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by callire

Why do men look like they're about to hyperventilate when I ask for help? I kick arse at Humanities/English, but I'm horrible at Math and Science, so for all my core classes in my worst subjects, I'm very vocal about asking for help. Anyway, so I normally try to sit next to whichever guy has the highest grade in the class (easy to tell), and sometimes during break I'll turn to him and ask "Hey, Dave, did you get #2?" or "Tim, I have no idea how to do this, can you show me?" Then they have this mini-panic attack and look like they're going to hyperventilate, and then after a bit more prodding, they finally help. Seriously. I'm a nice person, so it's not like I'm randomly asking strangers for help or anything.

If that's you in your avatar...

You're a gorgeous girl talking to a guy who is probably one of the class geeks. Of course he'll freak out, he's intimidated.

If it's not...

You're a girl talking to a guy who is probably one of the class geeks. Of course he'll freak out, he's intimidated.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by lolitakali

I dunno about all men... but why is my Father in law more hardworking than my own husband? why does my DH have eyes but is too lazy to look for 3 sec. longer to see if there is clean clothes in the hamper before putting wet dirty clothes in them? why is shoving all clothes on the floor into the closet then closing the closet door considered neat so long as it is not in sight? if he thinks the house is a mess... why don't he tidy it instead of expecting me to keep up to his standards with him doing absolutely nothing? But... I still make excuses for him.

I think you already answered your own question:

Originally Posted by lolitakali

He is a Polish Mama's boy afterall...

Not the Polish part, but the mama's boy part. He's probably used to being taken care of by his mother. If you do the same, he has no reason whatsoever to change his behavior.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by VPT

Why don't men pay attention??? Ok I was discussing if our baby should use disposable diapers or cloth diapers to WEAR ON HIS BOTTOM. Yes I was very specific. DH: cloth! Me: What?? You want me to do laundry twice a day? DH: disposals are too expensive! Me: laundry detergent + utility bills add up too. Conversation carries on for like 15 minutes escalates to a heated argument (and we hardly argue) and then I realized he was talking about spit. SPIT!! I specified what diapers baby will wear! Grr. Men. Like chicken and duck talking.

Well, if the "I was discussing" part is accurate, and it started off with you doing a lot of talking and him saying nothing, he probably just zoned out until he heard something that sounded like something he didn't agree with

But seriously... it sounds like a normal misunderstanding.