what should I say to my friend that wont make her mad?

[Louiebabeee]

I have a friend who Iv been close to for quite a few years. We hang out alot and get along. The only thing that bothers me is whenever we go anywhere I buy something she makes comments about how nice it must be to always be buying stuff.
Im 19 almost 20 and I go to school full time and work every day im not at school. I pay my cell phone/my food/personal things and obviously clothes and that kind of stuff too. I live at home and dont need to pay for that so I really dont have bills though.
Shes a year younger, just got her first job, and works one day a week for one shift at the mall (4 hours)... needless to say she makes pretty much no money and spends her whole check on clothes. She very well could work the rest of the days a week since she has decided to wait a year to go to college...but she doesnt want to. Now she has gotten into asking me to borrow my things all the time, I just try to change the subject but now she just keeps asking. Its 11pm here and she just called me trying to get me to let her borrow my pilates balls and free weights becuse she gained weight and doesnt have money to buy her own ( btw she is a size 3, but use to be a zero..yeah but she thinks shes fat). I use them! and I bought them with my own money and am not done with them.

I dont want to sound like im being selfish but I dont like to let people borrow things for more than a day (like say a friend borrowing a dress for a dance or some thing) ....its just hard to get things back and like I said she asks for things that I use. I dont know what to say to her to get her to stop asking constantly for things. I dont want to sound like a B***. I wish I could just lay it out that I have a job and go to school full time and pay for all my own things and THAT is why I can buy things...and she neds to work more. but that would make me sound like a B**** lol.

what can I say so she will seriously get it, but I wont sound like a snot or something...?

[bagnshoofetish]

next time she starts that "gee it must be nice" crap, say, "it is nice. I work my ass off for all this crap."

p.s. I have a couple of friends that say similar things when they see me wearing an LV or Chanel. I just say, "look, I shoveled a lot of sh*t for this bag. It just didn't fall out of a tree." (I'm an animal keeper.)

[Ellie Mae]

^^ PERFECT ANSWER... I don't think there is anything wrong w/ just laying it on the line and saying "I work my a$$ off to pay for the things I own AND I don't loan them out", especially not something you are using on a daily basis... if she gets offended, then this is not someone you may want to be friends w anyway!

[juneping]

You can tell her you don't feel comfortable of lending stuff to people. It's your stuff, pls don't feel bad. Be nice and assertive and hope she will get the hint.

[gacats]

Good advice from everyone.
I too never loan stuff out, took a few bad experiences in my younger days to teach me that.

[skydive nikki]

UGH, that sounds really annoying. Just tell her next time she makes one of her comments, "Yeah, it is nice when you work hard and can afford to buy things that you want. You should try it. Maybe you will feel better about yourself and you won't feel the need to make these jealous comments every time I buy something. I have earned what I have and don't appreciate your little side comments. How would you feel if I did that to you"?
As for the borrowing , just tell her you don't like making a habit out of loaning things out. Tell her if she ever has a special engagement or something then that is different. Express that it makes it hard on you because you use these things on a regular basis and want to have them available when you need them. Tell her that you will help her look for a better job so she can afford these things of yours which she obviously thinks she needs. Lastly, say that you are not trying to be mean, but these issues are bothering you and you don't want this to come between your friendship. If she is mature and a true friend she will respect your wishes!

[gina2328]

When she asks, just say "No, I don't like to loan my stuff out". If she keeps asking, just keep repeating, "No, I don't like to loan my stuff out". Or say, "No, I never loan my stuff out".

Even if you loaned out a dress or clothing one time, it could come back torn or with a stain. I wouldn't loan out anything, it could be returned damaged, or maybe she could end up keeping it for a long time.

[jpgoeth]

You could just try something like, no I need them (for the pilates stuff) or try for a little humor and say I like this too much to let anyone else use it.

[Louiebabeee]

yeah I know I need to really say something about it next time she starts. Hopefully she wont freak out...I know if she did then I shouldnt want to be friends with her anyways..I just hate when people get mad dramatic

[NoSnowHere]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

next time she starts that "gee it must be nice" crap, say, "it is nice. I work my ass off for all this crap." p.s. I have a couple of friends that say similar things when they see me wearing an LV or Chanel. I just say, "look, I shoveled a lot of sh*t for this bag. It just didn't fall out of a tree." (I'm an animal keeper.)

Great response!